DIVERSITY   OF   CALIFORNIA     SAN   DIEGO 


822  01130  3989 


DVENTURES 
of  THREE  GOOD  BOYS 

*J 


HENFCf-A    SHUTE 


LIBRARY 

UNIVERSITY  OF 

CALIFORNIA 

SAN  DIEGO 


K 


*       3   1822  01130  3989     djfe^ 

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THE    MISADVENTURES   OF  THREE 

GOOD    BOYS.     Illustrated. 
A  COUNTRY    LAWYER.     Illustrated. 
FARMING   IT.     Illustrated. 
HOUGHTON  MIFFLIN  COMPANY 
BOSTON  AND  NEW  YORK 


THE  MISADVENTURES 
OF  THREE  GOOD  BOYS 


LUXCH    TIME 


THE 

MISADVENTURES 

OF  THREE   GOOD 

BOYS 

THAT  IS  TO  SAY,  FAIRLY 
GOOD  BOYS 

BY 

HENRY  A.  SHTJTE 


WITH    ILLUSTRATIONS 
BY  SEARS  GALLAGHER 


BOSTON  AND  NEW  YORK 
HOUGHTON  MIFFLIN  COMPANY 

niterjjt&e  prcpjj  Camfanbgc 
1914 


PREFACE 

THE  Author  of  this  book  invites  the  public,  or 
such  small  percentage  of  the  public  as  he  may  be 
able  to  reach  by  this  book,  to  go  back  with  him  to 
the  days  when  the  forum  for  the  discussion  of  all 
questions  of  importance  was  the  grocery  store; 
when  the  family  coat-of-arms,  the  badge  of  re 
spectability,  the  indicia  of  local  eminence  wrere 
the  calfskin  boot  and  the  shaved  upper  lip  sur 
mounting  the  fan-shaped  beard;  when  the  frock 
coat  and  the  stovepipe  hat  were  the  hall-marks 
of  the  professional  man,  as  the  hickory  shirt,  at 
times  partly  concealed  by  the  false  bosom,  the 
paper  collar,  and  the  string  tie,  were  of  the  yeo 
man;  when  the  grocery  store  sported  the  sign, 
"W.  I.  Goods  and  Groceries,"  and  the  "W.  I. 
Goods"  collectively  were  legal  tender  at  three 
cents  a  glass;  when  small  boys'  everyday  cloth 
ing  were  a  hickory  shirt,  one  suspender,  and 
trousers  consisting  of  two  patches  and  a  hole; 
when  the  young  man  of  the  period  sported  the 
plug  hat,  the  velvet  coat,  and  the  gray  trousers 
of  the  dandy;  when  the  livery  stable  flourished 
and  the  automobile  was  not;  when  the  ash- 


vi  PREFACE 

barrel,  the  grease- tub,  and  soft  soap  were  house 
hold  necessities;  when  —  but  why  go  further? 

"  Come  back  to  your  mother,  ye  children,  for  shame, 
Who  have  wandered  like  truants  for  riches  and  fame!" 


HENRY  A.  SHUTE. 


EXETER,  NEW  HAMPSHIRE, 
December  20,  1913. 


CONTENTS 

I.  THE  LAMBASTES 1 

II.  PRISONERS  OF  HOPE 17 

III.  THE  FAILURE  OF  THE  "BiL  POASTERS"  COM 

PANY    54 

IV.  PURVEYORS  OF  LITERATURE          ....     73 

V.  THE  BOYS  BECOME  A  COMMITTEE  ON  VILLAGE 

PURIFICATION 89 

VI.  THE  MEETING  OF  THE  COMMITTEE  ON  PUBLIC 

SAFETY 114 

VII.  How  GREAT  A  DIFFERENCE  ONE  SMALL  LETTER 

MAKES 141 

VIII.  SHIPWRECKED  AND  LOST  IN  THE  WOODS  .      .  164 

IX.  THE  BOYS  GET  THEIR  SECOND  WIND  GREATLY 

TO  THE  DISMAY  OF  THE  CONSPIRATORS       .  189 

X.  THE  CONSPIRATORS  DETECT  A  RAY  OF  LIGHT 

THAT   GENERATES   HORRID   SUSPICIONS    .         .211 

XI.  THE  COUNTY  FAIR 230 

XII.  THE  COLOR  LINE  .  263 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

LUNCH  TIME  (Page  156) Frontispiece 

BlLL   FELL   FLAT   ON   HIS   FACE 12 

HEELS  OVER  HEAD  INTO  ABOUT  Six  INCHES  OF  WATER  36 
THE  HEARTY  MALEDICTION  OF  MR.  SIMEON  FLANDERS  70 

A  MARVELOUS  BURST  OF  SPEED 82 

IT  AFFORDED  THEM  AN  OPPORTUNITY  TO  TRAVEL  .  96 
BARNEY  AND  THE  FORCEFUL  MARGARET  .  .  .  102 

HE    BROKE   INTO   A   ROAR   OF   LAUGHTER          .         .         .    120 

A  SNEEZE  THAT  NEARLY  RAISED  THE  ROOF  .  .  126 
THE  LAKE  POURED  OVER  THE  SIDE  .  .  .  .172 
WAL,  WAL,  BOYS,  'T  AIN'T  NO  LAFFIN'  MATTER  .  182 

A  LEISURELY  SWIM 190 

PICKIN'  BLOO  —  ow!  ow!  —  BERRIES  ....  222 
WAKE-UP  ROBINSON  BEHIND  OLD  SKEEPSKIN  .  .  236 
SWEEPS  ACROSS  THE  WIRE  A  LENGTH  AHEAD  .  .  256 
A  WHIRLWIND  OF  SMALL  SOOTY  FIGURES  .  .  .  278 

From  drawings  by  Sears  Gallagher 


THE   MISADVENTURES 
OF  THREE  GOOD  BOYS 


THE    LAMBASTER 

THINGS  had  been  going  badly  with  Plupy  of 
late.  The  general  financial  stringency  in  the 
money  market  was  making  itself  felt  in  his  vicin 
ity,  and  Plupy  himself  was  feeling  the  cruel  pinch 
of  poverty.  Beany  and  Pewt  were  also  struggling 
with  pecuniary  adversity  and  with  great  diffi 
culty  keeping  their  heads  above  water. 

The  spring  store  in  the  woodshed  —  with  its 
gayly  colored  and  homemade  fly-boxes,  Jacob's- 
ladders,  snappers,  pictures  from  the  "Police 
News"  and  "Godey's  Magazine";  its  cigars 
manufactured  of  wTriting-book  paper  made  into 
little  cylinders  by  winding  it  round  lead  pencils 
and  glueing  the  overlapping  edges  with  gum 
arabic,  removing  the  pencil,  drying  the  cylinder, 
and  stuffing  it  with  sweet  fern,  hayseed,  pow 
dered  mullein  leaf,  or  dried  corn-silk ;  its  bar  with 
the  fly-specked,  broken-nosed  pitcher  and  handle- 
less  cups,  from  which  was  decanted  and  drunk 
sweetened  water;  its  gaudy  gilt  ornaments,  made 


2       THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

by  girl  friends  —  had  been  long  discontinued;  its 
receipts  in  the  shape  of  old  iron,  broken  bolts 
and  huts,  rusty  nails,  pieces  of  zinc  and  lead  and 
copper,  all  of  which  were  legal  tender  and  easily 
exchangeable  at  the  hardware  stores,  per  pound, 
for  cash,  had  been  divided  and  lavished  on  goose 
berries,  jujube  paste,  taffy  on  a  stick,  cocoanut 
cakes,  and  other  delightful  and  cloying  confec 
tions. 

Bankruptcy  had  then  been  avoided  by  collect 
ing  bones  from  back  yards  and  gardens  which,  as 
the  snow  melted  from  the  gardens,  appeared  in 
immense  quantities,  and  were  also  the  medium  of 
exchange  for  cash  at  the  same  emporium. 

But  the  period  between  the  melting  of  the 
snow  and  the  making  of  gardens  was  a  very  dry 
period  for  the  boys.  Never  had  those  hard  and 
mottled  gooseberries  in  Si  Smith's  windows 
seemed  half  so  attractive  or  so  far  removed. 
Never  had  the  jujube  paste  looked  so  melting 
and  so  delicious. 

"Got  any  chink?"  "Not  a  gol-darned  red," 
were  the  question  and  answer  always  heard  when 
the  boys  met. 

Several  councils  of  war  were  held  as  the  situa 
tion  became  desperate,  and  some  original  ideas 
were  broached,  which  proved  impracticable  after 
consideration. 

Beany  advocated  hiring  a  horse  and  taking 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  3 

parties  out  to  ride,  but  diligent  inquiry  at  the 
livery-stables  was  met  with  discouraging  deter 
mination  on  the  part  of  the  proprietors  to  have 
payment  in  advance. 

Plupy  finally  agreed  to  sell  his  collection  of 
birds'  eggs;  but  when  he  went  to  get  them,  found 
to  his  intense  sorrow  that  a  half-cord  of  wood  had 
been  dumped  on  them  where  he  had  carelessly 
left  them  overnight.  Pewt  was  so  overwhelmed 
by  the  seriousness  of  the  loss  that  he  had  no 
scheme  to  offer ;  so  Plupy  again  put  on  his  think 
ing-cap  and  thought  so  vigorously  that  his  brows 
were  furrowed  with  lines,  his  ears  moved,  and  his 
scalp  twitched  horribly  as  he  scowled. 

"Telyer  what,  fellers,  p'r'aps  if  we  can  get  any 
thing  to  sell  we  could  do  suthin'.  Lessee,  Pewt, 
do  yer  father's  hens  lay  any  now?" 

"They  lay  well  enough,  but  since  I  hooked  'em 
the  last  time  father  keeps  the  door  of  the  coop 
locked." 

"Gorry,"  said  Beany,  "th'  ain't  nothin'  at  my 
house  I  can  get." 

"  What  about  Pewt's  printin'-press?  We  might 
print  some  cards,"  suggested  Plupy. 

"Huh!  no,  th'  ain't  no  chance  to  do  anything. 
The  'News  Letter  Job  Print'  will  print  cards 
cheaper  than  we  can.  Then  most  of  the  people 
who  ordered  cards  would  n't  take  'em." 

"  'Course    they    would  n't,"    scoffed    Beany. 


4       THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"You  printed  William  Tanner's  cards  'Bill 
Tanner,'  'n'  Miss  Margaret  Donovan's,  'Mag 
Donovan';  whatjer  'spect?" 

"Well,  ennyway,"  said  Pewt,  by  way  of  justi 
fication,  "everybody  calls  'em  'Bill'  and  'Mag." 

"We  might  print  a  newspaper.  P'r'aps  we 
could  sell  it.  I  heard  my  father  say  that  the 
'  News  Letter '  was  so  tame  that  there  was  n't  no 
fun  in  readin'  it.  He  said  th'  was  n't  nothin'  in  it 
but  'somebody  was  en  joy  in'  the  visit  of  some 
body  else,'  or  'somebody had  painted  his  house,* 
or  '  somebody  had  gone  to  Eppin'  for  a  visit,'  or 
*  Willie  Somebody  had  n't  been  absent  nor  tardy 
during  the  term." 

"My  father  said,"  chimed  in  Beany,  "that  if 
somebody  started  a  paper  that  would  print  real 
news  in  it  he  could  make  a  barrel  of  money." 

"I  say,  fellers," said  Pewt, "  les'  try  it.  Franklin 
printed  a  paper  once  when  he  was  a  boy." 

"Huh!  Franklin  didn't  print  no  paper;  he 
invented  lightning,"  said  Beany. 

"Betcher!" 

"Betcher!" 

"Whattleyoubet?" 

"Whattleyou?" 

"  Don't  daster!" 

"You  don't  daster  neither!" 

"Aw!" 

"Aw!" 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  5 

"Come  on,  fellers,  quit  jawin*  now.  How 
about  printin'  a  newspaper?" 

So  a  conference  was  held,  and  it  was  determined 
that  the  paper  should  be  a  weekly;  that  they 
should  all  contribute  to  the  columns  as  writers 
and  reporters,  and  labor  at  its  setting-up  as  com 
positors,  and  when  the  sheet  was  completed,  to 
hawk  it  through  the  town  as  newsboys. 

The  title  caused  them  some  heartburning  and 
more  or  less  raucous  dispute.  Pewt  opined  that  a 
bold  title  like  "A  Jolt  in  the  Slats"  or  "The 
Sidewinder"  would  have  a  tendency  to  attract 
the  public  eye  and  at  the  same  time  to  concisely 
explain  the  viewpoint  of  the  editors  to  be,  "Hew 
to  the  line,  let  the  chips  fall  where  they  may." 

Plupy  rather  objected  to  the  coarse  material 
ism  of  the  title  and,  being  more  of  an  impres 
sionist  than  Pewt,  suggested  "The  Echo,"  be 
cause  as  he  said  an  echo  never  lied,  but  always 
repeated  things  correctly. 

Beany  said  he  did  n't  care  a  darn  about  the 
name;  that  the  thing  to  do  was  to  get  the  paper 
started  and  collect  the  "dosh"  for  it;  and  so  after 
some  further  discussion  it  was  decided  to  call 
it  "The  Lambaster,"  to  indicate  its  policy  of 
reform  in  "knockin'  the  everlastin'  pea-green 
stuffin'  outer  folly,  crime,  and  foolishness,"  as  its 
prospectus,  written  by  Plupy,  stated. 

The  first  edition  of  the  paper  opened  with  a 


6       THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

short  editorial  by  Plupy,  in  which  he  stated  the 
crying  need  of  an  independent  paper,  "cauzed 
by  thE  eVazif  polisy  Of  our  IsteameD  con  Tem- 
PoraRy,"  pledging  the  "homier"  of  the  editors 
and  proprietors  to  deal  with  "plane  fax,"  and  to 
call  a  "spaid"  a  "sPald"  at  "al"  times. 

Then  followed  a  Fast  Day  proclamation  of 
Governor  Gilman's,  which  would  have  been 
correct  but  for  the  fact  that  Governor  Gilman 
had  been  dead  many,  many  years.  But  then  this 
was  of  very  little  importance  anyway.  The  only 
salient  point  was  the  announcement  of  the  date. 

The  second  column  was  taken  up  by  original 
humor,  copied,  the  greater  part  of  it,  from  the 
back  part  of  divers  back  numbers  of  "Harper's," 
to  which  magazine  Plupy's  father  had  for  years 
been  a  subscriber. 

Occasionally  what  might  have  been  an  origi 
nal  joke  crept  in,  as  this  gem:-  "What  iS  the 
cAuze  of  thE  feerfull  smelL  on  front  Strete?" 
"Answer.  The  oDor  of  decaid  jentility." 

As  Front  Street  was  the  one  street  sacred  to 
the  old  families,  some  of  whom  were  in  rather 
reduced  circumstances,  this  little  fillip  must  have 
been  intensely  gratifying  to  them,  and  certainly 
delighted  beyond  measure  certain  of  the  plain 
people  who  were1  extremely  jealous  of  the  con 
temptuously  termed  "royal  families." 

An  original,  unquestionably  original,  poem,  by 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  7 

Beany,  appeared,  a  poem  with  badly  spavined 
meter,  in  which  "home"  rhymed,  or  was  used  to 
rhyme,  with  "groan,"  or,  to  be  more  accurate, 
"grone,"  and  other  slight  imperfections.  How 
ever,  it  was  very  sad,  very  melancholy,  very 
hopeless,  as  was  the  fashion  in  those  days. 

There  was  some  advertising  matter  on  the 
second  page,  evidently  space-filling  only,  without 
money  and  without  price.  Indeed,  had  it  not 
been  for  one  interesting  notice,  the  readers  of  the 
paper  would  have  had  some  misgivings  as  to  the 
ostensible  aim  of  the  paper  being  in  consonance 
with  its  title.  This  was  in  the  nature  of  a  friendly 
warning  to  a  transgressor  and  read  as  follows :  — 

"If  the  Man  with  a  red  muchtach  whitch 
worKs  in  the  haRdware  stoaR  dont  stopp  hanG- 
ing  rouNd  the  House  on  the  Conner  of  temple 
strete  we  will  tell  his  wife  and  her  husband  in  our 
paper.  Sech  things  hadent  aught  to  be  alouD." 

That  the  first  edition  of  "The  Lambaster" 
created  a  mild  sensation  was  not  surprising.  The 
sale  rapidly  exhausted  the  supply  of  papers,  only 
about  one  hundred  having  been  printed.  These 
sold  readily  at  two  cents  and  with  the  proceeds 
the  editors,  proprietors,  compositors,  foremen, 
and  newsboys  bought  a  large  supply  of  paper  and 
printers'  ink  and  prepared  for  a  red-pepper 
edition  for  the  following  week. 

Now  reformers  generally  do  not  have  to  look 


8       THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

far  for  work.  In  any  small  or  large  community 
there  are  many  abuses  awaiting  remedy,  many 
nuisances  to  be  abated,  many  conditions  of 
things  fairly  pining  for  improvement.  Sherlock 
Holmes  found  the  services  of  small  boys  of  the 
greatest  service  in  ferreting  out  crime,  and  Sher 
lock  was  a  very  keen  blade  when  he  entrusted 
commissions  to  them. 

So  these  three  boys,  thoroughly  interested  in 
their  work  and  enthusiastic  for  the  right,  began 
to  canvass  the  town  in  the  interest  of  the  Goddess 
Reform,  and  found  abundant  work.  They  lis 
tened  to  conversations,  trailed  reputable  citizens 
after  dark,  hung  around  saloons,  billiard  halls, 
and  barber  shops,  where  gossip  and  scandal  were 
dealt  in  both  wholesale  and  retail,  and  as  a  result 
of  their  arduous  labors  they  had  amassed  and 
printed,  at  the  day  of  issue,  a  collection  of  items 
that  astonished,  amazed,  delighted,  scandalized, 
and  horrified  the  entire  population. 

Even  at  this  late  day  it  would  be  unwise  to 
do  more  than  hint  at  the  amazing  disclosures  of 
this  first  yellow  journal,  and  say  that  but  for  the 
very  opportune  arrival  of  a  disastrous  fire  which 
swept  away  a  large  part  of  the  main  business 
street  of  the  town,  the  consequences  of  the  publi 
cation  would  have  been  very  far-reaching. 

The  editorial  was  short  and  to  the  point.  It 
spoke  of  the  determination  of  the  editors  to 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  9 

strangle  the  hydra-headed  monster  of  debauch 
ery  and  crime  that  had  swept  over  the  town, 
and  to  purify  the  manners  and  morals  of  the 
citizens ;  and  the  first  crack  off  the  bat  was  cer 
tainly  a  base  hit.  It  was  in  the  form  of  a  ques 
tion  and  answer  which  tended  to  show  that  the 
aim  of  the  paper  was  to  have  a  pat  answer  to  any 
question  asked. 

"Question.  Had  enny  mAn  aught  to  go  riding 
with  a  notHer  man's  wife  at  nite  in  a  topP 
buGy.  If  he  hazn't  then  Bill  Archibald  has  dun 
rong  last  SaTuRday  nite." 

The  next  brought  in  six  home  runs. 

"  Bewair! 

"Them  six  felLows  whitch  play  cArdS  over  the 
oicster  salooN  oN  thE  conneR  oF  wAteR  and 
scenter  stRetes  had  beTTer  stopp  it.  IF  They 
DonT  we  shalL  pubLiSh  thAre  naims.  One 
wiRks  in  the  PoSt  ofFice,  1  wiRks  in  ThE 
founDry  one  in  a  druG  sTorE,  one  in  A  growseRy 
stoRe  and  oNE  don'T  wirk  enny.  A  worD  to 
tHE  wizE  is  suFissienT." 

"  Dont  get  mAd  Pat  this  is  afrenDly  wARning. 

"If  Pat  HennesSy  licks  his  wifE  AgAin  we  aRe 
going  to  tell  whAre  he  gets  his  licker  and  then 


10     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

Jack  Devlin  hAd  bettEr  look  or  he  will  be  perse- 
cutED  to  the  Extent  of  thE  law." 

"The  biBle  says  thou  shAlt  not  covEt  thy 
naborS  wife,  if  the  rEveRent  JosEph  SnApp 
hAs  got  a  bible  We  gess  that  leef  is  toar  ouT.  We 
hoAp  we  shAll  not  have  to  mEnshon  this  AgAin." 

In  this  artless  way  did  the  editors  enter  the 
lists  with  folly,  crime,  and  foolishness  as  their 
dread  opponents.  In  this  direct  but  unobtrusive 
manner  did  they  seek  to  point  out  to  erring  sin 
ners  the  straight  and  narrow  path,  to  raise  up  the 
fallen,  to  help  the  unfortunate. 

To  say  that  the  paper  sold,  would  feebly  ex 
press  the  tremendous  rush  for  it.  The  paper 
containing  the  news  of  the  firing  on  Sumter,  or 
the  surrender  of  Lee  at  Appomattox,  was  not 
fought  for  more  eagerly  than  this  little,  unpre 
tentious,  uplifting  tract  bearing  its  message  to 
the  do wnf alien.  Scarcely  had  the  first  piping 
calls  of  the  newsboys  shrilled  out  upon  the  balmy 
air  of  early  morning  when  a  ravenous  mob  sur 
rounded  them.  Every  one  fought  for  papers; 
coppers,  nickels,  and  even  ten-cent  pieces  rained 
down  upon  the  boys.  Nobody  waited  for  change, 
but  as  soon  as  he  obtained  the  coveted  sheet  be 
came  absorbed  in  its  contents,  generally  lifting 
his  voice  to  heaven  in  loud  howls  of  delight,  and 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  11 

slapping  his  knee,  and  anon  bending  double  with 
keen  enjoyment. 

Plupy,  Beany,  and  Pewt  were  in  their  element. 
They  had  become  literary  characters;  they  were 
appreciated  by  their  contemporaries;  they  were 
giving  keen  pleasure  to  hundreds ;  they  were  in 
stituting  reforms;  they  were  making  money; 
they  jingled  as  they  walked,  jingled  with  silver, 
nickel,  and  copper.  They  ran  their  hands  into 
their  pockets  and  let  the  coins  rattle  through 
their  fingers  with  musical  clinkings.  They  won 
dered  how  much  money  they  had  earned.  Sordid 
thoughts!  What  did  the  money  amount  to? 
Money !  there  was  plenty  of  that ;  all  they  would 
have  to  do  would  be  to  publish  their  paper,  and 
money  would  flow  in  upon  them  in  a  stream.  But 
this  was  fame.  Fame! 

They  strolled  along  looking  patronizingly  upon 
the  convulsed  crowd. 

"Oh!  You  fellers  do  beat  the  devil,"  cried  one 
man,  holding  his  sides. 

"That's  right,"  said  another;  "give  it  to  'em. 
They  ain't  got  no  friends." 

"I  think  you  boys  are  doing  the  right  thing," 
said  a  lady  of  severe  cast  of  countenance,  "and  I 
only  wish  some  of  our  grown  men  who  publish 
papers  had  half  of  your  courage.  Really,  you 
have  reason  to  be  proud." 

Whether  or  not  the  boys  had  reason  to  be 


proud,  they  certainly  were  very  proud.  This 
praise  was  as  incense  to  their  nostrils.  They 
guessed  their  fathers  and  mothers  would  think 
they  were  pretty  smart  boys.  Perhaps  after  this 
when  they  saw  their  sons  going  down  to  the 
Savings  Bank  every  Friday  to  put  in  their 
"  chink,"  they  would  be  sorry  for  some  things 
they  had  said  to  them  and  about  them. 

It  required  some  courage  and  grit  to  publish  the 
truth.  It  was  n't  everybody  who  dast  to  do  it.  The 
"  News  Letter  "  man  did  n't  daster.  Huh.  No 
body  need  ever  be  afraid  to  speak  the  truth,  and 
they  guessed  they  were  not  afraid.  Lessee,  who 
was  this  feller  comin'  along?  It  looked  like  Bill 
Archibald.  Gosh!  it  is  Bill  Archibald. 

The  three  boys  paused  and  visibly  shrunk. 
"Gosh!"  said  Plupy;  "d'ye  s'pose  he  sees  us?" 

Just  then  Bill  broke  into  a  run  pouring  out 
blasphemies.  Beany  dashed  down  an  alley  with 
his  legs  going  like  spokes  of  a  wheel.  Pewt  dove 
into  a  store  and  out  the  back  way.  Plupy,  with 
the  homing  instinct  of  an  Antwerp  pigeon, 
dashed  for  home.  Bill  followed.  Plupy  had 
twenty  yards'  start  and  ran  like  a  greyhound. 
With  head  thrown  back,  skinny  arms  gyrating 
like  windmills  and  hands  vigorously  clawing  the 
air,  and  long  legs  fairly  whirring,  he  legged  it  for 
home. 

Across  the  Square  they  went  like  flying  shad- 


BILL    FELL    FLAT    ON"    HIS    FACE 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  13 

ows.  Bill  gained  steadily.  His  outstretched  hand 
came  nearer  and  nearer  to  Plupy's  collar.  Now 
he  had  him;  but,  no,  for  Plupy,  ducking  like  a 
rabbit,  made  a  spasmodic,  jumping-jack  vault  to 
one  side,  and  Bill  overreaching  himself,  fell  flat  on 
his  face,  and  before  he  could  rise  Plupy  turned 
the  corner  like  a  frantic  daddylonglegs,  and  Bill, 
cursing  like  a  pirate,  turned  down  a  side  street. 

The  publication  caused  a  most  tremendous 
sensation.  Those  who  were  mentioned  were  wild 
with  wrath  and  eager  for  revenge.  One  of  the 
more  violent  even  went  to  the  point  of  declaring 
that  if  he  could  n't  catch  Plupy  before  night  he 
would  be  on  the  lookout  for  Plupy's  father  at  the 
five-thirty  train  from  Boston  and  wipe  the  floor 
with  him.  Pewt's  and  Beany's  respective  fathers, 
having  good  reason  to  believe  that  Plupy  was  the 
ringleader  in  all  the  joint  deviltry  of  the  three 
boys,  promptly  and  with  generous  vigor  and 
impartiality  tanned  the  hides  of  their  respective 
sons  and  felt  that  they  had  made  such  amends 
for  the  outrage  as  lay  within  their  power,  and 
viewed  the  storm  with  complacency  not  un 
mixed  with  amused  appreciation. 

But  Plupy's  father  was  a  different  proposition. 
An  extremely  pliable,  easy-going,  and  good- 
natured  man,  when  handled  right,  he  was  one  of 
the  most  obstinate,  defiant,  and  mulish  when  any 
attempt  was  made  to  intimidate  or  to  drive  him. 


14     THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

Had  any  one  of  the  injured  parties  approached 
him  in  a  conciliatory  spirit,  and  had  said, 
"George,  I  feel  pretty  badly  about  this,  and  I 
look  to  you  to  set  things  right,"  he  would  have 
done  everything  to  salve  their  wounded  dignity 
and  to  make  amends,  and  to  this  end  Plupy 
would  have  fared  badly  under  that  precept  of 
Holy  Writ,  "Woe  to  that  man  by  whom  the 
offense  cometh." 

Now,  when  Bill  Archibald,  thirsting  for  gore, 
met  the  elder  Shute  at  the  station  and  told  him 
with  many  oaths,  that  unless  he  forthwith  "whaled 
the  liver  outer  that  pup  boy  of  his,"  he  would 
"have  his  blankity  blank  tripe,"  and,  further, 
indicated  his  due  purpose  of  abstracting  that 
worthy  gentlemen's  "tripe"  by  thrusting  a 
gnarled  and  knotted  fist  under  his  nose,  the  old 
gentleman  woke  up  to  the  situation  with  the  most 
refreshing  promptness,  and  when  Bill  was  picked 
up  from  a  tangle  of  hack-horses'  feet  — 

"Dragged  from  among  the  horses'  feet, 
With  dinted  shield  and  helmet  beat, 
The  falcon-crest  and  plumage  gone, 
Can  that  be  haughty  Marmion!"  — 

he  was  in  no  condition  to  come  to  time,  if,  indeed, 
he  had  wished  to,  which  was  extremely  doubtful. 
Pat  Hennessey  and  Jack  Devlin,  who  were  pres 
ent  to  see  the  fun,  and  if  advisable  to  take  such 
part  in  it  as  might  be  necessary  to  reduce  the 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  15 

elder  Shute  to  a  condition  favorable  to  a  com 
promise,  decided  without  argument  that  the 
time  was  not  propitious  for  interference,  which 
showed  that  their  judgment  was  sound  in  this 
instance,  whatever  it  might  have  been  in  rela 
tion  to  the  quality  of  liquor  Jack  dispensed. 

When  the  elder  Shute  reached  home,  he  was 
met  by  an  agitated  household.  Plupy  was  always 
bringing  them  into  trouble  and  disgrace.  Plupy 
was  always  just  escaping  arrest  and  jail,  and  this 
time  something  dreadful  would  happen,  and  a 
copy  of  the  fatal  sheet  was  pressed  into  his 
hands. 

Plupy's  father  sat  down  and  read,  sternly  and 
unforgivingly.  But  as  he  read  crinkly  lines  began 
to  gather  at  the  corners  of  his  eyes,  his  eyes  began 
to  twinkle,  and  his  lips  to  draw  up  at  the  corners. 
Finally,  a  chuckle,  a  snort,  and  then  he  threw 
back  his  head  and  roared.  "Good!"  he  yelled, 
"  good !  the  boys  did  n't  say  a  word  too  much  and 
they  told  the  truth." 

"So  they  are  going  to  prosecute,  are  they? 
Well,  let  'em  prosecute  and  be  hanged."  And  the 
old  gentleman  put  up  so  stiff  a  front  that  those 
who  came  to  curse,  while  they  did  not  exactly 
remain  to  pray,  still  had  their  enthusiasm  for 
war  very  perceptibly  dampened  after  an  inter 
view  with  the  outspoken  old  gentleman. 

Happily  that  night  the  big  Water  Street  fire 


16  MISADVENTURES 

broke  out,  and  the  consequent  excitement  and 
interest  were  such  that  the  affairs  of  "The 
Lambaster"  were  allowed  to  drift  into  forget- 
fulness.  • 

A  few  days  later  the  three  boys  sat  in  Plupy 's 
barn  lunching  delicately  on  cookies,  doughnuts, 
cocoanut  cakes,  raw  cocoanut,  taffy,  and  goose 
berries. 

"Telyer  what,  fellers,"  said  Plupy,  "th'  ain't 
any  chance  for  a  feller  to  do  anything  good  in  this 
world;  every  time  he  tries  it,  he  gits  lammed  in 
the  neck:  might  jest  as  well  be  a  pirut." 

"Thasso,  Plupy,"  said  Pewt,  mumbling  a  huge 
gooseberry,  "or  a  highway  robber.  Whadjer  say, 
Beany?" 

"Pass  that  cocoanut  over  here,  will  yer?  Do 
you  fellers  want  it  all?"  demanded  Beany. 

"Aw!  "said  Pewt. 

"Aw!"  assented  Plupy. 


II 


PRISONERS    OF    HOPE 

THE  summer  term  of  the  old  Spring  Street 
Grammar  School  in  the  little  town  of  Exeter  was 
drawing  to  a  close.  It  had  seemed,  to  the  very 
lively  boys  of  that  town  who  were  daily  strug 
gling  with  allopathic  doses  of  Colburn's  Arith 
metic,  Guyot's  Geography,  Hillard's  Second  and 
Third  Readers,  and  Kerl's  Common  School 
Grammar,  to  say  nothing  of  spelling,  and  the 
somewhat  more  than  allopathic,  say  veterinary, 
doses  of  discipline  incidental  to  the  same,  that 
vacation  would  never  come,  never! 

Outside,  the  world  was  fair  with  the  balmy 
brightness  of  a  New  England  June,  that  month 
unsurpassed  in  charm.  The  birds  had  all  arrived, 
and  were  mating,  nesting,  and  filling  the  air  with 
song.  In  the  brooks  and  small  pools  the  lily-pads 
had  spread  their  thick,  smooth  leaves  of  waxen 
green,  as  yet  undefiled  by  predaceous  bugs  and 
flies.  Schools  of  small  fish  wrere  darting  about  in 
the  pools  and  streams,  awaiting  the  black  linen 
hand-braided  lines  and  small  blue  steel  "minny  " 
hooks  of  the  boys.  And  right  here  I  wish  to 
explode  the  oft-exploited  theory  of  catching  fish 


18     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

with  a  bended  pin  and  piece  of  tow-string.  I  have 
nothing  to  say  against  the  tow-string,  but  I  am 
gunning  for  the  bended  pin  of  song  and  story. 
Away  with  it !  A  murrain  on  it !  Years  ago,  when 
one  of  these  very  boys  of  whom  I  am  writing,  I 
spent  a  long  time  in  vainly  trying  to  catch  a  fish 
with  a  pin  hook.  I  was  led  to  believe  that  this 
feat  had  been  the  favorite  accomplishment  of 
rural  youth  from  time  immemorial,  from  hear 
ing  a  very  charming  young  lady,  traveling  with 
Father  Kemp's  Concert  Singers,  render  a  touch 
ing  ballad  entitled  "Swinging  in  the  Lane,"  in 
which  a  small  but  sentimental  boy  had  passed  the 
greater  part  of  a  delightful  boyhood  in  catch 
ing  minnows,  with  "bended  pin  for  hook,"  and 
swinging  in  the  lane  with  a  demure  but  bewitch 
ing  damsel  known  as  "Rosy  Nell."  In  common 
with  the  rest  of  the  audience  I  fell  very  much  in 
love  with  the  vocalist,  and  as  she  went  away  with 
the  rest  of  the  singers  on  the  morning  train  with 
out  a  look  or  a  thought  for  me,  I  became  a  prey 
to  melancholy  and  spent  a  week  or  more  in  futile 
efforts  to  emulate  the  hero  of  the  song.  But  I 
never  could  catch  a  fish.  Either  the  pin  would 
not  hold  the  bait  and  the  fish  merely  knocked  it 
off  with  its  nose  and  swallowed  it,  or  the  pin 
pulled  out  without  damage  to  the  fish.  Once  in  a 
great  while  I  would  prick  a  small  fish  a  bit,  but  it 
always  escaped  little  the  worse  for  the  adven- 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  19 

ture.  However,  I  soon  conquered  my  burning 
passion  for  the  perfidious  cantatrice  that  sang 
such  arrant  nonsense,  at  least  in  reference  to  a 
" bended  pin  for  hook";  I  say  nothing  derogatory 
of  Rosy  Nell  and  the  swing.  I  respect  her,  it, 
and  the  combination  of  him,  her,  and  it.  And  so 
good  came  out  of  it  after  all,  for  I  recovered  my 
spirits. 

But  to  return  to  the  boys.  They  are  still  pris 
oners  in  the  schoolhouse,  and  the  sun  and  the 
breeze  and  the  birds  and  squirrels  are  calling 
them  away,  and  their  legal  protectors  and  their 
school-teacher  will  not  let  them  away,  and  the 
long  days  of  school  life  pass  on  leaden  wings.  To 
be  sure,  one  can  get  up  in  the  morning  and  go 
down  into  Moulton's  or  Gilman's  field  and  pick 
bunches  of  purple,  white,  or  dogtooth  violets, 
and  on  Jady  Hill  there  are  bluebells,  and  in  a 
certain  place  in  the  Eddy  Woods  are  lady's- 
slipper,  and  in  one  place,  which  Plupy  and 
Potter  only  know,  are  bunches  of  trillium. 

And  after  school  at  five  o'clock  there  is  time 
for  a  swim  and  a  little  fishing  and  some  birds'- 
egging,  and  there  is  the  noon  recess  when  there  is 
"Three  Old  Cat"  in  the  school-yard.  Yes,  of 
course,  there  is  some  fun,  but  the  boys  are  tired 
of  school.  It  never  occurred  to  them  that  per 
haps  their  vigorous,  muscular,  and  enthusiastic 
instructor,  Old  Francis,  was  just  as  tired  of  school 


20     THE    MISADVENTURES  OF 

as  they  were,  and  longed,  oh!  so  much,  to  get  out 
of  the  dreary  round  of  subject  nominatives  and 
predicate  verbs,  and  participial  nouns,  and  inver 
sion  of  the  divisor  and  proceeding  as  in  multipli 
cation,  and  carrying  one  to  the  next  column,  and 
of  the  minuend  and  the  subtrahend,  the  divisor 
and  the  dividend;  of  Morocco,  Algiers,  Tunis, 
Tripoli,  Barca,  and  Egypt,  and  of  the  thirty- 
seven  States  (there  were  but  thirty-seven  then), 
and  ten  Territories  (there  are  less  now),  and  the 
District  of  Columbia;  of  the  railroad  train  that 
was  rushing  ahead  at  almost  lightning  speed  with 
a  curve  just  ahead ;  of  old  Jacob  Stock,  the  hard 
hearted  rich  man,  than  whom  the  chimes  of  the 
clock  were  not  more  punctual  in  proclaiming  the 
progress  of  time;  of  Nebo's  lonely  mountain  on 
this  side  Jordan's  wave;  of  the  old  and  haughty 
Czar,  who  was  lonely,  though  princes  girt  him 
round  and  leaders  of  the  war;  of  the  fingers 
weary  and  worn,  of  the  eyelids  heavy  and  red; 
of  the  warrior  who  bowed  his  crested  head  and 
tamed  his  heart  of  fire,  and  sued  the  haughty 
king  to  free  his  long-imprisoned  sire;  of  the  grave 
too  cold  and  damp  for  a  soul  so  warm  and  true, 
of  the  Lake  of  the  Dismal  Swamp,  the  firefly 
lamp,  the  paddle  and  the  white  canoe;  of  Uncle 
Abel,  the  most  perpendicular,  rectangular,  up 
right,  downright  good  man  that  ever  labored  six 
days  and  rested  on  the  seventh;  of  the  slumber 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  21 

of  the  brave  who  sink  to  rest,  by  all  their  coun 
try's  wishes  blest,  where  Spring  with  dewy 
fingers  cold  returns;  of  the  winged  winds  that 
round  his  pathway  roared;  of  the  fact  that  next 
to  Washington,  Greene  was  the  ablest  com 
mander  in  the  Revolutionary  army,  above  the 
middle  height  and  strongly  made;  of  the  cold 
gray  stones  and  the  stately  ships  that  went  on  and 
on  and  on,  and  Stout  Lartius  and  Ocnus  of  Falerii, 
and  Horatius;  of  Campania's  hinds  and  the  thrice 
accursed  sail,  and  the  great  Lord  of  Luna  who  fell 
at  that  deadly  stroke;  of  news  of  battle  that  was 
ringing  down  the  street;  of  old  Tubal  Cain  in  the 
days  when  the  earth  was  young;  of  the  chief  who 
in  silence  strode  before;  of  the  supercilious  nabob 
of  the  East,  —  haughty,  being  great,  —  purse- 
proud,  being  rich,  —  a  governor  or  general  in 
the  least,  I  have  forgotten  which;  and  of  the 
humble  youth,  a  lad  of  decent  parts  and  good 
repute. 

Perhaps  the  one  thing  that  kept  them  from 
despair  in  the  hours  of  their  dreary  imprison 
ment  was  the  Nightingale  and  Oliver  Optic  and 
Horatio  Alger.  The  Nightingale  was  the  school 
songbook,  and  the  half-hour  of  song  was  always 
a  welcome  interruption  to  study  and  recitation. 
And  the  hours  when  the  instructor  would  read 
stirring  youthful  tales  of  favorite  authors  were  all 
too  delightfully  sJiort. 


22    THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

The  object  of  this  sagacious  and  far-seeing 
teacher  was  twofold,  or,  to  speak  more  correctly, 
threefold.  His  own  endurance  and  that  of  the 
boys  and  girls  was  nearing  the  limit;  he  wished 
to  inculcate  habits  of  industry  in  his  charges  by 
reading  to  them  of  the  small  but  noble-minded 
boy  who  resolutely  put  aside  the  joyous  pastimes 
of  boyhood  and,  putting  his  immature  but  sin 
ewy  hands  to  the  plough  or  his  undeveloped  but 
powerful  shoulder  to  the  wheel,  saved  his  father's 
or  mother's  homestead  from  the  cruel  and  inter 
est-bearing  mortgage  that  hung  over  their  heads 
like  the  sword  of  Damocles,  or  like  a  pail  of  wa 
ter  over  the  doorway  with  a  small  boy  at  the  end 
of  the  string,  and  gained  a  place  in  the  counting- 
room  of  the  rich  but  just  merchant  whose  busi 
ness  he  had  saved  from  destruction  by  wonder 
ful,  not  to  say  uncanny,  but  wholly  precocious 
business  sagacity. 

Secondly,  our  sagacious  instructor  saw  the 
advisability  of  applying  a  judicious  safety-valve 
to  the  pupils'  unrest;  and  thirdly,  he  liked  the 
stories  himself. 

Now  these  stories  were  excellent  in  their  way. 
The  heroes  were  excellent  and  quite  impossible 
youth,  with  an  eye  to  the  main  chance  and  with 
"Excelsior"  as  their  motto.  They  always  suc 
ceeded  in  their  high  aim,  against  insurmount 
able  obstacles,  of  accomplishing  the  impossible, 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  23 

and  they  always  got  their  reward  in  the  last 
chapter  if  not  before.  They  were  dreadful  prigs, 
but  their  ability  to  fight  reconciled  the  boys 
to  them.  Before  "planting"  their  small  but  iron 
fists  between  the  eyes  of  the  bully,  who,  we 
must  admit,  needed  a  thrashing  dreadfully,  they 
made  a  speech  deprecating  the  necessity  of  fight 
ing,  removed  coat,  vest,  and  braces,  —  never 
suspenders  or  even  galluses,  —  rolled  up  their 
sleeves  displaying  arms  corded  with  muscle,  and 
in  a  series  of  beautifully  arranged  rounds  whipped 
the  bully  until  he  begged  for  mercy,  and  thereby 
a  beautiful  lesson  and  a  strong  moral  were  incul 
cated. 

In  spite  of  the  fact  that  the  fights  between  the 
boys  in  this  school  and  in  every  school,  out  of 
books,  were  a  whirlwind  of  pulling  hair,  punch 
ing,  and  wrestling  with  no  holds  barred,  and  were 
continued  until  one  of  the  combatants  hollered 
"Nuff!"  the  boys  took  these  tales  without  a 
single  grain  of  salt  and  believed  in  them  abso 
lutely.  It  was  one  of  the  tragedies  of  boyhood 
to  learn  that  "Hope  and  Have,"  "Haste  and 
Waste,"  "Work  and  Win,"  and  kindred  narra 
tives  were  not  veritable  biographies.  Alas  and 
alack,  for  Waddie  Wimpleton  and  Tommy  Top- 
pleton,  and  Ragged  Dick  of  fragrant  memory. 

But  at  that  time  in  the  boys'  lives  there  were 
giants,  and  their  example  could  not  fail  to  im- 


24     THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

press  the  boys  with  a  desire  to  be  sober,  indus 
trious,  successful,  and  to  develop  arms  corded 
with  muscles  and  to  thrash  the  local  bully,  who 
ever  he  might  be,  and  wherever  he  might  have 
an  abiding  place.  And  when  at  last,  after  a  most 
interminable  time,  the  term  closed,  they  began 
the  long  vacation  with  a  concrete  determination 
to  make  a  name  for  themselves  as  sober,  pro 
gressive,  and  reputable  citizens  with  iron  fists 
and  corded  arms. 

Of  course,  they  had  to  luxuriate  for  a  couple  of 
weeks  in  the  glorious  days  of  ease,  in  which  they 
fished,  swam,  went  birds'-egging,  trapped  squir 
rels  and  rabbits ;  —  that  is  to  say,  they  set  traps 
and  had  those  moments  of  breathless  anticipa 
tion  in  finding,  as  the  old  colored  man  said, 
"dem  'ar  traps  sprong  and  nuffin'  cotch." 

But  after  a  while  these  mere  amusements 
palled  upon  them.  Their  companions  were  at 
work.  Fatty  Gilman  was  daily  seen  with  old 
Edward  Giddings,  the  white-haired,  magnificent 
old  manager  of  the  great  Gilman  farm,  journey 
ing  to  and  from  the  hay-fields  and  tilled  land. 
Skinny  Bruce  was  working  for  J.  Getchell  &  Son, 
learning  the  business  of  tinsmith,  a  calling  in 
which  he  afterwards  became  locally  eminent. 
Tady  Finton  was  driving  the  milk  cart  from  the 
Cilley  farm,  an  engagement  that  proved  to  be 
only  temporary,  as  Tady  improved  the  oppor- 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  25 

tunity  to  race  the  old  gray  plug  with  every 
horse  he  overtook,  with  the  result  that  a  great 
deal  of  the  milk  was  churned  to  butter  before 
delivery. 

Scott  Brigham  was  waiting  on  table  in  the 
Squamscott  Hotel;  Ed  Towle  was  driving  a  bag 
gage-wagon  to  the  beach;  Potter  Gorham  was 
collecting  specimens  for  the  Smithsonian  at 
Washington;  the  three  Chadwick  boys  were 
whitewashing  their  fences  and  sheds  and  culti 
vating  their  fine  garden  and  sawing  innumerable 
cords  of  wood  in  the  rear  of  their  house.  Pop 
Clark  was  learning  the  printer's  trade  of  Smith, 
Hall  &  Clark,  of  the  Exeter  "News  Letter"; 
Fatty  Melcher  was  peddling  shavings  from  the 
planing-mill  and  his  father's  carriage-shop;  and 
other  boys  of  their  acquaintance  were  engaged 
in  a  variety  of  pursuits. 

Plupy,  Beany,  and  Pewt  were  uneasy.  As  long 
as  they  were  playing  and  the  other  boys  working 
they  felt  ill  at  ease.  Had  they  been  working  and 
the  other  boys  playing,  they  would  have  felt  much 
the  same.  They  wanted  to  do  what  the  other 
boys  were  doing.  They  were  gregarious  animals. 
All  small  boys  are.  In  this  lies  a  moral,  but  one 
not  readily  recognized. 

So  they  discussed  the  prospect  of  employment. 
They  objected  to  severe  manual  labor,  such  as 
raking  hay,  pitching  it,  and  especially  storing  it 


26    THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

away  in  a  hot,  choky,  dusty  mow.  They  had  no 
especial  objection  to  riding  on  the  loads  or  driv 
ing  the  horserake.  On  mature  consideration  they 
decided  that  haymaking  was  not  for  them.  Then 
they  objected  to  gardening  as  too  prosaic  an  oc 
cupation  for  youths  of  their  peculiar  talents. 
And  they  were  not  going  to  give  the  lie  to  prece 
dent  by  engaging  in  such  jog-trot  and  uninterest 
ing  employment;  for  no  one  of  those  priggish 
heroes  in  the  Oliver  Optic  books  did  work  of  this 
nature.  Ragged  Dick  blacked  boots  and  sold 
papers  and  fought  with  street  Arabs  and  stopped 
runaway  horses  and  became  great.  So  would 
they  do. 

They  would  be  glad  to  enter  the  drunkard's 
cheerless  home  and  chop  wood  and  build  a  fire  to 
keep  the  poor  wife  and  her  helpless  babes  from 
starvation  and  freezing  to  death.  But  they  did 
not  know  of  any  drunkards'  wives  and  children 
who  were  in  any  such  desperate  circumstances, 
and  if  they  had,  it  was  summer  and  they  would 
not  freeze  anyway,  don't  you  see?  And  as  for 
fighting  with  street  Arabs,  why,  what  if  they  got 
licked?  It  would  be  far  better  to  develop  their 
corded  and  muscular  arms  first.  Most  of  the 
street  Arabs  could  fight,  especially  the  Franklin- 
Streeters. 

Some  of  the  heroes  they  had  read  about  had 
guided  people  round  great  cities  and  had  carried 


27 

their  baggage  from  the  railroad  stations.  Ha! 
that  was  it.  They  would  do  that.  True,  Exeter 
was  not  a  great  city,  but  people  came  to  it  every 
day  in  the  summer;  lots  of  people.  Then  the  sta 
tion,  especially  at  the  9  o'clock  morning  train 
from  Boston  and  the  5.30  P.M.,  was  a  busy  place. 
The  huge  and  many-seated  beach  wagons  were 
filling  up  with  passengers,  the  Exeter  citizens 
who  had  business  in  Boston  were  going  and  com 
ing,  the  hackmen  were  fighting  over  passengers 
and  baggage,  and  things  were  very  lively  and 
exciting. 

So  with  great  enthusiasm  they  voted  to  be 
come  guides,  philosophers,  friends,  and  baggage- 
smashers  to  curious  summer  visitors,  and  the 
next  morning  were  on  hand  at  the  railroad  sta 
tion  prepared  to  escort  parties  of  excursionists 
through  the  town,  and  to  get  as  much  amusement 
as  possible  from  the  lively  scenes  that  daily  in  the 
summer  season  took  place  at  that  noted  station 
and  its  then  famous  restaurant.  They  met  with 
little  success  at  first,  for  people  coming  to  town 
seemed  fairly  contented  to  carry  their  own  bag 
gage  or  to  take  one  of  the  numerous  convey 
ances,  instead  of  walking,  as  Plupy  expressed  it, 
"on  their  own  hind  legs  and  givin'  a  feller  a 
chance  to  earn  a  little  honest  chink." 

Then  the  good-natured  courtesy  of  the  citizens 
of  the  town  toward  strangers  made  maddening 


28     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

inroads  on  the  little  business  they  obtained.  Did 
either  Plupy,  Beany,  or  Pewt  secure  a  customer 
and  proudly  start  for  the  main  street  with  his 
carpet-bag,  along  would  come  James  William 
Odlin,  or  Abner  Merrill,  or  Amos  Tuck,  or  Wil 
liam  B.  Morrill,  or  some  one  of  the  many  Exeter 
men  who  daily  went  to  Boston,  and  would  jo 
vially  hail  the  stranger  and  annex  him  and  his 
carpet-bag,  leaving  the  unfortunate  guide,  phi 
losopher,  friend,  and  baggage-smasher  staring 
blankly  after  his  fleeting  chance  of  gain  and  be 
wailing  his  luck. 

Still  they  persisted,  and  as  they  were  polite 
and  pleasant,  they  earned  quite  a  little  money 
for  a  week  or  ten  days ;  and  taking  into  account 
the  fights  between  rival  hackmen  and  drivers  of 
express  and  baggage-wagons,  the  races  between 
the  driving  horses  of  sporting  patrons  of  the 
road,  occasional  runaways,  and  other  things  in 
cidental  to  travel  to  and  from  the  station,  they 
felt  that  they  were  seeing  life  and  becoming 
prosperous. 

But  unfortunately  there  were  many  other  boys 
who  were  equally  anxious  for  the  small  change 
earned  by  these  boys,  and  competition  became 
so  fierce  that  it  soon  developed  into  lively  war 
fare,  in  which  our  three  boys  were  speedily  wiped 
off  the  business  map,  and  retired  in  huge  disgust 
and  greatly  damaged  from  a  business  that  yielded 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  29 

them  little  but  bruises  and  desperate  chases 
through  fields  and  across  lots  to  their  own 
bailiwick. 

But  they  were  only  temporarily  discouraged, 
and  after  a  week  of  recuperation,  which  included 
swimming,  fishing,  bullfrogging,  and  picking  wild 
strawberries  wThich  were  then  ripe,  they  looked 
about  for  another  chance  to  emulate  the  heroes 
of  Oliver  Optic. 

This  time  they  decided  upon  a  nautical  life, 
a  sort  of  fresh-water  seafaring  occupation  that 
appealed  to  them  very  strongly.  The  keeper  of 
a  periodical  store  in  the  square  owned  a  large, 
commodious,  and  safe  boat  which  he  rented  to 
picnic  parties.  There  were  many  other  boats  on 
the  river,  but  this  wras  the  largest  and  safest.  For 
its  size  it  rowed  very  easily,  but  was  used,  for  the 
most  part,  by  parties  and  not  by  twos  or  threes. 
As  Mr.  Simpson,  commonly  known  as  "Hen,'* 
could  spare  but  little  time  from  his  business  to 
pilot  his  patrons  up  the  beautiful  and  winding 
stream,  he  had  to  cast  about  for  reliable  assist 
ants. 

He  found  willing  assistants  in  these  three  boys. 
He  knew  them  as  good  oarsmen,  swimmers,  and 
fishermen  who  knew  the  river.  To  be  sure,  in 
case  of  accident  they  might  not  be  quite  as  effi 
cient  life-savers  as  grown  men,  but  there  was 
only  one  chance  in  a  thousand  of  any  accident 


happening  in  that  boat,  it  was  so  large  and 
stanch.  He  got  but  a  dollar  and  a  half  a  day  for 
the  boat,  and  fifteen  cents  an  hour  for  short  trips. 
He  would  have  had  to  pay  a  man  one  dollar  and  a 
half  for  his  services;  the  boys  would  cost  nothing, 
as  the  picnic  parties  would  be  expected  to  give 
them  something;  and  if  they  neglected  to  do  so, 
he  would  not  be  expected  to  give  them  more  than 
five  or  ten  cents  each.  So  they  were  engaged  and 
entered  upon  their  duties  at  once. 

They  bailed  out  the  boat,  scrubbed  the  seats 
and  inside,  scraped  the  oars,  and  tacked  a  tin  rim 
on  the  edge  of  the  blades,  which  were  somewhat 
frayed  and  split  from  long  use,  whittled  out  fresh 
tholepins,  and  did  about  four  dollars'  worth  of 
work  on  the  old  boat,  for  which  they  received 
nothing  and  which  they  greatly  enjoyed  doing. 

Then  they  awaited  business  which  was  not 
long  in  coming.  The  second  morning  after  their 
engagement  a  party  of  Westerners  came  from  the 
beach,  riding  thither  in  one  of  those  dreadfully 
uncomfortable  but  gaudily  painted  beach  wagons 
to  spend  a  day  on  the  river.  There  were  eight  of 
them,  and  they  brought  with  them  ample  pro 
visions  of  chicken,  bread  and  butter,  cake,  pies, 
and  fruit,  which  the  boys  carefully  stowed  in  the 
cuddy  at  the  bow  of  the  boat  and  later  generously 
partook  of  at  the  kind  invitation  of  their  passen 
gers.  Plupy  and  Beany  rowed,  while  Pewt,  sit- 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  31 

ting  in  the  bow  of  the  boat,  called  off  the  names 
of  the  points  of  interest,  —  Little  River,  The 
Oak,  Sandy  Bottom,  The  Gravel,  The  Cove, 
Cove  Bridge,  The  Willows,  Fool's  Corner,  The 
Eddy ;  and  as  he  was  a  youth  of  very  vivid  imagi 
nation  he  clothed  the  history  of  these  points  with 
love,  romance,  and  adventure,  in  which  tales 
Plupy  and  Beany,  not  to  be  left  out,  pantingly 
and  gruntingly  chipped  in  with  stirring  reminis 
cence,  greatly  to  the  amusement  and  entertain 
ment  of  the  party,  none  of  whom  had  ever  met 
the  peculiar  brand  of  small  boy  that  Exeter 
produced. 

Nor  had  they,  accustomed  to  the  wide,  shal 
low,  sandy,  and  of  ttimes  muddy  Western  streams, 
ever  seen  so  beautiful  a  New  England  stream :  so 
smooth  and  deep  and  winding;  so  fringed  with 
overhanging  alders,  willows,  silvery  birches,  and 
flowering  bushes;  so  shaded  with  giant  pines, 
grand  oaks,  spreading  beeches,  and  dark-green 
spruces  and  hemlocks;  so  bordered  by  lily-pads; 
so  shot  with  sunshine  and  flecked  with  shadows. 
It  was  a  revelation  to  them,  and  they  gave  the 
boys'  highly  seasoned  narratives  much  more 
credit  than  they  deserved,  I  am  afraid. 

At  noon  they  landed  at  the  Eddy  picnic 
grounds,  built  a  fire,  unpacked  their  lunch,  and 
ate  it  al  fresco,  and  in  the  afternoon  dropped 
down  the  winding  stream  to  the  boat-landing  and 


32     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

declared  it  the  pleasantest  day  they  had  experi 
enced  in  the  East,  and  promised  the  boys  it 
should  be  the  beginning  of  a  series  of  like  trips; 
which  pleased  them  exceedingly,  especially  as 
they  gave  them  fifty  cents  to  divide  among 
themselves,  and  complimented  them  highly  on 
their  skillful  seamanship  and  their  entertaining 
conversation. 

The  next  day  they  took  up  a  pa^rty  of  old  ladies 
and  gentlemen  who  were  staying  at  the  Squam- 
scott  Hotel  and  who  wished  to  sail  upon  a  New 
England  stream.  These  people  were  from  the 
South,  and  had  been  used  to  the  turbid,  muddy 
streams  that  ran  between  acres  of  canebrakes 
and  through  lowland  wooded  with  live-oaks  and 
Southern  pine,  the  former  festooned  and  hung 
with  Spanish  moss  and  trailing  vines ;  and  they  in 
their  turn  were  fascinated  and  delighted  with  the 
experience  and  spoke  highly  of  and  to  their  three 
guides  and  boatmen,  and  with  the  proverbial 
generosity  of  the  South  gave  them  fifty  cents 
apiece  as  largess. 

The  next  day  business  was  slack  and  the  only 
benefit  they  derived  from  their  engagement  was  a 
short  fishing  trip  after  the  possibility  of  patron 
age  had  dwindled  to  nothing.  However,  they  did 
not  repine,  because  the  next  day,  Saturday,  was 
the  annual  picnic  of  the  First  Congregational 
Sunday  School,  and  the  boat  had  been  engaged 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  33 

several  weeks  before  for  that  date,  and  they 
reckoned  confidently  upon  a  very  lucrative 
employment.  "For,"  as  Plupy  said,  "every  old 
pod  will  want  us  to  row  'em  up  'n'  down  the 
river,  'n'  there  will  be  so  many  who  '11  want  to  go 
that  we'll  hafter  give  'em  pretty  short  rides,  'n' 
of  course  they'll  all  wanter  pay  suthin'  fer  it." 

"Telyer  what,  fellers,"  said  Beany,  baring  his 
plump  arm  and  doubling  it  up  to  show  the  swell 
ing  muscles,  which  were  not  at  all  evident  to  any 
eyes  but  his  own,  "we've  got  a  hard  day  before 
us  to-morrer  'n'  Pewt's  got  to  do  his  share  of  the 
rowin'  stidder  sittin'  in  the  bow  of  th'  boat  'n' 
yoppin'  like  he's  ben  doin'  last  two  days." 

"Thasso,  Beany,"  said  Plupy,  with  energy; 
"we  fellers  ain't  goin'  to  pull  our  arms  outer  the 
sockets  while  Pewt  don't  do  nothin'  but  lie  to 
the  folks;  that's  me  every  time,  old  Pewt,"  he 
finished  by  directing  his  remarks  to  that  able 
diplomat. 

"Huh,"  sneered  Pewt,  "I  was  willin'  to  do  my 
share  of  the  rowin,'  only  you  fellers  was  so  anx 
ious  to  show  off  yer  rowin'  that  I  thought  I'd 
let  yer.  You  wa'n't  so  smart  as  ye  thought." 

"Well,  ennyway,  you'll  do  your  part  to-mor 
rer,"  said  Beany,  with  decision. 

In  fact  they  all  did. 

The  next  day  was  bright  and  sunny  with  a 
light  breeze  to  temper  the  heat  of  the  sun.  The 


34     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

boat-landing  was  thronged  at  an  early  hour  with 
old  and  middle-aged  gentlemen  in  black  broad 
cloth  coats,  an  excellent  and  appropriate  gar 
ment  for  a  picnic  in  the  open;  young  gentlemen 
in  yellow  linen  suits,  ladies  of  uncertain  age  in 
black  bombazine  dresses,  younger  ones,  in  cool 
white,  and  countless  girls  and  boys  in  their  best 
clothes,  so  appropriate  for  a  day  in  the  woods. 

There  were  baskets,  hampers,  boxes,  pails,  and 
brown-paper  parcels;  there  were  haste,  hurry, 
arguments  as  to  precedence,  arguments  over  the 
capacity  and  relative  stanchness  of  the  boats, 
loud  demands  to  put  "this  here"  and  "that 
there,"  hoarse  entreaties  to  "get  off  my  fingers," 
and  queries  as  to  the  propriety  of  sitting  down 
on  the  squash  pie.  There  were  shrieks  as  timid 
maidens  stepped  mincingly  into  the  boats,  cries 
of  warning  as  the  boats  rocked,  and  charges  to  be 
very  careful,  interspersed  with  shouts  of  "Me 
next,"  and  "Well,  I  should  say,  ain't  she  mean!" 
and  other  sounds  of  festivity  incidental  to  the 
embarkation  of  a  Sunday-School  picnic. 

The  picnic  grounds  were  a  mile  and  a  half  from 
the  boat-landing  and  all  the  boats  had  to  make 
several  trips,  and  as  they  raced  the  entire  dis 
tance  each  way,  the  boys  were  reduced  to  mere 
skeletons  by  the  time  they  landed  the  last  merry 
maker.  Then,  and  before  they  were  allowed  time 
to  recover,  they  were  in  constant  demand  to  row 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  35 

parties  to  this  point  and  to  that  point,  parties 
who  did  not  pay  and  seemed  to  regard  them  as 
mere  parts  of  the  boat's  locomotive  machinery, 
and  gave  them  little  rest  and  no  reward. 

Up  to  this  time  the  only  consolation  they  had 
derived  from  the  excursion  was  in  contemplat 
ing  the  dripping  coat-tails  of  that  good  deacon, 
Thomas  Edwin  Folsom,  which,  from  his  seat  in 
the  extreme  stern  of  the  boat,  had  been  dragging 
in  the  water  the  entire  distance  from  the  landing 
to  the  picnic  grounds. 

They  did,  however,  full  justice  to  the  noon 
time  lunch,  which  was  ample,  generous,  and  of 
such  variety  that  in  all  probability  the  vigorous 
exercise  they  had  taken,  and  were  to  take  before 
the  close  of  the  day,  was  the  one  thing  that  saved 
them  from  that  epidemic  of  stomach-ache  that 
generally  follows  a  Sunday-School  picnic. 

After  dinner  their  services  were  in  immediate 
requisition,  and  while  the  young  people  were 
shrieking  in  swings  and  playing  at  all  sorts  of 
lively  games  that  seemed  to  call  for  every  variety 
of  hideous  howrl  and  shriek,  they  again  took  to 
their  boat  and  rowed  solemn  elderly  parties  up 
and  down  the  river,  and  listened  to  sage  and 
smug  reflections  over  the  beauty  of  the  land 
scape,  the  river,  and  nature  in  general.  Did  they 
venture  a  remark  calculated  to  enliven  the  excur 
sion,  they  were  told  that  they  should  n't  inter- 


36     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

rupt  their  elders,  whereupon  they  became  mute 
and  possibly  a  bit  sulky. 

Occasionally  they  were  asked,  or  rather  com 
manded,  to  give  up  their  oars  to  vigorous  but 
unskilled  passengers,  and  there  ,vas  some  enjoy 
ment  in  viewing  their  abortive  but  powerful 
efforts  to  row.  That  amusement  culminated  in 
most  unholy  glee  when  the  Reverend  Thankful 
Whittaker,  a  distinguished  guest,  having  caught 
a  crab,  fell  over  backwards  with  his  cloth-booted 
heels  in  the  air,  hitting  the  Honorable  Joshua 
Robinson,  who  was  trying  to  keep  stroke  with 
him,  a  severe  blow  on  the  nose,  and  was  asked 
by  that  sorely  stricken  and  justly  but  momen 
tarily  irritated  gentleman,  "what  in  thunder  he 
was  tryin'  to  do?" 

And  later  on  when,  under  the  mistaken  zeal  of 
two  equally  unskillful  oarsmen,  the  boat  suddenly 
grounded  on  the  bank,  and  a  black-coated  church 
member,  who  was  standing  up  in  the  boat  waving 
a  white  handkerchief  gracefully  to  a  group  of 
ladies  on  the  bank,  was  sent  heels  over  head  into 
about  six  inches  of  water,  mud,  lily-pads  and 
pickerel  weed,  it  fully  paid  for  their  hard  and  un- 
remunerated  toil.  It  was  late  that  evening  when 
they  landed  their  last  passenger.  They  locked 
the  boat  to  its  ring,  and  limped  slowly  home 
ward.  Their  arms  and  backs  were  strained,  their 
hands  sore  and  blistered,  their  legs  so  tired  that 


HEELS    OVER    HEAD    INTO    ABOUT    SIX    INCHES    OF    WATEK 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  37 

they  could  scarcely  walk,  and  when  they  crawled 
into  bed  they  were  almost  too  tired  to  think. 

The  next  day  was  Sunday  and  they  could  rest, 
and  rest  they  did  all  day,  scarcely  stirring  from 
their  homes.  On  Monday  they  were  feeling  much 
better,  but  were  not  sorry  when  evening  came 
without  any  call  for  their  services.  They  were 
somewhat  disappointed  when  they  only  suc 
ceeded  in  getting  fifteen  cents  out  of  their  em 
ployer  for  their  Saturday's  work,  but  beyond 
grumbling  among  themselves,  said  nothing. 

On  Tuesday  they  had  completely  recovered, 
and  greatly  to  their  delight  took  out  their  beach 
friends  and  were  rewarded  as  before.  On  Wednes 
day  they  did  the  same  for  their  Southern  pa 
trons  with  suitable  emolument,  and  on  Friday 
another  party  from  the  beach  came,  under  the 
kind  recommendation  of  their  first  patrons.  On 
Saturday  the  boat  was  hired  by  a  party  who 
preferred  to  do  their  own  rowing,  and  the  boys 
rather  enjoyed  their  leisure  in  taking  an  account 
of  stock  and  planning  for  the  future.  They  were 
very  prosperous,  and  felt  that  they  could  slacken 
the  bent  bow  a  bit  with  profit. 

The  next  week  opened  prosperously  in  the 
arrival  of  a  party  from  Rye  Beach  which  came 
over  the  road  in  two  very  elegant  equipages,  left 
them  at  the  Squamscott  Hotel  stables,  and  en 
gaged  the  boat  and  the  boys.  They  were  quite 


38     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

a  bit  more  critical  than  the  other  parties,  and 
found  fault  with  the  boat,  and  the  heat  of  the 
sun,  and  the  mosquitoes,  and  the  ants  in  the  food, 
and  other  things  that  are  looked  upon  as  indis 
pensable  to  a  well-conducted  picnic. 

They  kept  the  boys  very  busy  in  doing  various 
unnecessary  things,  —  at  least,  so  it  seemed  to 
the  boys ;  who  although  well  paid  at  the  close  of 
the  engagement,  felt  that  they  had  more  than 
earned  their  money.  Pewt  summed  up  the  opin 
ion  of  the  boys  by  saying  with  profound  wisdom, 
"Some  rich  folks  don't  know  nothin',  nohow. 
Ain't  I  right,  fellers?"  And  Plupy  and  Beany 
at  once  indorsed  his  opinion  cordially. 

On  Tuesday  they  took  out  two  parties  for  two- 
hour  trips  which  paid  them  well  in  cordial  appre 
ciation  of  their  efforts  to  please  and  in  pecuniary 
reward,  and  in  the  afternoon  they  were  greatly 
pleased  at  receiving  from  the  Western  friends 
a  note  asking  them  to  have  the  boat  ready  for 
them  at  nine  o'clock  sharp  the  next  morning; 
that  they  were  to  bring  a  very  distinguished 
friend,  a  Western  gentleman  who  was  very  anx 
ious  to  view  the  beauties  of  the  Exeter  River 
and  experience  the  courtesies  of  the  Exeter 
boys. 

This  prospect  was  so  exhilarating  to  the  three 
boys  that  they  arose  betimes  or  somewhat  earlier 
the  next  morning  and  washed,  scrubbed,  and 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  39 

polished  their  boat,  and  made  every  preparation 
for  the  comfort  of  their  guests. 

Promptly  at  nine  they  arrived,  bubbling  over 
with  life  and  spirits,  and  bringing  with  them  a 
very  distinguished-looking  man  of  about  thirty- 
five,  who  was  introduced  as  Colonel  Manley,  a 
veteran  and  commander  of  a  regiment  in  the 
Middle  West  during  the  late  war.  The  Colonel 
was  affability  itself,  and  shook  their  hands  like 
another  boy  and  spoke  very  highly  of  what  he 
had  heard  of  their  courtesy  to  his  friends  and  of 
their  ability  as  oarsmen,  guides,  and  fishermen. 

When  they  arrived  at  the  picnic  grounds  they 
grounded  their  boat,  and  the  Eminent  Westerner 
assisted  the  ladies  up  the  bank,  while  the  boys 
followed  them,  laden  with  cushions,  wraps,  and 
rugs,  which  they  spread  out  on  the  smooth  coat 
ing  of  dry  pine  needles,  around  a  blackened  space 
overlooking  the  water,  where  the  camp-fire  was 
generally  lighted.  Then  leaving  the  supplies  in 
the  cuddy  of  the  boat,  where  the  Eminent  West 
erner  thought  they  would  be  cooler,  the  boys 
scoured  the  pine  growth  for  cones,  which  they 
brought  in  by  armfuls,  plentifully  smearing  their 
hands  and  clothing  with  pitch,  while  their  guests 
commented  admiringly  on  their  activity  and 
willingness.  Then  they  cut  up  a  prodigious 
quantity  of  dry  pine  limbs  and  stumps  and 
kindled  a  fire,  around  which  the  guests  sat  at  a 


40     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

safe  distance  from  the  heat  of  the  flames  and 
chatted  with  great  satisfaction  over  the  beauties 
of  the  woods,  the  sky,  the  river,  the  bright,  danc 
ing  flames,  and  the  extreme  courtesy  of  these 
delightful  New  England  boys,  so  charming  a 
contrast  to  the  ruder  youth  of  the  Middle  West, 
who  had,  unfortunately,  shown  so  great  a  need  of 
training  in  the  courtesies  of  their  New  England 
brothers.  And  as  they  rattled  on,  the  boys 
brought  water  from  the  clear  spring  in  the  bank 
just  above  the  water-line,  filled  the  kettle,  im 
provised  a  crane  by  laying  a  cross-pole  over  two 
crotched-sticks  and  hung  the  kettle  thereon,  piled 
up  wood  within  easy  reach,  and  did  their  utmost 
to  make  the  party  comfortable,  to  deserve  their 
appreciation,  and  incidentally  to  earn  a  generous 
stipend  at  the  end  of  the  trip. 

And  here  the  Eminent  Westerner  made  a  sug 
gestion  that  filled  them  with  delight. 

"Look  here,  boys,  I  reckon  you  could  n't  take 
the  boat  out  and  catch  us  a  mess  of  red  snappers 
or  catfish  and  dress  'em  for  us,  could  you?"  he 
asked. 

"Red  snappers,  what's  them?"  asked  Pewt. 

"N'  catfish,  too;  I  never  seen  any,"  said 
Beany. 

The  Eminent  Westerner  laughed.  "Why,  red 
snappers  are  a  very  common  and  delicious  fish 
in  the  WTestern  rivers.  The  Mississippi  is  full  of 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  41 

them  and  of  catfish.  The  latter  have  a  skin  like 
an  eel,  no  scales,  a  wide  mouth,  and  sharp  spines 
in  the  side  fins  just  back  of  the  head." 

"Oh,  I  know,"  said  Plupy;  "we  call  'em  horn- 
pouts  or  bull-heads  here;  they  grunt  when  you 
catch  'em,  'n'  are  the  only  fish  that  can  do  that. 
But  we  don't  have  any  red  snappers  here." 

"We  got  the  red  striped  perch,"  said  Pewt 
quickly,  jealous  of  the  reputation  of  the  East. 

"N'  pickerel,  'n'  shiners,"  said  Beany. 

"N'  roach,  'n'  eels,  'n'  hornpout,  —  busters, 
some  of  them,"  squealed  Pewt. 

'  'N'  suckers,  only  we  don't  eat  'em;  only  hens 
'n'  cats  'n'  niggers,"  shouted  Plupy. 

"N'  hogbacks,  'n'  trout,"  roared  Pewt. 

"N'  striped  minnies,"  yelled  Beany. 

'  'N'  bullfrogs,"  screamed  Plupy. 

"'N'  mud-turtles,"  shouted  Pewt  and  Beany 
in  unison. 

"  'N'  -  'n'  -  -  'n'  water  snakes,"  stuttered 
Plupy. 

Nobody  could  give  any  other  specimens  off 
hand,  and  the  enumeration  ceased. 

"Well,"  said  the  Eminent  Westerner,  laugh 
ing,  "that  is  a  pretty  good  bill  of  fare  to  choose 
from.  How  many  are  good  to  eat?" 

"All  of  'em  except  suckers  'n'  water  snakes," 
said  Pewt. 

"Well,  I  reckon  you  can  also  leave  out  the 


42     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

mud-turtles  and  bullfrogs,  this  time,  anyway," 
said  the  Eminent  Westerner. 

"Them's  the  best  of  all,"  said  Plupy;  "you 
jest  get  a  old  bullfrog  off  the  hook,  'n'  ketch  him 
by  the  hind  legs  'n'  bang  his  head  over  the  edge 
of  the  boat  till  he  don't  kick  any  more,  'n'  then 
cut  off  his  hind  legs  'n'  skin  'em  'n'  fry  'em  in 
butter  'n'  meal,  'n'  there  ain't  nothin'  better  in 
this  world." 

"For  mercy  sakes!  Is  that  the  way  you  do?" 
said  one  of  the  ladies. 

:' Yes,"  said  Plupy,  mistaking  her  tone  for  one 
of  deep  admiration;  "'n'  sometimes  when  you 
give  a  old  bullfrog  a  slam  his  stomach  will  come 
out  wrongside  to  'n'  a  lot  of  water-snail  shells  will 
rattle  out  all  over  the  boat." 

"Horrible!"  said  the  lady,  in  disgust. 

"Ho,  that  ain't  nothin',"  said  Pewt,  not  to  be 
outdone;  "when  you  ketch  a  turtle  you  can 
build  a  fire  under  him  'n'  he  '11  crawl  out  of  his 
shell.  'N'  there  is  every  sort  of  meat  in  him.  Fish, 
'n'  hen,  'n'  muskrat." 

"'N'  dove,  'n'  steak,  'n'  ham,  'n'  pig,"  said 
Plupy. 

"'N'  calf,  'n'  hoss,  'n'  squash,  'n'  turnip," 
chimed  in  Beany. 

"  'N'  boiled  eggs,  'n'  sheep,  'n'  muskmelon,  'n' 
everything  else,"  said  Plupy  comprehensively; 
and  then  stopped  in  surprise,  for  the  lady  had 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  43 

risen  and  stood  looking  at  him  with  marked 
disfavor. 

"Do  you  mean  to  say,  boys,  that  you  ever 
did  such  cruel  things  to  frogs  and  turtles?"  she 
demanded,  with  fire  in  her  eyes  and  indignation 
ringing  in  her  voice. 

"  What,  we  fellers? "  said  Plupy,  in  well-feigned 
astonishment;  "well,  I  guess  not!"  He  added, 
"We  fellers  never  did  no  such  things  as  them. 
Only  the  Franklin-Streeters  and  Nigger-Hill  fel 
lers  does  them  things.  I  was  jest  a-tellin'  yer 
how  they  done  it,  'n'  how  mean  it  was,  wa'n't 
I,  Pewt?" 

"Yes,  'course  you  was.  'T  's  meaner  'n  tripe, 
but  them  fellers  do  it  every  time.  They  had 
ought  to  be  arrested,"  answered  that  worthy, 
quickly  and  to  the  point. 

"Thasso,  Pewt,"  asserted  Beany,  with  convic 
tion. 

The  fire  died  out  of  the  lady's  eyes  and  a 
pleasant  smile  brightened  her  solemn  face. 

"There,  boys,  I  believe  you,"  she  said,  with  an 
air  of  relief.  "I  know  you  are  gentlemen.  Now,  go 
along  and  fish  and  don't  be  gone  over  an  hour." 

Much  relieved,  the  boys  ran  out  their  boat,  and 
paddled  round  the  corner  and  up  the  stream, 
baiting  their  hooks,  and  looking  for  likely  places 
where  they  could  try  a  cast. 

Back  on  the  bluff  the  party  of  Westerners  lay 


44     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

back  at  ease  and  chatted  as  only  volatile  West 
ern  people,  in  love  with  life  and  enjoying  every 
moment,  can  chat  and  laugh.  At  times  they 
replenished  the  fire  and  moved  back  where  they 
could  enjoy  the  dancing  flames  without  absorb 
ing  any  more  heat  than  the  sun's  rays  gave.  An 
hour  passed  pleasantly.  The  sun  was  at  the 
meridian,  and  from  the  sleepy  village  a  mile 
away  came  the  measured  toll  of  the  twelve 
o'clock  bell  chiming  the  hour  of  high  noon.  At 
the  last  stroke  the  mill  whistle  roared,  its  hoarse 
voice  mellowed  by  the  distance. 

The  Eminent  Westerner  arose  and  stretched 
himself. 

"Twelve  o'clock,"  he  said,  "and  I'm  begin 
ning  to  think  of  dinner-time.  Let's  see,  those 
boys  have  been  gone  an  hour.  I  should  think  it 
almost  time  for  them  to  have  caught  enough  fish. 
It  will  take  some  time  to  clean  and  fry  them.  I 
think  I  will  call  them." 

"No,"  said  another,  "wait  awhile.  Those  boys 
know  what  they  are  about  and  you  may  be  sure 
they  will  be  back  in  good  season.  We  can  trust 
them." 

So  they  waited  another  half-hour,  three  quar 
ters,  an  hour.  The  distant  bell  tolled  one,  and 
the  mill  whistle  roared. 

"  Is  n't  it  pleasant  to  know  that  we  can  lie  here 
and  have  no  business  cares  to  bother  us  like  those 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  45 

of  the  working  people  who  have  to  go  back  to  the 
shops  and  factories!"  sighed  a  young  blonde, 
luxuriously  lying  back  against  a  pile  of  cushions. 

"Well,  I  don't  know  about  that,"  chimed  in  a 
black-eyed  girl;  "the  shop  people  have  had  their 
dinners,  and  we  have  n't,  and  I  am  as  hungry  as  a 
coyote." 

"That's  so,"  said  the  Eminent  Westerner; 
"it's  about  time  those  boys  were  back.  I'll  call 
them."  And  he  projected  a  call  into  the  wild  that 
sounded  like  the  bellow  of  a  bull-buffalo.  There 
was  no  reply.  Again  he  called,  and  again. 

In  the  distance  a  cow  lowed,  at  hand  a  red 
squirrel  snickered,  and  these  with  the  splash  of  a 
leaping  fish  were  the  only  sounds  heard.  A  slow 
color  began  to  steal  into  the  Eminent  Westerner's 
sallow  cheeks. 

"I  wonder  where  those  young  scamps  are?  It 
seems  to  me  they  ought  to  know  enough  to  come 
back  to  dinner.  I  never  knew  a  Western  boy  to 
be  as  stupid  as  that,"  he  said  fretfully. 

When  the  boys  rowed  around  the  first  bend 
they  made  several  casts  as  they  went  along,  but 
without  result,  and  they  had  gone  nearly  half  a 
mile  before  they  got  their  first  bite.  This  proved 
to  be  a  fair-sized  pickerel  which  Beany  landed,  or 
rather  boated.  Then  Pewt  got  another  bite,  but 
lost  the  fish. 


46     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

A  quarter  of  a  mile  beyond,  Pewt  landed  a 
yellow  perch  weighing  three  quarters  of  a  pound, 
—  a  beauty.  Then  Plupy  had  a  bit  of  luck  and 
swung  a  beautiful  silvery  roach  into  the  boat. 

There  are  certain  days  on  the  river  when  fish 
seem  to  bite  well.  There  seems  to  be  no  reason 
for  this.  Sometimes  it  is  hot,  sometimes  cool; 
sometimes  rainy,  sometimes  fair.  It  seems  to  be 
like  luck  in  a  game  of  chance.  As  gamblers  say, 
follow  your  luck.  Fishermen  are  gamblers,  none 
more  so;  and  these  boys  felt  instinctively  that 
this  was  a  fish  day  and  that  luck  was  with  them, 
and  they  determined  to  show  these  delightful  but 
benighted  Westerners  what  a  string  of  Eastern 
fish  was  like.  This  was  an  honest,  zealous,  high- 
minded,  and  locally  patriotic  intention,  but  be 
fore  they  had  proceeded  far  they  had  entirely 
forgotten  all  about  their  guests. 

On  they  went,  loudly  cheering  each  lucky 
catch,  wild  with  excitement;  "darning  their 
luck,"  with  all  manner  of  homely  and  ludicrous 
expletives,  when  a  hooked  fish  wriggled  off  just 
before  they  got  their  eager  hands  on  it;  "ouch"- 
ing  with  vigor  when  a  sharp  spine  or  a  barbed 
hook  pinched  their  fingers;  calling  loudly  for 
bait,  and  wondering  "where  in  time  that  half 
minny  went. " 

"Gimme  a  strip  off  th'  belly  of  that  roach?" 
asked  Pewt  of  Plupy. 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  47 

"Huh!  I  guess  not;  take  the  belly  of  your  own 
fish.  I  ain't  goin'  ter  spoil  that  one,"  sneered 
Plupy. 

"Whatcher  steppin'  on  my  perch  for?"  yelled 
Beany,  as  Pewt,  in  trying  to  jump  from  one  seat 
to  another,  smashed  the  head  of  one  of  Beany's 
fish  to  a  jelly. 

But  in  spite  of  minor  misfortunes,  they  were 
having  unheard-of  luck,  and  each  one's  string 
was  growing.  Already  they  were  more  than  two 
miles  from  the  picnic  party,  the  members  of 
which  were  in  a  starving  condition,  and  judging 
from  their  actions  and  language  were  very  un 
reconciled,  not  to  say  rebellious,  over  their  fate. 
Again  and  again  the  Eminent  Westerner  sent  his 
big  voice  echoing  over  the  fields  and  through  the 
woods.  Again  and  again  the  weaker  members 
sent  high  and  shrill  soprano  calls  soaring  afar, 
but  the  boys  heard  nothing.  Nor  could  they  be 
heard,  for  they  were  too  far  away  and  behind  a 
rise  in  the  land  where  the  river  crept  between  two 
wooded  hills. 

It  was  now  three  o'clock.  Back  at  the  pic 
nic  grounds  a  party  of  hungry,  starving,  furious 
Western  people,  but  lately  care-free  and  happy, 
were  discussing  what  they  would  do  to  these 
miserable  rascals,  these  infernal  little  street 
Arabs,  these  designing  little  thieves,  these  inhu 
man  wretches  who  had  so  taken  advantage  of 


48     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

their  kindness  and  whom  they  had  loaded  with 
favors. 

One  lady  had  suspected  it  from  the  first.  She 
had  seen  something  shifty  and  evasive  in  their 
eyes,  something  furtive  and  treacherous  in  their 
evil  little  faces,  and  had  thought  at  that  time 
that  they  were  taking  great  chances  with  the 
wretches. 

Another  said  she  had  always  been  told  that  one 
could  not  trust  a  New  England  boy,  that  they 
were  the  most  unreliable  set  in  America.  For  her 
part,  give  her  a  good,  honest,  homely  Western 
boy,  reliable  and  honest,  dependable  and  clear- 
eyed. 

Three  o'clock  had  come  and  gone.  The  Emi 
nent  Westerner,  with  murder  in  his  heart  and 
blasphemy  upon  his  lips,  had  made  short  excur 
sions  up  the  river  to  no  purpose.  Four  o'clock 
struck  in  the  distant  village.  Already  the  shad 
ows  were  creeping  eastward.  Half -past  four,  and 
the  tinkle  of  the  cowbell  on  old  Speckle  Face,  the 
leader  of  the  Gilman  herd,  sounded  supper-like  as 
she  led  her  followers  toward  the  road. 

The  party,  gathering  up  cushions  and  blankets, 
followed.  They  knew  not  the  country,  but  the 
Eminent  Westerner  knew  cows.  '''They  will  lead 
us  somewhere,"  he  said;  "and  when  I  catch  those 
infernal  boys  -  he  gritted  his  teeth  and 
clenched  his  hand  meaningly. 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  49 

Far  away  Plupy  was  skipping  for  pickerel  in 
a  likely  reach  of  smooth  water,  bordered  with 
green  lily-pads.  Suddenly  a  thought  struck  him 
that  made  him  feel  very  sick.  His  jaw  dropped, 
as  did  his  fishpole  with  a  splash. 

"Whatcher  doin'  that  for,  scarin'  my  fish?" 
remonstrated  Pewt. 

"  Gee-snicketty ! "  gasped  Plupy ;  "  what 's  be 
come  of  our  picnic  party?" 

"Gosh!"  yelled  Pewt,  giving  a  convulsive 
start. 

"  Timenation ! "  shouted  Beany,  nearly  falling 
out  of  the  boat  at  the  horror  of  the  sudden 
recollection. 

For  a  moment  the  three  boys  stood  paralyzed 
with  dismay,  and  then  were  galvanized  to  sud 
den  action.  They  snatched  their  lines  out  of  the 
water,  not  even  stopping  to  unhook  a  flapping 
fish.  Beany  and  Plupy  grasped  the  oars,  Pewt 
slammed  himself  into  the  stern  seat  and  grasped 
the  tiller  lines.  "Row  like  time,  fellers,"  he 
urged,  and  away  they  went  down  the  river  leav 
ing  a  wash  of  bubbles  and  a  trail  of  swirls  in  the 
torn  surface  of  the  water.  Pewt  cut  corners  like 
the  cockswain  of  a  'varsity  eight  and  yelled 
encouragement  to  the  rowers. 

After  ten  minutes  of  furious  straining  Beany 
blew  up.  "Take  my  place,  Pewt.  I'm  tuckered 
out,"  he  gasped.  Pewt  squirmed  into  place  so 


50     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

quickly  that  scarcely  a  stroke  was  lost  as  he 
swung  into  time  with  Plupy,  and  Beany  seated 
himself,  panting,  in  the  stern  and  the  purple 
began  to  fade  out  of  his  chubby  countenance. 

Then  Plupy,  after  a  few  minutes  more,  ex 
changed  with  Beany.  In  this  way  they  ran  the 
boat  at  full  speed  until  they  reached  the  picnic 
grounds,  spurting  frantically  at  the  home  stretch 
to  show  the  picnickers  that  they  were  doing  their 
utmost  for  their  guests. 

Alas,  the  grounds  were  empty.  They  grounded 
the  boat  and  staggered  up  the  steep  bank.  The 
fire  still  smouldered,  but  the  kettle  was  gone.  So 
were  the  wraps,  the  cushions,  and  everything  else 
belonging  to  the  picnickers,  except  their  elabo 
rate  lunch  which  was  in  the  cuddy  of  the  boat. 
The  boys  felt  sick.  Somewhere  on  the  country 
road  were  a  party  of  starving,  furious,  outraged 
Westerners,  deserted  by  their  guides,  their  boat 
men,  their  pilots,  and  hunting  for  their  employer. 
Perhaps  before  this  they  had  found  him. 

Gosh!  and  again  Gosh!  Gee-snicketty !  and 
likewise,  By  Time!  There  was  but  one  thing  to 
do,  and  that  was  to  get  there  first.  Down  the 
bank  they  tumbled  and  into  the  boat,  pushed  off, 
and  away  they  went  at  their  best  speed.  Prob 
ably  that  boat  never  made  the  trip  from  the 
"Eddy"  to  the  foot  of  South  Street  in  quicker 
time,  The  boys  were  light,  good  oarsmen,  knew 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  51 

the  river,  and  were  nerved  to  their  utmost  by 
their  desperate  need,  and  the  old  boat  had  a  bone 
in  its  mouth  for  the  entire  distance. 

When  they  arrived  they  sprang  out,  fastened 
the  boat,  and  started,  as  fast  as  their  exhausted 
condition  would  admit,  for  Simpson's  store.  Joy ! 
they  were  in  time.  Simpson  was  dozing  at  the 
back  of  his  store  when  their  abrupt  and  hurried 
entrance  awoke  him.  Breathlessly  they  told  their 
story.  How  the  Eminent  Westerner  had  fairly 
driven  them  to  go  fishing.  How  they  had  obeyed, 
although  they  thought  it  was  a  queer  thing  for 
him  to  do.  How  he  had  told  them  not  to  come 
back  until  they  had  got  a  good  string  of  fish,  and 
how  they  had  been  obliged  to  go  'way  up  the 
river  before  they  got  a  bite,  and  then  they  had  to 
go  farther  up-river  before  they  struck  a  good 
place,  and  when  they  did  it  took  a  good  while  to 
get  enough  fish  so  that  he  would  n't  be  mad  when 
they  came  back;  and  how  they  rowed  back  as 
soon  as  they  got  enough  fish,  to  find  the  party 
gone  without  paying  for  the  boat  or  them  for 
their  work.  How  they  had  cut  wood  and  built  a 
fire  and  got  pine  cones  and  brought  water  and 
worked  like  niggers  for  them. 

Simpson  was  impressed  with  their  story.  He 
was  indignant  at  the  way  in  which  they  had  been 
treated.  For  his  part  he  had  always  been  mighty 
suspicious  of  those  beach  people,  and  if  they 


52     THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

thought  because  he  was  a  countryman  they 
could  hire  his  boat  and  leave  without  paying  for 
it  —  well,  he  guessed  not!  he  guessed  not!  —  and 
to  aid  his  guesswork  he  made  use  of  stronger 
language.  Just  as  soon  as  his  clerk  came  back 
for  supper  he  would  see  about  it.  How  did  the 
people  come  to  Exeter?  In  a  wagon  drawn  by  a 
pair  of  blacks?  Yes.  Well,  he  had  n't  seen  them 
go  by  unless  they  went  through  Bow  and  Clifford 
Streets.  It  would  be  just  like  them  to  do  it. 
They  were  mean  enough. 

In  their  hearts  the  boys  fervently  hoped  they 
had.  They  did  not  want  to  meet  them.  They 
dreaded  an  explanation  that  involved  cross- 
examination.  They  preferred  to  make  this  an 
ex-parte  case.  And  they  were  half  dead  with 
fatigue  and  hunger  and  wanted  to  go  home.  But 
Simpson  would  not  have  it.  They  must  wait. 
And  wait  they  did,  for  hours  as  it  seemed  to  the 
boys.  In  reality  about  a  half-hour,  at  the  end  of 
which  up  whirled  a  three-seated  wagon  drawn  by 
a  stylish  pair  and  driven  by  the  Eminent  West 
erner.  The  light  of  battle  gleamed  in  Simpson's 
eye,  as  it  did  in  the  eye  of  the  Eminent  West 
erner. 

He  leaped  from  the  wagon  and  proceeded  to 
curl  Mr.  Simpson's  hair  with  one  of  the  most 
ornate  dressings-down  that  gentleman  had  ever 
received.  He  pictured  the  boys  as  un jailed 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  53 

scamps,  as  unhanged  rogues.  He  fairly  crumpled 
them  up  with  his  fiery  eloquence. 

Mr.  Simpson's  eyes  lost  their  fire.  He  became 
deprecatory  and  then  apologetic.  He  promised 
to  suitably  punish  the  boys  and  to  properly 
amend  his  business  methods.  The  Eminent 
Westerner  became  calmer.  He  and  his  party  had 
just  made  a  most  satisfying  repast  at  the  boat- 
landing  where  they  had  found  their  lunch  intact. 
He  paid  Simpson's  bill,  omitting  any  gratuity  to 
the  boys.  Then  he  sprang  to  his  team,  flourished 
the  whip,  and  was  off.  He  would  never  come 
again.  Never!  Simpson  knew  that,  and  he 
turned  menacingly  to  the  boys.  But  too  late,  for 
as  he  turned,  they  shot  out  of  the  shop  like  rats 
escaping  from  a  cage.  He  followed,  but  to  no 
purpose.  He  was  a  plump  citizen  and  was  not 
fleet  of  foot.  They  were.  He  had  been  paid  and 
had  supped.  They  were  not  and  had  not.  What 
was  the  use?  What,  indeed?  and  he  let  them  go. 

And  what  was  the  use  of  trying  to  do  well  when 
people  would  treat  "fellers  so  mean"?  demanded 
Plupy  in  some  heat.  He  would  never  wTork  again; 
nor  would  Pewt;  nor  would  Beany.  And  to  think 
that  them  Western  people  had  "et"  up  all  that 
dinner.  It  was  tough !  tough !  And  the  boys  were 
starving  and  their  backs  were  "broke."  Gosh! 


Ill 


THE  FAILURE  OF  THE       BIL  POASTERS       COMPANY 

THE  unfortunate  ending  of  the  boy's  venture 
into  journalism,  while  adding  to  their  somewhat 
unsavory  reputation,  left  them  in  a  fairly  pros 
perous  condition.  They  had  money  in  their 
purses,  or  rather  pockets,  and  being  of  a  highly 
convivial  and  fairly  generous  disposition  were 
very  popular  with  their  boy  and  girl  friends  as 
long  as  their  money  lasted. 

This  was  not  long,  however,  for  riches  are  ever 
prone  to  take  wings,  and  nothing  that  the  boys 
did  in  those  days  had  any  tendency  to  clip  or 
shorten  the  growth  of  these  wings,  and  very 
shortly  and  after  a  meteoric  career  of  extrava 
gance  the  boys  found  themselves  "broke." 
More  than  this,  their  financial  affairs  were  ap 
proaching  a  more  serious  crisis  than  they  had 
ever  faced. 

The  ease  with  which  they  had  made  their 
money,  and  the  happy-go-lucky  way  they  had 
spent  it,  had  made  them  so  careless  and  improvi 
dent  in  their  expenditures  that  they  had  incurred 
a  listed  indebtedness  of  several  dollars  before 
they  were  brought  to  their  senses  by  a  stern 
demand  for  a  cash  payment. 


55 

Very  much  disturbed  in  their  minds,  they  held 
a  conference  in  the  paint  shop  of  Pewt's  father, 
while  that  highly  gifted  artist  was  engaged  in 
painting  Fatty's  barn  a  highly  inflamed  and 
hectic  red. 

"Gosh!  fellers,"  said  Plupy,  trying  a  paint 
brush  against  a  much-smeared  door,  "suthin's 
gotter  be  done.  I  owe  old  Polly  Colket  eighty-six 
cents  for  juju  paste  'n'  taffy  on  a  stick,  'n'  old  Si 
Smith  mos'  fifty  cents  for  gooseberries  'n'  cocoa- 
nuts  'n'  striped  candy,  'n'  Charles  Folsom  twenty- 
five  cents  for  five  pipes.  I  dono'  what  in  timena- 
tion  to  do.  If  father  finds  it  out  he'll  larrup  time 
outer  me." 

"I'm  worse  offen  you,"  said  Beany.  "I  hired  a 
horse  'n'  buggy  of  Major  Blake  'n'  it  cost  me  two 
dollars.  Then  I  owe  old  Si  thirty  cents,  'n'  Hen 
Simpson  fifty  cents  for  his  boat.  The  old  man 
said  he  would  shake  my  liver  out  if  I  ever  ran  up 
a  bill  anywhere.  Hope  the  old  man  don't  go  into 
Major's  hotel." 

"Huh!  you  fellers  ain't  smart,"  said  Pewt. 
"All  I  owe  is  just  twenty-five  cents.  You  hed 
oughter  charged  it  to  your  big  brother,  like  I 
did." 

"I  ain't  got  any  big  brother,"  said  Plupy. 

"I  have,"  said  Beany,  "but  I  did  n't  dass  to  do 
that.  Jim  would  ha'  put  a  tin  ear  on  me  if  I  done 
anything  like  that." 


56     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Well,  my  brother  licks  me,  ennyway,  and  I 
gotter  square  up  with  him  some  way,"  opined 
Pewt;  "when  a  feller  gives  another  feller  a  bat  on 
the  head  whenever  he  feels  like  it,  the  other  feller 
has  got  to  do  somethin'  more  about  it  than  mak- 
in'  him  fall  into  the  swill-tub." 

"Didjer  make  him  do  that?"  asked  Plupy,  in 
delight. 

;'You  bet,"  said  Pewt;  "'n'  he  went  right  in 
head  first,  'n'  got  'bout  a  quart  of  swill  up  each 
sleeve  of  his  coat." 

"Did  he  lick  yer?"  demanded  Beany. 

"Naw.  I  wasn't  there.  Fatty  Melcher  was 
there  'n'  Skinny  Bruce,  'n'  he  licked  Fatty  'n' 
rubbed  swill  all  over  Skinny's  face  'n'  down  his 
neck.  He  thought  they  done  it." 

:'  Where  were  you?  "  asked  Plupy,  with  glisten 
ing  eyes. 

"I  was  behind  Moulton's  barn  peepin'  through 
the  lilac  bushes.  I  tell  you,  it  was  fine  to  hear 
Fatty  holler  'n'  see  Skinny  spit.  They  both  said 
they  did  n't  put  the  tub  there,  but  he  would  n't 
believe  'em." 

"Well,"  said  Plupy  philosophically,  "when  a 
feller  falls  into  a  swill-tub,  or  hits  his  head  against 
a  door,  or  sits  on  a  table  'n'  somebody  pulls  up 
the  end  leaf,  or  sits  on  a  tack,  he  has  got  to  paste 
somebody  right  off  in  order  to  feel  anywhere  near 
right." 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  57 

There  was  a  pause  for  a  moment  while  each 
boy  grinned  reminiscently ;  then  depression  set 
tled  down  on  the  trio  as  the  desperate  condition 
of  their  affairs  forced  itself  upon  them. 

"Well,  fellers,"  said  Plupy,  at  last,  "whatjer 
goin'  to  do  about  it?" 

"Lessee,"  said  Beany;  "can't  we  get  a  job 
washin'  wagons  for  Major  Blake  or  Levi  Towle?  " 

"Naw,"  said  Pewt;  "they  don't  pay  nothin'. 
They  jest  make  you  wash  a  wagon  'n'  then  they  let 
you  ride  on  a  hack  to  the  station,  or  take  a  horse 
round  to  the  hotel.  Th'  ain't  no  money  in  that." 

"'S  past  alewife  time,  too,"  sighed  Plupy. 

"What  ifitis?"  sneered  Beany;  "after  you  got 
soppin'  wet  'n'  p'r'aps  got  a  crack  over  the  head 
from  somebody  'at  hit  you  'stid  er  the  fish,  you 
can't  get  nobody  to  buy  the  fish  even  for  hens." 

"Well,  ennyway,  it  was  fun  to  slosh  round  'n' 
spatter  the  other  fellers,  'n'  if  we  did  n't  get  any 
thing  out  of  the  fish,  we  had  fun  pluggin'  'em  at 
people.  Do  you  remember  the  time  that  stewd- 
cat  [Academy  student]  came  down  with  a  stove 
pipe  hat,  —  I  had  an  ole  lounder  of  an  alewife  'n' 
I  waited  in  the  alley  between  Dan  Ranlet's  'n' 
Josh  Getchell's  store.  I  could  hear  him  comin' 
right  along  steppin'  fast,  'n'  then  I  saw  his 
shadow  ahead  of  him  'n'  I  swung  that  fish  round 
my  head  'n'  let  her  ding  jest  as  hard  as  I  could, 
'n'  whadduyou  think?  Old  Jerry  Bragdon  come 


58     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

along  jest  in  time  to  get  that  old  fish  —  bang  — 
right  in  the  ear.  It  was  Jerry  that  came  along  stid- 
der  the  stewdcat.  It  nearly  knocked  his  old  bald 
head  off.  I  was  so  s'prised  that  I  stood  there  like 
a  lunatic  until  he  saw  me.  Gosh !  you  had  ought 
to  'a'  heard  him  swear,  'n'  chase  me;  but  I  got 
away  that  time,  'n'  he  went  over  to  Comical 
Brown's  mother  'n'  told  her  that  Com  did  it,  'n' 
she  kep'  him  in  the  yard  a  week.  I  used  to  get 
Com  mad  after  that  by  singin'  '  The  feller  that 
looks  like  me.' 

'Oh,  would  n't  I  like  to  catch  him, 

Wherever  he  may  be; 
Oh,  would  n't  I  give  him  particular  fits, 
That  feller  who  looks  like  me.' " 

And  Plupy  roared  and  doubled  up  like  a  gigantic 
daddylonglegs. 

"Aw,  come  on  now,  fellers,  lessee  if  we  can 
think  up  any  way  to  earn  some  dosh.  If  we  don't 
think  of  somethin',  we  fellers  has  got  to  go  to 
work,"  said  Pewt. 

"The  gardens  is  all  made  'n'  it  ain't  time  to  dig 
potatoes  or  pick  apples,"  said  Beany. 

"We  might  saw  some  wood,"  suggested  Pewt 
doubtfully. 

"I  guess  not  much,"  said  Plupy,  with  warmth. 
"I  get  enough  of  that  at  home,  'n'  enough  split- 
tin',  too.  I'd  rather  go  to  jail  than  saw  wood, 
ennyway." 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  59 

"We  might  try  to  sell  papers,"  said  Beany. 

"Not  if  I  know  myself,"  shouted  Pewt  and 
Plupy  in  unison;  "we  got  enough  of  the  paper 
business  when  we  published  'The  Lambaster." 

"Anyhow,  it  was  a  good  paper,"  said  Beany; 
"'n'  it  would  ha'  went  all  right  if  the  people 
had  n't  got  mad;  but  now  we  've  gotter  try 
somethin'  else,  I  guess." 

"Say,  fellers,"  chimed  in  Beany,  "didjer  hear 
'bout  old  LemTasker?" 

"Aw!  'course  I  did!  why  doncher  tell  us  some- 
thin*  new?"  said  Plupy,  wTith  scorn. 

"Well,  'f  you  know  so  much,  you  better  tell 
it,"  said  Beany. 

"  He  got  sent  to  jail  fer  stealin',"  asserted  Plupy. 

"Ho!  Ho!  stealin',"  jeered  Beany.  "Plupy 
thought  he  knew  it  all;  —  stealin',  huh!" 

"Well,  I  know,  ennyway,"  sneered  Plupy,  "I 
was  only  coddin'  you." 

"Well,  if  you  know,  tell  us;  just  tell  us,  that's 
all;  I  stump  yer!"  shrieked  Beany,  snapping  his 
fingers  in  Plupy's  face. 

"Aw,  now,  I  can  if  I  wanter,"  replied  Plupy 
stubbornly. 

"Stealin'!  Ho!  Ho!"  said  Beany.  "Old  Lem 
fell  downstairs  'n'  broke  his  alimentary  canal." 

"Haw!  I  guess  I  knew  that  'fore  you  did," 
said  Plupy.  "Ennyway,  it  was  n't  his  alimentary 
canal.  Th'  ain't  no  such  thing." 


60     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"T  is,  too,"  said  Pewt;  "that  is  a  part  of  a 
feller,  —  one  of  the  bones  of  his  leg." 

"Huh!  bone  of  his  grandmother,"  sneered 
Plupy;  "call  a  bone  a  canal,  --  huh!" 

"They  call  it  a  canal,  because  it  is  holler  like  a 
holler  tree,  that's  why  they  call  it  a  canal,"  said 
Beany ; "  ennyway,  ole  Lem  Tasker  fell  downstairs 
'n'  broke  his  alimentary  canal,  'n'  I  can  back  it 
up,"  said  Beany  belligerently. 

"Who  will  they  get  to  post  bills  now?"  said 
Pewt  thoughtfully. 

"Gosh!"  they  all  exclaimed,  as  one  thought 
struck  them,  —  "less  we  do  it." 

This  was  providential ;  it  almost  seemed  as  if 

a  special  providence  had  interfered  to  ward  off 

certain    bankruptcy,    exposure,    disgrace,    and 

worse  yet,  —  for  disgrace  sat  lightly  upon  them, 

-  condign  punishment. 

In  a  moment  they  resolved  themselves  into 
a  committee  of  the  whole  acting  as  a  ways  and 
means  committee,  and  almost  before  a  legislative 
body  could  have  elected  a  chairman  and  have 
proceeded  into  executive  session,  the  boys  had 
laid  many  and  far-sighted  plans  that  bade  fair  to 
revolutionize  the  science  of  bill-posting.  Pewt, 
who  had  inherited  the  paternal  talent  for  sign- 
painting,  was  to  prepare  the  company  sign  forth 
with;  Beany,  whose  father  had  reduced  the  art 
of  paper-hanging  and  the  manufacture  of  flour 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  61 

paste  to  a  scientific  practicality,  was  deputized 
to  purloin  or  otherwise  acquire  from  the  paternal 
stock  in  trade  a  sufficient  amount  of  paste  to 
withstand  any  demand  that  the  business  might 
make;  Plupy,  whose  father  had  once  been  a 
harness-maker  and  had  added  the  gentle  art  of 
Carriage-trimming  to  his  repertoire,  was  com 
manded  to  appropriate  several  tack-hammers 
and  a  practically  unlimited  supply  of  tacks. 
Their  headquarters  was  to  be  in  Plupy's  barn, 
the  absence  of  his  father  in  Boston  during  the 
daytime  lending  security  both  to  the  business 
venture  and  to  the  accumulation  of  the  hardware. 
These  arrangements  made,  the  boys  bestirred 
themselves  briskly,  and  by  night  the  headquar 
ters  were  in  occupation,  and  this  most  lurid  and 
descriptive  sign  held  a  commanding  position  on 
the  side  of  the  barn  nearest  the  street:  — 

PuriNTON,  SHUTE  AND  WATSON 

BiL     POASTERS 

BiLS  FOR  SHOWS,  CircusES,  OXLANS,  WEoiNgs 
FuNeraLs,  BCITHS,  DETHS  &  aLL  orner 
FESxivvmse  POASTED  aT  LOCST  prices 
No  Gob  TWO  Laroe  &  NONE  TWO  smaL 

It  was  evident  that  Pewt  had  concentrated  his 
undeniable  talent  for  composition  and  painting 
on  this  opus,  and  the  result  was  doubly  gratifying 


62      THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

to  the  public  and  the  partners,  and  particularly 
to  the  latter,  as  almost  immediately  old  Mr. 
Elkins,  the  auctioneer,  catching  sight  of  the 
gaudy  announcement,  pulled  up  his  old  roan 
horse  and  came  limping  into  the  yard,  and  in  a 
very  short  time  had  made  a  contract  with  the 
boys  for  the  "poasting"  of  fifty  auction  bills  and 
the  distribution  of  several  hundred  flyers  at  a 
fairly  remunerative  price.  So  the  boys  started 
out  with  great  enthusiasm,  and  in  a  very  short 
time  had  defiled  the  face  of  nature  with  hideous 
notices  of  a  public  vendue,  and  had  scattered 
handbills  over  the  entire  community. 

The  next  day  business  was  dull,  as  it  was  on 
the  day  following,  and  the  spirits  of  the  boys 
became  correspondingly  low.  On  the  third  day 
the  advance  agent  of  Morris  Bros'.  Minstrels 
came  to  town  and  promptly  engaged  the  boys 
to  assist  in  the  distribution  and  publication  of 
highly  colored  prints.  For  this,  however,  they 
received  no  money,  but  satisfactory  credentials 
for  admission  to  the  hall,  which  delighted  them 
beyond  measure;  for,  as  Plupy  said,  "if  the  feller 
had  paid  them  in  money  they  would  have  had  to 
pay  the  men  they  owed,  but  as  long  as  he  gave 
them  tickets,  nobody  could  blame  them  for 
going  to  the  show." 

The  day  after  this  the  Baptist  Church  issued 
notices  for  an  oyster  supper  to  which  the  public 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  63 

was  invited  upon  a  twenty-five  cents  per  capita 
basis,  and  the  services  of  the  firm  were  solicited 
for  the  proper  dissemination  of  the  knowledge. 
But  when,  after  spending  the  greater  part  of  a 
day  in  distributing  bills,  during  which  Pewt  had 
received  a  black  eye  in  a  fight  with  a  Green- 
Street  boy,  on  whose  shed  he  had  essayed  to 
post  a  bill,  Beany  had  been  bitten  by  a  dog  on 
South  Street  which  disputed  his  right  to  fire  a 
tightly  wadded  bundle  of  bills  in  a  window,  and 
Plupy  had  had  his  ears  soundly  boxed  by  an 
irate  lady  w^hose  baby  he  had  awaked  by  hoarsely 
hawking  the  contents  of  the  bills  into  her  window, 
the  boys  were  very  indignant  on  learning  that  the 
only  compensation  they  were  to  receive  was  in 
the  shape  of  a  limited  whack  at  the  refreshments, 
and  they  did  not  like  oysters.  A  very  acrimo 
nious  dispute  with  the  committee  in  charge  re 
sulted  in  a  cash  compromise  only  when  the  boys 
declared  they  would  go  over  their  route  again  and 
tell  everybody  that  the  date  had  been  changed. 
And  so  for  a  few  weeks,  business  was  good. 
The  firm  worked  faithfully  in  posting  bills  for 
sheriff's  sales,  real  estate  transactions,  oyster 
suppers,  notices  that  somebody's  wife  had  left 
his  bed  and  board  and  that  somebody  forbade 
the  public  from  trusting  her  on  his  account  and 
that  somebody  would  not  pay  any  bills  of  her 
contracting,  or  that  somebody  else  had  given  his 


64     THE   MISADVENTURES   OF 

son  or  daughter  his,  her,  or  its  time  to  act  and 
trade  for  his,  her,  or  itself,  and  that  somebody 
would  no  longer  pay  any  bills  on  his,  her,  or  its  ac 
count,  and  other  important  documents  of  a  legal 
nature.  In  this  way  they  gradually  accumulated 
money  enough  to  pay  one  hundred  cents  on  a  dol 
lar  to  their  creditors,  and  their  financial  future 
looked  very  bright.  While  money  did  not  flow  into 
their  coffers  in  a  stream,  there  was  nevertheless 
a  very  gratifying  trickle  in  their  direction  and 
they  began  to  plan  for  substantial  bank  accounts. 

At  about  this  time  the  opportunity  for  a  finan 
cial  stroke  occurred,  that  crisis  when  Fortune 
knocks  at  one's  door,  that  happy  tide  in  the 
affairs  of  men  which,  taken  at  its  flood,  leads  on 
to  victory :  —  a  circus  was  to  come  to  town. 

At  the  time  of  the  arrival  of  the  advance 
agent  the  reputation  of  the  boys  for  prompt  and 
satisfactory  work  was  so  well  established  that  it 
came  to  his  ears,  and  he  promptly  called  upon 
them  and  engaged  their  services;  and  the  next 
day  they  had  the  inexpressible  delight  of  riding 
around  the  town  on  the  gayly  painted  advertising 
van  and  of  assisting  in  the  affixing  of  magnificent 
lithographs  to  barns,  outbuildings,  fences,  and 
billboards,  for  which  they  received  tickets  to 
both  afternoon  and  evening  performances  and  a 
promise  to  lead  or  drive  a  pony  in  the  parade. 

In  addition  to  this  a  special  agreement  was 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  65 

made  by  which  a  number  of  expecially  fine  litho 
graphs  were  left  with  them  to  be  posted  the 
night  before  the  great  day,  to  appear  to  the 
dazzled  eyes  of  the  public  on  the  morning  of 
the  parade.  For  these  services  the  boys  were  to 
receive  one  dollar  each,  upon  the  condition  that 
the  pictures  were  to  be  posted  in  unusual  and 
particularly  appropriate  places,  where  they  would 
attract  unusual  attention  from  their  unexpected 
positions.  The  agent's  idea,  which  he  carefully 
explained  to  the  boys,  was  that  the  art  of  adver 
tising  was  in  attracting  the  attention  of  the  pub 
lic:  that  is  to  say,  a  picture  of  a  hippopotamus 
as  the  Behemoth  of  Holy  Writ  would  be  more 
likely  to  attract  attention  if  posted  on  some 
house  of  worship  than  on  some  barn  or  outbuild 
ing,  and  he  added  several  other  fitting  illustra 
tions.  The  boys  were  very  quick  to  comprehend 
his  ideas  and  expressed  their  confidence  in  their 
ability  to  earn  their  money.  And  when  the  agent 
left  town  he  made  them  sinfully  proud  by  telling 
them  they  were  about  the  gamest  young  sports 
he  had  ever  met. 

During  the  week  or  ten  days  before  the  arrival 
of  the  circus  the  boys  conferred  often  and  weight 
ily  in  regard  to  the  appropriateness  of  certain 
places  to  serve  as  billboards,  and  outlined  a  plan 
of  activity  that  should  fairly  electrify  the  citizens 
and  win  them  fame  and  their  dollar  each. 


66     THE   MISADVENTURES   OF 

In  the  mean  time  they  did  not  neglect  their 
business,  but  executed  what  "Gobs"  were  given 
them,  whether  "larg  or  smal."  In  this  way  they 
turned  many  an  honest  penny,  but  nothing  in 
the  nature  of  a  bonanza. 

The  prospect  of  a  circus  attracted  much  less 
interest  among  the  citizens  than  usual  on  account 
of  several  matters  of  local  interest  which  had 
transpired.  The  wife  of  a  very  prominent  citizen 
had  given  birth  to  triplets ;  the  different  factions 
in  the  Baptist  Church,  known  derisively  as  the 
"Hard  Shells"  and  the  "Soft  Shells,"  were  in  the 
midst  of  a  most  desperate  church  fight  which  was 
to  culminate  in  a  meeting  on  the  very  night  of 
the  circus;  the  Congregational  Church  had  dis 
missed  its  pastor  and  engaged  a  new  man,  an 
extremely  fat  and  rather  prosaic,  not  to  say 
stupid,  gentleman  of  enormous  girth,  immense 
weight,  and  a  prodigious  voice;  the  chairman  of 
the  Board  of  Selectmen  had  inadvertently  set 
fire  to  his  whiskers  by  the  explosion  of  an  oil 
lamp,  and  had  not  only  damaged  them  seriously, 
but  had  scorched  a  curious  and  disfiguring  twist 
into  his  countenance  which  made  him  the  most 
ridiculous  caricature  ever  imagined;  serious 
trouble  had  arisen  over  the  removal  of  several 
bodies  from  the  old  cemetery  by  the  Trustees, 
who  had  been  threatened  with  criminal  prosecu 
tion  by  some  of  the  relatives  of  the  deceased ;  and 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  67 

the  ordinarily  quiet  town  was  in  a  whirl  of  excite 
ment.  Naturally  the  acrid  discussion  of  these 
matters  had  come  to  the  notice  of  the  members 
of  the  firm,  who  kept  tally  on  whatever  occurred 
in  the  little  town  of  Exeter,  and  quite  naturally 
sought  to  utilize  it  in  whatever  way  might  turn 
to  their  profit  and  convenience. 

The  night  before  the  arrival  of  the  circus  was 
overcast,  but  in  the  season  of  full  moon,  so  that, 
while  light  enough  for  the  purpose  of  posting 
bills,  it  was  dark  enough  to  enable  them  to  do  it 
unperceived.  Especially  was  this  the  case  in  the 
good  little  town,  for  the  worthy  citizens  were 
addicted  to  early  hours,  and  retired  betimes,  and 
as  the  firm  had  arranged  matters  so  as  to  spend 
the  greater  part  of  the  night  in  the  open  by  the 
simple  expedient  of  Beany  obtaining  permission 
of  his  parents  to  spend  the  night  with  Plupy, 
Pewt  ditto  with  Beany,  and  Plupy  likewise  with 
Pewt,  they  prepared  for  a  long  and  hard  eve 
ning's  work,  and  at  about  eleven  o'clock,  when 
the  world  was  quietly  sleeping,  they  silently  stole 
forth,  laden  with  lithographs,  paste,  and  brushes, 
and  did  their  deadly  work. 

What  was  the  amusement,  horror,  delight, 
consternation,  glee,  and  anger  of  the  citizens, 
arising  early  to  welcome  the  circus,  to  find  front 
doors,  bay  windows,  and  immaculately  painted 
walls  of  many  of  the  houses  thickly  pasted  with 


68     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

circus  literature,  and  to  see  upon  the  walls  of  the 
warlike  church  edifice  the  legend  in  scarlet  letters 
two  feet  long 


CIRCUS  TO-NIGHT! 
COME  ONE!   COME  ALL! 

-  to  see  upon  the  white  painted  cottage  where 
dwelt  the  happy  mother  of  the  triplets  a  much 
more  than  life-size  figure  of  a  stork  with  the 
words  - 

THE  SECRET  OF  AMERICAN  PROSPERITY 
ON  EXHIBITION  IN  THE  BIG  TENT 

—  beneath  which  Pewt  had  neatly  painted  — 
THERE  is  LUK  IN  OD  NUMBERS. 

What  was  the  anger  of  the  new  pastor  of  the 
First  Congregational  Church  to  find  hermetically 
sealed  to  the  front  wall  of  the  parsonage  an 
immense  parti-colored  picture  of  an  enormous 
slate-colored  hippopotamus,  with  huge,  gaping, 
cavernous  jaws  of  vivid  crimson  and  the 
words  — 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  69 

COME    AND    SEE 

THE  GIGANTIC  HIPPOPOTAMUS 
THE  .BEHEMOTH   OF    HOLY    WRIT, 

THE  LARGEST,  THE  FATTEST,  THE  MOST 
COLOSSAL,  AND  THE  STUPIDEST  QUAD 
RUPED  IN  THE  FOUR  QUARTERS  OF 
EARTH'S  GRAND  PALLADIUM. 

COME    AND    HEAR    HIM   ROAR! 

It  would  be  dreadful  to  write  down  what  the 
Chairman  of  the  Board  of  Selectmen  said  when 
his  horrified  eyes  fell  on  the  immense  picture  of  a 
freak,  looking  strangely  like  him  and  inscribed  in 
lurid  letters  as 

JO-JO,  THE  DOG-FACED   MAN 

A  CROSS  BETWEEN  A  KAFFIR  WOMAN  AND 

THE  HUGE  BABOON  OR  MAN  MONKEY 

OF  CENTRAL  AFRICA 

DISPLAYS  AN  ALMOST  HUMAN  INTELLIGENCE 

ON  EXHIBITION  IN  THE  BIG  TENT. 

TO-NIGHT  !  TO-NIGHT  ! 

ALL  COME  AND  COME  A-RUNNIN' ! 

The  Trustees  of  the  Cemetery,  all  reputable 
and  conservative  citizens,  broke  a  lifetime  of  wise 
conservatism  in  speech  and  manners  when  they 


70     THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

lapsed  into  horrid  profanity  as  their  startled  eyes 
gazed  upon  an  immense  hyena  robbing  a  grave 
of  its  dead,  and  below,  these  explanatory  words — 

THE  HIDEOUS  LAUGHING  HYENA, 

THE  GRAVE-ROBBER,  WHICH  BY 
STEALTH  DESCENDS  INTO  THE  GRAVE 
YARDS  AT  NIGHT  AND  RIFLES  THEIR 
CONTENTS  FOR  ITS  GRUESOME  AND 
REVOLTING  REPAST. 

ON   EXHIBITION   IN   THE   BIG   TENT. 
TO-NIGHT !  TO-NIGHT ! 

The  deep  and  hearty  maledictions  of  Mr. 
Simeon  Flanders,  an  extremely  hirsute  gentle 
man  with  an  enormous  flat  nose,  were  almost 
excusable,  when  his  irate  glances  perceived  upon 
his  front  door  a  picture  of  a  shaggy  animal  with  a 
broad  flat  beak  heralded  by  letters  of  great  size  as 

THE  DUCK-BILLED  PLATIPUS, 

THE  MOST  MARVELOUS  CREATION  IN  THE 
FAUNA  OF  AUSTRALIA. 

ON  EXHIBITION   IN  THE  BIG  TENT 
THE   ONLY    SPECIMEN   IN    CAPTIVITY. 


THE    HEARTY    MALEDICTIONS    OF    MR.    SIMEON    FLANDERS 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  71 

At  once  these  outraged  citizens  declared  war 
against  the  proprietor  of  the  circus,  and  before 
the  parade  was  in  readiness  the  entire  outfit  was 
attached  for  libel  in  more  than  a  dozen  suits,  and 
the  proprietor,  a  muscular  gentleman  with  an 
immense  black  mustache,  was  diplomatically 
endeavoring  to  settle  the  actions  with  compli 
mentary  tickets  to  the  families  of  the  plaintiffs. 
When  the  offending  boys  were  brought  into  his 
presence,  it  required  the  united  efforts  of  the 
sheriff  and  the  entire  police  force  to  keep  him 
from  doing  violence  to  them. 

Poor  boys.  It  was  a  bitter  morning  for  them, 
and  when,  after  the  actions  had  been  satisfac 
torily  settled,  and  they  from  their  confinement  in 
their  beds  heard  the  blare  of  the  band,  the  shrill 
trumpeting  of  the  elephant,  and  the  various 
sounds  of  the  parade,  and  realized  that  they  were 
out  of  it  all,  they  were  very  bitter  and  unresigned. 

The  afternoon  performance  was  crowded  to 
the  ring,  owing  to  the  success  of  the  boys  as 
advertising  agents;  and  when  at  about  seven 
o'clock  the  proprietor,  driving  a  team  of  calico 
ponies,  stopped  and  personally  interviewed  the 
parents  of  Plupy,  Beany,  and  Pewt,  and  success 
fully  secured  their  release  from  captivity,  and 
took  them  in  his  own  team  to  the  big  tent  where 
they  occupied  reserved  seats,  they  decided  that 
the  world  was  a  pleasant  place,  after  all. 


72  MISADVENTURES 

But  their  fathers,  fearing  unexpected  develop 
ments  in  the  future,  laid  an  embargo  upon  the 
business  of  the  firm,  which  later  passed  into  the 
hands  of  Old  Lem  Tasker,  who  had  providen 
tially  and  very  miraculously  recovered  from  the 
debility  caused  by  the  fracture  of  his  "  alimen 
tary  canal." 


IV 


PURVEYORS    OF    LITERATURE 

IN  the  days  before  the  introduction  of  tele 
phones,  teleposts,  Marconis,  and  other  speed- 
limit  violations,  the  medium  for  the  dissemina 
tion  of  knowledge  in  the  country  town  was  the 
weekly  paper. 

To  be  sure,  in  the  thriving  village  of  Exeter, 
which  owed  no  small  part  of  its  reputation  to  its 
sole  newspaper,  a  large  percentage  of  its  reading 
public  welcomed  the  weekly  visits  of  the  "Fire 
side  Companion"  and  the  "New  York  Ledger." 
"Godey's  Lady's  Book,"  which  to  the  uniniti 
ated  served  to  present  little  beyond  page  after 
page  of  illustrations  of  underwear  with  descrip 
tive  literature  of  the  same,  had  its  quota  of  sub 
scribers  among  the  women  and  the  proprietors  of 
the  dry-goods  stores,  —  I  had  almost  said  "em 
poriums,"  but  the  word  was  not  then  in  common 
use.  A  few  citizens  who  wielded  financial  influ 
ence  took  a  Boston  paper,  and  discoursed  weight 
ily  over  its  stock  quotations  and  of  matters  of 
national  importance. 

But  to  the  very  large  majority  of  its  citizens, 
the  Exeter  "News  Letter"  was  the  Referee,  the 
Umpire,  the  Arbiter  Elegantiarum,  the  Literary 


74      THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

Oracle,  the  Compendium  of  Useful  Knowledge, 
the  Social  Register,  the  Mrs.  Grundy,  the  Court 
of  Last  Resort.  Did  a  citizen  desire  to  know  the 
particular  moment  at  wThich  the  tide  turned,  or 
the  moon  quartered  or  gibbered  or  did  things 
that  moons  are  supposed  to  do,  it  was  to  the 
"  Column  of  Scientific  Knowledge  "  of  the  "  News 
Letter"  that  he  turned,  in  preference  to  the  "Old 
Farmers'  Almanac." 

Did  a  citizeness  entertain  grave  doubts  of  the 
precise  amount  of  allspice  necessary  to  the  per 
fect  concoction  of  a  pandowdy,  the  "House 
wife's  Receipt  Department"  furnished  just  the 
required  information.  Did  a  politician  wish  to 
nail  a  political  lie  or  scarify  a  political  opponent, 
it  was  to  the  "News  Letter"  he  turned  for  proof 
positive  of  that  politician's  previous  political 
utterances.  Did  a  question  arise  as  to  the  precise 
date  of  the  birth  of  a  child,  the  death  of  a  person, 
a  marriage,  an  elopement,  the  painting  of  a  barn, 
the  building  of  a  house,  the  choking  of  a  cow  with 
an  apple,  the  laying  of  an  immense  egg,  the  first 
crocus  in  spring  or  the  last  dandelion  in  the  fall, 
the  first  skimming-over  of  the  river  or  the  de 
parture  of  the  ice,  the  advent  of  the  bluebird  or 
robin,  the  passage  of  wild  geese,  the  extremes 
of  heat  and  cold  as  recorded  at  the  residence  of 
our  genial  townsman  Mr.  Eli  Perkins  Blank,  the 
advent  of  a  two-headed  calf,  a  chicken  with  four 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  75 

legs  or  a  cat  with  two  tails,  proof  of  the  same  was 
at  hand  in  the  fertile  and  accurate  columns  of  the 
"  News  Letter." 

Then  again  the  paper  had  cultivated  a  most 
courteous  and  felicitous  style  of  heralding  events 
that  made  its  personals  an  unfailing  delight. 
Was  a  child  born  in  the  family  of  Bill  Ricketts, 
an  event  by  no  means  uncommon,  and  of  no 
particular  importance  to  the  public,  that  gifted 
paper  made  an  epic  of  the  occurrence  by  stating : 
"Our  genial  townsman,  Mr.  William  Ricketts, 
Esq.,  and  his  fair  helpmeet,  Rehannah  Apphia 
Ricketts,  formerly  the  brilliant  Miss  Baggs,  of 
Poplin  Corner,  were  heart-gladdened  by  the 
arrival  of  a  nine-pound  visitor  on  Wednesday 
evening  of  this  week,  their  seventeenth."  As 
a  result  Bill,  —  I  beg  pardon,  —  Mr.  William 
Ricketts,  Esq.,  bought  fifty  papers  and  sent 
them,  marked,  to  his  friends. 

Did  Jake  Caswell's  wife's  mother,  the  most 
cantankerous  old  frump  in  the  county,  arrive  at 
Jake's  modest  dwelling  and  proceed  to  raise  hob 
with  its  management  and  traditions,  the  "News 
Letter"  took  pains  to  announce  that  "Mrs. 
Vixanna  Croper  is  spending  the  summer  with  her 
son-in-law,  Mr.  Jacob  Caswell,  our  enterprising 
janitor  of  the  town  hall,  and  his  estimable  wife, 
who  are  deriving  no  small  enjoyment  from  her 
sojourn." 


76     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

Was  there  a  funeral,  a  complete  list  of  the 
donors  of  "floral  tributes"  was  given,  and  any 
omission  or  error  was  duly  corrected  in  the  next 
publication,  all  of  which  called  for  heavy  pur 
chase  of  papers. 

Indeed,  so  necessary  was  this  remarkable  paper 
to  the  people  of  the  town  and  the  surrounding 
villages,  that  Friday,  the  day  of  publication, 
came  to  be  looked  upon  as  a  sort  of  half -holiday, 
in  which  business  was  practically  suspended 
while  the  paper  was  being  read  and  discussed. 

To  be  sure,  the  editor  sometimes  overlooked 
errors,  occasionally  grotesque  ones;  as  when,  in 
his  description  of  the  wedding  of  a  very  well- 
known  and  well-loved  young  lady,  he  employed 
the  word  "dainty,"  with  frightful  results,  as  the 
compositor  sent  out  the  following:  "Her  dirty 
hands  and  feet  were  encased  in  white  kid";  and 
hideous  sounds  of  discord  were  the  result.  On 
another  occasion,  the  paper  spoke  of  an  exceed 
ingly  plump  lady  as  "jelly"  instead  of  "jolly." 
But  the  errors  were  few. 

The  local  delivery  of  the  paper  was  accom 
plished  by  newsboys  or  carriers,  who  did  not  cry 
their  wares,  but  "plugged"  them  into  the  doors 
and  windows,  or  upon  the  piazzas  and  porches  of 
the  subscribers,  and  at  the  close  of  their  routes 
collected  a  modest  but  fairly  generous  stipend 
from  the  proprietors.  The  distribution  to  out-of- 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  77 

town  subscribers  was  by  United  States  mail,  and 
it  was  a  stirring  sight  to  see  one  of  the  proprietors 
with  his  gayly  painted  handcart  piled  high  with 
folded  and  addressed  papers  bearing  down  on  the 
local  post-office. 

Now  Plupy,  Beany,  and  Pewt  had  fortuitously 
succeeded  to  the  job  of  carrying  papers,  vice 
three  other  town  boys  who  had  resigned  their 
office  on  being  detected  in  serious  dereliction 
of  duty.  Indeed,  their  resignations  had  been 
handed  in  with  such  abruptness  that  they  had 
escaped  one  of  the  irate  proprietors  only  by  the 
most  marvelous  feats  of  dodging,  ducking,  and 
shinning  over  fences. 

The  chase  had  been  witnessed  by  the  boys  with 
the  most  sinful  glee.  As  a  sporting  proposition 
it  appealed  to  them,  and  their  betting  instincts 
favored  the  fugitives.  As  a  spectacular  panto 
mime,  it  keenly  touched  their  sense  of  the  ridicu 
lous,  and  they  slapped  their  legs  and  quite 
doubled  themselves  up  in  delight  as  they  wit 
nessed  the  frantic  sprinting  of  the  pursued,  and 
the  puffing,  dogged  pursuit  of  the  avenger. 

But  apart  from  the  amusement  they  derived 
from  their  artistic  appreciation  of  the  scene,  their 
business  instincts  at  once  grasped  the  opportu 
nity,  and  after  giving  the  overheated  proprietor 
an  opportunity  to  cool  down,  they  applied  for  the 
vacancy.  Pewt  acted  as  spokesman,  for,  though 


78     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

he  was  in  some  respects  the  toughest  of  the  three, 
he  had  the  faculty  of  looking  as  innocent  as  a 
white  dove. 

To  Pewt's  modest  request  the  proprietor,  Mr. 
Hall,  made  a  hot  response. 

"Naw!  I've  got  enough  of  you  boys,"  he 
snarled. 

"But,  Mr.  Hall,"  said  Pewt,  with  convincing 
smoothness,  "we  fellers  is  all  right.  All  we  want 
is  a  chance  to  show  you  what  we  can  do.  Honest, 
now,  we  will  do  the  job  slick." 

"Lessee!"  snapped  the  proprietor;  "what's 
your  names?" 

As  the  proprietor  evidently  did  not  know  the 
boys,  and  was  exceedingly  near-sighted  as  well, 
Pewt  glibly  gave  the  names  of  three  of  the  best- 
behaved  boys  in  town,  whom  he  and  the  other 
boys  regarded  as  utter  milksops  and  mamma's 
darlings,  Johnnie  Wilson,  Arthur  Hanson,  and 
Willie  Colcord,  naturally  concluding  that  the 
mention  of  their  own  names  would  lead  to  unde 
sirable  complications  if  not  actual  hostilities. 

"Hum,"  mused  the  proprietor,  scratching  his 
chin  thoughtfully;  "that  sounds  better.  When 
ever  I  see  three  boys  together,  I  generally  con 
clude  that  they  are  that  infernal  Shute  boy  and 
his  disreputable  cronies,  who  everybody  knows 
are  the  worst  boys  in  town.  If  their  parents  were 
not  so  respectable,  these  boys  would  be  in  the 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  79 

reform  school  to-day.  They  ought  to  be  in  for 
life." 

"Thasso,  Mr.  Hall,"  chimed  in  Plupy,  "they 
is  pretty  bad  fellers.  Our  folks  would  n't  let  us 
go  with  any  such  fellers  as  them,  even  if  we 
wanted  to,  which  we  don't,"  he  concluded 
hastily. 

"They  would  n't  be  quite  so  bad  if  it  warn't 
for  Pewt  Purinton,"  added  Beany;  "Pewt  is  the 
worst  feller  I  ever  see." 

"Huh!  I  betyer  on  that,"  said  Pewt  quickly, 
with  heightened  color.  "Beany  Watson  is  worse 
than  Pewt,  'n'  Plupy  Shute  is  as  bad  as  Beany 
'n'  worse,  too.  Pewt  was  all  right  before  he  went 
with  Beany  and  Plupy." 

"Well,  I  guess,  you  old  — "  began  Plupy,  with 
an  injured  expression,  when  he  was  cut  short  by 
the  proprietor  who  said,  "Never  mind  that  gang 
of  rowdies.  I'll  give  you  a  list  of  subscribers 
and  your  instructions."  And  he  produced  three 
route-lists  and  explained  carefully  the  duties  of 
the  position,  laying  especial  stress  upon  speed, 
promptness,  accuracy,  and  courtesy.  He  charged 
them  to  be  careful  to  put  the  papers  in  sheltered 
places  in  wet  or  windy  weather,  and  to  be  civil 
and  polite  to  subscribers,  who  sometimes  were  a 
bit  unreasonable. 

The  boys  promised  faithfully,  Pewt  inform 
ing  him  that  they  were  always  polite  and  well- 


80     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

behaved,  " Ain't  we,  Arthur?  Ain't  we,  Willie?" 
he  asked  of  Plupy  and  Beany,  who  vociferated, 
"Course  we  are,  Johnnie,"  as  they  bade  a  polite 
good-bye  to  Mr.  Hall  and  hurried  around  the 
corner  to  exult  with  unholy  joy  over  the  auda 
cious  impersonation  of  Johnnie,  Arthur,  and 
Willie. 

They  nearly  came  to  blows,  however,  over  the 
division  of  the  routes,  a  difficulty  which  Pewt 
solved  in  this  ingenious  manner.  As  the  down 
town  route  was  by  far  the  easiest  and  most  inter 
esting  of  the  three,  he  tactfully  suggested  that 
Plupy  and  Beany  toss  up,  best  three  in  five,  for 
the  choice  of  the  Plains  and  over-the-river  route, 
and  the  length  of  the  proceedings  while  the 
young  gamblers  were  spitting  for  good  luck  and 
making  use  of  strange  cabalistic  signs  to  influence 
chance  so  stimulated  their  interest  that  when 
Beany  won  and  chose  the  river  route,  Plupy  like 
a  good  boy  took  the  Plains  route  without  grum 
bling,  leaving  the  downtown  route  for  Pewt  as  a 
matter  of  course,  neither  of  the  two  realizing  that 
Pewt  got  the  best  route  without  the  hazard  of  a 
toss-up. 

The  next  Friday,  Johnnie,  Arthur,  and  Willie 
appeared  betimes  at  the  office  of  the  paper, 
received  their  copies,  distributed  them  and  re 
ceived  their  pay  with  mutual  satisfaction  to 
employer  and  employees,  and  for  several  weeks 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  81 

this  state  of  affairs  continued  without  any  com 
plaint  of  a  serious  nature.  Occasionally  a  paper 
was  misdelivered,  but  as  a  rule  their  services  gave 
complete  satisfaction. 

In  an  evil  hour,  however,  the  boys  found  out 
that  their  predecessors  had  been  paid  nearly 
twice  as  much  as  they  were  receiving.  This  led  to 
an  indignation  meeting,  at  which  and  after  due 
consideration  it  was  agreed  to  go  on  a  strike,  and 
with  diabolical  wisdom  the  strike  was  scheduled 
to  be  declared  on  Friday  morning  at  six-thirty, 
the  usual  hour  for  the  delivery  of  the  papers. 

Little  did  the  good  citizens  of  the  town  realize, 
as  they  sought  their  wTell-earned  rest  in  custom 
ary  obedience  to  the  nine  o'clock  curfew  as  it 
pealed  forth  from  the  old  church-tower,  the  dis 
appointment  and  the  loss  they  would  experience  in 
the  event  that  capital,  in  the  persons  of  Smith, 
Hall  and  Clark,  editors,  proprietors,  foremen, 
and  compositors  of  the  "New^s  Letter,"  should 
fail  to  comply  with  the  righteous  demands  of  labor 
in  the  guise  of  Johnnie,  Arthur,  and  Willie. 

At  six-thirty  the  mine  was  sprung.  Beany, 
who  was  to  be  spokesman,  lost  heart  at  the  last 
moment,  and  Pewt  was  forced  to  break  the  news 
to  the  firm.  The  meeting  was  short  but  full  of 
action,  as  Mr.  Hall  promptly  adopted  the  tactics 
he  had  employed  on  a  former  occasion,  and  pur 
sued  the  fleeing  boys  far  up  Center  Street,  and 


82     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

with  rather  better  success,  for  he  got  in  one  lick 
at  Beany  that  stimulated  that  plump  youth  to  a 
marvelous  burst  of  speed,  and  further  retained  as 
spoils  of  war  a  paper  collar,  so  narrow  had  been 
Plupy's  escape. 

Having  shaken  off  their  pursuer,  they  gathered 
to  discuss  the  matter.  The  boys  felt  some  dis 
comfiture  over  the  unceremonious  termination  of 
their  engagement,  and  especially  did  Plupy  and 
Beany  manifest  a  disposition  to  arraign  Pewt  for 
his  lack  of  business  foresight  and  acumen. 

"Now,  jus'  see  whatcher  done,  Pewt.  You've 
lost  us  a  good  job  for  nothin'." 

"That's  just  the  way  with  Pewt,"  said  Beany, 
in  injured  tones.  "He's  never  satisfied  'thout 
kickin'  everything  over." 

"Whatchew  fellers  howlin'  'bout?"  demanded 
Pewt  sturdily.  "  You  both  wuz  just  as  anxious  as 
I  wuz  to  strike." 

"Who  tho't  of  it  first?  say  I,"  cried  Plupy. 

"Thasso,  Pewt,  who  tho't  of  it  first?  'T  warn't 
me,  'n'  't  warn't  Plupy,"  added  Beany,  in  shrill 
tones  of  remonstrance. 

"'Course  you  didn't,"  said  Pewt,  spitting 
through  his  teeth  in  disgust.  "Such  numheads 
as  you  fellers  never  could  think  up  anything 
'thout  help." 

"I  druther  be  a  numhead  than  a  darn  fool," 
sneered  Beany. 


A   MARVELOUS    BUKST    OF    SPEED 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  83 

"Somebody 's  goin'  to  git  a  punch  in  the  ear,  or 
a  lam  in  the  snoot,"  predicted  Pewt  darkly. 

"Oh,  shet  up,  fellers,"  said  Plupy;  "les'  find 
out  what's  best  to  do,  'thout  jawin'  'bout  it. 
Come,  Pewt,  whatcher  goin'  to  do  'bout  it?" 

""Wall,  fellers,"  said  Pewt,  in  a  more  concilia 
tory  tone,  "I  don't  believe  old  Hall  can  get  along 
without  us.  When  he  sees  he  can't  deliver  his 
papers,  he  will  ask  us  to  take  our  jobs  again,  'n' 
pay  us  'most  anything  to  git  us.  That 's  the  way 
with  strikes." 

"What  if  they  hire  some  other  fellers?"  que 
ried  Beany. 

"Oh,  that's  easy,"  said  Pewt;  "we  can  get 
some  pickets  'n'  beat  'em  that  way." 

"Gosh!"  said  Plupy;  "we  must  take  the  nails 
out,  for  you  can  hit  an  almighty  lick  with  a 
picket."  * 

"Where '11  we  get  the  pickets?  —  pull  'em  off  en 
fences?"  demanded  Beany. 

''Yah,"  scoffed  Pewt;  "don't  you  fellers  know 
anything?  Pickets  offer  fence.  Ho!  Ho!  Why, 
pickets  is  fellers  to  watch  round  'n'  keep  other 
fellers  from  trying'  to  get  our  jobs." 

"What  if  they  get  it?"  asked  Plupy. 

"Why,  foller  'em  up  'n'  lam  'em,"  replied 
Pewt  truculently. 

"S'posen  they  is  fellers  which  can  lick  us?" 
said  Plupy  doubtfully. 


84     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"We  can  hook  their  papers,  'n'  plug  things  at 
'em  'n'  do  lots  of  things  to  *em,"  replied  Pewt 
confidently. 

So  the  boys,  with  the  optimism  of  youth,  made 
the  best  of  it  and  calmly  awaited  developments. 
They  were  jubilant  when  they  learned  that  one 
of  the  compositors  had  taken  one  route  and  two 
of  the  proprietors  the  other  two,  and  they  confi 
dently  opined  that  capital  would  be  on  its  knees 
ere  another  week. 

The  next  Friday  they  were  on  the  watch  at 
six-thirty,  but  saw  no  evidence  of  delivery.  So 
to  while  away  time,  they  walked  up  the  street  a 
short  distance,  and  to  their  surprise  and  indigna 
tion  saw  a  student  of  the  Academy,  a  "stewd- 
cat"  as  they  termed  him,  loping  along  delivering 
papers  with  the  accuracy  of  an  old  hand. 

The  eyes  of  the  boys  fairly  bulged  out  at  the 
sight.  That  an  old  "  stewdcat "  should  do  the 
work  was  beyond  words. 

"Gosh!"  hissed  Pewt,  "le's  lam  time  outer 
him!" 

With  this  desperate  intention,  they  cut  through 
Towle's  stableyard  as  they  saw  him  turn  into 
Elm  Street,  and  headed  him  off  opposite  the 
Unitarian  Church.  As  they  bore  down  on  him 
with  threats,  he  faced  round  and  placed  his 
papers  on  the  ground  behind  him.  He  was  a 
young  fellow,  perhaps  two  years  older  than  the 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  85 

boys,  rather  larger  and  taller,  and  with  a  very 
frank  and  pleasant  face  with  a  determined  look. 

Seeing  that  the  boys  meant  business,  he  pre 
pared  for  war,  which  was  not  long  in  being  de 
clared,  for  Pewt,  getting  behind  Plupy,  gave  that 
lank  youth  a  violent  push  which  sent  him  flying 
into  the  enemy's  camp  with  his  arms  flailing  the 
air  like  windmills. 

Rapidly  as  he  went  in,  he  came  out  still  more 
rapidly,  with  a  bloody  nose  and  a  look  of  blended 
mystification  and  emotion  on  his  countenance. 
As  he  went  over  on  his  back,  all  spraddled  out 
like  a  frog,  Pewt,  who  had  endeavored  to  get  in 
under  the  student's  guard,  received  a  swinging 
blow  under  the  ear,  which  he  afterwards  ad 
mitted  to  be  a  "linger,"  and  quit  the  field  of 
battle  promptly,  and  just  behind  Beany,  who 
escaped  unscathed. 

The  student  then  picked  up  his  papers  and 
walked  off,  deaf  to  their  invitation  to  come  back 
and  try  it  again.  While  Plupy  stanched  his 
bleeding  nose  and  told  what  he  would  have  done 
if  Pewt  had  n't  pushed  him,  the  boys  laid  wise 
plans  to  make  the  carrier  sick  of  his  job. 

As  a  majority  of  the  citizens  did  not  rise  until 
after  the  delivery  of  the  papers,  a  good  oppor 
tunity  was  offered  the  boys.  So  the  next  Friday 
they  were  on  hand  with  a  paper  or  two  of  tacks 
and  a  hammer,  and,  keeping  far  enough  behind 


86     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

the  carrier  to  avoid  observation,  they  firmly 
tacked  down  to  the  front  steps  and  porches  the 
papers  of  those  late  risers  whose  habits  were  well 
known  to  the  boys.  The  result  was  that  when 
each  citizen  came  out  and  hurriedly  picked  up  his 
paper,  he  inevitably  tore  it  in  shreds,  and  during 
the  day  complained  hotly  to  the  proper  parties. 

The  Friday  following,  the  boys  took  another 
route,  and  having  prepared  a  quantity  of  flour 
paste,  glued  a  great  many  of  the  papers  to 
gether,  so  that  to  separate  the  pages  was  an 
impossibility.  During  this  day,  the  complaints 
at  the  office  were  so  many  that  the  proprietors 
were  at  their  wits'  end,  and  had  their  presses 
and  machinery  thoroughly  overhauled  to  prevent 
a  repetition  of  too  great  a  flow  of  ink. 

The  third  Friday  came  and  the  boys  had  an 
other  surprise  for  the  proprietors  and  the  pub 
lic.  Behind  the  "News  Letter"  office  was  a  shed 
which  was  used  for  storing  piles  of  old  "News 
Letters"  to  await  the  arrival  of  the  ragman. 
Thursday  night  the  boys  procured  a  supply  of 
these  dead  papers,  with  great  good  luck  finding 
a  complete  supply  of  those  of  the  same  day  and 
month  of  a  year  or  two  back,  and  the  next 
morning,  following  the  carrier  as  before,  took 
away  the  papers  he  left  and  substituted  for  them 
the  dead  papers  of  a  year  before. 

This  time  the  subscribers,  who  had  been  com- 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  87 

pletely  fooled  into  reading,  with  increasing  bewil 
derment,  these  old  papers,  stormed  the  office  in 
force  and  demanded  the  blood  of  the  bewildered 
proprietors.  An  investigation  was  at  once  set  on 
foot.  The  student  was  summoned  and  detailed 
the  trouble  he  had  had  with  the  three  carriers 
whose  places  he  took. 

This  let  a  flood  of  light  upon  the  proprietors. 
It  was  that  miserable  Johnnie  Wilson,  that  ras 
cally  Arthur  Hanson,  that  villainous  and  aban 
doned  Willie  Colcord.  Talk  of  Plupy,  Beany,  and 
Pewt,  they  were  Methodist  Sunday-School  boys 
in  comparison  with  these  execrable  villains. 

So  leaving  the  proper  settlement  of  the  matter 
in  their  hands,  the  complainants  departed,  and 
the  three  proprietors  descended  upon  the  peace 
ful  and  unsuspecting  families  of  Johnnie,  Arthur, 
and  Willie.  The  mothers  of  these  three  boys 
brought  them,  trembling,  from  school.  They 
weepingly  denied  the  accusation  and  were  de 
nounced  as  liars  and  villains  by  the  indignant 
proprietors.  The  fond  mothers  took  up  cudgels 
for  their  offspring.  The  fathers  were  sent  for  and 
came  home  raging,  and  threw  the  proprietors 
from  the  premises  with  much  blasphemy.  The 
entire  neighborhood  was  stirred  to  its  depths. 
The  proprietors  threatened  prosecution  for  mali 
cious  mischief.  The  parents  threatened  suits  for 
defamation  of  character  and  trespass. 


88  MISADVENTURES 

Finally  a  man  arrived  who  said  he  had  seen 
the  carriers  nearly  every  morning,  and  he  never 
remembered  to  have  seen  these  boys.  Another 
chimed  in  to  the  same  effect ;  then  another.  Then 
the  whole  thing  came  out.  The  culprits  were 
none  other  than  that  infernal  Shute  boy,  that 
miserable  Purinton  boy,  and  that  wretched  Wat 
son  boy.  Search  was  made  for  them,  and  they 
were  apprehended  and  identified  by  the  carrier  as 
the  three  who  had  stopped  him  on  his  route  and 
whom  he  had  licked. 

Then  their  fathers  were  summoned.  Poor 
Plupy,  Beany,  and  Pewt.  Their  fathers  were  just 
and  upright  men,  who  had  suffered  much  from 
their  sons'  misdeeds,  and  who  had  each  forbidden 
his  respective  son  from  associating  with  the  other 
two  under  the  most  severe  penalties. 

It  was  time,  they  agreed,  that  vigorous  meas 
ures  should  be  taken.  They  meant  it.  The  pro 
prietors  saw  that  they  meant  it.  They  expressed 
a  desire  that  justice  might  be  meted  out  to  the 
culprits.  They  were  given  the  most  solemn  assur 
ances  that  it  should  be.  It  was.  There  was  in 
the  minds  of  the  boys  no  lingering  doubt  of  its 
completeness. 


V 


THE  BOYS  BECOME  A  COMMITTEE  ON  VILLAGE 
PURIFICATION 

TOWARDS  the  closing  of  the  long  vacation  and  the 
opening  of  the  fall  term,  the  town  stores  began  to 
show  signs  of  life.  These  stores  were  in  a  meas 
ure  like  unto  the  dandelion.  In  the  spring  it 
blossomed  like  a  rose,  although  of  decidedly  dif 
ferent  flavor  and  color.  Then,  as  the  summer 
days  came,  it  withered  and  died,  choked  by  the 
intense  heat  and  dust.  In  the  fall,  with  the  return 
of  cooler  weather  and  fall  rains,  it  blossomed 
again,  but  with  a  tougher,  harder,  more  fibrous 
stem,  and  with  blossoms  of  a  rather  more  parsi 
monious  nature  as  to  color  and  softness  of  petal. 
So  the  village  storekeepers,  in  bright  anticipa 
tion  of  the  brisk  fall  trade  with  the  return  of  the 
several  hundred  students  of  the  Academy  and 
Seminary  and  of  such  of  the  citizens  of  the  town 
who  deemed  themselves  fortunate  enough  to 
have  cottages  at  the  beaches  or  indulgent  rela 
tives  in  other  towns  and  cities,  laid  in  a  very 
complete  stock  of  pens,  paper,  slate  pencils  with 
gilt  paper  tastefully  adhering  thereto;  cedar  lead 
pencils  that  smelled  deliciously  of  the  wood;  red 


90     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

bananas,  now  unhappily  almost  obsolete;  Jes- 
sup's  Candy  of  delightful  memory,  which  noth 
ing  in  the  line  of  present-day  confections  can 
equal  in  delicacy  of  taste  and  odor;  cream  candy 
that  adhered  in  rich  blobs  to  one's  fingers  and 
prolonged  the  unctuous  feast;  striped  stick 
candy,  a  most  enduring  sweet;  cream-cakes; 
fishing-tackle,  dusted  and  turned  over  in  the  box; 
minny  hooks,  butterfly  nets  (some  of  the  bright 
est  colored  butterflies  come  in  September  and 
October),  popguns,  squirt-guns,  "Beadle's  Dime 
Novels,"  sling-shots,  "Police  Gazettes,"  rubber 
footballs,  blown  and  unblown,  baseballs,  very  un 
even  in  shape,  harder  than  brickbats,  and  with 
bas-relief  seams  that  infallibly  raised  elongated 
blood-blisters  on  the  hands  of  any  boy  that 
caught  them;  bouquets  of  artificial  flowers  that 
nourished  in  their  wicked  bosoms  a  blunt,  flinty 
knob  which,  when  worked  by  a  strong  spring, 
would  give  the  innocent  person  smelling  the 
flowers  a  most  unchristian  thump  on  the  nose; 
blow-guns  for  beans,  peas,  or  small  pieces  of 
putty;  and  other  articles  of  household  need. 

Naturally  the  lack  of  ready  money  to  purchase 
some  of  these  articles,  which  to  the  boys  were 
the  practical  necessities  of  life,  wore  on  their  usu 
ally  buoyant  spirits  and  made  them  for  a  time 
thoughtful,  at  least  more  so  than  usual.  They 
had  tried  running  a  newspaper,  and  after  sue- 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  91 

ceeding  gloriously  had  failed  ingloriously.  They 
had  essayed  bill-posting,  and  had  had  victory 
snatched  from  their  grasp  just  as  their  eager 
hands  had  almost  secured  a  strangle-hold  on 
elusive  prosperity.  They  had  plunged  boldly 
into  the  glittering  generalities  of  paper-carrying 
and  had  narrowly  escaped  jail.  And  they  were 
practically  bankrupt:  they  who  had  displayed 
originality,  industry,  and  ambition,  and  had 
pursued  that  fitful  jade,  Opportunity,  whenever 
she  lightly  crossed  their  path,  and  dropping  her 
handkerchief,  fled,  looking  backward. 

It  was  not  that  they  were  lazy,  for  they  were 
not:  that  is,  Beany  and  Pewt  were  alive  from 
head  to  foot,  brimming  over  with  activity  and 
restless  industry.  Plupy,  by  reason  of  his  phe 
nomenal  growth  and  lankiness,  was  physically 
somewhat  inert  and  lethargic,  but  had  ideas.  So 
had  the  other  two,  more  than  they  knew  what  to 
do  with.  The  three  made  a  powerful  combina 
tion.  Would  opportunity  come  again?  They 
would  wait,  they  would  be  patient,  they  would 
think,  and  with  them  thought  meant  the  incuba 
tion  of  action. 

It  chanced  that  one  Deacon  Stebbins,  who 
lived  on  the  Hemlock  Side,  had  become  inocu 
lated  with  the  ambition  to  raise  pigs  on  a  large 
scale  for  the  local  market,  and  had  established  a 
somewhat  ornate,  highly  flavored,  and  extensive 


92     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

piggery  on  what  was  known  as  Jady  Hill.  A  long, 
low  building  had  been  erected,  subdivided  into 
small  inclosures  with  yards  in  which  some  scores 
of  pigs  of  all  sizes  were  confined,  and  there  repro 
duced  their  kind  with  amazing  fertility. 

Indeed,  they  multiplied  so  much  faster  than 
they  matured,  and  matured  so  much  faster  than 
there  was  a  demand  for  them,  that  the  good 
deacon  was  put  to  his  wits'  end  to  provide  food, 
drink,  and  shelter.  The  deacon  had  a  few  cows, 
and  had  been  misled  by  the  statements  made  in 
the  agricultural  column  of  the  local  paper  to 
the  effect  that  an  inconceivably  large  number  of 
pigs  could  be  readily  raised,  kept,  and  fattened 
by  the  skim  milk  from  a  preposterously  small 
number  of  cows. 

v  But  once  in,  the  deacon  was  game,  and  did  not 
propose  to  have  his  profits  taken  away  by  a  too 
premature  sacrifice  of  his  stock.  So  he  was  forced 
to  cast  about  for  something  to  eke  out  the  supply 
of  skim  milk  or  to  allow  his  pigs  to  starve  to  death 
and  himself  to  suffer  the  penalties  prescribed  for 
those  who,  "Having  the  charge  and  custody  of 
cattle,  horses,  sheep,  swine,  or  other  domestic  ani 
mals,  shall  deprive  the  same  of  necessary  suste 
nance  or  shelter,  or  shall  knowingly  and  willfully 
permit  the  same  to  be  so  deprived";  and  espe 
cially  as  the  penalties  included  the  forfeiture  of 
the  animals,  the  separation  of  the  guilty  party 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  93 

from  his  accumulation  of  gold,  silver,  and  negoti 
able  securities  by  the  imposition  of  heavy  fines, 
and  his  probable  incarceration  in  the  county  jail 
for  a  very  considerable  period. 

The  deacon  found,  after  diligent  inquiry,  that 
the  cheapest  of  foodstuffs  for  the  support  and 
sustenance  of  his  pigs  was  that  by-product  of  the 
domestic  table  known  as  swill,  which  could  ordi 
narily  be  obtained  at  the  nominal  price  of  going 
after  it.  There  was,  however,  another  and  very 
subtle  element  that  entered  into  the  composition 
of  this  by-product.  Swill,  as  it  was  then  termed, 
waste,  as  it  is  now  more  delicately  spoken  of, 
consisted  of  the  odds  and  ends  of  food  that  could 
not  be  used  in  composition  with  other  articles  as 
a  side  dish  or  a  serve-over.  It  was  made  up  of 
potato-  and  apple-parings,  stale  bread,  pieces  of 
burned  toast  or  crust,  sour  milk  that  had  stood 
too  long  unscreened  and  had  become  fly-infected, 
coffee-  and  tea-grounds,  soggy  bread  that  had 
not  risen  to  the  occasion,  pale,  inert,  and  lifeless 
beans  that  had  not  come  up  to  the  standard  set 
by  the  thrifty  housewife,  together  with  the  count 
less  mistakes  made  by  the  daughters  of  the  house 
who  were  being  taught  cookery  by  their  accom 
plished  mammas. 

In  those  days  the  enlightening  pages  of  that 
delightful  school  classic  known  as  Physiology  and 
Hygiene  taught  us  that  the  stomach  of  the  pig 


94     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

was  analogous  to  that  of  the  human  being  in  size, 
shape,  and  digestive  power.  While  we  are  willing 
at  this  day  to  concede  the  two  former  attributes, 
for  we  all  have  seen  many  people  with  stomachs 
that  strongly  resembled  the  stomachs  of  fat  hogs, 
and  whose  appetites  and  manner  of  eating  called 
to  mind  healthy  and  enthusiastic  specimens  of 
these  animals,  we  cannot  agree  with  the  author's 
views  on  the  question  of  digestion.  He  certainly 
must  have  meant  ostriches,  for  the  soggy  messes 
daily  dealt  out  to  these  animals  could  not,  I  be 
lieve,  have  been  digested  by  any  human  stomach. 
In  the  rear  of  or  at  the  side  of  every  well- 
ordered  house  of  that  period  stood  a  barrel  and 
two  pails,  or  tubs,  generally  butter  firkins  that 
had  passed  their  usefulness  as  such.  In  the  bar 
rel  were  carefully  placed  the  wood  ashes  from  the 
house  stoves.  In  one  of  the  firkins  was  placed 
with  equal  care  the  grease  and  fat  that  was  no 
longer  of  any  use  in  the  family  circle.  In  the 
other  firkin  was  carelessly  thrown  the  waste  from 
the  table.  The  first  two  receptacles  were  emptied 
about  once  a  month  when  the  soapfat  man,  clad 
in  his  dusty  blue  frock  and  high  greasy  boots, 
drove  up  in  his  cart,  and  exchanged  for  the  ashes 
and  fat  a  wooden  measure  of  soft  soap,  a  jelly- 
like,  clean-smelling  composition  of  the  color  of  a 
deeply  ripe  horse-chestnut,  and  which  was  kept 
in  a  small  blue  tub  in  the  woodshed  and  ladled 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  95 

out  with  a  half-cocoanut.  To  have  used  any 
thing  else  would  have  savored  of  treason.  This 
soft  soap  v/as  a  powerful  cleanser  and  disinfec 
tant  and  could  clean  a  boy's  grimy  hands,  neck, 
and  ears  and  cruelly  sting  the  raw  places  thereon 
more  thoroughly  than  any  other  substance,  ex 
cept  perhaps  the  turning-lathe  or  the  spoke- 
shave. 

The  waste  tub  was  supposed  to  be  emptied 
every  second  day  by  some  boy  whose  family 
owned  and  cherished  a  pig,  and  who  lived  too 
far  from  the  compact  part  of  the  town  to  be 
menaced  by  the  authorities. 

Now,  through  the  carelessness  of  the  house 
wife,  the  immature  daughters,  or  the  hired  help, 
strange  articles  and  ingredients  foreign  to  the 
composition  of  edible  waste  occasionally  came  to 
light,  often  too  late  to  save  the  life  of  valuable 
swine.  Such  were  broken  lamp-chimneys,  bot 
tles,  crockery-cups  and  plates,  shreds  of  wall 
paper,  bits  of  lamp-wicking,  a  baby's  shoe  or  odd 
sock,  jewelry  of  various  kinds,  stove-pokers,  an 
occasional  set  of  false  teeth,  spectacles, -- both 
"nigh  tos"  and  "fur  offs,"  -soot  from  stove 
pipes,  tin  cans,  pieces  of  broken  bric-a-brac,  and 
small  articles  from  the  what-not  in  the  best  room. 

The  worthy  deacon  from  somewhat  bitter  ex 
perience  was  aware  of  this  and  was  accustomed 
with  eyes,  nose,  and  deft  fingers  to  scrutinize, 


96     THE  MISADVENTURES   OF 

scent  out,  and  pluck  out  these  deleterious  sub 
stances  before  serving  meals  to  his  charges. 
This  naturally  took  a  good  deal  of  time,  although 
the  deacon  had  developed  remarkable  skill.  He 
would  form  a  seething  mass  of  provender  over  a 
chute  of  gentle  slope  and  deftly  remove  all  innu- 
tritious  substances  with  unerring  instinct.  Still, 
there  were  times  when  an  entire  tub  had  to  be 
condemned,  as  when  the  servant  girl  had  cleaned 
the  lamps  and  emptied  the  contents  into  the 
tub.  The  condemned  material  was  piled  in  a 
huge  and  ever-increasing  heap  near  the  buildings 
and  became  a  hideous  mound  of  decomposition, 
smelling  to  heaven. 

As  the  deacon's  stock  increased,  he  found  it 
impossible  to  assemble  and  properly  sort  out  his 
supplies  alone,  and  so  an  opportunity  was  af 
forded  the  boys,  who  occasionally  visited  the 
place  for  the  purpose  of  indulging  in  the  pleas 
ures  of  the  chase,  when,  as  occasionally  happened, 
some  of  the  younger  animals  broke  jail,  to  enter 
into  the  fragrant  pursuit  of  collecting  waste.  The 
business  rather  appealed  to  the  boys,  on  the  un 
explained  instinct  that  prompts  a  small  boy  to 
wade  through  mud  when  he  has  on  his  best 
clothes.  It  afforded  them  an  opportunity  to 
travel,  inasmuch  as  the  medium  for  collecting 
and  transporting  the  supplies  was  a  nondescript 
sort  of  coffin-like  cart  drawn  by  an  exceedingly 


IT  AFFORDKU  THEM  AX  OPPORTUNITY  TO  TRAVEL 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  97 

aged  and  bony  horse,  with  one  eye  and  an  arti 
ficially  bobbed  tail  which  had  been  shortened 
by  machinery  to  an  all  but  rabbit-like  appendage 
on  account  of  the  animal  being  known  as  a  tail- 
hugger:  that  is,  whenever  the  rein  got  under  the 
animal's  tail,  that  tail  would  clamp  down  over  the 
rein  with  a  viselike  grip  and  the  animal  would 
either  bolt  or  kick  and  frequently  did  both.  Of 
course,  the  extreme  brevity  of  its  tail  made  it 
rather  difficult  for  the  vicious  old  crowbait  to 
catch  the  reins,  but  it  was  always  hopeful  and 
constantly  switched  its  stub  tail  in  the  effort. 

To  prevent  this  the  wily  and  experienced  dea 
con  had  built  a  high  rail  over  the  dashboard  of 
his  cart  over  which  the  reins  passed  and  were  out 
of  danger,  provided  due  care  was  exercised  to 
prevent  them  from  sagging  sufficiently  to  bring 
them  within  the  danger  zone  or  infected  district. 
The  extreme  age  of  the  beast  would  naturally 
be  supposed  to  have  abated  its  vicious  desire  to 
start  things,  but  as  a  matter  of  fact  it  apparently 
had  no  effect  in  deadening  its  ambition,  and  ever 
hopeful,  it  switched  and  switched  in  vain. 

It  might  well  be  supposed  that  the  parents  of 
Plupy,  Beany,  and  Pewt  would  have  objected 
strenuously  to  their  sons'  embarking  in  such  a 
sphere  of  usefulness,  but  they  were  not  consulted 
in  the  matter.  The  mothers  of  these  three  boys 
were  famous  housekeepers,  whose  duties  kept 


98     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

them  busy  at  home.  Their  fathers  were  also  busy 
men,  and  as  long  as  the  boys  filled  the  woodbox, 
split  the  kindlings,  were  on  hand  with  fair  regu 
larity  at  their  meals,  were  present  and  accounted 
for  evenings,  and  were  not  publicly  accused  of 
any  overt  act  of  sedition  by  the  legally  consti 
tuted  authorities,  their  time  during  the  long 
vacation  was  their  own.  And  so,  conscious  of 
this  leniency  on  the  part  of  their  parents,  they 
performed  their  household  chores  with  praise 
worthy  diligence. 

There  was,  of  course,  the  usual  dispute  be 
tween  them  as  to  who  should  drive,  who  should 
lug,  and  who  should  pour  in,  and  when  this  was 
satisfactorily  settled,  there  was  a  further  dis 
pute  as  to  "whether  a  feller  could  be  expected  to 
pour  out  a  lot  of  slops  without  spatterin'  any." 
Again,  there  was  trouble  when  each  one  sought 
the  privilege  of  "pasting"  an  innocent  passer-by 
with  a  tempting  potato  or  ripe  and  squashy 
tomato  floating  on  the  surface  of  the  load.  And 
as  this  practice  brought  hostilities  and  reprisals 
on  the  part  of  the  justly  indignant  victims,  their 
progress  along  certain  streets  became  a  general 
engagement  all  along  the  line,  in  which  the  air 
wTas  thick  with  projectiles  of  varied  nature  and 
degree  of  offensiveness  and  harder  missiles  of 
offense  which  stimulated  the  old  horse  to  unex 
pected  speed.  On  one  occasion  this  ancient  ani- 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  99 

mal  started  with  such  suddenness  that  Plupy 
went  over  backwards  into  the  half-liquid  con 
tents  of  the  cart  with  a  prodigious  splash  and 
frightful  results.  Indeed,  before  this  young  man 
could  go  home  he  was  compelled  to  go  in  swim 
ming  in  his  clothes,  and,  having  thoroughly 
washed  them,  to  dry  them  in  the  hot  August  sun 
and  reappear  at  the  supper-table  with  clean  but 
very  much  wrinkled  and  somewhat  shrunken 
garments. 

But  these  very  mishaps  increased  the  joy  of 
living  to  these  boys.  When  Plupy  emerged  from 
his  unexpected  bath,  Beany  and  Pewt  nearly 
died  with  mirth.  When  Beany,  during  brick  war 
fare  with  the  denizens  of  South  Street,  peeped 
over  the  edge  of  the  cart  just  in  time  to  receive  a 
yellow  cucumber  full  in  the  face,  Plupy  and  Pewt 
wrent  into  convulsions  of  laughter;  and  when 
Pewt,  staggering  under  a  heavy  pail  of  refuse, 
tripped  and  fell  with  his  load  the  whole  length  of 
Porter  Robinson's  flight  of  steps,  scattering  by 
products  all  over  the  street,  Plupy  and  Beany 
thought  life  held  nothing  more  delightful  for 
them. 

Then  again  they  were  welcome  visitors.  Neat 
housewives  were  always  glad  to  have  their  waste 
removed,  and  many  a  cooky,  many  an  apple  or 
pear,  even  an  occasional  two-  or  three-cent  piece 
came  to  their  eager  hands.  An  occasional  small 


100     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

job  in  the  line  of  removing  crockery,  tin  cans, 
and  other  refuse  (but  not  edible)  matter  came  to 
them,  and  was  duly  worked  out  with  the  aid  of 
the  deacon's  outfit,  but  to  their  own  profit.  These 
little  opportunities  were  treated  by  the  boys  as 
lucky  business  ventures,  and  as  the  word  "graft," 
coined  by  Josiah  Flynt,  was  then  unknown,  the 
use  of  the  deacon's  rolling  stock  and  motive 
power  to  advance  their  interests,  seemed  to  them 
an  extremely  proper  thing,  as  long  as  they  did  not 
jeopardize  his  interests  or  delay  their  collections. 

And  so  by  thrift,  industry,  courtesy,  and  strict 
attention  to  business  they,  to  use  a  current  ex 
pression  in  the  "News  Letter,"  "merited  a  con 
tinuance  of  the  public  patronage."  Their  income 
from  these  small  jobs,  added  to  the  small  but 
prompt  payments  of  their  employer,  who  was 
well  satisfied  with  their  work,  put  them  in  ex 
ceedingly  flourishing  circumstances.  Fortune 
was  greeting  them  with  a  wide  smile,  and  they 
were  correspondingly  elated  and  somewhat 
chesty  over  it.  It  had  not  always  been  easy  work, 
for  at  times  they  had  been  put  to  straits  in  ex 
plaining  to  their  parents  why  they  smelled  so  and 
where  for  mercy  sakes  they  had  been,  and  their 
excuses  had  been  marvels  of  ingenuity  and 
injured  innocence. 

They  had  purchased  largely  at  the  stores  and 
were  the  proud  owners  of  a  joint  and  several 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  101 

football,  a  sling-shot  apiece,  which  were  potent 
weapons  of  defense  on  embattled  streets  and  of 
offense  on  hitherto  peaceful  ones.  Plupy  had 
purchased  a  pair  of  white  mice  which  he  carried 
in  his  pockets  with  twine,  nails,  chewing-gum, 
and  other  plunder.  He  had  also  invested  in  a 
parti-colored  bantam  rooster,  so  phenomenally 
aged  that  its  comb  and  wattles  were  of  a  deep 
purple  color,  its  spurs  so  long  that  it  could  not 
walk  without  falling  down,  and  its  crowing  voice 
the  merest  gasping  pipe.  Yet  in  Plupy 's  eyes  it 
was  a  thing  of  beauty. 

Pewt  had  thrown  prudence  to  the  winds  and 
had  bought  a  set  of  oil  paints  on  the  installment 
plan;  while  Beany,  true  to  his  instincts  as  a 
dressy  man,  had  bought  a  checked  green-and- 
white  bosomed  shirt  thickly  speckled  with  small 
yellow  flowers,  and  further  embellished  with  pink 
cuffs  and  collar.  He  had  also  invested  in  a  box 
of  reversible  paper  collars  for  occasional  wear  at 
important  functions,  such  as  church  sociables 
and  picnics,  short  trips  to  the  beach,  the  visits  of 
and  to  relatives,  and  similar  occasions  of  weight. 
They  began  again  to  take  upon  themselves  airs 
of  importance,  although  they  said  very  little 
about  the  source  of  their  prosperity,  and  each 
boy  had  purchased  a  cheap  bottle  of  the  loudest 
and  most  far-reaching  cologne,  with  which  they 
endeavored  to  neutralize  the  penetrating  odor 


102     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

from  their  business,  which  would  have  caused 
them  some  embarrassment  in  social  circles. 

The  life  history  of  all  great  men  is  full  of  vain 
endeavors,  trials,  troubles,  tribulations,  temp 
tations,  discouragements,  blind  alleys  and  no- 
thoroughfares  in  their  path  to  greatness.  Few  if 
any  have  had  the  path  to  success  smooth  and 
without  obstacles.  Ambition  if  worthy  of  the 
name  is  made  more  ardent  by  obstacles.  Let  us 
hope  it  was  so  in  the  case  of  these  boys,  for  sel 
dom  if  ever  were  single-hearted  efforts  for  success 
so  mocked  at  by  unkind  fate.  They  needed  all 
their  fortitude,  all  their  cheerfulness,  all  their 
optimism;  for  Nemesis,  with  a  bludgeon  studded 
with  jagged  nails,  was  just  ahead  of  them,  lying 
in  wait  for  their  close-clipped  and  sun-bleached 
heads. 

A  move  of  reform  in  the  line  of  sanitation  had 
swept  over  the  town.  It  began  by  the  prosecu 
tion  of  one  Barney  McCrillis  charged  with  main 
taining  a  nuisance  in  keeping  pigs  in  a  most 
unsightly  sty  under  the  kitchen  windows  of  his 
neighbor,  Widow  Margaret  Doherty,  a  very  out 
spoken  Irish  lady,  known  to  the  public  generally 
as  "Wild  Mag."  Trouble  had  arisen  between 
Barney  and  the  forceful  Margaret  over  the  rela 
tive  fighting  ability  of  her  cat  and  Barney's 
black-and-tan  terrier,  and  Margaret,  to  avenge 
the  death  of  her  pet,  brought  an  action  against 


JL   -jJ 

.Ja*~ -'.->» 


BARNEY   AND    THE    FORCEFUL    MARGARET 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  103 

Barney  for  maintaining  a  nuisance  and  haled 
him  before  Justice  Hunnewell.  The  Court  took 
a  view  of  the  premises,  heard  the  evidence,  and 
promptly  convicted  Barney  and  banished  the 
pig.  Thereupon  Barney,  resolving  deeply  in  his 
mind  that  if  he  could  n't  "kape  a  pig,  divil  if  ony 
other  mon  shud,"  haled  Margaret's  half-brother 
into  court  on  a  similar  charge.  In  this  trial  Bar 
ney's  attorney,  the  Honorable  W.  W.  Stickney, 
summoned  Dr.  William  Perry,  who  testified  that 
in  his  opinion  late  cases  of  typhoid  which  threat 
ened  to  be  epidemic  owed  their  origin  to  un 
sanitary  pigpens,  sink- drains,  and  other  similar 
nuisances. 

Then  the  people  awakened;  public  meetings 
were  held.  The  keepers  of  pigs  loudly  maintained 
that  any  interference  with  their  vested  and  in 
alienable  rights  was  in  direct  violation  of  the 
constitution,  "B'goshamity!"  Those  who  main 
tained  lawns  and  gardens  joined  the  issue,  and 
aided  by  the  better  element  won  the  day  and 
banished  the  pigs  from  the  compact  part  of  the 
town.  It  was  at  the  conclusion  of  this  contro 
versy  that  the  deacon,  owning  land  on  Jady  Hill, 
undertook  the  industry  that  was  supplying  the 
boys  with  pocket-money. 

But  reform,  once  started,  does  not  always  stop 
at  the  point  aimed  at  by  its  instigators.  As  soon 
as  the  pigs  were  banished,  the  slaughter-houses 


104     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

were  attacked.  There  were  several  of  these 
places  that  had  been  doing  business  since  the 
recollection  of  the  oldest  inhabitant.  The  owners 
were  indignant  and  engaged  eminent  counsel. 

The  counsel,  holding  respectable  handkerchiefs 
to  their  respectable  and  respective  noses,  ex 
amined  the  buildings  and  declared  everything 
clean  and  shipshape  and  advised  their  clients  to 
fight  it  to  the  last  ditch.  The  counsel  for  the 
petitioners  tried  to  examine  the  premises  and 
were  driven  out  with  blasphemy  by  the  owners. 
An  injunction  was  asked  for,  witnesses  were 
summoned,  legal  fireworks  were  exploded,  foren 
sic  oratory  poured  forth,  and  —  the  injunction 
made  permanent.  This  did  the  business  for  the 
slaughter-houses. 

But  the  deacon,  not  maintaining  a  slaughter 
house  and  not  keeping  pigs  in  the  compact  part 
of  the  town,  kept  on  his  way  rejoicing,  added 
largely  to  his  stock  by  natural  increment,  and 
daily  increased  his  mound  of  innutritious  but 
highly  flavored  refuse. 

Murmurs  began  to  arise.  The  Honorable 
Agent  of  the  Cotton  Mills  whose  house  was  a 
half-mile  to  the  south  of  the  piggery,  held  a  field 
day  or  lawn  party  for  the  Upper  Church  parish 
ioners  on  his  spacious  grounds  one  day  in  honor 
of  the  Foreign  Missionary  from  Babelmandeb, 
the  Reverend  Thankful  Whittaker,  and  the  wind 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  105 

blew  from  the  north  and  tempered  the  August 
heat  with  delicious  coolness  and  the  most  ter 
rific  stenches  from  the  piggery  and  its  attendant 
mound,  and  drove  the  people  to  take  refuge 
indoors. 

Several  people  had  remonstrated  with  the 
deacon  for  collecting  waste  by  day,  and  had 
roundly  denounced  the  boys  for  unskillful  hand 
ling  of  the  same ;  but  the  deacon,  secure  in  the 
immunity  of  the  text  of  the  decisions,  went  his 
way  unterrified.  But  although  a  most  obstinate 
old  gentleman,  he  realized  that  unskillful  hand 
ling  by  the  boys  meant  waste  of  good  material, 
and  he  remonstrated  with  the  boys  with  senile 
vehemence. 

Once  give  a  dog,  a  man,  a  woman,  or  a  business 
a  bad  name,  and  it  seldom  becomes  better.  And 
so  the  deacon's  business  began  to  lose  caste  in 
the  minds  of  the  populace,  and  the  Mill  Agent's 
experience  resulted  in  a  petition  to  the  Superior 
Court  for  an  injunction.  Under  this  petition  a 
notice  of  fourteen  days  to  the  deacon  was  a  pre 
requisite  to  a  trial  upon  the  merits,  and  the 
deacon,  while  feeling  quite  sure  of  the  outcome, 
nevertheless  took  pains  to  cover  his  mound  with 
dry  earth,  to  clean  and  disinfect  his  buildings, 
and  to  collect  his  supplies  by  night  in  preparation 
for  the  view  of  the  premises  by  the  Honorable 
Court. 


106    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

The  night  before  the  hearing  the  Honorable 
Court  arrived  and  took  lodgings  at  the  Squam- 
scott.  That  evening  there  was  a  reception  given 
a  native  of  the  town,  returning  as  a  dignitary 
from  foreign  parts,  in  whom  the  town  took  great 
pride.  It  was  a  function  of  importance  at  the 
house  of  the  late  Honorable  Ezekiel  Blank,  on 
Front  Street.  Great  preparations  had  been  made 
for  the  entertainment  of  the  distinguished  guests, 
among  whom  was  included  the  Honorable  Court, 
who  had  been  prevailed  upon  to  lend  dignity  to 
the  function  by  his  learned  and  urbane  presence. 
The  grounds  were  hung  with  Chinese  lanterns ; 
local  musicians  were  blowing  themselves  black  in 
the  face  on  various  instruments  of  wood  and 
brass,  and  sawing  diminished  sevenths  on  strings  ; 
refreshments  were  being  served  by  beautiful 
young  ladies  in  white  ;  hacks  were  being  driven 
to  the  gate  and  were  discharging  loads  of  ladies 
in  tilters  and  mantillas,  who  pointed  their  toes 
and  minced  gracefully  on  the  arms  of  their  blue- 
coated  and  nankeen-trousered  escorts ;  when  the 
boys,  passing  by  on  their  cart  loaded  to  the  gun 
wale  with  fragrant  waste,  were  attracted  to  the 
place  by  the  lights,  the  music,  and  the  cheerful 
bustle. 

"Gosh,"  quoth  Plupy,  "hear  the  orchestra! 
ain't  that  bully?  I  know  that  tune,  it's  the  'Red 
Stocking  Quickstep';  hi!  hear  that  cornet, — 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  107 

ta-te-ta-te " ;  and  he  struck  into  the  theme  with 
vigor. 

"Aw,  shut  up,  can't  ye,"  snarled  Pewt;  "how 
can  we  hear  anything  with  your  yawpin'  like 
that." 

"Lessee  if  we  can't  drive  nearer,"  said  Beany. 

So  they  turned  the  horse  into  the  entrance  by 
the  house  of  the  Honorable  James  Bell,  and 
threaded  their  way  between  the  more  stately 
vehicles  in  spite  of  haughty  stare  and  smothered 
imprecation. 

As  they  obtained  a  commanding  position  near 
a  raised  platform,  the  orchestra  struck  up  "Hail 
to  the  Chief,"  and  from  the  front  door,  amid  the 
acclaim  of  the  populace  within  and  the  ohs  and 
ahs  of  the  peasantry  without,  came  an  imposing 
procession,  headed  by  the  honored  Principal  of 
the  Academy,  Dr.  Soule,  the  returned  Dignity 
from  Foreign  Shores,  the  Honorable  Court,  and 
the  gracious  hostess,  followed  by  various  dis 
tinguished  citizens  in  pairs,  and  took  seats  on 
the  platform.  The  orchestra  ceased,  and  arising, 
a  double  quartette  from  the  united  choirs  from 
the  First  and  Second  Congregational  Churches, 
poured  their  voices  soulfully  into  that  affecting 
lyric :  — 

"Home  again,  home  again,  from  a  foreign  shore, 
And  oh !  it  fills  my  heart  with  joy 
To  greet  our  friend  once  more." 


108    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

The  leader  of  the  choir  had  tactfully  altered  the 
possessives  in  the  song  so  as  to  convey  the  impres 
sion  that  the  populace's  heart  was  filled  with  joy 
at  seeing  the  distinguished  citizen  from  foreign 
parts  home  again;  at  which  the  distinguished 
citizen  from  foreign  parts,  or,  to  follow  the  lines 
of  the  lyric,  "foreign  shore,"  arose  and  bowed 
profoundly  right  and  left,  with  his  hand  on  his 
heart  and  amid  terrific  applause. 

The  song  concluded,  the  honored  Principal 
arose  and  in  felicitous  words,  interspersed  with 
appropriate  quotations  from  the  Latin  and 
Greek,  introduced  the  distinguished  citizen  from 
foreign  shores  by  insisting  that  no  introduction 
was  necessary  for  "one  whose  foot  was  on  his 
native  heath  and  whose  head  was  crowned  with 
the  laurel  of  distinguished  accomplishment." 

Long  and  insistent  was  the  applause  as  he 
ceased,  and  as  the  distinguished  citizen  from  a 
foreign  shore  arose.  Handkerchiefs  fluttered  in 
mimic  snowstorm,  bright  eyes  and  smiles  of 
welcome  outshone  the  sparkle  of  lantern  or  the 
glare  of  gas. 

Thrice  he  began  to  speak  and  thrice  was  he 
interrupted  by  thunderous  acclaim.  Finally  his 
white  and  ringed  hand,  raised  in  modest  depreca 
tion,  gained  him  a  hearing,  and  in  a  voice  husky 
with  feeling  he  began :  — 

"My  dear,  dear  friends  and  fellow-citizens: 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  109 

the  rewards  of  distinguished  services,  the  appre 
ciation  of  those  great  in  the  counsels  of  the 
nation  —  the  approbation,  the  respect,  and  the 
friendship  of  foreign  and  titled  dignitaries,  is 
little  compared  to  the  ties  of  friendship  that  bind 
one  to  his  home  town,  and  especially  when,  as  in 
this  case,  one  can  feel  that  he  has  continued  to 
hold  and  enjoy  the  friendship  and  has  won  the 
appreciation  and  the  approbation  of  these  home 
friends." 

The  distinguished  citizen's  voice  faltered,  and 
he  paused  and  pressed  a  white  handkerchief  to 
his  eyes  while  several  of  his  audience  sobbed 
into  white  handkerchiefs,  and  one  old  gentle 
man  cleared  his  throat  with  a  ringing  "  horaghm! 
ah-r-rgm!" 

The  distinguished  citizen  continued:  "Yes,  my 
dear  friends,  in  fulfilling  the  important  mission 
with  which  I  have  been  entrusted  by  those  of  our 
nation  in  supreme  authority,  it  has  been  my  good 
fortune  to  see  the  cities,  the  towns,  and  the  peo 
ple  of  the  Orient  and  the  Occident;  to  observe 
their  manners,  their  customs,  to  note  their  pecul 
iarities  of  dress,  of  language,  of  religion.  And  I 
am,  perhaps,  frank  in  saying  that  in  some  things 
they  are  undoubtedly  in  advance  of  us.  In  some, 
I  say,  but  in  many  we  are  immeasurably  their 
superiors.  In  our  home  spirit,  our  home  life,  our 
freedom  from  excesses,  our  respect  for  women, 


110    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

our  religious  and  political  freedom  and  tolerance, 
and  our  cleanliness. 

"And  of  the  latter,  in  passing,  I  wish  to  say  a 
word.  In  the  Orient,  in  the  Occident,  in  many  of 
the  finest  and  richest  towns  and  cities  of  those 
countries,  physical  cleanliness  is  a  thing  practi 
cally  unheard  of.  Sights,  sounds,  and  stenches 
that  would  not  be  tolerated  one  moment  in  a 
New  England  town  are  the  rule  in  foreign  towns 
and  cities.  But,  my  friends,  since  I  have  landed 
in  New  England  I  have  not  beheld  a  sight  that 
was  not  fair,  I  have  not  smelled  a  scent  that  was 
not  sweet  and  clean." 

Just  then  a  fitful  breeze  stirred  the  leaves  and 
wafted  to  his  nostrils  a  hideous  stench  from  the 
business  conveyance  of  the  boys.  He  paused,  and 
it  was  gone,  but  several  of  his  audience  turned 
their  heads  inquiringly  in  the  direction  from 
which  it  came. 

"For  a  moment,  my  friends,  the  recollection  of 
those  smells  was  so  vivid  that  I  almost  believed 
they  were  in  our  midst.  Thank  Heaven,  good 
friends,  we  in  New  England  are,  have  been,  and 
will  be  free  from  any  annoyances  that  spring  from 
uncleanliness,  either  morally,  mentally,  physi 
cally,  or  politically." 

Again  a  horrid  odor  swept  over  the  assem 
blage,  and  heads  turned  angrily,  while  the  orator 
took  a  sip  of  water  and  mopped  his  face.  There 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  111 

was  a  hurried  consultation  of  some  in  authority 
and  a  brawny  attendant  tiptoed  from  the  garden 
to  the  boys,  who  were  sitting  in  rapt  absorption 
at  the  splendid  scene. 

"Here,  you  young  ruffians,  you  take  that 
infernal  old  rackabones  and  that  old  cart  out 
of  here,  or  I'll  break  your  backs,"  he  hoarsely 
whispered,  as  he  grasped  the  horse  by  the  bridle 
to  lead  him  away,  while  the  orator  began  again. 

"And  speaking  of  cleanliness  I  wish  to  say  a 
word  about  cleanliness  of  language,  in  which,  I 
believe,  we  are  far  in  advance  of  other  peoples 
and  nations.  Truly  it  has  been  said,  'Let  your 
communication  be  Yea,  Yea,  and  Nay,  Nay,  for 
whatsoever  is  more  than  this  cometh  of  evil,'  and 
-What  in  hell  is  the  matter?"  he  roared,  as  a 
series  of  fearful  equine  squeals  and  hoarse  impre 
cations  arose  and  a  kicking,  squealing  horse  burst 
through  the  fence  and  into  the  inclosure  with  a 
burly  figure  hanging  to  its  bridle  and  swinging  to 
and  fro  like  an  ear-ring. 

It  seemed  that  when  the  attendant  spoke  so 
roughly  to  the  boys  and  seized  the  bridle,  the 
reins  dropped  from  Plupy's  hands  and  the  old 
horse  felt  them  touch  its  tail.  Here  was  the 
opportunity  it  had  waited  for  so  long,  and  the 
tail  gripped  the  reins  and  the  mad  animal  bolted 
for  the  audience,  squealing  and  kicking.  The 
audience  fled,  holding  up  its  skirts  and  shrieking; 


112    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

the  orchestra  seized  its  instruments  and  rushed 
for  the  grove;  the  distinguished  stranger  vaulted 
over  the  rail  like  a  youth  of  twenty  and  fled  to  the 
house,  leaving  the  hostess  to  look  out  for  herself; 
the  Honorable  Court  shinned  up  the  nearest  tree 
with  the  agility  of  a  boy  of  fifteen ;  the  three  boys 
pulled,  sawed,  shouted,  and  swayed  dangerously 
from  their  perch  on  the  pitching,  splashing,  spat 
tering  cart,  and  the  attendant  hung  on  with 
gasping  grunts  and  curses,  occasionally  touching 
the  ground  with  jolting  infrequency.  Round 
they  went,  twice  round  the  garden,  treading 
down  choice  plants,  knocking  down  latticework 
frames,  generating  every  sort  of  horrid  and  un 
godly  stench  until  the  wheel  cramped,  the  boys 
flew  out,  the  body  of  the  cart  turned  over  like  a 
wrestler  thrown  over  the  shoulder  of  his  oppo 
nent,  and  came  to  the  ground  a  wreck  of  shat 
tered  boards,  and  with  a  squattering  splash,  and 
the  horse,  freed  of  his  burden,  stopped  quietly. 

And  then  the  guests  came  out,  the  populace 
descended  from  trees  and  crawled  from  under 
various  places  of  refuge,  and  the  peasantry 
swarmed  through  the  broken  fence  and  discussed 
the  matter  in  high-pitched,  strident  voices  and 
with  great  animation. 

It  was  a  dreadful  mess,  —  a  dreadful,  dreadful 
mess!  The  boys  had  fled  through  the  trees  and 
across  gardens  to  Court  Street  and  home.  The 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  113 

Honorable  Court  had  withdrawn  to  his  hotel, 
fearing  lest  he  might  be  biased  in  the  hearing  of 
the  morrow;  the  populace  and  peasantry,  leaving 
the  attendants  with  mops,  brooms,  pails,  wood 
ashes,  disinfectants,  and  deodorizers  to  clean  up. 
And  on  the  morrow  the  hearing  took  place. 
The  view  was  had ;  the  evidence  heard,  —  and 
such  evidence!  The  deacon's  lawyers  fought 
tooth  and  nail;  the  Honorable  Court  was  a  just 
and  unbiased  Court;  but  the  injunction  was  made 
permanent,  and  the  Honorable  Court  in  signing 
the  decree  underscored  its  name  thrice.  The 
deacon  went  out  of  business  owing  Plupy,  Beany, 
and  Pewt  two  week's  arrears  in  salary.  And  thus 
once  more  did  evil  fortune  smite  them  heavily. 


VI 


THE    MEETING   OF   THE   COMMITTEE    ON    PUBLIC 
SAFETY 

THE  next  morning  the  story  of  the  unfortunate 
termination  of  the  reception  to  the  distinguished 
citizen  from  a  foreign  shore  was  known  to  every 
one  in  town  and  exhaustively  discussed.  The  day 
after,  for  journalistic  enterprise  was  not  as  keen 
in  those  days  as  in  the  present  day,  most  lurid 
and  amusing  accounts  filled  the  city  dailies.  The 
names  of  the  parties  were  given,  —  those  of  the 
boys  and  their  employer  in  large  type,  —  and  the 
story  adorned  with  every  flight  of  fancy  that  im 
agination  could  suggest. 

The  boys  were  intensely  flattered  by  the  more 
or  less  veracious  accounts  of  their  life  and  suffer 
ings,  and  the  highly  colored  narrations  of  their 
attempts  to  earn  an  honest  living  in  various  lines 
of  endeavor;  but  their  relatives  were  horrified, 
and  their  mothers  so  earnestly  laid  the  matter 
before  their  respective  husbands  that  these  wor 
thy  burghers  decided  to  call  a  meeting  of  the 
advisory  board,  consisting  of  these  gentlemen, 
sitting  in  Brad's  paint-shop  with  closed  doors. 

It  was  a  very  common  thing  for  these  gentlemen 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  115 

to  spend  a  part  of  their  day  of  rest  in  this  shop 
discussing  matters  of  common  interest.  Pewt's 
father,  known  to  his  associates  as  "Brad,"  as 
usual  repaired  to  his  shop  after  breakfast,  and  in 
his  shirt-sleeves  and  carpet-slippers  took  a  seat 
and  slowly  and  deliberately  cut  thin  slices  of 
tobacco  from  a  plug,  ground  it  thoroughly  in  his 
palms,  loaded  an  old  corncob  pipe,  lighted  it 
with  much  puffing,  leaned  back  and  alternately 
spat  and  sent  out  clouds  of  fragrant  blue  smoke. 
Soon  Plupy's  father,  "George,"  appeared,  clad  in 
a  sort  of  picturesque  neglige,  his  ordinary  Sab 
bath  costume,  followed  after  an  interval  of  a  few 
minutes  by  Beany's  father,  "Wats,"  resplendent 
in  a  most  stunning  attire  and  smoking  a  silver- 
mounted  meerschaum.  George,  whose  daily  trips 
to  Boston  as  a  government  employee  compelled 
him  to  dress  well  during  the  week,  took  occasion 
to  lounge  and  loaf  on  Sunday  in  the  most  non 
descript  garments,  while  Brad  and  Wats,  whose 
business  as  painters,  grainers,  and  paper-hangers 
compelled  them  to  wear  during  working  hours  the 
checked  blouse  and  paint-encrusted  overalls  of 
their  trade,  appeared  on  Sunday  in  the  guise  of 
gaudy  butterflies  but  recently  emerged  from  the 
dingy  chrysalis. 

"Seen  the  papers,  Brad?"  queried  the  elder 
Shute,  as  he  knocked  the  ashes  from  a  five-cent 
cigar. 


116    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Ain't  seen  nothin'  else,"  replied  that  gentle 
man  rather  snappishly. 

"Whatcher  got  to  say  about  it,  Wats?"  con 
tinued  Plupy's  father. 

"Dunno,  George,"  replied  Wats  doubtfully; 
"them  boys  are  the  infernalest  boys  I  ever  see," 
he  continued,  quite  appropriately  and  with  entire 
conviction. 

"Seems  to  me  we  did  n't  use  to  have  any  such 
carryin's-on  when  I  was  a  boy,  did  we,  Wats?" 
opined  Brad  judicially,  making  an  astonishingly 
accurate  shot  for  the  pipe-hole  in  the  chimney 
and  replacing  his  pipe  with  the  consciousness  of  a 
deed  well  done. 

"Never  in  this  world,"  said  Wats  convincingly. 
"Of  course,  I  did  n't  live  here  when  I  was  a  boy, 
but  I  guess  boys  were  pretty  much  the  same  in 
Maine  'n'  New  Hampshire  then,  'n'  the  boys 
down  my  way  in  Saco  'n'  Biddeford  were  pretty 
good  boys." 

"That's  so,"  said  Plupy's  father;  "I  believe  it, 
for  the  boys  of  my  day,  when  Brad  and  I  were 
at  school  here,  were  pretty  respectable  chaps. 
I  wonder  what  the  reason  is  for  the  change?  I 
don't  understand  it." 

"Wall,  George,"  said  Brad,  "one  really  bad 
boy  in  a  neighborhood  can  do  a  good  deal  towards 
making  jailbirds  of  every  other  boy  in  that  neigh 
borhood.  Now,  when  I  moved  down  on  Court 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  117 

Street,  I  cal'late  there  wa'n't  a  better-behaved 
'n'  more  reliable  'n'  dependable  critter  in  th  hull 
State  than  that  boy  Clar'nce  of  mine.  But  jest  as 
soon  as  he  began  to  crony  'round  with  that  ere 
Harry  of  yourn,  I  began  to  see  a  difference.  He 
wa'n't  the  same  boy  nohow.  S'phi  seen  it,  too." 
And  he  changed  legs  and  spat  convincingly. 

"Well,  Brad,"  said  the  elder  Shute,  with  a 
growing  gleam  in  his  eyes,  "you  may  be  right, 
but  it  would  be  pretty  hard  to  convince  me  and 
my  wife  and  all  the  rest  of  us  that  before  your 
boy  came  down  here  to  this  neighborhood  the 
boys  here  were  not  as  good  a  set  of  boys  as  they 
were  in  our  time.  Wats's  boy,  Elbridge,  was 
about  the  only  boy  in  the  neighborhood  that 
people  were  suspicious  about,  and  he  was  well 
enough  until  he  got  in  with  your  boy."  And  the 
elder  Shute  bit  his  cigar  in  twain  to  emphasize 
his  point. 

"Well,  as  to  that,  my  boy  was  in  this  neighbor 
hood  before  either  of  your  boys,  'n'  up  to  the  time 
that  Harry  Shute  'n'  Clarence  Purinton  came 
here,  I  never  heard  a  word  of  criticism  from  any 
one.  Since  they  came  into  this  neighborhood  he 
has  been  in  trouble  all  the  time.  I  have  told  him 
more  'n  forty  times  that  if  I  catch  him  with  either 
Clarence  Purinton  or  that  Harry  Shute,  I  would 
take  the  hide  off  en  him."  And  Wats  glared  about 
him  as  if  challenging  contradiction. 


118    THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Jest  what  I  said  to  Clar'nce,"  said  Brad; 
"Clar'nce,'  sez  I,  'if  I  ketch  ye  with  that  Shute 
boy  'n'  that  Watson  boy,  I  '11  raise  welts  on  ye  all 
up  and  down  ye  ez  big  ez  school  rulers." 

"I'm  glad  you  both  did,  and  you  have  no 
idea  how  I  appreciate  your  kindness.  Anything 
that  will  keep  your  two  boys  from  associating 
with  mine  receives  my  most  unqualified  ap 
proval,"  said  Plupy's  father,  with  fine  sarcasm,  his 
eyes  retiring  deeply  beneath  their  beetling  brows. 
"And  I  told  my  boy  that  if  I  ever  caught  him 
with  that  Pewt  and  that  Beany,  as  they  call 
them,  I  would  tan  his  hide  so  that  it  would  n't 
hold  water,  and  that  if  I  ever  caught  either  of 
those  rascals  on  my  premises  I  would  hang  them. 
And  I  want  to  say  right  here,"  he  continued, 
bringing  his  hand  down  so  hard  on  the  bench  that 
hardware  rattled,  paint  slopped,  and  the  glorious 
Goddess  of  Liberty  in  her  gaudy  frame,  holding 
aloft  the  evenly  rippled  flag,  almost  sprang  from 
her  perch,  "that  I  believe  those  two  boys  came 
honestly  by  their  deviltry  and  inherited  it  from 
their  fathers  who  are  no  better  than  the  boys." 

Wats  and  Brad  sprang  to  their  feet  crimson 
and  choking  with  indignation,  reminding  one 
forcibly  of  the  occasion  when 

"Each  guest  upstarted  at  the  word 
And  laid  his  hand  upon  his  sword 
With  fury-flashing  eye." 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  119 

What  the  result  might  have  been  nobody  can  say. 
Whether  Plupy's  father  could  have  held  his  own 
with  his  two  opponents,  smaller,  but  wiry  and 
toughened  by  daily  feats  of  climbing  ladders,  or 
whether  he  was  destined  to  go  down  in  glorious 
defeat  overpowered  by  numbers;  whether  or 
not  the  air  would  be  thick  with  paints,  brushes, 
gaudy  chromoscopes,  rolls  of  wall-paper,  putty- 
knives,  paste-brushes,  ceiling-scrapers,  oils,  siz 
ing,  galvanized  action,  and  bursts  of  profanity, 
or  they  would  adjourn  to  the  green,  peel  and 
settle  their  difficulty  by  a  triangular  battle  to  the 
dismay,  consternation,  astonishment,  and  delight 
of  the  happy  church-goers,  was  never  satisfac 
torily  settled. 

Happily  for  all  concerned,  their  good  name, 
fame,  and  reputation,  happily  for  the  close 
friendship  that  had  endured  between  them  for 
years,  Plupy's  father's  temper  was  as  quick  as  a 
flash  of  powder  and  as  soon  over;  and  the  sight 
of  these  ordinarily  peaceful  citizens,  filled  to  the 
brim  with  good  will  to  all,  springing  to  answer 
the  call  to  arms  and  breathing  defiance,  was  too 
much  for  his  risibles,  and  he  broke  into  a  roar  of 
laughter  that  lasted  until  the  faces  of  the  two 
other  fathers  began  to  relax,  the  fire  to  fade  from 
their  eyes,  and  the  corners  of  their  mouths  to 
work. 

"Don't  see  whatcher  laughin'  at,"  said  Brad, 


120    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

dropping  a  hickory  stirring-stick  which  he  had 
instinctively  reached  for. 

"Neither  do  I,  George,"  said  Wats,  unclinch- 
ing  his  fists  and  allowing  the  white  to  die  out  of 
his  knuckles  and  the  flash  of  anger  to  fade  from 
his  face;  "it  ain't  no  laughin'  matter." 

"Sit  down,  Brad;  sit  down,  Wats;  you  two 
infernal  old  jackasses.  I'll  take  it  all  back;  I'm 
worse  than  any  of  you,"  and  he  roared  again. 
"Did  you  ever  see  such  a  set  of  infernal  old  hypo 
crites  as  we  are.  Good,  reliable  boys  we  were, 
were  we?  I  don't  know  what  Wats  was  as  a  boy, 
but  I  do  know  that  Brad  and  I  were  the  two 
worst  boys  in  town  and  ought  to  have  been  in 
jail  for  life.  Say,  Brad,  do  you  remember  the  time 
we  rigged  a  tit-tat-to  on  Betty  Clifford's  window 
and  had  half  the  neighbors  looking  for  spirits." 

"I  remember  it,  yes,"  said  Brad,  grinning  sym 
pathetically.  "  'N'  the  next  night  when  we  tried 
it  with  a  brick  'n'  it  went  through  the  window  'n' 
took  the  sash  with  it!  -  -  Yes,  yes,  George,  what 
jailbirds  we  were,"  said  Brad,  chuckling  and 
puffing  his  pipe,  while  Wats  grinned  and  lit  his. 

"And  do  you  remember  when  we  climbed  into 
the  First  Church  steeple  and  tied  a  cord  to  the 
bell-tongue,  ran  it  to  a  tree  in  the  next  lot,  and 
tolled  it  at  twelve  o'clock  every  night  for  a  week?  " 

"Gosh!  yes,  George,  I  shall  never  forget  it," 
said  Brad,  wiping  his  eyes. 


HE    BROKE    INTO    A    ROAR    OF    LAUGHTER 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  121 

"Do  you  remember  when  Jim  Melcher  and 
you  and  I  found  where  the  Selectmen  threw  the 
crows'  heads  for  which  they  paid  bounty,  and  we 
used  to  crawl  in  under  the  office  floor  and  get 
those  heads  and  get  pay  for  them  again?" 

"Remember  it!  I  should  say  I  do;  'n'  if  them 
old  heads  had  n't  got  so  high  I  guess  we  would 
have  been  doin'  it  now,"  gasped  Brad,  choking 
on  a  misdirected  puff  of  acrid  smoke. 

"Who  threw  the  skunk-bladder  into  the  Hard 
Shell  Baptist  Revival  meeting,  Brad?" 

"I  didn't,  George,  honest,  now,"  said  Brad, 
slapping  his  knees;  "did  you?" 

"No,  I  swear  I  didn't,"  said  George;  "some 
said  it  was  Bill  Clark,  some  said  me,  some  laid  it 
on  to  Jim  Melcher,  and  others  on  to  Bill  Young. 
I  was  there,  though.  Great  snakes!  how  those 
revivalists  did  come  piling  out  of  that  church, 
'phewing  and  spitting  just  like  a  lot  of  crazy  tom 
cats;  oh,  dear,  oh,  dear,"  gasped  Plupy's  father, 
while  Wats  held  onto  his  sides  with  both  hands. 
'  'Member  when  the  Adventists  were  holding 
meetings  over  Jewell's  paint-shop  and  we  took 
down  the  steps  and  then  started  the  fire-alarm 
and  they  came  out  heels  over  head." 

"Don't,  George,  I  shall  bust  if  you  say  any 
more,"  pleaded  Brad,  almost  in  collapse;  "we 
were  the  toughest  set  of  rowdies  in  this  country." 

"And  that  is  n't  all.    I  could  sit  here  for  two 


THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

hours  and  tell  one  thing  after  another  that  Brad 
and  I  did  with  some  of  the  other  good,  reliable 
Sunday-School  boys  of  the  time,  —  Bill  Young, 
Jim  Melcher,  Roland  Folsom,  Charlie  and  Jim 
Folsom,  Bill  Bowley,  Charles  Taylor,  and  a  few 
other  sissy  boys  that  we  would  like  to  have  our 
boys  take  after.  Oh,  I  could  tell  a  few  things," 
said  George,  shaking  his  head  ominously,  while 
his  eyes  danced. 

"  Tell  'em,  tell  'em,  George,"  said  Wats,  with  en 
thusiasm.  "  I  did  n't  know  Brad  was  such  a  feller." 

"Brad!  well,  he  was  about  the  liveliest  boy  in 
this  town.  Ever  hear  of  the  time  he  peppered  the 
clam  chowder  at  the  fireman's  ball  supper?" 
asked  Plupy's  father. 

"Now,  look  here,  George,  they  ain't  no  sense 
in  layin'  that  on  to  me;  you  know  that  you  'n' 
Jim  Melcher  'n'  Charles  Taylor  got  that  thing 
up,  'n'  I  did  n't  have  anything  to  do  with  it," 
protested  Brad. 

"Who  bought  the  pepper?  tell  Wats  that," 
said  Plupy's  father. 

"Who  paid  for  it  'n'  got  Jim  Melcher  to  put  it 
in?  Tell  him,  George,  tell  him,"  urged  Brad  in  his 
turn;  "only  tell  it  as  't  is." 

"Well,  what  did  you  do?  Tell  a  feller  'n'  don't 
keep  him  waitin',"  urged  Wats. 

"Well,  you  see,  the  fire  companies  in  those 
days  had  an  annual  ball  some  time  in  January,  to 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  123 

which  the  Amesbury  and  Newmarket  and  South 
Newmarket  boys  were  invited.  It  was  a  great 
time,  and  began  with  a  supper,  generally  a  clam 
chowder  in  the  court-room  at  about  half-past  six, 
and  afterwards  a  ball  lasting  from  eight  until 
about  five  the  next  morning. 

"An  old  colored  man  named  Archelaus  Husoe 
usually  got  up  the  chowder,  and  made  it  in  a  huge 
cauldron  holding  about  two  barrels.  A  commit 
tee  of  the  companies  always  went  to  Hampton 
Beach  the  day  before  and  got  two  barrels  of 
fresh  clams,  and  generally  got  drunk  before  they 
returned.  Then  another  committee  shucked 
them,  —  I  mean  the  clams,  not  the  committee, 
-  and  got  them  ready.  The  afternoon  before  the 
supper  Archelaus  Husoe  and  a  half-dozen  other 
niggers,  Tashes,  Harrises,  and  Husoes,  took 
charge  of  the  cooking  and  serving. 

"There  was  a  committee  of  firemen  to  receive 
the  guests  and  another  committee  on  liquid  re 
freshments,  which  were  generally  new  rum  and 
gin.  All  the  firemen  appeared  in  red  shirts 
and  helmets,  and  it  was  a  very  lively  time.  Old 
Archelaus  had  a  good  idea  of  effect  and  insisted 
on  promptness,  and  at  precisely  half-past  six 
o'clock  the  long  tables  were  ready,  with  the  pint 
bowls  filled  with  steaming  chowder,  the  cups  with 
fragrant  coffee,  the  crackers  and  pickles  and  large 
spoons  ready.  Then  the  company  marched  in 


124    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

with  their  ladies  and  took  seats,  the  chairman 
gave  the  signal,  'Play  Away,'  and  the  spoons 
were  dipped  and  the  feast  began.  Thus  there  was 
no  haste  and  no  delay.  No  slopping  of  the  con 
tents  of  bowls  down  the  necks  or  over  the  shirts 
of  the  men  or  the  dresses  of  the  ladies. 

"To  do  this  successfully  Archelaus  had  to  en 
gage  plenty  of  aides,  and  as  he  preferred  gratui 
tous  service  when  he  could  get  it,  and  as  those 
who  helped  him  could  attend  the  ball  and  hear 
the  music  and  fill  up  on  chowder  and  pies,  beans, 
cake,  and  other  dainties,  invitations  to  help  wait 
on  table,  carry  chairs,  arrange  dishes,  and  keep 
the  chowder  from  burning  were  much  sought 
after  by  the  boys. 

"So  that  evening  Brad,  Bill  Young,  Jim  Mel- 
cher,  Charles  Taylor,  and  a  few  other  choice 
jailbirds,  not  including  myself,  of  course,  —  I 
include  myself  in  the  crowd  but  not  in  the  jail 
birds,  —  were  among  the  waiters  and  assistants. 
Well,  we  worked  all  the  afternoon  and  had  a  good 
time,  and  if  it  had  n't  been  for  Brad  everything 
would  have  gone  all  right." 

"Why  on  account  of  me?"  said  Brad. 

"You  keep  still,  Brad;  I'm  telling  this  story," 
said  Plupy's  father.  "Well,  as  I  was  about  to 
remark,  Brad  was  always  full  of  the  devil  and  up 
to  all  sorts  of  unexpected  things,  and  so  it  oc 
curred  to  him  — " 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  125 

"Come,  now,  who  put  up  this  thing,  anyway? 
'T  was  either  you  or  Jim  — 

"Hold  your  horses,  Brad,  I  have  the  floor," 
said  Plupy's  father,  continuing;  -  "to  put  some 
thing  in  the  chowder  to  warm  them  up  a  bit.  He 
first  suggested  a  gallon  of  rum,  but  we  could  n't 
get  it,  as  we  had  no  money." 

:' You  suggested  that,  George,  yourself,"  inter 
rupted  Brad. 

"And  so  Brad  said  a  couple  of  pounds  of 
cayenne  pepper  would  warm  things  up  in  good 
shape." 

"That  was  what  Jim  said,"  protested  Brad. 

"And  so  Brad  \vent  down  to  Nat  Weeks's 
store,  and  bought  a  couple  of  pounds  of  cayenne. 

"Then  Jim  and  I  were  left  to  stir  the  chow 
der,  and  Brad,  who  was  helping  the  other  boys 
arrange  the  tables,  purposely  dropped  and  broke 
a  plate,  and  the  moment  Archelaus  heard  that,  he 
dashed  out  into  the  court-room  to  see  what  the 
trouble  was,  and  I,  that  is,  I  mean  Jim  Melcher, 
poured  the  whole  two  pounds  into  the  chowder, 
and  before  Archelaus  came  back  we  had  got  it 
pretty  well  stirred  in.  Of  course,  when  Archelaus 
came  back  he  sneezed  and  we  sneezed  some,  and 
Archelaus  swore  at  us  for  sneezing  towards  the 
cauldron,  and  then  he  began  to  sneeze  again;  but 
it  happened  that  some  one  had  upset  a  pepper- 
shaker  on  one  of  the  tables,  and  Archelaus  had 


126    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

been  brushing  it  up  and  so  he  did  n't  suspect 
anything  except  that  he  thought  we  were  mock 
ing  him;  you  know  a  nigger  is  a  bit  sensitive 
when  it  comes  to  any  one  sneezing  before  him; 
you  remember  the  song  - 

'Nigger,  nigger,  never  die, 
Black  face  and  chiny  eye, 
This  the  way  the  nigger  goes,  'choo,  'choo,  'choo ! ' 

Well,  he  swore  at  us,  and  said  he  would  knock  our 
heads  off  if  we  did  n't  stop;  but  he  was  too  busy 
to  do  it,  and  as  he  had  tasted  the  chowder  just 
before  he  went  out  and  had  pronounced  it  all 
right,  he  did  n't  taste  it  again,  and  we  were  safe, 
as  Archelaus,  although  a  nigger,  was  as  neat  as  a 
pin  and  did  n't  allow  any  one  else  to  taste  it. 

"So  he  filled  the  bowls  and  had  them  carried 
in  and  placed  on  the  table,  and  every  now  and 
then  he  gave  a  loud  sneeze  and  cursed  the  boy 
who  upset  the  pepper-shaker.  At  last  all  was 
ready,  and  the  orchestra  struck  up  and  the  fire 
men,  their  guests,  and  ladies  marched  in  and  took 
their  places.  Just  as  there  was  silence  and  the 
chairman  was  rising,  Archelaus  let  out  a  sneeze 
that  nearly  raised  the  roof,  and  made  every  one 
laugh.  Knowing  what  was  coming  I  thought  I 
should  die. 

"Then  the  chairman  said,  'Ladies  and  gentle 
men,  eat  hearty  and  give  the  house  a  good  name ' ; 
and  then  he  shouted  through  his  trumpet,  'Play 


-'*-"•*'" 


A    SNEEZE    THAT    NEAKLY    RAISED    THE    ROOF 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  127 

away,  Two/  and  every  one  dipped  his  spoon  and 
took  a  good  swallow,  and  then  made  a  frightful 
face,  and  of  all  the  spitting,  coughing,  gagging, 
sneezing,  retching,  cursing,  and  swearing,  I  never 
heard  anything  like  it.  Brad  and  I  were  on  duty 
in  the  upper  part  of  the  hall,  and  I  could  see 
Archelaus  and  the  other  niggers,  with  their 
mouths  open  and  eyeballs  bulging  like  crocky 
doorknobs,  wondering  what  the  trouble  was. 

"Some  one  cleared  his  throat  enough  to  yell, 
'The  black  nigger  put  cayenne  pepper  in  the 
chowxler,'  and  every  one  who  could  speak  with 
out  choking  to  death  began  to  yell,  'Kill  the 
niggers,  kill  the  black  cusses';  and  a  score  of 
brawny  fellows  who  had  fortunately  spit  before 
they  swallowed  the  fiery  chowder,  made  a  rush 
towards  the  kitchen,  while  the  rest  clawed  at 
their  own  throats,  choked,  gasped,  and  gurgled 
and  fought  for  wrater,  and  the  niggers  scattered 
like  rabbits. 

"Well,  there  was  a  tremendous  row  made 
about  it,  and  an  investigation  was  made  and 
prosecution  threatened.  We  boys  were  scared 
to  death  about  it,  but  when  our  turn  came  to  be 
examined  lied  like  pirates,  and  it  was  never  found 
out  who  the  miscreants  were.  Enough  was  de 
veloped  to  show  that  the  cook  had  nothing  to 
do  with  it,  and  I  think  the  firemen  after  a  time 
paid  his  bill.  They  were  a  good  set  of  fellows,  a 


128    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

bit  rough  in  their  ways  and  a  bit  too  partial  to 
rum,  but  they  had  their  good  points.  Still,  as 
they  were  firemen,  they  ought  to  have  been  able 
to  stand  a  little  thing  like  cayenne  pepper.  But 
it  was  a  mean  trick,  and  it  would  n't  have  hap 
pened  if  it  had  n't  been  for  that  Brad  Purinton." 

"N*  that  George  Shute,"  chimed  in  Brad, 
"who  thought  out  the  whole  thing." 

"Well,  to  tell  the  truth,  while  I  cannot  truth 
fully  disclaim  some  responsibility  in  the  matter, 
I  doubt  very  much  if  any  one  would  believe  for  a 
moment  that  I  was  the  ringleader  of  the  boys  of 
that  time.  But  it  was  hard  on  those  niggers.  I 
shall  never  forget  how  they  scattered.  Some  of 
them  were  not  seen  for  days.  It  was  said  that 
Archelaus  Husoe  ran  eight  miles  toward  North- 
wood  without  stopping.  I  have  an  impression 
that  some  of  those  niggers  never  did  come  back. 
At  all  events,  there  was  a  black  skeleton  found  in 
the  woods  halfway  between  Kingston  arid  Fre 
mont  two  years  afterwards." 

"A  black  skeleton,  George,  ye  don't  say!  I 
never  heard  of  that.  You  remember  how  black 
them  Husoes  were.  Ez  likely  ez  not,  't  was  one 
of  them  Husoes,"  said  Brad  excitedly,  while 
Wats  nodded  in  silent  confirmation  and  Plupy's 
father  nearly  strangled  over  a  puff  of  smoke. 

"Well,  those  were  great  times,  but  I  don't 
know  as  we  were  any  better  when  we  grew  up," 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  129 

said  Plupy's  father.  "Remember,  Wats,  just 
after  you  got  here,  the  big 'fight  with  the  New 
market  gang  that  began  in  Rufe  Cutler's  saloon? 
You  came  downtown  that  night  with  a  velvet 
coat  and  a  tall  hat,  and  waded  right  in.  We  never 
saw  the  hat  again,  but  I  remember  how  that  vel 
vet  coat  looked  when  the  fight  was  over  and  we 
had  cleaned  them  out.  You  were  always  a  dressy 
cuss,  Wats,  but  that  time  you  were  the  raggedest 
and  most  bunged-up  individual  I  ever  saw." 

"I  remember  that,  too,"  said  Brad;  "I  came 
out  of  that  with  my  nose  turned  way  round  on 
one  side,  one  eye  closed,  'n'  both  thumbs  out  of 
joint,  'n'  I  had  promised  to  paint  'Peace  on 
Earth  and  Good  Will  to  Men'  on  a  big  banner 
for  the  First  Church  Sunday-School  the  next 
morning,  'n'  I  did  it,  too,  but  I  cal'late  I  did  n't 
quite  git  into  the  spirit  of  the  thing." 

"'Member  the  next  fight  we  had  with  them 
Newmarket  and  South  Newmarket  fellers?" 
chimed  in  Wats.  "I  was  down  at  the  Wiggin 
Tavern  at  South  Newmarket,  'n'  it  begun  in  the 
front  entry.  Some  one  said  something  to  you, 
George,  that  you  did  n't  like,  'n'  you  hit  him  'n' 
knocked  him  halfway  up  the  front  stairs.  Then 
the  fight  begun  'n'  lasted  for  over  a  half-hour,  but 
they  were  too  much  for  us  that  time.  I  remember 
George  Kitchens  'n'  the  three  Husoe  boys  got 
separated  from  the  crowd  'n'  were  chased  down 


130    THE   MISADVENTURES   OF 

to  the  wharf  'n'  jumped  in,  swam  across,  'n' 
came  back  home  through  Stratham.  Those 
Squamscott  Machine  Works  fellers  were  a 
pretty  tough  set." 

''Yes,  but  we  had  ought  to  got  licked  that 
night,  for  some  of  our  best  fighters  wa'n't  there. 
Al  Lane  and  Ben  and  Plummer  Kelly,  Jerry  Tan 
ner  and  Newt  Marsh  were  away,  and  there  were 
some  Eppin'  fellers  there  to  help  the  South 
Newmarket  gang. 

"But  the  next  time  we  licked  them  on  their 
own  grounds.  That  night  they  had  a  big  crowd 
of  fighters  from  the  three  towns,  and  we  had 
all  our  best  men,  the  Lane  boys,  Jim  Robinson, 
Ben  and  Plummer  Kelly,  Ben,  Jim,  and  George 
Ellison,  Jerry  Tanner,  Bill  Clark,  Bill  Young, 
George  Kitchens,  and  the  three  Husoe  boys,  — 
and  how  those  niggers  could  stand  thumps  on  the 
head!  We  met  'em  in  the  square  and  they  had 
arranged  it  pretty  well.  Remember  those  two 
roads;  one  going  towards  Littlefield's  Crossing 
and  one  down  towards  the  river?  Well,  they  had 
posted  a  big  gang  of  men  down  these  roads,  and 
when  our  crowd  had  all  got  by  and  started  in  to 
tackle  the  main  crowd,  these  two  gangs  piled  on 
us  from  behind  to  cut  off  our  retreat.  But  we 
were  not  retreating  very  much  that  night.  I 
was  never  in  such  a  fight  as  that  in  my  life.  It 
was  punch,  hit,  clinch,  let  go,  butt  (I  saw  Arche- 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  131 

laus  Husoe  butt  a  South  Newmarket  fellow  a 
rod),  knock  down,  and  drag  out.  If  a  fellow  was 
down  we  tramped  right  over  him.  There  was  no 
time  to  stop  for  the  wounded.  It  was  every  man 
look  out  for  his  head  and  wind.  Apart  from  the 
fact  that  sometimes  a  fellow  had  two  or  three  at 
him  at  once,  it  was  a  square  fight  enough,  and  no 
clubs  or  rocks  were  used  and  no  brass  knuckles, 
and  I  don't  think  any  one  was  struck  while  down 
except  when  two  fellows  had  clinched  and  were 
rolling  on  the  ground  and  hammering  each  other. 
We  everlastingly  cleaned  'em  out  that  time. 
They  sent  for  old  Judge  Blackford,  of  New 
market,  and  he  stood  up  on  a  barrel  and  read  the 
riot  act,  or  tried  to ;  but  they  yanked  his  barrel 
out  from  under  him,  and  he  came  down  heels  over 
head  and  struck  for  the  nearest  doorway. 

"After  we  had  driven  them  out  of  their  own 
square  and  chased  them  into  alleys,  we  collected 
our  men  and  marched  back.  Every  fellow  was 
more  or  less  bunged-up,  but  nobody  badly  hurt 
and  every  one  could  walk,  and  we  all  felt  pretty 
good  over  the  result.  Seth  Tanner  and  George 
Kitchens  wanted  to  burn  the  Wiggin  Tavern,  and 
we  had  to  persuade  them  not  to  and  bring  them 
along  with  us.  The  next  day  there  was  a  lot  of  talk 
about  it,  and  there  was  talk  of  prosecution  for 
riot,  but  they  would  have  had  to  arrest  about 
all  the  able-bodied  young  fellows  in  four  towns, 


132    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

and  I  guess  they  thought  better  of  it.  That  was 
the  last  big  fight  we  had,"  said  Plupy's  father, 
sighing  over  the  decadence  of  those  degenerate 
times. 

"But  there  was  plenty  of  excitement  besides 
fights  in  those  days,"  sighed  Brad.  "'Member 
the  fights  with  the  students?" 

"Uh  huh,"  said  Plupy's  father,  relighting  his 
stump  of  cigar. 

"Member  the  time  the  people  raided  Dan 
Meader's  saloon,  George?" 

"Thunder,  yes,  Brad,  I  guess  I  do  remember 
that,"  said  George,  discarding  his  glowing  stub  in 
his  interest  in  the  recollection. 

"What  about  it,  Brad?"  asked  Wats;  "'t 
sounds  interesting." 

"Let  George  tell  it;  he  has  the  knack  of  mak 
ing  things  look  full  ez  well  ez  they  are,"  said 
Brad,  with  marked  emphasis  and  a  humorous 
wrinkle  at  the  corners  of  his  mouth. 

"Go  ahead,  George,"  said  Wats,  "spin  her 
out." 

"All  right,  gentlemen,"  said  Plupy's  father, 
"thanking  Brad  for  the  compliment  and  Wats  for 
his  flattering  interest  in  the  matter  and  the  atten 
tion  he  gives  to  my  modest  yarn,  I  will  endeavor 
to  satisfy  a  curiosity  natural  under  the  circum 
stances." 

"You  see,  Wats,"  he  said,  relapsing  into  his 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  133 

more  natural  manner  and  flicking  the  ashes  from 
his  cigar,  "there  used  to  be  a  saloon  on  lower 
Water  Street,  nearly  opposite  where  Tom  Con 
ner's  store  now  is.  It  was  a  low,  shedlike  build 
ing,  and  was  kept  by  a  small  humpbacked  man 
named  Dan  Meader.  Dr.  Price,  a  little  wizened 
colored  man  who  wore  a  tall  hat  and  cleaned 
clothes  by  steam,  lived  near  there.  You  remem 
ber  him,  Brad?" 

"Uh  huh,"  said  Brad,  removing  his  pipe  and 
shooting  a  deadly  brown  streak  into  the  pipe- 
hole  in  the  wall. 

"There  were  a  number  of  other  saloons  on  the 
street  —  George  Harris's  and  Rufe  Cutler's,  but 
they  were  pretty  decent  places.  At  that  time  all 
the  grocery  stores  sold  New  England  rum  by  the 
glass  at  three  cents  a  glass,  and  allowed  the  cus 
tomer  to  pour  out  his  own  drink.  But  only  the 
more  respectable  men  patronized  the  grocery 
stores.  The  bad  men  all  flocked  to  Dan  Meader 's 
place.  He  sold  the  hottest  brand  of  liquor  ever 
known:  made  out  of  fusil  oil,  logwood  shavings, 
and  old-fashioned  hotdrops. 

"There  were  some  awful  fights  there.  Not 
decent,  properly  conducted,  harmless  affairs, 
such  as  I  have  told  about,  when  fellows,  full  of 
ginger,  fought  with  their  fists  for  fun,  but  fights 
with  glasses  and  bottles  and  chairs  and  bung- 
starters. 


"The  place  got  an  awful  name.  The  hardest 
citizens  in  the  town  congregated  there  every 
night  and  raised  particular  Cain.  They  would  go 
home  at  midnight,  or  two  or  three  in  the  morn 
ing,  yelling  and  screeching  like  wild  men.  People 
began  to  be  afraid  to  go  by  the  place  at  night, 
and  there  were  several  complaints  of  men  being 
robbed  and  thrown  out. 

"Finally,  the  better  class  of  men  in  town  began 
to  talk  about  taking  the  matter  up.  My  father 
was  interested  in  it.  You  remember  him,  Brad,  a 
gentleman  if  ever  there  was  one  in  this  world.  He 
was  a  frail,  sickly  man,  but  he  had  the  courage  of 
his  convictions.  The  local  officers  were  not  up  to 
their  work,  the  county  sheriff  did  n't  give  them 
any  satisfaction,  and  a  secret  meeting  was  held  in 
the  vestry  of  the  First  Church.  Jim  Melcher  and 
I  got  in  by  the  door  leading  to  the  belfry  and  sat 
down  by  the  ventilator  where  we  could  see  and 
hear  everything.  Father  made  the  last  speech.  I 
can  see  him  now,  straight  as  an  arrow,  slender  as 
a  reed,  his  eyes  gleaming  like  coals  and  his  up 
raised  hand  quivering  with  feeling.  He  finished 
in  these  words :  '  Gentlemen,  I  am  and  have  been 
a  law-abiding  citizen.  I  yield  to  no  man  in  my 
respect  for  the  constitution,  the  laws  of  our 
State,  the  customs  and  ordinances  of  our  town ; 
but  when  these  laws  have  been  defied  and 
trampled  on,  when  public  decency  has  been  out- 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  135 

raged,  public  and  individual  safety  endangered, 
disorder  let  loose  in  our  midst,  our  wives  and 
daughters  insulted,  our  boys  in  danger  of  being 
corrupted;  when  roisterous  drunkards  and 
thieves  make  our  nights  hideous  with  their 
drunken  revelry,  their  licentious  and  obscene 
talk;  when  the  legally  constituted  officers  of  the 
law  offer  no  protection,  even  though  sworn  com 
plaints  are  placed  in  their  hands,  it  is  time  for  the 
reputable  citizens  of  this  town  to  abate  this  nui 
sance  by  force,  and  we  are  unworthy  to  be  citizens 
of  our  town  if  we  shirk  this  sacred  duty.' 

"Well,  after  father  spoke  they  laid  their  plans 
to  meet  the  next  night  at  eleven  o'clock  at 
father's  trunk  store  and  to  go  down  and  raid  the 
place.  After  they  had  gone,  Jim  and  I  came 
down  and  skinned  for  home. 

"  Well,  in  some  way  it  leaked  out  that  something 
was  to  happen  the  next  night.  Never  mind  how, 
but  just  what  was  to  happen  nobody  knew.  If  it 
came  to  the  ears  of  the  Meader  gang,  they  paid 
no  attention  to  it,  unless,  perhaps,  they  got  a  more 
numerous  and  tougher  gang  together  and  began 
earlier  to  sing  and  yell  and  whoop.  I  know  father 
told  me  not  to  go  out  that  evening,  and  mother 
and  the  rest  of  them  were  very  much  worried. 
But  as  soon  as  father  left  the  house  I  skipped  out. 

"At  nine  o'clock  the  stores  closed,  but  there 
were  a  good  many  persons  on  the  street.  At 


136    THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

ten  there  were  crowds  of  people  quietly  walking 
around,  sitting  in  groups,  but  making  very  little 
noise.  The  noise  inside  was  enough  to  drown  any 
noise  outside.  By  a  quarter  of  eleven  the  noise, 
the  cursing  and  swearing  and  yelling,  was  awful. 
I  would  n't  have  gone  into  that  place  for  a 
thousand  dollars.  Every  one  waited  with  hearts 
thumping.  Ten  minutes  to  eleven,  five  minutes, 
three,  two,  one,  eleven  struck  from  the  town  bell, 
and  then  we  heard  them  coming  down  Water 
Street.  The  only  noise  they  made  was  their  regu 
lar  marching  step  as  they  marched  two  by  two. 
Every  fourth  man  carried  a  lantern  and  each 
man  walked  with  a  heavy  oak  staff.  There  were 
the  very  finest  men  in  town,  dressed  in  their  best 
black  coats,  white  stocks,  and  stovepipe  hats.  A 
dozen  carried  between  them  a  peeled  hemlock 
tree  about  six  inches  through,  and  not  a  man 
looked  right  or  left. 

"I  tell  you,  gentlemen,  I  never  had  such  a 
feeling  go  through  me  as  when  I  saw  that  sight. 
A  lump  arose  in  my  throat,  and  I  was  so  excited 
that  I  could  scarcely  breathe.  I  think  every  one 
felt  the  same,  and  a  big  hulking  man  near  said  in 
a  hoarse  whisper,  'God!  those  men  mean  busi 
ness!'  When  they  arrived  at  the  house  they 
formed  a  double  ring  around  it,  and  my  father 
stepped  up  to  the  door  and  knocked  with  his 
heavy  stick.  Instantly  there  was  silence  within. 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  137 

"  'Who's  there,  and  what  do  you  want? '  sounded 
Dan's  shrill  voice. 

"  *  Daniel  Meader,'  said  father, '  in  the  name  of 
the  State  of  New  Hampshire  I  command  you  to 
open  this  door.' 

" '  Go  to  blazes !  you  -  - ' ;  and  then  there  was 
a  terrific  yell  inside  and  the  most  awful  cursing  I 
ever  heard.  Father  came  down  the  steps  and 
said,  'Break  in  the  door,  men,'  and  about  twenty 
men  got  hold  of  the  log  and  ran  towards  the  door. 
When  that  log  struck  the  door  it  smashed  it  into 
kindling  wood,  and  the  men  went  in  like  sheep 
through  a  hole  in  the  fence. 

"We  expected  a  big  fight,  but  the  appearance 
of  these  men  with  their  oak  clubs,  their  broad 
cloth  coats,  and  the  vigor  with  which  they 
smashed  in  that  door  took  all  the  fight  out  of  the 
rowdies.  One  or  two  started  to  resist,  but  they 
were  knocked  down.  The  majority  broke  for  the 
windows  and  doors,  but  found  themselves  in  a 
trap,  and  surrendered.  Then  the  raiding  party 
brought  out  all  the  jugs,  bottles,  kegs,  barrels, 
and  cases  of  liquor,  smashed  them  and  poured  the 
liquor  into  the  river,  and  took  out  the  doors  and 
windows  and  pulled  down  the  building.  Then  at 
about  two  o'clock  in  the  morning  they  started 
with  their  prisoners  in  barges  for  the  Massachu 
setts  line,  and  when  they  arrived  there  let  them 
go,  warning  them  that  if  they  ever  came  back 


138    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

to  Exeter  or  to  this  State,  they  would  hang 
them." 

"By  thunder,  George,  that  was  pretty  fine,  I 
think,"  said  Wats. 

"Fine!  I  should  say  so/'  said  Plupy's  father, 
with  shining  eyes;  "the  finest  thing  I  ever  saw. 
I  tell  you,  that  sight  did  more  to  straighten  out 
some  of  our  young  fellows  than  anything  that 
could  have  happened.  Not  because  they  were 
afraid,  but  because  they  saw,  perhaps  for  the 
first  time,  the  best  element  of  the  town  insisting 
on  their  rights  and  the  rights  and  interests  of  all. 
And  there  was  n't  a  man  or  boy  in  the  crowd  that 
would  n't  have  followed  those  men  right  into  the 
jaws  of  hell,  and  if  those  roughs  had  started  in  to 
resist  they  would  have  had  the  whole  town  on 
them.  I  was  only  a  boy,  but  I  hunted  up  the 
biggest  stone  I  could  find  and  edged  towards 
the  saloon,  and  all  the  other  men  and  boys  were 
ready, too. 

"  So  now  we  might  as  well  admit  that  we  don't 
want  to  have  any  more  of  this  fool  talk  about 
being  good  boys  when  we  were  young.  I  tell  you, 
Brad,  and  you,  Wats,  that  our  boys  are  pretty 
decent  boys,  as  boys  go,  a  long  ways  ahead  of  us, 
which,  perhaps,  is  partly  due  to  the  times  and  the 
change  of  things  for  the  better.  And  I  think  we 
have  made  a  mistake  in  keeping  them  away  from 
each  other.  If  my  boy  is  over  here  with  my  per- 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  139 

mission  and  yours,  he  will  be  more  likely  to  be 
out  of  mischief  than  if  he  were  off  somewhere 
with  Clarence  and  Elbridge  against  our  will. 
They  will  be  together  somehow  and  we  might  as 
well  make  the  best  of  it.  And  the  same  is  true 
of  both  your  boys.  They  are  a  set  of  lively  boys, 
but  I  believe  they  will  turn  out  all  right.  We  did, 
and  I  '11  swear  we  were  twice  as  bad  as  they  were. 
—  Hello!  time  to  go  to  dinner." 

"Hold  on  a  minute,  George,"  said  Wats,  who 
was  not  to  be  diverted  from  the  main  question  by 
absorbing  narratives,  "what's  to  be  done  with 
these  boys?  It  is  really  time  for  the  schools 
to  open,  —  one  week  from  to-morrow,  ain't  it, 
Brad?" 

"Uh  huh,  one  week  from  to-morrow,"  as 
serted  Brad,  cleaning  the  stem  of  his  pipe  by 
running  a  broom-straw  through  it  and  blowing 
through  it  until  his  eyes  nearly  popped  out  and 
the  corners  of  his  mouth  drew  down  like  a  bald- 
headed  gentleman  in  the  orchestra  playing  the 
bassoon. 

"Now  Elbridge  is  bedeviled  to  go  to  work  'n' 
don't  want  to  go  to  school  any  more,  'n'  I  think 
the  best  thing  for  me  to  do  is  to  get  him  a  chance 
to  work  about  one  week  'n'  he  '11  be  willing  to  go 
back  to  school  'n'  stay  there,"  continued  Wats. 

"That's  a  good  idea,  Wats;  my  boy  is  just  in 
that  condition  when  he  is  no  good  in  school  and 


140  MISADVENTURES 

almighty  little  out  of  school.  He  feels  like  going 
to  work  and  won't  study,  and  he  says  Brad's  boy 
is  just  as  bad.  —  Crazy  to  work,  eh,  Brad?" 

"Uh  huh,"  said  Brad;  "'Clar'nce,'  sez  I, 
*  Clar'nce,  ef  ye  a-bound  to  work,  's  all  right;  when 
I  wuz  young  I  never  had  no  chance  to  go  to 
school  much,  'n'  if  I  wuz  you  I  would  stick  to 
school ' ;  but  Clar'nce  he  won't  hev  it,  'n'  I  think 
we  better  gin  'em  a  little  of  their  own  medicine; 
whadger  say,  George?" 

"I'll  tell  you  what  I  will  do.  You  know 
Getchell  has  advertised  for  boys  to  learn  the 
plumbing  trade.  Now  the  first  thing  to  put  the 
boys  doing  at  Getchell's  is  lifting  iron  pipe  and 
stoves  and  pig  lead  and  other  things,  and  after 
about  three  days  of  it  a  boy  would  prefer  to  go  to 
the  reform  school  rather  than  stay  at  work.  Now, 
I  '11  see  Josh  and  make  arrangements  for  him  to 
take  these  three  boys.  Just  you  leave  it  to  me 
and  don't  any  one  put  in  his  oar.  I  will  see  him 
this  afternoon,  and  you  send  ^the  boys  down  to 
my  house  this  evening." 

"All  right,  George,  we  will  leave  it  to  you," 
said  Wats  and  Brad. 

And  the  three  worthies  shook  hands  and  sepa 
rated,  each  one  feeling  in  his  heart  that  his  boy 
was  a  good  deal  better  than  the  other  two.  And 
so  the  boys  gained  a  point  in  the  removal  of  the 
embargo  against  associating  one  with  another. 


VII 


HOW  GREAT  A  DIFFERENCE  ONE  SMALL  LETTER 
MAKES 

THE  evening  of  the  same  day  the  three  boys, 
delighted  at  their  uncensored  association  one 
with  another,  came  grinning  into  Plupy's  yard 
where  Plupy's  father  sat  smoking,  and  reported 
to  that  gentleman. 

"Well,  boys,"  he  said,  removing  his  pipe,  "I 
understand  you  don't  care  to  go  to  school  next 
week.  What's  your  reason?" 

"  'Druther  go  to  work  'n'  earn  some  chink," 
said  Plupy. 

"  'T  's  about  time  to  be  gettin'  to  work  if  a  feller 
ever  intends  to,"  said  Pewt,  hitching  up  his  collar 
and  pushing  his  false  bosom  back  into  place. 

"I  hate  school  ennyway,"  said  Beany,  "'n'  I'd 
ruther  go  to  work  than  to  school." 

"  But  if  you  could  leave  school  and  not  work, 
wouldn't  that  suit  you  all  better?"  asked 
Plupy's  father  with  a  whimsical  smile. 

"Huh!"  said  Beany;  "they  ain't  no  such  thing 
as  not  goin'  to  school  and  not  doin'  nuthin' 
neither." 

"That's  so,"  said  Pewt;  "gosh!  no!" 


142     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Wisht  there  was,"  sighed  Plupy. 

"In  other  words,  boys,  you  think  the  millen 
nium  won't  come  just  yet?"  said  Plupy's  father. 

"Dunno  who  he  is,"  said  the  boys,  much  mys 
tified. 

"Well,  boys,  I've  got  a  job  for  you,  and  one 
that  I  think  you  will  like,"  he  continued. 

"Gosh!"  said  Beany  fervently,  "that's  bully." 

"You  bet,"  asserted  Pewt  with  emphasis. 

Plupy's  emotions  overcame  him  to  the  effect 
that  he  said  nothing,  but  lifted  one  gaunt  leg 
up  twice  to  an  astonishing  height  and  breathed 
heavily  through  his  widespread  mouth. 

"I  want  you  boys  to  start  in  to  learn  plumb 
ing;  that  is  a  mighty  good  business  and  pays 
better  than  anything  I  know  except  burglary 
and  embezzlement  of  trust  funds,  and  - 

But  he  got  no  further,  for  the  boys  interrupted 
him  with  raucous  yells. 

"Plummin'!"  yelled  Plupy;  "plummin'!  Just 
what  I  wanted  to  do.  Oh,  golly!"  and  he  ca 
vorted  afresh. 

"Plummin'!"  screeched  Beany;  "ain't  that 
jest  rippin'?" 

"I  know  the  best  place  in  this  world  for  them," 
yelled  Pewt. 

"Easy,  boys,  don't  get  excited;  you  may  not 
like  this  trade  quite  so  well  after  a  few  days  of  it. 
Now,  this  is  the  way  I  have  arranged  it.  To- 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  143 

morrow  morning  you  go  down  to  Mr.  Getchell's 
store  and  tell  him  you  are  the  three  boys  I  spoke 
to  him  about.  Then  he  will  give  you  whatever 
supplies  you  need  and  tell  you  what  to  do,"  said 
Plupy's  father. 

"I  guess  we  know  what  to  do  all  right,"  said 
the  three  boys  exultantly,  wagging  their  heads 
knowingly  at  one  another. 

"Well,  perhaps  you  won't  be  so  cocksure  of 
yourselves  in  a  day  or  two,  and  may  be  willing 
to  learn  a  thing  or  two,"  insisted  Plupy's  father 
reprovingly. 

"Oh,  yes,  Mr.  Shute,"  said  Beany,  anxious  to 
propitiate  the  bearer  of  such  cheerful  tidings, 
"we  want  to  learn  everything  about  it,  but  how 
can  we  go  plummin'  in  the  winter?" 

"You  needn't  bother  about  the  winter  yet. 
There  is  more  plumbing  in  the  winter  season  than 
at  any  other  time  and  the  plumbers  get  better 
prices,"  said  Plupy's  father. 

The  boys  looked  a  bit  dubious  at  this,  but 
cheered  up  in  view  of  the  delights  of  a  practically 
immediate  future.  But  the  practical  Beany  had 
a  question  to  ask. 

"What  if  old  — I  mean  Mr.  Getchell  won't 
give  us  our  supplies  without  pay?" 

"He  will  give  them  all  right;  you  need  not 
worry  about  that  one  bit,"  said  Plupy's  father 
reassuringly. 


144     THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Well,  sayin'  he  had  changed  his  mind?" 
persisted  Beany. 

"He  won't  change  his  mind.  But  if  there  is 
any  trouble,  why,  just  wait  until  I  get  home," 
replied  Plupy's  father. 

"But,"  insisted  Beany,  "if  he  should  change 
his  mind,  it  would  be  pretty  tough  to  lose  a  whole 
day  when  we  might  be  workin'  'n'  earnin' 
money." 

"Oh,  as  to  that,  if  you  are  so  particular  about 
it,  I  will  write  a  note  to  him.  You  have  certainly 
got  the  right  spirit  about  starting  in,  and  if  you 
only  persist  in  that  spirit,  it  won't  be  very  long 
before  you  all  are  expert  plumbers,"  said  Plupy's 
father. 

"Well,  I  don't  believe  it  will  be  very  hard  to 
be  expert  plummers  if  we  know  the  best  places," 
opined  Pewt. 

"Well,  the  best  place  I  know  is  Getchell's,  and 
you  go  there.  Kelley  and  Gardner  keep  good 
hardware  and  groceries,  but  they  don't  do  any 
plumbing,"  said  Plupy's  father,  as  he  went  into 
the  house.  He  soon  returned,  with  a  note  which 
read  as  follows :  — 

MESSRS.  JOSHUA  GETCHELL  AND  SON  :  — 

GENTLEMEN  :  —  The  boys  of  whom  I  spoke  to 
you  are  somewhat  apprehensive  that  you  may 
change  your  mind  in  relation  to  furnishing  their 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  145 

supplies  without  a  cash  deposit.  As  they  are 
anxious  to  begin  work,  and  I  wish  to  encourage 
industry,  I  trust  you  will  be  willing  to  make 
this  arrangement  with  them:  Let  them  have 
whatever  supplies  they  may  need  and  charge  the 
same  to  my  account.  Then  I  will  see  that  they 
pay  me  for  the  same,  and  in  the  end  they  will,  I 
hope,  be  in  the  possession  of  more  money  than 
they  expect. 

By  this  diplomatic  stratagem  I  may  possibly 
work  a  reformation  in  these  boys  in  relation  to 
their  habit  of  thoughtless  waste  of  time. 
Very  truly  yours, 

GEORGE  S.  SHUTE. 

Plupy's  father  read  as  much  of  this  to  the  boys 
as  he  thought  proper,  and  then  sealed  it  and 
handed  it  to  Beany  with  instructions  to  deliver  it 
to  Mr.  Getchell  in  person,  informed  them  that 
their  mothers  would  put  their  noon  lunch  up  for 
them,  and  having  urged  upon  them  the  necessity 
of  cheerfulness,  tact,  industry,  and  promptness, 
left  them  with  the  caution  to  say  nothing  to  any 
one  about  their  business. 

Left  alone,  they  withdrew  to  the  barn  and  in 
bated  breath  discussed  their  wonderful  streak  of 
luck. 

"Plummin',  gosh!"  said  Plupy;  "I  never  had 
enough  of  plummin';  we  can  eat  all  we  can  hold 


146    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

at  first,  then  fill  our  pails  'n'  stop  at  noon  'n'  eat 
our  lunch  under  a  tree,  'n'  in  the  afternoon  sell 
our  berries  'n'  rake  in  the  chink." 

"Yes,"  chimed  in  Pewt  with  immense  enthu 
siasm,  "  'n'  we  can  do  a  little  fishin'  whenever  we 
get  near  a  pond  or  river." 

*  'N'  we  can  build  a  fire  'n'  fry  our  fish  'n'  eat 
'em,"  chuckled  Plupy. 

"N'  have  a  swim,"  seconded  Beany,  who  was 
so  fat  that  he  could  float  like  a  cork. 

"N'  p'r'aps  get  a  shot  at  a  duck  or  patridge," 
said  Pewt. 

"Say,  fellers,  was  there  ever  ennything  so 
lucky!  I  wonder  what  has  got  into  our  fathers? 
We  have  got  to  do  some  pretty  good  work  or 
we'll  never  get  another  chance,"  said  Plupy, 
looking  to  the  future. 

"Oh,  we  gotta  work  part  of  the  time.  'F  we 
don't  we'll  lose  our  jobs.  'F  we  fail  a  few  more 
times  we  will  be  about  ready  to  hang  on  to  posts 
all  the  time  jest  like  some  of  those  old  bums. 
This  time  we've  got  to  do  somethin',"  said 
Pewt. 

"Well,  't  ain't  been  our  fault  before.  We  made 
money  every  time.  When  we  run  the  paper,  'f 
it  had  n't  been  for  people  bein'  so  darn  sensitive 
we  need  n't  had  no  trouble.  A  feller  had  n't 
oughter  get  mad  when  a  feller  has  wrote  the 
truth  about  him/'  said  Beany;  "huh!  they  ain't 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  147 

no  sense  in  that,  'n'  we  was  makin'  more  dosh 
than  I  could  spend,  too." 

"We  were  leather  heads  to  strike  on  the  paper- 
carryin'  job,"  said  Plupy;  "they  ain't  no  doubt 
about  that.  But  that  was  Pewt's  doin'.  He 
wa'n't  satisfied  with  makin'  money." 

"Well,  ennyway,  Plupe,  I  done  all  I  could  to 
get  you  out  of  the  scrape  'n'  make  old  Smith, 
Hall  'n'  Clark  raise  our  pay." 

"Yes,  you  did,  didn't  ye!"  scoffed  Plupy 
hoarsely;  "you  got  me  a  good  bloody  nose  from 
that  stewdcat  when  I  sailed  in  'n'  you  and 
Beany  did  n't  dass  to  - 

"Huh!"  said  Beany,  "talk  about  sailin'  in; 
huh !  you  would  n't  ha'  dassed  to  sail  in  if  Pewt 
had  n't  pushed  you." 

"I  would  ha'  dassed  to,  'n'  I  was  jest  a-goin'  to 
sail  in  when  Pewt  pushed  me  so  quick  that  I 
could  n't  dodge  him.  I  was  goin'  to  dodge  under 
him  'n'  get  the  underholt  'n'  then  you  fellers 
could  lam  him,"  said  Plupy  in  an  aggrieved  tone 
of  voice. 

"Huh!  that's  a  pretty  way  to  fight.  Hold  a 
feller  'n'  let  the  others  lam  him.  I  'd  be  ashamed 
to  fight  that  way,"  said  Pewt  in  utter  scorn. 

"I'd  be  ashamed  to  be  afraid  'n'  run  like  white 
heads  when  another  feller  is  holdin'  him,  enny 
way,"  said  Plupy. 

"But  ye  did  n't  hold  him.    'F  you  had,  we'd 


148    THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

'a*  stayed  all  right.  Why  in  time  did  n't  ye  hold 
him?"  queried  Beany  scornfully. 

"Cause  Pewt  gimme  a  push,  'n'  I  could  n't,  'n' 
you  fellers  left  me  there  'n'  run.  I  guess  I  know 
who  had  ought  to  been  ashamed.  Ennyway, 
't  ain't  me,"  yelled  Plupy. 

"Huh!"  said  Beany. 

"Huh!  "said  Pewt. 

Then  there  was  a  pause  and  they  scowled  at 
each  other  balefully. 

Finally  Beany 's  face  cleared.  "  What  time  you 
goin'  down  to  Getchell's  to-morrow,  Plupe?"  he 
inquired  amiably. 

"Oh!  'bout  six,  I  guess,"  said  Plupy  with 
affected  carelessness. 

"The  store  ain't  open  till  about  seven,"  said 
Beany. 

"Thasso,"  said  Plupy,  restored  to  his  usual 
cheerfulness.  "Les'  all  meet  there  at  seven  'n' 
get  the  things  we  want.  Lessee,  we  want  three 
six-quart  pails,  'n'  some  dinner-pails  with  cups 
like  the  workin'  men  have." 

"Six-quart  grandmothers!"  said  Pewt;  "what 
we  want  is  ten-quart  pails.  We  had  ought  to  pick 
ten  quarts  in  'bout  an  hour  or  hour  'n'  half  'n' 
sell  'em  easy." 

"Thasso,  Pewt,"  said  Plupy  eagerly;  "we 
can't  pick  ten  quarts  in  a  six-quart  pail." 

"I  tell  ye  how  we  can  do  it,"  said  Beany,  who 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  149 

was  somewhat  addicted  to  gastronomic  pleasures ; 
"we  can  pick  our  six-quart  pails  full,  then  pick 
two  quarts  apiece  'n'  eat  'em,  then  eat  the  lunch 
out  of  our  pails,  'n'  then  pick  two  more  quarts  in 
our  lunch-pails.  That  makes  ten  quarts  each. 
Lessee,"  he  continued,  pulling  out  a  pencil  and 
muttering,  "Six  'n'  two  is  eight  'n'  two  is  ten, 
put  down  your  naught  'n'  carry  your  one,  one  'n' 
naught  is  nothin'.  —  Say,"  he  continued,  "that 
ain't  right.  If  we  pick  ten  quarts  'n'  eat  two, 
they  must  be  somethin'  left." 

"Course!  you  loon;  they  is  eight  quarts  left. 
'F  you  et  'em  all,  they  wTould  n't  be  enny  left,' 
explained  Pewt. 

"Unless  there  would  be  a  fearful  old  belly 
ache,"  added  Plupy  facetiously. 

"I  know  it  seems  so,  but  I  tell  you  it  don't 
figger  so,"  said  Beany;  "look  here,  six  'n'  two  is 
eight,"  he  continued,  as  the  boys  looked  over  his 
shoulder,  "'n'  two  is  ten,  put  down  your  naught 
'n'  carry  your  one;  —  that's  all  right,  ain't  it?" 

"Uh  huh,"  said  Pewt. 

"Uh  huh,"  said  Plupy;  "chuck  her  down." 

"There,"  said  Beany,  making  a  cipher  with 
some  twisting  of  his  tongue  and  facial  contortion. 

"Then  carry  your  one,  loony,"  said  Pewt. 

"Why  don't  you  carry  it,  Beany?  —  chuck  her 
down,"  said  Plupy,  with  earnest  admonition. 

" Hold  on;  don't  be  too  darn  fast,"  said  Beany; 


150    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"that's  where  the  trouble  is,  Plupe;  they  ain't 
nothin'  to  go  down,  —  one  'n'  naught  is  naught." 

"One  'n'  naught  is  naught;  whatcher  talkin' 
about! "  snorted  Plupy ;  " one  'n'  naught  is  one,  — 
putter  down." 

"Won't,"  said  Beany  obstinately;  "one  Jn* 
naught  is  nothin'." 

"Look  here,  Beany,"  said  Plupy;  "one  is  one, 
ain't  it,  now?" 

"Uh  huh,"  assented  Beany;  "enny  fool  would 
know  that." 

"'N'  naught  is  naught,  Beany,  ain't  it?" 

"Uh  huh;  'course  it  is,"  said  Beany. 

'  'N'  if  you  have  got  one  'n'  don't  add  nothin' 
to  it,  it  makes  it  one,  don't  it?" 

"But  you  do  add  somethin'  to  it;  you  add 
naught;  you  gotta  add  naught  to  it  to  do  the 
example,"  said  Beany  doggedly. 

"But  naught  is  nothin',  ain't  it?"  said  Plupy, 
catching  himself  by  the  hair  and  lifting  hard. 

"Uh  huh,"  said  Beany;  "naught  is  nothin'  all 
right." 

"  'N'  if  you  add  nothin'  to  one,  it  makes  it  one, 
don't  it?"  explained  Plupy. 

"But  you  said  first,  'if  you  don't  add  nothin'  to 
it/  'n'  now  you  say,  'if  you  do  add  nothin'  to  it.' 
Which  do  you  mean?  Why  don't  you  say  which 
way  you  want  to  do  it  'n'  stick  to  it?" 

"'Cause  it  don't  make  no  difference  whether 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  151 

you  do  add  nothin'  or  don't  add  nothing  it's 
not  bin'!"  yelled  Plupy  in  great  excitement; 
"  nothin 's  nothin',  'n'  you  can't  add  it  or  sub 
tract  it  or  multiply  it  or  divide  it,  'n'  you  oughter 
know  it." 

"That  ain't  so,"  said  Pewt,  who  had  been  fol 
lowing  the  arguments  with  a  wrinkled  brow  and 
deep  thoughts;  "there  was  a  feller  in  Boston 
which  took  a  ten-dollar  bill  'n'  added  a  naught  to 
it  'n'  got  a  hundred  dollars  fer  it  'n'  got  in  jail  fer 
it.  So  Beany 's  more  right  than  you  be." 

"That's  so,  Plupy,"  said  Beany;  "you  ain't  so 
smart  as  you  think  you  are.  One  'n'  nothin'  is 
nothin',  ain't  it,  Pewt?  Ennyway,  I  can  prove 
it." 

"Lessee  ye  do  it,"  dared  Plupy. 

"Well,  I  can,  and  you  jest  see,"  said  Beany 
confidently.  "How  much  is  five  times  one?" 

"Five,  of  course,"  said  Plupy;  "gimme  a  hard 
one." 

"How  much  is  one  'n'  one?  "  continued  Beany, 
with  a  sinister  gleam  in  his  eye,  while  Pewt 
nodded  sagely. 

"  Two,  of  course,"  said  Plupy; "  whatcher  tryin' 
to  get  through  you,  ennyway?" 

"How  much  is  five  times  naught?" 

"Naught,"  added  Plupy,  "just  as  I  told  you." 

"Who  said  it  wasn't?"  demanded  Beany 
in  some  heat.  "Well,"  continued  Beany,  with 


152    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

finely  calculated  logic,  "if  five  times  one  is  five, 
'n'  one  'n'  one  is  two,  then  multiplying  is  more 
than  adding." 

"'Course  it  is,"  said  Plupy;  "I  could  have  told 
you  that." 

"  But  you  did  n't,  did  you,  come  now,  did  you  ?  " 
demanded  Beany. 

"No,  I  didn't,  'cause  you  didn't  ask  me," 
said  Plupy  sulkily. 

"Well,  if  multiplyin'  is  more  than  addin',  'n' 
if  five  times  naught  is  nothin',  then,  of  course, 
one  added  to  naught  can't  be  as  much  as 
five  multiplied  by  naught,  which  ain't  nothin'. 
Whatcher  got  to  say  about  it,  now,  old  Plupe?" 
demanded  Beany  triumphantly. 

What  Plupy,  who  jumped  to  his  feet  red-faced 
with  anger,  would  have  said  to  contradict  this 
statement  and  refute  Beany 's  logic  may  never 
be  known,  as  the  boys  were  called  home  and  left, 
after  promising  to  meet  at  seven  the  next  morn 
ing. 

The  next  day  at  seven  o'clock  the  boys  were 
at  Getchell's  store,  and  were  very  much  disap 
pointed  when  they  found  that  gentleman  had 
taken  the  six- thirty  train  for  Boston.  When  they 
presented  their  case  to  the  good-natured  man 
ager,  Mr.  Willis,  he  asked  for  their  authority,  and 
was  given  the  letter  of  credit  from  Beany 's 
father. 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  153 

Having  read  this,  and  impaled  it  on  a  sharp 
hook,  he  expressed  to  them  his  entire  willingness 
to  honor  their  demands  to  a  reasonable  amount. 
Thereupon  the  boys  ordered  three  tin  ten-quart 
pails,  three  dinner-pails,  three  quart  dippers  to 
pick  into,  three  leather  belts.  These  articles  were 
regarded  as  necessary  tools  of  their  trade.  Then 
with  the  laudable  desire  to  protect  themselves 
from  foreign  invasions,  domestic  seditions,  and 
dangers  from  wild  animals,  they  bought  a  double- 
barreled  pistol,  a  pound  of  powder,  and  a  powder- 
flask  and  bullet-pouch.  Then,  as  mere  luxuries, 
they  purchased  three  braided  linen  fish-lines,  a 
hand-painted  rubber  frog,  and  a  collection  of  as 
sorted  hooks,  all  of  which  articles  were  charged 
to  Plupy's  father  at  a  sum  total  of  six  dollars  and 
seventy-five  cents. 

Then  running  home  they  ate  their  breakfasts 
hastily,  had  their  lunch-pails  filled  by  their  anx 
ious  mothers,  to  whom,  mindful  of  their  prom 
ises  of  entire  secrecy,  they  told  nothing,  and  de 
parted  on  their  quest. 

Rumor  had  it  that  berries  were  plenty  on  the 
Epping  Road  section,  back  of  the  Oak  Lands,  and 
so  they  journeyed  thither,  talking,  as  only  boys 
can  talk,  of  their  prospects. 

Leaving  the  road  by  the  Johnny  Watson  place, 
they  struck  into  the  swamp  land.  There  they 
proved  that  Rumor  was  more  truthful  than  usual, 


154    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

for  here  they  found  the  high-bush  blueberries 
luscious  and  abundant,  and  they  at  once  began  to 
pick  and  eat,  with  unctious  "urns!"  and  "ahs!" 
of  satisfaction.  It  seemed  as  if  they  could  eat 
all  day,  and  that  Beany 's  project  of  eating  two 
quarts  each  might  be  a  possibility.  But  they 
realized  that  they  must  be  prudent  and  get  a 
pailful  each  if  possible,  and  after  a  while  the  soft 
drum  of  the  berries  on  the  bottoms  of  their  cups 
began.  It  was  most  interesting  work,  and  they 
worked  eagerly,  pulling  down  tall  bushes  and 
picking  rapidly,  at  times  breaking  into  whoops  of 
delight  and  surprise  at  finding  particularly  large 
and  juicy  berries. 

But  berry-picking  is  to  most  people  a  rather 
tiresome  task  and  not  without  accidents  and 
mishaps.  Beany  got  into  a  thorn  bush  and  pain 
fully  lacerated  his  legs  and  hands,  and  Plupy, 
after  filling  his  tin  cup  to  the  brim,  tripped  and 
fell  heavily  as  he  was  racing  to  pour  its  contents 
into  his  pail,  and  lost  most  of  them  in  the  under 
brush,  roots,  and  moss. 

Pewt  alone,  having  eyes  and  instincts  for  the 
woods,  as  well  as  very  nimble  fingers,  picked 
nearly  twice  as  fast  as  the  other  boys  and  got 
better  berries,  and  much  cleaner  picked.  When 
the  noon  hour  arrived,  he  had  picked  nearly  six 
quarts  of  fine,  ripe  berries,  while  Plupy  and 
Beany  had  picked  about  three  quarts  each,  and 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  155 

all  three  boys,  despite  the  fact  that  they  certainly 
must  have  eaten  a  pint  each,  were  in  a  state  of 
famine  impossible  to  describe. 

"Gosh!"  said  Plupy,  wiping  a  very  red  and 
scratched  face,  "'bout  time  for  grub.  I'm  'most 
starved." 

"So'm  I,"  said  Beany,  pouring  a  half -cup  of 
berries  into  his  huge  pail.  "By  time!  I  didn't 
know  it  took  so  many  berries  to  fill  a  ten-quart 
pail.  Come  on,  Pewt." 

"Hold  on  a  minute;  I  want  to  finish  this  cup 
full,"  said  Pewt,  who  had  just  found  a  well-filled 
bush. 

"Oh,  come  on,  Pewt,  le's  build  a  fire;  I  could 
eat  a  dead  rat,"  said  Plupy. 

"No,  we  don't  \vant  no  fire,"  objected  Beany. 
"It's  too  darn  hot,  ennyw^ay,  'n',  'sides,  it  takes 
too  long.  I  wisht  I  had  a  drink  of  water." 

After  a  while  Pewt  filled  his  cup,  and  then  the 
three  boys  sat  down  under  a  giant  pine  and 
opened  their  tin  dinner-pails.  Bread  and  butter, 
doughnuts,  hard-boiled  eggs,  apple  pie,  and  a 
bottle  of  coffee,  much  sweetened  and  very  weak. 
Mm !  Mm !  what  a  feast  and  what  appetites. 

"Gosh!  this  is  fun,"  said  Beany,  mumbling 
through  a  huge  mouthful. 

"  Google-oogle-oogle,"  gurgled  Plupy,  quaffing 
a  bumper  from  a  bottle;  "'s  bully." 

"  M'chump,  m'chump,  m'chump,"  went  Pewt's 


156    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

teeth  steadily  through  a  huge  slice  of  bread  and 
butter. 

"Tell  ye  what  le's  do,  —  m'chump  m'm, — 
fellers,"  said  Beany,  "after  we  —  glug-glug, 
oom  —  get  through  eatin',  le's  —  m'glug — go  sell 
our  berries." 

"Thasso,  Beany,  'n'  after  we  —  m'chump, 
oogum,"  said  Plupy,  stretching  his  neck  like  a 
hen  in  his  endeavor  to  swallow  a  hastily  masti 
cated  mouthful  -  "get  through  - 

"Hi,  there,  Plupy!  keep  your  hand  out  er  my 
berry-pail;  'f  you  want  to  eat  any  berries,  eat 
your  own,"  yelled  Pewt. 

"Arh-h  hoag-g-  hoag-g-  s-sptu!"  shouted 
Plupy,  spitting  furiously  ;  :'  I  chewed  up  a 
squash  bug,  —  s-sptu-u-u-oag." 

"Served  ye  right  fer  eatin'  outer  my  pail," 
said  Pewt  indignantly. 

"You  needn't  be  so  mean  'bout  your  old 
berries;  you  had  more  'n  I  did,  ennyhow,"  said 
Plupy  reproachfully,  wiping  his  mouth  with  an 
extremely  soiled  and  dingy  handkerchief. 

"Yes,  I've  got  more  'n  you  lunkheads  have 
because  I  picked  while  you  two  fellers  et.  'F 
you'd  worked  the  way  I  did,  you'd  have  had  as 
many,"  retorted  Pewt  with  warmth. 

"Huh!"  said  Beany,  drawn  into  the  discussion 
by  no  fault  of  his  own;  "you  would  n't  have  had  so 
many  if  you  had  n't  hogged  all  the  best  bushes." 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  157 

"I  did  n't  neether,"  snarled  Pewt;  "  I  got  the 
best  bushes  'cause  I  found  'em.  If  you  fellers 
could  see  an  inch  beyond  your  nose,  you  could  do 
it,  too." 

"I  guess  we  can  see  as  well  as  you,  old  Pewt; 
you  ain't  so  smart,"  jeered  Beany. 

"Well,  I  picked  more  berries  than  you  did, 
didn't  I?"  demanded  Pewt,  as  one  stating  an 
axiom. 

"Who  said  you  did  n't?"  said  Plupy,  backing 
away  from  so  self-evident  a  truth. 

"'N'  I've  got  'em,  ain't  I?"  said  Pewt,  again 
advancing  an  irrefutable  proposition. 

"Well,"  said  Plupy,  "what  if  you  have  ?  What- 
ofit?" 

"Well,  I'm  goin'  to  keep  'em,"  said  Pewt  with 
finality. 

"Ain't  we  partners?  ain't  we,  Pewt,  ain't  we, 
Plupy?"  demanded  Beany. 

"Course  we  are;  who  got  up  this  thing,  enny- 
how?"  piped  Plupy,  his  voice  flying  off  the  han 
dle  in  his  earnestness. 

"  You  did  n't;  neether  of  you  fellers  got  it  up; 
neether  of  you  knowed  enough,"  said  Pewt,  his 
eyes  snapping  with  anger. 

"  Whose  father  got  it  up?  Whose  father  got  us 
our  job  'n'  whose  father  bought  our  tin  pails?" 
yelled  Plupy. 

"I  don't  care,"  said  Pewt,  with  exaggerated 


158    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

scorn;  "I  didn't  go  into  no  partnership  with 
fellers  who  want  to  eat  while  I  work." 

'  'N'  we  did  n't  go  into  partnership  with  no 
feller  which  wants  to  take  all  the  profits,  did  we, 
Beany?"  growled  Plupy,  with  a  gasp  of  indig 
nation. 

"Me,  too,  did  n't,"  chimed  in  Beany,  his  face 
red  with  anger. 

"Well,  whatcher  goin'  to  do  about  it?"  de 
manded  Pewt,  with  elaborate  unconcern,  dex 
terously  flipping  a  jackknife  into  the  ground. 

"I'll  tell  you  what  I'm  goin'  to  do  'bout  it, 
Pewt.  I'm  goin'  to  take  my  father's  pails,  'n' 
pistol,  'n'  fishin'-lines,  'n'  things,  'n'  Beany  'n'  I 
are  goin'  to  be  partners,  'n'  you  can  carry  your 
old  blueberries  home  in  your  pockets,"  said 
Plupy  with  determination. 

"Ho!"  barked  Pewt,  becoming  suddenly  very 
much  alive  to  the  occasion;  "lessee  you  get  'em; 
just  come  'n'  take  'em,  come  on,  now."  And  he 
squared  menacingly. 

"We  both  can;  come  on,  Beany;  we're  part 
ners  now  'n'  have  got  to  stand  together,"  said 
Plupy,  calling  up  his  reserves. 

"I'm  with  ye,  Plupe,"  said  Beany,  springing 
into  the  breach  with  promptness.  "Pewt  has 
needed  a  lickin'  for  some  time."  And  the  two 
boys  advanced  with  wary  deliberation  upon  their 
late  business  associate. 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  159 

Now  Pewt,  under  ordinary  circumstances,  was 
rather  more  than  a  match  physically  for  either 
one  of  the  boys,  as  he  was  in  coolness  and  craft. 
But  he  had  little  hopes  of  success  with  both  of 
them  as  opponents,  and  the  prospect  of  a  thrash 
ing  as  well  as  the  loss  of  the  partnership  effects 
was  enough  to  make  him  extremely  anxious  to 
avoid  the  encounter.  Pewt  was  enjoying  what 
would  have  been  known  at  the  present  day  as 
a  "soft  thing,"  or  a  "snap,"  and  he  was  a  boy  of 
good  judgment,  and  so  he  resorted  to  diplomacy. 

"Say,  fellers,  what's  the  use  fightin'  about  it? 
I  was  only  coddin'  ye.  Y'ought  to  know  me  well 
enough  by  this  time  to  know  that."  And  he 
smiled  at  his  indignant  copartners  with  engaging 
warmth,  which  had  the  effect  of  disarming  their 
wrath,  as  they  were  both  peaceful  lads. 

"F  that's  so,  s'all  right  's  far's  I'm  con 
cerned,"  said  Plupy,  returning  to  the  earth. 

"S  all  right  for  me,  too,"  said  Beany,  beaming 
in  his  turn. 

"Now,  le's  get  out  the  pistol  'n'  plug  some- 
thin';  let  Plupy  have  the  first  shot,"  said  Pewt, 
with  unparalleled  generosity. 

So  the  boys  loaded  up  their  miniature  cannon, 
and  tacking  a  square  piece  of  paper  to  a  tree,  shot 
at  this  target  for  a  full  half-hour,  and  as  they 
gradually  decreased  their  distance  until  it  was 
within  range,  and,  indeed,  almost  within  reach 


160    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

of  their  outstretched  arm,  they  soon  had  it  well 
pierced  with  bullets. 

Then  they  again  set  to  work  and  picked  berries 
for  an  hour  or  two,  and  with  their  pails  about 
half-full  they  started  back  to  town,  changing 
arms  every  thirty  yards  and  sitting  down  to  rest 
every  few  minutes;  and  as  wherever  they  rested 
they  filled  in  their  time  in  eating  out  of  their 
pails,  they  arrived  at  the  stores  with  the  contents 
of  their  pails  in  a  somewhat  more  than  decimated 
condition.  They  found  no  difficulty  in  selling 
their  wares,  as  there  was  a  brisk  demand  for 
berries,  although  they  were  somewhat  disap 
pointed  at  the  price,  which  was  but  eight  cents  a 
quart.  As  the  retail  price  was  from  twelve  to 
fifteen  cents,  they  threatened  to  peddle  them  out 
from  house  to  house;  but  as  this  involved  addi 
tional  carrying  of  heavy  pails,  and  as  Plupy's 
arms  were,  as  he  expressed  it,  pulled  out  until 
they  hung  several  inches  below  his  knees,  they 
closed  with  the  dealer,  and  divided  ninety-six 
cents  for  their  day's  work. 

Then,  to  fill  in  the  day,  they  went  in  swimming 
at  the  gravel  point,  and  fished  for  two  or  three 
hours  with  very  indifferent  success,  and  finally 
arrived  at  their  homes  so  dead  tired  that  they 
went  to  bed  before  supper,  and  when  their  fathers 
arrived  they  found  their  respective  sons  sound 
asleep. 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  161 

Meeting  Plupy's  father  that  evening,  Brad 
said,  "George,  I  guess  ye  hit  the  nail  on  the  head 
this  time.  Clar'nce  wuz  asleep  when  I  got  home, 
'n'  I  never  knew  it  to  happen  before  sence  he  was 
big  enough  to  git  around." 

"My  boy  was,  too.  He  lay  there  with  his 
hands  all  stained  and  scratched,  a  sort  of  a 
blue  stain  on  the  ends  of  his  fingers.  Guess  they 
must  have  had  him  working  in  lead,  solder 
ing,  or  something  of  the  kind,"  said  Plupy's 
father. 

"I  guess  after  about  one  more  day  of  it  they 
will  be  ready  to  go  back  to  school.  Nothing  like 
hard  work  to  reconcile  a  boy  to  his  books.  Yes, 
George,  you  sartin'  hit  it  that  time,"  rejoined 
Pewt's  father. 

Just  then  Beany 's  father  drove  up  in  a  smart 
rig. 

"Hullo,  Brad!  Hullo,  George!"  he  shouted. 
"Got  something  funny  to  tell  you.  When  I  got 
home  to-night  I  found  out  that  Elbridge  had 
gone  to  bed  as  soon  as  he  got  home.  His  mother 
said  he  was  just  about  ready  to  drop.  I  thought 
he  must  be  sick,  'n'  so  I  went  in  'n'  spoke  to  him, 
'n'  whadger  think  he  said?" 

"Dunno,  Wats,"  said  Brad. 

"What  was  it,  Wats?  "  asked  Plupy's  father. 

"Ha-ha,  the  funniest  thing,"  laughed  Wats; 
"he  half-opened  his  eyes  'n'  said,  'Had  a  bully 


162     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

time,  father,  got  twelve  quarts ' ;  'n'  then  he  went 
to  sleep  again." 

"Ha-ha,"  laughed  George  and  Brad  in  huge 
enjoyment. 

"Twelve  quarts;  I  guess  they  did;  twelve  hun 
dred  pounds  of  lead,  I  guess.  Funny  how  a  boy 
will  dream.  It 's  a  good  thing  to  dream  of  pleasant 
things  after  working  too  hard.  It  kind  of  rests  a 
fellow.  But  he  was  a  game  little  chap  to  say  he 
had  a  good  time.  I  guess  he  must  have  been 
dreaming  that,  too,"  said  Beany 's  father.  "Had 
n't  we  better  see  Getchell  'n'  ask  him  to  go  a  bit 
easy  on  the  boys?  We  don't  want  to  have  them 
break  anything  or  get  lame,"  he  went  on  anx 
iously. 

"No,  Wats,"  decided  Plupy's  father  firmly. 
"They  won't  hurt  themselves  any.  The  men  will 
see  to  that.  The  only  way  to  drive  them  back  to 
their  books  is  to  make  them  so  sick  of  their  jobs 
that  they  will  have  to  quit.  Of  course,  we  have 
got  to  be  pretty  careful  about  it,  for  if  their 
mothers  find  out  about  it,  it  is  all  off." 

"That's  so,  George,"  said  Brad  affirmatively; 
"if  S'phi  found  out  about  this,  I  dunno  ez  I 
should  darst  to  go  home." 

"Well,  I  charged  Harry  not  to  say  a  word  to 
any  one,"  said  Plupy's  father. 

"'N'  I  charged  Clar'nce,"  said  Brad. 

"'N'  I  charged  Elly,  too,"  said  Wats;  "so  I 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS          163 

guess  everything  is  all  right."  And  the  worthies 
separated  feeling  that  they  had  secured  a  grape 
vine  lock  on  their  sons'  obstinate  determina 
tion  to  throw  away  the  golden  opportunity  of  a 
common-school  education  for  which  their  local 
town  was  famous. 


VIII 

SHIPWRECKED   AND   LOST  IN  THE  WOODS 

THE  next  morning  at  about  eight  the  boys, 
still  somewhat  footsore  and  stifi[  from  hard  work, 
met  for  the  day's  journey.  First  they  decided 
to  exchange  their  ten-quart  pails  for  four-quart 
pails,  which  showed  that  they  were  boys  of  excel 
lent  judgment.  Next,  yielding  to  a  desire  on  their 
part  to  try  a  part  of  the  country  that  furnished 
more  attractions  in  the  way  of  hunting  and  fish 
ing  grounds,  they  struck  for  Kingston  Pond. 
This  was  a  beautiful  sheet  of  water  about  six 
miles  away,  said  to  abound  in  perch  and  pickerel. 
The  distance  was  great,  but  they  thought  the 
prospect  justified  them  in  extra  exertions,  and  so 
they  trusted  in  fortune. 

It  was  nearly  ten  o'clock  when  they  arrived 
there,  and  they  were  so  hot  and  dusty  that  they 
took  a  refreshing  swim  as  soon  as  they  could  peel 
their  clothes.  Greatly  refreshed  by  this,  they 
were  fortunate  in  finding  plenty  of  berries,  and 
by  one  o'clock  had  filled  their  pails,  when  they 
rested  and  ate  their  lunch  luxuriously.  Then 
they  baited  up  and  fished  halfway  round  the  lake, 
with  a  success  that  amazed  them  and  filled  them 
with  the  greatest  delight.  Again  they  swam,  tried 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  165 

ineffectually  to  shoot  sandpipers  that  were  flit 
ting  along  the  beach,  and  refreshed  themselves 
for  their  long  journey  home.  It  was  half-past 
seven  before  they  had  disposed  of  their  berries 
and  fish,  which  netted  them  eighty-two  cents 
each,  and  when  they  had  eaten  their  supper 
they  went  to  bed  in  an  exhausted  condition. 
Each  one  resisted  all  attempts  on  the  part  of 
their  respective  mothers  to  find  out  what  he  had 
been  doing,  beyond  saying  that  he  was  working 
and  that  his  father  knew  all  about  it. 

The  next  morning  Plupy's  father  had  time  to 
ask  him  where  he  was,  so  late,  and  found  that  he 
had  been  in  Kingston.  He  smiled  grimly,  but 
only  said,  "I  suppose  you  have  to  go  where  your 
work  calls  you." 

;'Yessir,"  said  Plupy. 

The  third  day  was  a  repetition  of  the  second. 
The  boys  walked  to  the  pond,  picked  their  ber 
ries,  swam,  shot  successfully  at  a  mark  and  unsuc 
cessfully  at  everything  else,  fished  and  delivered 
their  wares  at  a  late  hour.  They  were  in  some 
what  better  condition,  although  very  tired.  They 
had  caught  fewer  fish,  but  these  few  were  grati- 
fyingly  large  and  netted  them  rather  more,  each 
boy  storing  away  the  sum  of  ninety  cents  against 
a  time  of  need.  After  supper  they  sat  up  until 
about  half-past  eight,  and  appeared  to  be  satis 
fied  with  their  lot  in  life. 


166     THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

Their  fathers,  the  conspirators,  began  to  be  a 
bit  worried.  According  to  their  calculations  the 
boys  by  this  time  should  be  on  their  knees  beg 
ging  to  be  allowed  to  go  to  school.  Something 
was  wrong  with  their  calculations. 

So  George  went  over  to  see  Wats,  and  he  and 
Wats  proceeded  to  Brad's  shop  for  a  conference. 

"I  did  n't  suppose  for  a  moment  that  those 
little  devils  would  stand  out  like  this,"  said 
Plupy's  father.  "Harry  is  generally  so  infer 
nally  lazy  that  it's  as  much  as  we  can  do  to  get 
him  to  fill  the  woodbox.  And  how  in  thunder  he 
sticks  it  out  to  work  for  Getchell  as  a  plumber, 
beats  me.  He  comes  home  so  tired  that  he  can 
scarcely  wait  to  eat  his  supper  before  going  to 
bed,  and  in  the  morning  he  is  ready  to  go  again. 
I  can't  see  into  it." 

"Nor  I  can't  either,  George,"  affirmed  Wats. 
"If  it  had  been  a  job  of  driving  a  hack  for  Levi 
Towle  or  Major  Blake,  or  handling  baggage  for 
the  beach  teams,  or  something  like  that,  I 
would  n't  be  a  bit  surprised;  but  for  them  boys 
to  be  set  so  on  learning  to  be  plumbers  'n'  lug 
spipe  'n'  lift  stoves  'n'  put  up  tin  washboiler 
for  sale  without  gettin'  sick  of  it  beats  me." 

"The  time  Harry  worked  for  Tom  Conner,  he 
only  lasted  about  three  days,  but  that  time  he 
was  chased  out  by  old  Tom  because  he  hit  old 
Tom  on  the  nose  with  a  sling-shot  or  some  sort  of 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  167 

a  pistol  that  shot  small  pebbles  or  large  bullets. 
Harry  always  said  it  was  an  accident,  but  I 
always  thought  that  while,  perhaps,  it  was  an 
accident  in  hitting  him,  it  was  no  accident  in 
aiming  at  him.  I  went  down  to  see  old  Tom 
about  it,  and  he  said  those  infernal  boys  waited 
until  he  stepped  into  the  store  and  deliberately 
let  drive  at  him.  You  know  Tom  has  a  pretty 
big  'rooter.'  Well,  it  must  have  hit  him  an 
almighty  rap,  for  his  nose  was  as  red  as  a  beet 
when  I  saw  him." 

"I  think  the  boys  didn't  intend  to  hit  him, 
because  I  asked  Elly  about  it  'n'  he  said  they 
were  layin'  for  old  Gilmore's  plug  horse  to  wake 
him  up,  'n'  old  Tom  came  around  the  corner 
just  in  time  to  get  it  in  the  bugle,"  explained 
Wats. 

"That's  what  Clar'nce  said,"  testified  Brad, 
'  'n'  I  guess  't  must  be  so,  because  I  never  knew 
Clar'nce  to  tell  me  a  lie  in  his  life." 

"Good  Gad!"  exclaimed  WTats. 

"Holy  Moses!"  shouted  Plupy's  father. 

"What's  the  matter?"  demanded  Brad,  giving 
a  start  of  indignation. 

"Oh,  nothin',  Brad,"  said  Plupy's  father;  "I 
was  just  thinking  of  something  I  had  forgotten 
to  order  at  the  store." 

"A  cussed  hossfly  bit  me  just  back  of  the 
ear,"  explained  Wats  tactfully.  "What  did  you 


168    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

say  to  old  Tom?  They  say  he  gave  your  boy  a 
pretty  hard  canin'." 

"Well,  he  did;  but  as  I  should  have  done  the 
same  under  similar  circumstances,  I  was  not  in  a 
position  to  say  much.  I  only  went  down  to  find 
out  the  facts  and  to  satisfy  the  women  folks,  who 
were  pretty  much  excited  about  it.  He  claimed 
that  he  had  lost  about  fifty  dollars  by  the  opera 
tion  and  took  me  out  and  showed  me  his  coat 
where  he  had  fallen  flat  on  his  back.  It  was  stiff 
with  molasses.  I  would  have  given  a  dollar  to 
have  seen  it.  Harry  said  that  if  he  had  not 
slipped,  himself,  he  would  have  got  away." 

"Well,  so  far,  the  boys  hain't  got  chased  out, 
'n'  't  don't  seem  's  'ough  they  would.  But  why 
they  like  it  s'prises  me,"  said  Brad;  "but  I  guess 
't  is  because  they  are  working  for  somebody  else 
than  their  own  folks.  Ye  remember,  George, 
when  we  were  boys,  you  alwuz  liked  to  saw 
wood  in  my  yard  better  'n  you  did  in  your 
own,  'n'  I  liked  to  saw  wood  in  your  yard  bet 
ter  'n  I  did  in  my  own.  'T  is  allus  so,  George, 
'n'  I  guess  't  will  allus  be  so,"  concluded  Brad 
philosophically. 

"That  will  explain  a  good  deal,  Brad,"  replied 
George;  "but  there  has  got  to  be  some  fun  in  it 
somewhere,  to  make  'em  stick.  There  may  be 
some  fun  in  plumbing,  but  the  only  fun  I  ever 
could  see  that  a  plumber  got  out  of  life  was  in 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  169 

making  and  collecting  outrageous  charges  for 
everything  he  did." 

"'N'  often  enough  for  things  he  didn't  do," 
said  Wats,  with  the  deep  feeling  of  one  who  had 
lately  had  some  plumbing  done. 

"Well,  gentlemen,"  said  Pewt's  father,  "guess 
we  'd  better  let  it  go  a  day  or  two  longer.  For  my 
part,  I  expect  they'll  give  up  in  about  two  days 
more,  'n'  p'r'aps  one,  'n'  I'll  bate  ye  they  do." 

So  the  other  worthies,  convinced  beyond  per- 
adventure  of  the  prophetic  vision  of  that  gifted 
seer,  Brad,  as  well  as  of  his  philosophical  accept 
ance  of  the  situation,  decided  to  wait  a  day  or  two 
longer,  feeling  sure  that  by  that  time  the  boys 
would  be  anxious  to  resume  their  grammar-school 
education,  which  bid  fair  to  be  seriously  neglected. 

The  next  morning  the  boys  awoke  betimes  and 
ate  hugely  of  the  family  breakfast,  demanded 
loudly  that  their  dinner-pails  be  filled  a  little 
more  solidly  and  to  the  brim,  and  started  out  in 
high  spirits  on  their  long  tramp  to  the  pond.  This 
day  they  had  planned  a  change  of  programme 
which  involved  a  slight  change  in  their  bill  of 
fare.  They  had  decided  to  have  fish  broiled 
before  a  camp-fire.  They  had  decided  that,  how 
ever  praiseworthy  the  accumulation  of  money 
was,  it  was  not  meet  that  in  the  accumulation  of 
wealth  they  should  neglect  their  physical  welfare. 

They  had  added  to  their  income  by  the  sale  of 


170    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

their  fish.  They  had  eaten  not  a  solitary  fish,  and 
their  appetites,  indeed,  their  whole  beings,  called 
loudly  for  fish.  There  were  fish  in  plenty  and 
berries  in  plenty  and  money  in  plenty.  They 
were  cloyed  with  berries,  they  loved  money,  but 
they  craved  fish.  Hereafter  they  would  both  eat 
and  sell  fish.  They  would  sell  berries,  but  would 
eat  not  one,  at  least,  not  yet.  They  did  n't  be 
lieve  they  ever  could  eat  berries  again.  They 
did  n't  even  hope  they  would  want  to  eat  any 
more  berries.  Hang  berries,  anyway! 

And  so,  when  they  arrived  at  the  berry-swamp 
they  picked  faster  than  ever  before,  and  as  they 
wasted  none,  and  had  only  their  pails  to  fill,  they 
had  finished  their  berry-picking  in  little  over  an 
hour  and  were  ready  for  the  pleasures  of  the  day. 
Quickly  peeling  their  clothes,  they  took  a  refresh 
ing  swim,  came  out,  dressed,  carefully  concealed 
their  pails  of  berries  and  dinner-pails,  and  baited 
up.  A  half-hour  later  Pewt,  in  crossing  a  small 
brook  that  led  into  the  pond,  found  an  old,  rotten 
boat,  half  submerged  on  the  shore  of  the  brook. 
A  loud  hoo-hoo  drew  the  attention  of  Beany  and 
Plupy. 

"Whatcher  found,  Pewt?"  yelled  Beany. 

"Found  a  bully  boat,  —  oh,  a  ripper;  come  on 
over  here,  fellers,"  yelled  Pewt. 

Plupy  and  Beany  tore  spattering  up  the  beach 
and  over  the  smooth  stones  like  sandpeeps. 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  171 

Sure  enough,  there  was  a  boat,  somewhat  dam 
aged,  but  in  farily  good  condition,  considering. 

They  tried  to  pull  the  boat  up  the  bank,  but  as 
it  was  half -full  of  water  it  resisted  their  utmost  and 
grunting  exertions.  Finally,  by  all  three  getting 
on  one  side  and  lifting  until  their  eyeballs  nearly 
popped  from  their  sockets,  they  managed  to  tip 
it  far  enough  to  pour  out  most  of  the  water,  and 
then,  by  wading  in  to  their  knees  and  pulling  the 
stern  round  sharply,  they  drew  it  nearly  out  of 
the  water.  Then  another  titanic  heave,  and  they 
got  the  rest  of  the  water  out.  Then  they  exam 
ined  it  carefully  and  found  that  with  a  little 
patching  up  it  would  do,  providing  they  bailed 
lustily.  There  was  a  small  island  in  the  pond  with 
a  rocky  headland  and  deep  water,  where  they  felt 
sure  they  could  get  some  large  fish. 

So  they  set  to  work,  and  in  a  short  time  had 
the  boat  in  a  fairly  serviceable  condition  and  in 
the  pond.  The  water  ran  through  the  cracks 
rather  freely,  but  with  their  pint  dippers  they 
could  bail  it  out  a  little  faster  than  it  ran  in, 
and  they  felt  sure  they  would  have  no  trouble, 
and  with  Plupy  bailing  vigorously  and  Pewt  and 
Beany  paddling  skillfully  with  two  paddles  im 
provised  out  of  a  board,  they  struck  out  for  the 
island,  a  half-mile  distant,  trusting  in  that  kind 
Providence  that  watches  over  boys,  and  soon 
beached  their  boat  on  the  sandy  beach. 


172    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

Then  they  fished,  and  from  the  deep  water 
just  beyond  the  rock  they  pulled  out  splendid 
perch,  and  although  it  was  broad  daylight,  but 
somewhat  overcast,  they  caught  two  or  three 
enormous  hornpout,  that  occasionally  bite  in  the 
daytime  in  deep  water.  Before  long  they  had 
enough  for  their  meal  and  to  carry  home,  but, 
allured  by  the  unusual  size  of  their  fish,  kept  on 
until  their  hunger  was  so  keen  that  they  desisted, 
strung  their  fish  on  a  long  strong  withe,  where 
they  made  a  brave  show,  and  started  for  their 
boat. 

And  now  for  the  first  time  since  they  started 
out  in  their  new  profession,  Fortune  turned  her 
glowing  and  amiable  countenance  from  them. 
As  they  were  paddling  and  bailing  in  friendly 
rivalry,  suddenly  Beany 's  leg  went  through  the 
rotten  bottom  of  the  craft.  Had  he  left  that 
plump  member  to  stop  up  the  hole,  all  might 
have  been  well,  but  he  exercised  his  first  and 
primitive  instinct,  to  withdraw  that  member 
with  a  yell  of  surprise  and  horror,  and  a  stream 
of  water  poured  into  the  doomed  craft. 

"She's  sinkin',  fellers;  she's  sinkin'!"  yelled 
Pewt;  "turn  her  towards  the  nearest  shore; 
paddle  like  thunder,  Plupy;  bail  your  darndest, 
Beany!" 

Beany,  with  great  presence  of  mind,  promptly 
sat  down  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat  in  the  hole  he 


THE    LAKK    POURED    OVER    THE    SIDE 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  173 

had  made,  and,  as  he  was  an  extremely  plump 
youth,  for  a  while  the  hungry  waters  of  the  lake 
were  baffled;  but  not  for  long,  as,  in  spite  of  his 
generous  weight,  the  rush  of  the  water  fairly 
floated  him  away  from  the  fatal  hole  and  the  boat 
rapidly  began  to  settle. 

Any  one  who  has  been  in  a  boat  partly  filled 
with  water  knows  how  extremely  difficult  it  is  to 
keep  the  boat  right  side  up.  The  slightest  move 
ment  rocks  the  boat,  its  fluid  contents  rush  to  one 
side,  and  over  goes  the  boat. 

This  was  the  case  with  the  boys'  boat.  Plupy 
and  Beany  frantically  paddling,  one  on  each  side, 
kept  the  boat  fairly  level,  but  Beany,  in  his  exer 
tions  to  keep  his  seat  and  to  bail  at  the  same  time, 
rocked  the  boat.  The  boys  yelled  directions  and 
threw  their  weight  on  the  opposite  side.  Back 
she  came,  the  water  surging  powerfully.  More 
yells  and  more  violent  dodging  about  by  the 
boys,  until  the  lake  poured  in  over  the  side,  and 
the  boat  and  the  boys  disappeared  in  deep  water 
far  from  the  shore. 

Only  for  a  few  seconds  did  the  boys  remain 
under,  but  reappeared  sputtering  and  blowing 
water  from  their  mouths.  Pewt  and  Beany  were 
good  swimmers,  but  Plupy  was  a  sort  of  hu 
man  bullfrog,  and  encouraging  one  another  they 
struck  out  for  the  nearest  shore,  swimming  easily 
so  as  not  to  get  what  Pewt  termed  "tuckered 


174    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

out,"  and  after  a  swim  of  about  fifteen  minutes 
they  dragged  themselves,  streaming  water  and 
somewhat  exhausted,  on  the  beach,  and  took  an 
account  of  stock.  They  had  lost  their  hats,  their 
fishing-tackle,  and  what  was  of  more  importance, 
their  string  of  beautiful  fish. 

"Gosh  darn  it!"  said  Plupy,  stung  to  extreme 
language  by  the  irreparable  loss;  "ain't  that  just 
our  thunderin'  luck!  Just  as  soon  as  we've 
caught  the  best  string  of  fish  we  ever  caught  in 
our  lives  before,  to  lose  'em  like  this." 

"Plupe,  we  can  ketch  some  more,"  suggested 
the  optimistic  Beany. 

"Naw,  we  can't  neither!"  snarled  Pewt, 
"'cause  we  ain't  got  no  more  hooks  'n'  lines." 

"Gosh!  that's  so,  'n'  that  makes  it  worse  'n 
ever,"  lamented  Plupy.  "Well,"  he  continued 
resignedly,  "I'm  'bout  starved.  I  could  eat  a 
raw  hornpout.  Le's  go  over  to  where  we  left  our 
dinner-pails  'n'  dry  our  clothes  in  the  sun  'u'  eat 
our  dinner.  Ennyhow,  we  've  got  enough  to  eat 
even  if  we  ain't  got  any  fish." 

And  now,  Fortune,  not  contented  with  her  ill 
treatment  of  the  boys,  administered  another  sly 
rap,  probably  for  old  acquaintance'  sake;  for 
when  the  boys  sought  to  act  on  Plupy 's  advice, 
they  found  to  their  dismay  that  they  had  landed 
on  the  farther  bank  of  a  deep  wide  stream,  and 
they  found  themselves  cut  off  from  their  com- 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  175 

missary  department,  with  neither  bridge,  ford, 
nor  boat  in  sight.  Immediately  there  was  a  dis 
cussion  as  to  whether  or  not  they  should  swim  the 
river  in  their  clothes  or  without  them,  or  walk 
upstream  until  they  found  a  bridge  or  ford. 

Plupy,  the  human  bullfrog,  urged  the  former 
course,  which  he  advocated  as  "just's  easy  as 
nothin'." 

Pewt,  also  a  good  swimmer,  was  willing  to 
swim  the  river,  but  advised  removing  their 
clothes,  wringing  them  out,  and  carrying  them  on 
their  heads;  but  Beany,  whose  long  swim  had 
severely  tried  his  powers,  absolutely  refused  to 
enter  the  water  again  under  any  consideration. 

Then  Plupy  was  urged  to  swim  across  and 
bring  back  the  dinner-pails;  but  he  refused  flatly, 
taking  the  retributive  theory  that  if  Beany  was 
so  "scart"  and  so  mean  that  he  would  let  them 
starve  to  death  rather  than  wet  his  feet  again,  he 
would  see  Beany  starve  before  he  would  swim  the 
river  twice,  and  for  his  part  he  guessed  he  could 
stand  it  as  long  as  Beany  could. 

Finally,  it  was  agreed  that  they  should  wring 
out  their  clothes  and  hunt  up  a  place  to  cross  the 
river  dry  shod,  and  they  stripped  and  wrung  out 
their  clothes  powerfully  and  then  donned  them  in 
a  much  wrinkled  and  somewhat  clammy  condi 
tion.  Then  they  started  up  the  stream,  and  in  a 
short  time  were  in  a  glow  from  their  exertions. 


176    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

Through  briers,  alders,  swampy  places,  over 
stumps  of  huge  pines  and  hemlocks,  fences  and 
stone  walls,  they  followed  the  winding  course  of 
the  stream  for  more  than  an  hour,  occasionally 
making  a  detour  to  avoid  some  especially  diffi 
cult  place.  At  last,  when  they  were  beginning  to 
despair  of  ever  finding  a  bridge,  they  came  upon 
a  highway  and  a  strong  bridge.  Much  encour 
aged,  they  crossed  the  river  and  commenced  their 
journey  dinnerwards,  their  spirits  rising  and  their 
fatigue  disappearing.  The  other  side  of  the  river 
ran  for  a  mile  and  a  half  or  two  miles  through 
cleared  field  and  pasture,  which  the  boys  made 
at  a  jog-trot  like  horses  homeward  bound  with 
visions  of  oats,  hay,  and  water  before  their  eyes. 
They  were  tremendously  disgusted  to  find  at 
the  end  of  this  mile  and  a  half  stretch  another 
bridge  which  they  had  failed  to  see  in  making  a 
detour,  and  still  more  pained  at  finding  two  more 
on  their  further  progress  towards  the  lake,  one  of 
which  must  have  been  within  a  half-mile  of  the 
lake.  When  they  found  this  out,  their  feelings 
were  too  deep  for  words,  and  each  one  accused 
the  others  of  advising  the  detour.  Their  anxiety 
to  complete  their  journey  and  get  to  their  belated 
dinner  stopped  the  dispute  and  drove  them  for 
ward.  And  now,  as  if  to  offset  the  smooth  path 
of  their  return  through  the  cleared  land,  they 
came  upon  a  region  almost  impassable  on  account 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  177 

of  blackberry  vines,  wild  raspberry  bushes  bris 
tling  with  thorns,  a  tangled  network  of  wild 
grapevines,  and  a  jungle  of  underbrush.  Here 
Pewt,  the  acknowledged  pathfinder  of  the  party, 
proposed  an  abrupt  turn  to  the  right,  away  from 
the  stream,  and  in  a  direction  which  led  to  a 
heavy  growth  of  timber,  through  which  he  was 
confident  he  could  lead  them  at  once  to  the  lake. 
This  seemed  reasonable,  and  they  started  with 
renewed  hope. 

The  timberland  was  farther  than  they  sup 
posed,  but  they  soon  reached  it  and  bore  to  the 
left,  but  not  as  much  as  they  supposed,  for,  after 
traveling  a  half-hour,  they  found  themselves  ap 
parently  no  nearer  the  lake  than  before.  After 
an  anxious  consultation,  they  started  again  in  a 
new  direction,  which  they  followed  for  a  long  time 
without  result.  Then  they  held  another  and  still 
more  anxious  conference,  at  the  close  of  which 
Pewt,  in  order  to  dispel  a  growing  doubt  of  his 
ability  as  guide,  volunteered  to  climb  a  tree  and 
take  an  observation,  and  forthwith  shinned  up  a 
giant  pine  to  a  great  height,  from  which  elevated 
situation  he  could  see  several  ponds  without  be 
ing  able  to  identify  the  one  they  longed  to  reach. 
However,  Pewt  professed  his  ability  to  lead  them 
in  the  right  direction  without  further  trouble, 
and  on  his  descent,  they  started  under  his  guid 
ance  in  an  entirely  new  direction,  and  in  about  a 


178     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

quarter  of  an  hour,  to  their  intense  delight,  came 
out  upon  the  shore  of  a  lake.  The  shout  of  Xeno- 
phon's  warriors,  "Thalatta!  Thalatta!"  at  the 
long-looked-for  view  of  the  sea,  was  a  flute-note 
compared  with  the  shrill  and  raucous  yells  of 
the  three  boys  when  they  perceived  through  the 
trees  the  gleaming  sheen  of  water.  They  were 
tired,  thirsty,  and  well-nigh  hopeless.  Before 
them  lay  food,  drink,  and  rest,  and  they  rushed 
through  the  intervening  fringe  of  trees  like  wrild 
men,  only  to  find  themselves  on  the  shore  of  an 
entirely  different  but  much  smaller  lake. 

They  were  so  stunned  with  disappointment 
that  they  dropped  on  the  beach  exhausted  and 
almost  in  tears,  and  lay  there  for  some  time  in 
speechless  distress. 

"Well,"  said  Pewt  at  last,  "we're  lost  fast 
enough,  but  we  can  get  a  drink  of  water."  And 
he  rose  and,  lying  down  on  a  rock  that  lay  half  in 
and  half  out  of  the  water,  he  took  a  long  drink, 
making  way  for  the  other  boys  who  imitated 
him,  much  to  their  refreshment.  Then  they 
washed  their  hands  and  faces  in  the  cool  water 
and  took  a  more  hopeful  view  of  the  situation. 

Still,  they  were  quite  unhappy  and  uneasy, 
and  although  only  the  day  before  they  had 
thought  they  would  never  eat  another  blueberry, 
their  hunger  was  so  great  that  they  spent  a  quar 
ter  of  an  hour  in  eating  greedily  from  a  bush 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  179 

of  ripe  berries  near  the  edge  of  the  water.  Al 
ready  the  sun  was  well  on  its  way  towards  the 
west  and  the  long  shadows  were  slanting  east 
ward,  when  they  set  out  again,  following  the 
shore  of  the  pond,  hoping  to  find  a  cart-path  or 
footpath  that  might  lead  them  to  some  traveled 
road.  This  was  a  good  thought,  and  within  a  half- 
mile  they  found  a  wood  road  that  showed  signs  of 
recent  use,  and  into  which  they  turned  with  re 
newed  hope.  It  led  through  a  growth  of  splendid 
pines  a  most  interminable  distance.  It  seemed 
as  if  there  was  no  end  of  towering  pines,  inter 
spersed  with  hemlock  and  an  occasional  oak. 
The  shadows  darkened,  and  there  was  a  sepul 
chral  quiet  in  the  woods  that  oppressed  them 
heavily.  Plupy  felt  a  strange  comfort  in  clutch 
ing  his  trusty  pistol,  although  it  was  out  of  com 
mission  from  the  accident  to  the  boat. 

"If  only  a  squirrel  would  chitter  or  a  bird  call," 
thought  Plupy,  "it  wouldn't  be  so  gloomy.'* 
And  when  just  then  a  "redder"  set  up  a  shrill 
"skirl"  of  indignation  at  the  three  trespassers, 
they  jumped  a  foot  or  more  in  sudden  terror. 
Then  a  wood  thrush  set  up  its  evening  song, 
which  sounded  eerily  and  uncanny  in  the  twi 
light  of  the  deep  woods.  The  boys  kept  closer 
together.  It  would  have  taken  but  little  to  have 
started  them  running  in  a  panic,  but  luckily 
nothing  happened. 


180    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

By  and  by  it  became  lighter,  the  trees  were 
farther  apart,  and  at  last  they  came  out  into  an 
open  pasture  through  which  the  cart-path  led. 
The  sun  was  still  well  away  from  the  horizon,  and 
they  followed  this  path  to  where  it  joined  a  some 
what  disused  road,  down  which  and  in  the  direc 
tion  they  were  going  was  a  house  and  barn.  Joy! 
they  were  in  sight  of  civilization,  and  they  has 
tened  their  pace  as  fast  as  their  weary  legs  would 
allow  them.  Again  they  were  doomed  to  disap 
pointment,  for  the  farm  was  deserted.  But,  at 
least,  the  house  faced  a  broad,  traveled  country 
road  that,  as  Pewt  said,  "led  somewhere."  While 
they  were  waiting,  uncertain  in  which  direction 
to  go,  a  young  countryman  came  driving  along  in 
an  empty  two-seated  carryall.  They  stopped  him 
and  asked  him  the  way  to  Exeter.  He  told  them 
it  was  about  four  miles,  and  said  that  he  was 
going  to  Exeter;  and  upon  their  asking  him  for  a 
ride  told  them  he  would  take  them  there  for  fifty 
cents,  and  upon  their  saying  they  had  no  money, 
drove  off  with  a  sneering  laugh  and  the  words, 
"Walk  there,  you  little  devils." 

Disappointed  in  not  obtaining  a  ride,  but 
greatly  relieved  at  their  escape  from  a  night  in 
the  woods,  they  started  limping  towards  Exeter, 
when  they  heard  a  man  shouting  to  his  oxen,  and 
turned  to  see  a  burly,  bewhiskered  farmer  driving 
a  yoke  of  oxen  hitched  to  a  haycart  loaded  with  a 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  181 

grandly  modeled  load  of  hay.  They  stopped  and 
drew  up  at  the  side  of  the  road  to  wait  for  him, 
and  Plupy,  encouraged  by  his  good-natured  face 
and  his  brisk  nod,  told  him  of  their  plight,  at 
which  he  smote  his  knee  and  laughed  heartily. 

"Wai,  wal,  boys,  't  ain't  no  laffin'  matter,  I 
know,  'cause  I've  been  in  jest  such  scrapes  my 
self,  more  'n  once.  I  swanny,  I  wisht  I  had  n't  et 
my  supper  to  home  stiddier  'n  bringin'  it  along 
ez  I  ginerally  do ;  I'd  gin  ye  the  hull  on  it,  that  I 
would,  boys.  But  I  '11  tell  ye  what  ye  can  do.  Ye 
look  'baout  petered  aout,  'n'  no  mistake  'baout 
it;  yeou  jist  git  up  on  my  load  of  hay  'n'  go  t* 
sleep,  'n'  jest  ez  soon  ez  I  git  to  the  square  I'll 
wake  ye  up.  I'm  a-goin'  ez  fur  ez  old  Dr.  Bill 
Perry's,  jest  beyond  Major  Blakeses  tarven. 
I'm  tew  hours  late  as  't  is." 

"How  can  we  climb  up  there?  It's  pretty 
high,"  asked  Beany. 

"Ho,  I'll  show  ye,"  said  their  new  friend,  and 
taking  them  in  his  brawny  hands  he  sent  them 
flying,  one  after  the  other,  on  the  lofty  load. 

:'Thar,  now,  boys,  just  git  inter  the  middle  on 
't  whar  ye  won't  fall  aout  'n'  go  t'  sleep,"  said 
the  good-natured  giant,  calling  to  his  slow-paced 
cattle. 

Aloft  in  the  sweet  hay  the  boys  were  not  long  in 
taking  his  advice,  and  fell  asleep  almost  instantly. 
Just  before  he  \vent  to  sleep,  Plupy  said,  sleepily, 


182    THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

"If  I  ever  get  a  chance  to  do  something  for  that 
man  I'll  do  it,"  -a  pause,  —  then  with  more 
vigor,  "  'n'  if  I  ever  get  a  chance  to  lam  the  snoot 
offen  that  feller  which  would  n't  give  us  a  ride, 
I  '11  do  it,  too,  -  -  and  a  loud  snore  continued 
the  sentence.1 

It  was  nearly  dark  when  the  cart  stopped  be 
fore  Dr.  Perry's  house  in  the  square  and  at  the 
head  of  Court  Street,  where  the  three  boys  lived. 
A  few  minutes  later  three  bedraggled,  tired,  hag 
gard,  and  ravenously  hungry  boys  sat  down  to 
belated  suppers,  and  astonished  their  mothers 
by  the  almost  unlimited  quantity  of  food  which 
they  demanded  and  greedily  stored  away.  After 
stoutly  evading  their  mothers'  questions,  on  the 
plea  that  it  was  a  secret,  beyond  admitting  that 
they  had  passed  a  wretchedly  disappointing  day, 
they  crawled  off  to  bed,  almost  too  tired  to  un 
dress. 

That  evening  the  three  fathers  met  on  the 
schoolhouse  steps.  Ordinarily  these  gentleman, 
fatigued  with  the  duties  of  the  day,  spent  their 
evenings  smoking  on  the  steps  of  their  modest 

1  Curiously  enough,  twenty  or  more  years  later,  when  Plupy 
was  a  practicing  attorney  in  his  own  town,  he  became  counsel 
for  the  farmer  who  had  given  them  a  ride,  in  a  most  iniqui 
tous  suit  involving  the  old  man's  homestead,  which  was  brought 
against  him  by  this  same  man;  and  not  only  did  he  win  out  and 
save  the  old  fellow's  farm,  but  he  gave  the  plaintiff  so  scathing 
a  dressing-down  that  for  a  long  time  he  scarcely  dared  show  his 
face  in  public. 


WAL,    WAL,    BOYS,     TAIX  T    XO    LAFFIX    MATTER 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  183 

habitations,  entertaining  the  members  of  their 
families,  and  such  neighbors  and  friends  as  might 
drop  in,  with  cheerful  and  enlightening  converse. 
But  mindful  of  the  fact  that  an  open  discussion 
of  the  matter  of  vital  importance  could  not  be 
held  in  the  presence  of  any  one  of  the  mothers 
of  these  boys,  without  absolute  certainty  of  the 
exposure  and  consequent  failure  of  their  scheme, 
they  took  occasion  to  hold  these  little  conferences 
apart  from  their  families  in  some  place  conven 
ient  of  access  and  conducive  to  secrecy 

The  three  were  quite  jubilant  when  they  met, 
and  especially  lauded  Brad  for  the  accuracy  of  his 
predictions. 

"It's  just  as  you  said,  Brad,"  said  Plupy's 
father,  smiling;  "about  one  day  more  and  we'll 
have  those  three  young  rascals  promising  us  any 
thing,  provided  we  will  let  them  go  to  school. 
Lessee,  to-morrow  is  Thursday,  and  they  will 
have  had  all  they  want  of  work.  I  guess  we  had 
better  make  them  work  Friday,  and  Saturday  we 
can  let  'em  rest  up.  They  will  need  it,  too,  judg 
ing  from  the  way  Harry  looked  when  he  crawled 
in  to  supper  to-night.  I  had  hard  work  persuad 
ing  my  wife  that  I  was  doing  the  best  thing  for 
the  boy's  interest.  If  she  really  knew  what  sort 
of  work  they  were  doing,  it  would  be  stopped 
pretty  quickly,  I  can  tell  you."  And  he  replaced 
his  cigar  and  blew  out  a  fragrant  cloud. 


184     THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

''You're  right,  George,"  assented  Wats;  "my 
Elly  came  home  to-night  so  tired  that  he  was 
almost  ready  to  cry.  But  eat !  I  never  saw  a  boy 
eat  so  much  as  he  did.  He  was  so  used  up  that  I 
was  a  little  worried,  'n'  just  before  I  came  over 
here  I  went  up  to  his  room  'n'  he  opened  his  eyes 
'n'  looked  at  me  'n'  said,  *  We  caught  the  biggest 
string  of  fish  I  ever  saw,'  'n'  then  he  was  asleep 
again.  Ho!  Ho!  ain't  that  the  funniest  thing?  — 
did  n't  know  what  he  was  talkin'  about;  was 
sound  asleep  all  the  time.  I  never  saw  the  beat 
of  it." 

'That's  a  queer  thing  about  dreams,"  said 
George  thoughtfully;  "you  know  the  saying 
'Dreams  go  by  contraries';  there's  a  good  deal 
of  truth  in  it.  Now,  these  boys  have  been  work 
ing  like  niggers,  soldering  tea-kettles,  putting  up 
stovepipes,  piping  houses  for  water,  and  doing  all 
sorts  of  hard  work  that  they  don't  want  to  do, 
and  only  do  it  to  get  out  of  going  to  school,  which 
they  hate  worse  than  work;  and  as  soon  as  they 
drop  asleep,  probably  aching  in  every  joint,  they 
begin  to  dream  of  going  fishing  and  having  good 
times.  I  suppose  it  is  a  wise  provision  of  nature 
to  rest  the  mind  by  taking  it  from  unpleasant 
things." 

'That  ain't  allers  the  case,  George,"  opined 
Brad,  with  a  quizzical  smile,  "for  when  me  'n' 
Wats  painted  the  Goddess  of  Liberty  on  the 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  185 

cupola  of  the  town  hall,  I  dreamt  I  was  minin' 
coal  a  thousand  feet  down  in  the  ground  'n'  that 
did  n't  rest  my  mind  much,  I  can  tell  you.  But 
I'll  admit  that  dream  went  by  contraries." 

"Well,  if  things  keep  this  way  for  about  a  day 
more,  'n'  the  women  don't  find  it  out,  we  are  all 
right;  but  we  've  got  to  be  mighty  careful,  I  tell 
you,"  said  Wats,  impressively  serious.  "It's 
gettin'  mighty  near  the  end  of  vacation,  with 
school  beginnin'  next  Monday,  'n'  if  the  boys  can 
stand  a  week  of  this  kind  of  work  it  will  be  all  up 
with  school  for  those  boys  for  the  next  term." 
And  he  shook  his  head  despondently. 

"Well,  don't  get  low  over  it,  Wats,"  said 
George  cheerfully,  clapping  him  on  the  back;  "I 
tell  you,  we  have  got  the  net  right  over  their 
heads,  and  wre  are  going  to  have  them  kicking 
and  hollering  to  get  out  and  promising  to  be 
good;  don't  you  think  so,  Brad?" 

"Ther'  ain't  no  doubt  on  't,  George;  not  the 
leastest  mite,"  said  Brad,  swinging  his  feet  judi 
cially,  and  sending  a  shot  into  the  darkness, 
"onless  the  wromen  get  enter  what  them  boys  is 
doin'.  We  got  to  be  a  mite  keerful  o'  that.  I  had 
a  mighty  narrer  escape  las'  night.  When  Clar'nce 
kem  crawlin'  in,  wralkin'  limber-legged,  he  wuz  so 
tired,  'n'  et  pretty  near  everything  on  th'  table 
but  th'  crockery  'n'  dishes  'n'  th'  tablecloth, 
'n'  th'  knives  'n'  forks  'n'  spoons,  'n'  th'  spittoon 


186    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

in  th'  corner,  my  wife  S'phi,  she  up  "n'  said, 
'Bradberry  Purinton,  what  be  ye  a-doin'  to 
Clar'nce?  I  want  ter  know  what  that  boy  is 
a-doin'  to  rnake  him  come  home  every  nite  eana- 
most  petered  out  ter  nothin';  I  want  ter  know, 
Bradbury.' 

"Wai,  I  seen  I  wuz  in  fer  't,  'n'  I  said,  cam  'n' 
dignified,  'S'phi,  thet  boy  is  workin'  'n'  workin' 
hard,  'n'  I'm  a-doin'  it  fer  his  good,'  sez  I. 

'I  know  it,  Bradbury,'  said  S'phi;  'but  don't 
ye  think  yer  overdoin'  it  a  bit?  I  tell  ye,  Brad 
bury,  I  worried  'bout  it  when  I  see  Clar'nce 
comin'  home  too  tired  ter  eat  'n'  scarcely  able  to 
crawl  upstairs  to  bed,'  sez  she. 

"Great  Jerusalem!'  sez  I;  'too  tired  to  eat! 
that  boy  et  more  to-night  than  I  could  eat  in 
three  meals,  'n'  I'm  tol'able  hearty  myself,'  sez  I. 
'Well,'  sez  she,  lafHn',  'I  'dmit  he  et  enough, 
but  he  wuz  too  tired  to  do  anything  else,  'n'  I 
wanter  know  what  he  is  a-doin','  sez  she. 

"Now,  S'phi,'  sez  I,  'I  want  ye  to  just  trust 
me  to  the  end  of  the  week  'n'  then  I'll  tell  all 
'bout  it.  Ter  sorter  ease  yer  feelin's  I  '11  tell  yer 
this  much:  now,  Clar'nce  'n'  that  Shute  boy  'n' 
that  Watson  boy  is  all  a-workin'  at  a  good  trade, 
but  a  hard  trade.  We's  a-hopin'  they  will  git  so 
sick  on  't  that  they  will  want  to  go  to  school  'n' 
study  like  good  fellers.  Ef  they  stick  to  their 
work,  they  will  learn  a  good  trade  that  will  arn 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  187 

them  good  wages,  more  'n  I'm  a-gittin',  which 
will  be  a  good  thing  fer  'em.  Ef  they  git  sick  on 
't,  they  will  be  willin'  to  go  to  school  next  Mon 
day  'n'  put  in  like  good  fellers,  which  will  be  a 
good  thing  fer  'em,  too.  I  cal'late  they  're  'bout 
ready  to  gin  up  now,'  sez  I. 

"'Well,  Bradbury,'-  -'n'  I  knowed  she  wuz 
a-comin'  round  'cause  she  left  out  the  Purinton; 
when  she  says,  'Bradbury  Purinton,'  I  know 
suthin'  is  comin';  sez  she,  'I'm  a-goin'  to  trust  ye 
till  the  end  of  the  week  'n'  not  a  day  longer,'  sez 
she;  'only  I  wish  Clar'nce  wuz  in  better  company 
than  them  boys,'  sez  she.  You  see,"  continued 
Brad  apologetically,  "S'phi  is  a  leetle  preju 
diced;  women  sometimes  are;  you  don't  mind 
thet,  do  ye?" 

"Not  a  bit,  Brad,"  said  Plupy's  father  heart 
ily;  "I  have  no  doubt  these  boys  have  bothered 
the  life  out  of  her.  But  if  either  of  them  or  any  of 
the  rest  of  us  was  sick,  she  would  drop  everything 
to  nurse  'em  and  look  after  'em,  as  she  has  done 
time  and  again." 

"That's  so,  Brad,"  added  Wats  fervently; 
"she  is  one  of  a  thousand." 

"I  guess,  gentlemen,"  said  Brad,  "that  ef  all 
the  good  in  us  fellers  wuz  a-multiplied  by  five,  er 
p'r'aps  by  ten,  that  we  would  n't  be  good  enough 
for  our  women  folks." 

"Not  if  't  was  multiplied  by  fifty,"  said  Wats, 


188  MISADVENTURES 

nodding  his  head  sagely,  and  going  the  worthy 
Brad  forty  better. 

"You're  right,  Wats,"  said  Plupy's  father; 
"more  'n  that,  too." 

"N'  it's  kinder  tuff  to  worrit  'em  so,  but  we 
're  doin'  it  fer  their  good  'n'  th'  boys'  good,  too; 
ain't  we,  George?"  appealed  Brad. 

"We  are,  Brad,"  said  George. 

"  You  bet,"  said  Wats. 

And  they  separated  in  high  good  humor  with 
themselves  and  the  world  at  large. 


IX 


THE   BOYS  GET   THEIR  SECOND  WIND  GREATLY  TO 
THE    DISMAY    OF    THE    CONSPIRATORS 

THANKS  to  the  nap  on  the  hay  cart,  the  hearty 
and  refreshing  meal,  and  about  eight  hours  of 
sound  sleep  in  their  beds,  the  three  boys  awoke 
with  their  spirits  unquenched,  and  but  slightly 
dampened  by  their  unfortunate  experiences  of 
the  day  before.  They  were  still  hungry  and  a 
trifle  stiff  and  footsore,  but  they  knew  that  these 
ailments  would  quickly  disappear  with  a  little 
exercise.  They  felt  anxious  to  be  on  their  way 
because  they  felt  that  they  must  find  their  pails 
or  undergo  severe  penalties  and  suffer  great  loss. 
Besides,  as  Plupy  said,  if  they  found  the  pails  full, 
as  they  left  them,  they  could  start  fishing  and 
swimming,  as  they  need  n't  pick  a  single  berry. 

So  they  prudently  laid  in  another  supply  of 
lines  and  hooks,  and  providentially  for  them  and 
the  scheme  of  their  wily  fathers,  went  to  Kelley 
and  Gardner's  store,  instead  of  Getchell's,  as  the 
latter  was  a  hundred  yards  or  more  down  the 
street  and  they  were  in  a  hurry;  and  in  a  remark 
ably  short  while  after  leaving  their  houses  they 
were  making  excellent  time  towards  the  lake,  in 


190     THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

excellent  spirits  and  chattering  like  a  flock  of 
blackbirds.  Great  was  their  joy  when  they  found 
their  pails  and  the  contents  as  they  left  them, 
and  then  they  prepared  for  a  leisurely  swim,  lux 
uriating  in  a  morning  free  from  carking  care  and 
onerous  responsibilities.  Plupy  swam  astonish 
ing  distances  under  water,  Pewt  dove  with  the 
sinuous  grace  of  an  otter,  and  Beany  floated 
without  wiggling  a  toe  or  a  finger,  so  fat  was  he. 
Then  baiting  up,  they  cast  for  perch  and  pickerel, 
with  most  gladsome  results.  Fortune  was  again 
smiling,  xerhaps  the  cheerful  courage  of  these 
small  boys  had  won  her  favor.  Fish  bit  greedily, 
fought  gamely,  and  died  hard  amid  yells  of  joy 
from  the  boys. 

They  built  a  fire  at  noon  and  cooked  and  ate 
some  of  their  catch.  Never  had  fish  seemed  so 
toothsome  and  delightful.  Never  did  bread  and 
butter,  boiled  eggs,  apple  pie,  doughnuts,  and 
day-old  coffee  taste  so  well.  After  dinner  they 
rested  awhile,  went  in  swimming,  dressed,  and 
started  home  in  huge  content.  The  dealers  wel 
comed  them  and  paid  liberally  for  their  berries 
and  fish.  This  night  each  boy  added  one  dollar 
and  seven  cents  to  his  pile  of  currency,  and  as  it 
was  band-concert  night  did  not  go  to  bed  until 
nine  o'clock.  Their  mothers  breathed  a  sigh  of 
relief.  But  the  fathers!  What  of  them? 

That  night  again  the  three  fathers  met  after 


A    LEISURELY    SWIM 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  191 

the  band  concert.  This  time  Brad  was  not  as 
complacent  over  his  predictions  as  on  the  former 
evening.  Something  was  wrong  with  his  calcula 
tions,  and  he  did  n't  like  to  have  his  predictions 
go  awry.  Both  Wats  and  George  were  uneasy 
about  it. 

"  It  looks  to  me,  Brad,  as  if  we  were  in  a  corner. 
I  don't  like  the  way  things  look,"  said  George 
querulously,  as  if  it  were  Brad's  fault. 

"Well,  George,  't  ain't  my  fault,"  said  Brad 
quickly,  resenting  his  tone.  "I  did  n't  start  this 
'ere  thing;  it  was  your  proposal,  George." 

;'Yes,  that's  so,  George;  you  got  us  into  this 
scrape  'n'  now  you  got  to  get  us  out;  ain't  that 
fair?"  asked  Wats. 

:' Ye-e-s,  I  suppose  I  did  start  the  cussed  thing, 
but  I  had  no  idea  it  would  work  the  way  it  seems 
to  be  working,"  said  Plupy's  father  slowly,  realiz 
ing  that  it  was  his  move. 

"I  had  no  idee  there  wuz  so  much  work  in 
them  little  cusses,  no  more  'n  I  hed  an  idee  a  beef 
critter  could  fly  or  a  goose  could  gobble.  Mebbe 
the  best  thing  thet  could  happen  to  them  or  to 
us  is  to  hev  'em  stick  to  it.  Th'  ain't  no  better 
job  than  plumbin',  now,  I  tell  you,"  said  Brad, 
bringing  out  his  plug  of  nigger-head  and  his  knife. 

"The  job 's  all  right,  Brad ;  I  'm  not  finding  any 
fault  with  the  job,"  said  George;  "a  plumber's 
trade  is  worth  more  than  a  burglar's  jimmy  to 


192    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

make  money !  But  those  boys  are  not  old  enough 
to  leave  school  yet,  and  we  have  got  to  make 
some  arrangement  to  get  them  back  to  school 
without  breaking  our  word  to  them.  We  can't 
do  that,  but  perhaps  we  can  get  out  of  it  some 
way." 

"Can't  we  buy  'em  by  givin'  'em  wages  to  go 
to  school?"  queried  Wats. 

"Not  if  I  know  myself,"  said  Brad,  with  a 
thread  of  excitement  foreign  to  his  placid  nature; 
"onc't  I  told  Clar'nce  I'd  gin  'im  ten  cents  a 
week  to  go  ter  school,  'n'  Clar'nce  he  started  out 
ter  go  reg'lar,  'n'  then,  before  I  knew  it,  I  wuz 
payin'  'im  ten  cents  more  a  week  for  study  in',  'n' 
ten  cents  more  fer  not  bein'  tardy,  'n'  ten  cents 
more  fer  comin'  right  home  after  school  wuz  out; 
'n'  finally,  I  got  mad  'n'  told  him  that  ef  he 
did  n't  go  to  school  reg'lar  'n'  study,  'n'  git  thar 
in  time,  'n'  come  home  to  his  meals  prompt,  I 
would  welt  the  tarnal  hide  offen  'im;  'n'  he  done 
it,  I  tell  you." 

''That's  right,  George;  Brad's  right;  't  won't 
do  to  pay  'em.  Those  little  devils  would  bank 
rupt  us  in  a  month,"  shouted  WTats  earnestly. 

'The  only  way  I  can  see  is  to  wait  until  they 
do  some  sort  of  mischief  that  they  ought  to  be 
licked  for,  and  then,  instead  of  licking  them,  to 
order  them  off  to  school.  That  appears  to  me  the 
only  solution  of  the  matter,  and  unless  they  have 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  193 

changed  considerably  within  a  week,  we  won't 
have  long  to  wait,"  said  George  hopefully. 
"Why,  only  last  week  Harry  did  something  that 
I  ought  to  have  tanned  his  hide  for,  and  I  would 
have  done  it  if  I  had  n't  laughed  so  much." 

"What  wuz  it,  George?"  said  Wats,  anxious 
for  a  story. 

"Well,  you  know,  his  grandmother  wears  a 
double  set  of  false  teeth,  which  she  takes  out  at 
night  and  puts  in  a  glass  of  water  on  a  little 
light  stand  by  the  side  of  her  bed.  One  day  last 
week  she  forgot  them  and  came  down  to  break 
fast  without  them.  It  was  Sunday,  and  I  was 
there  to  breakfast.  Well,  I  told  Harry  to  go  up 
and  get  them  for  his  grandmother,  and  when  he 
came  down,  what  do  you  think  the  little  cuss  had 
done?" 

"I  dunno,  George,"  said  Brad,  "onless  he 
broke  'em." 

"Well,  that  boy  had  put  both  sets  into  his 
mouth,  and  came  into  the  room  with  a  grin  on 
him  that  reminded  one  of  a  cross  between  a 
beaver  and  a  pumpkin  jack-o-lantern.  Well,  it 
was  so  funny  that  we  all  laughed,  but  it  was  n't 
so  funny  for  him,  after  all,  for  I  thought  I  would 
have  to  split  his  mouth  to  his  ears  to  get  them 
out,"  said  Plupy's  father. 

"Well,  boys,"  said  Wats,  "we've  got  two  more 
days.  If  they  don't  git  sick  of  their  jobs  by  that 


194    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

time,  we  've  got  to  trust  to  their  doin'  something 
Sunday  to  get  licked  for,  'n'  then  we  Ve  got  'em 
where  we  want  'em.  Whassay,  Brad?  Whassay, 
George?" 

"I  cal'late  that's  jest  what  we've  gotta  do," 
said  Brad  philosophically. 

"You're  right,  Wats,"  said  Plupy's  father. 
And  the  three  separated  thoughtfully. 

The  next  day,  Friday,  was  one  of  those  late 
August  days  when  there  was  a  tinge  of  September 
coolness  in  the  air,  when  a  boy  in  good  health 
tingles  with  life  from  his  head  to  his  toe,  and 
dances  along  like  a  yearling  colt  ready  to  jump 
out  of  his  skin  with  condition,  and  so  these  boys 
awoke  and  jumped  out  of  bed  without  yawning 
and  stretching.  At  breakfast  they  were  full  of 
spirits,  and  their  mothers  felt  their  fears  ground 
less  as  they  beamed  upon  their  hearty  offspring 
and  smiled  at  their  appetites,  as  they  packed  their 
dinner-pails  to  the  brim  with  plain  and  whole 
some  fare.  While  they  wrould  have  given  much 
to  know  the  secret  of  their  hard  work,  they  re 
spected  their  confidences  and  asked  them  not  a 
question. 

The  trip  to  the  lake  seemed  shorter  than  ever, 
the  air  was  so  crisp  and  clear.  The  full-grown 
young  of  the  swallows  were  sitting  in  rows  crowd 
ing  the  telegraph  wire,  and  darted  upward  in 
clouds  when  the  boys  would  throw  a  stick  against 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  195 

the  wire.  The  bluebirds  were  beginning  their  fall 
songs,  after  having  disappeared  in  the  pastures 
during  the  late  spring  and  summer.  The  bobo 
links  had  completely  changed  their  suits  and  were 
flying  over  the  fields  with  the  sharp  "spink, 
spink,"  which  seemed  a  brisk  farewell  to  the 
North.  Pigeon  hawks  were  numerous,  and  alter 
nately  hovered  with  rapidly  beating  wings  over 
the  fields  and  darted  downward  upon  a  field 
mouse  or  mole.  Far  above  with  motionless  wings 
hung  a  huge  hawk,  drifting,  with  sudden  swoops 
magnificent,  from  left  to  right,  rising  and  fall 
ing  with  ease,  and  floating  like  a  thing  without 
weight  or  care.  The  corn  stood  lush  and  green, 
the  ears  well  formed,  the  tassels  erect  and  stiff 
like  bayonets.  The  potato  tops  were  still  green, 
but  verging  on  the  yellow  as  the  tubers  ripened. 
The  fields,  but  lately  brown  from  the  hot  July 
and  August  sun,  were  becoming  green  again,  and 
in  patches  the  second  crop  of  pink-blossomed 
clover  attracted  bees  and  vivid  scarlet  butterflies. 
It  was  a  day  that  filled  one  with  the  joy  of  living, 
and  the  boys,  secure  in  their  promised  immunity 
from  school,  felt  that  they  were  on  the  high-road 
to  success  and  prosperity.  How  lucky  and  happy 
they  were,  and  how  far  away  and  almost  forgot 
ten  were  their  unhappy  experiences  of  Wednes 
day! 

Again  their  day  passed  in  happy  work  and 


196    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

pleasure.  They  found  plenty  of  berries  and  filled 
their  pails  with  dispatch.  They  swam  and  dove, 
ran  races  on  the  beach,  skipped  stones  to  tre 
mendous  distances,  and  then  fished  with  unusual 
success.  When  their  ambitions  in  that  line  were 
satisfied,  they  sat  on  the  beach  at  the  water's 
edge  and  cleaned  and  scaled  several  of  the  smaller 
fish,  cooked  them  thoroughly  in  a  frying-pan 
that  Pewt  had  purloined  from  his  mother's  pan 
try,  and  ate  a  most  hearty  and  satisfactory  meal, 
with  appetites  that  boys,  and  boys  only,  have. 
Then  they  rested,  told  stories,  sang,  imitated  all 
sorts  and  kinds  of  animals  and  birds,  and  then, 
warned  by  the  slanting  eastward  shadows,  took 
up  their  full  pails  and  started  for  home. 

As  berries  were  becoming  a  bit  scarce,  they 
felt  justified  in  charging  a  cent  more  a  quart 
for  them,  which  made  their  receipts  fully  equal 
to  their  best  day  since  they  had  become  self- 
supporting.  Arrived  in  town  and  their  berries 
disposed  of  nearly  half  an  hour  before  teatime, 
they  took  occasion  to  purchase  a  few  trifles  in  the 
way  of  choice  confectionery,  which  they  heroic 
ally  refrained  from  eating  and  put  in  their 
pockets  for  after-supper  consumption. 

After  supper,  very  much  at  their  ease,  they 
strolled  about  town,  patronized  some  of  their 
boy  friends,  —  whom  they  made  very  envious 
and  therefore  indignant  by  talking  importantly 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  197 

of  business  prospects  and  the  possession  of  great 
wealth ;  —  hinted  broadly  of  foreign  travel  in 
Kingston,  Epping,  Brentwood,  and  other  distant 
lands;  carelessly  drew  bills  from  their  pockets 
and  jingled  their  coin;  commented  on  the  mis 
fortunes  of  the  other  boys  in  having  to  go  to 
school  the  next  Monday,  while  they  were  earning 
money  in  important  business  connections  and 
seeing  a  good  deal  of  the  country;  and  as  they 
did  not  divulge  to  their  enviously  admiring 
friends  any  of  the  actual  incidents  of  the  week, 
they  made  their  erstwhile  friends  so  disgusted 
with  their  superior  airs  that  they  jeeringly 
turned  away  and  left  the  prosperous  trio  to  stroll 
along  with  uplifted  chins,  not,  however,  unas- 
sailed  by  shrill  opprobrium. 

"Ho!  huh!  them  three  fellers  feel  pretty 
smart,"  jeered  Fatty  Melcher. 

"Jest  'cause  they  got  a  leettle  chink.  Bet  they 
hooked  it  of  some  one,"  said  Gran  Miller  bitterly. 

"Hi,  old  Plupy;  howjer  come  out  on  'The 
Lambaster';  who  got  nearly  pulled  in  that 
time?"  shrilled  Pop  Clark. 

"How  'bout  drivin'  a  swill  cart  for  old  Steb- 
bins!  Phew!  keep  away  from  me!"  shrieked 
Skinny  Bruce  derisively,  holding  his  nose; 
"pretty  smart,  ain't  yer?  Ho !  ho !  old  Plupy  and 
Beany  and  Pewt." 

But  the  three  boys  answered  in  kind: 


198    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Skinny  Bruce,  what's  the  use 
To  chew  tobacker  and  spit  out  the  juice?" 

yelled  Plupy;  and  then  for  Gran  Miller's  benefit 
quoted  the  immortal  couplet  mentioned  by  the 
elder  Shute  and  ending  in  "Choo,  Choo,  Choo," 
followed  by 

"Gran  Miller  Tash,  with  his  pockets  full  of  hash," 
and, 

"Granville    Miller    the   barber,    he   went   to    shave   his 
father," 

which  ditties  had  the  effect  of  inciting  Gran  to 
frantic  attempts  to  catch  and  destroy  them, 
whereat  they  fled  joyously,  taunting  him  as  they 
ran,  and  dodging  the  stones  he  picked  up  and 
hurled  at  them. 

Indeed,  it  was  a  great  day  for  the  three  boys. 

But  their  fathers  were  literally  up  a  blind  alley, 
and  could  only  trust  in  the  hope  that  ill  fortune, 
that  so  often  smote  the  boys  hip  and  thigh,  would 
yet  deliver  them  into  their  paternal  hands. 

"These  little  cusses  are  looking  better  every 
night.  I'd  no  idea  they  could  stick  to  a  job  like 
that,"  said  Plupy 's  father  despondently,  as  they 
met  after  supper  to  talk  it  over. 

"Wai,  George,  I  ain't  so  much  s'prised  as  I 
might  hev  been.  Ye  see,  them  boys  has  allers 
stuck  to  their  jobs  ez  long  ez  their  jobs  has  stuck 
to  them.  When  they  run  that  'ere  paper  of 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  199 

theirn  they'd  'a'  kep  on  a-printin'  on  't  'f  th' 
fellers  they  printed  things  about  had  n't  ha'  got 
mad  'n'  made  things  lively  fer  them  'n'  fer  us. 
Ain't  thet  so?"  demanded  Brad. 

"Thasso,  Brad,"  said  Wats. 

"You're  right,  Brad,"  said  Plupy's  father. 

"  'N'  ag'in,  when  they  got  up  thet  bill-postin' 
company,  they  done  fust-rate  fer  a  while,  'n'  'f 
it  had  n't  been  fer  thet  'ere  circus  feller  who  got 
'em  to  put  up  them  'ere  picters  where  they  did, 
they  might  ha'  been  a-postin'  bills  to-day  'n' 
makin'  money,"  continued  Brad,  pushing  a  plug 
of  tobacco  into  the  extreme  corner  of  his  mouth 
and  wrenching  a  quid  therefrom. 

"That's  just  about  the  way  't  was,"  admitted 
Wats. 

"I  shall  have  to  agree  with  you,"  assented 
Plupy's  father. 

"Then  ag'in,  they  'd  ha'  done  well  in  carryin' 
papers  ef  Smith,  Hall  'n'  Clark  hed  done  right  by 
'em,  'n'  had  n't  druv  'em  to  strike  fer  decent  pay. 
I  tell  ye,  I  stopped  my  'News  Letter'  that  day, 
'n'  I  ain't  never  goin'  to  take  it  ag'in  in  my  life," 
said  Brad  with  conviction. 

"Well,  Brad,"  said  Plupy's  father,  "I  did  n't 
blame  the  boys  much  for  wanting  more  pay,  but 
I  did  n't  quite  like  the  way  they  went  to  work 
to  get  it.  They  not  only  lost  their  job,  but  they 
prevented  a  good  many  people  from  getting  their 


200    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

Friday  paper.  But  I  guess  they  got  hurt  more 
than  any  one  else.  But  you  are  right,  Brad, 
about  their  sticking  to  their  jobs.  The  thing  now 
is  to  find  some  way  to  break  them  away  from 
their  jobs,  so  that  we  can  send  them  to  school.  I 
can't  just  see  my  way  clear  to  anything;  that  is, 
anything  fair  to  them.  Of  course,  we  can  change 
our  minds,  but  with  our  agreement  and  under 
standing,  I  don't  feel  like  doing  anything  that 
will  make  them  think  that  we  have  broken  our 
word.  They  accepted  our  promise,  and  have 
kept  their  word  with  us,  and  have  worked  like 
niggers  cutting  down  a  possum  tree,  and  I  tell 
you,  gentlemen,  it  is  a  pretty  serious  situation. 
Those  boys  must  go  to  school,  but  how  we  can 
bring  it  about  without  breaking  our  word  to 
them  is  a  problem.  Perhaps  something  will  hap 
pen,  but  I  don't  know  what." 

"Suthin'  allers  hez  happened,"  said  Brad 
happily. 

"Every  time,  so  far,"  corroborated  Wats. 

"Well,  we'll  hope  for  the  best,"  said  Plupy's 
father.  And  they  separated  for  the  night. 

As  the  next  day  was  Saturday,  the  boys 
thought  they  would  introduce  a  little  variety  into 
their  day's  programme  which  would  serve  to  pre 
vent  the  regularity  of  their  proceedings  from  be 
coming  monotonous.  During  the  course  of  the 
week  they  had  used  up  their  powder  and  most 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  201 

of  their  bullets  in  firing  their  pistol  at  a  mark 
and  in  attempts  at  shooting  squirrels  and  birds. 
While  they  had  attained  something  of  a  mastery 
over  the  weapon  when  shooting  freehanded  or 
with  a  rest  and  at  a  mark  or  target,  they  had  been 
utterly  unable  to  hit  any  living  thing.  This  had 
been  something  of  a  mortification  to  them,  and 
they  decided  to  put  in  a  good  part  of  the  day 
in  shooting.  They  had  seen  a  cock  partridge 
the  day  before,  and  they  confidently  reckoned  on 
making  it  warm  for  him.  So  Saturday  morning 
they  rose  early  full  of  this  idea,  and  after  break 
fast  hurried  downtown  to  purchase  ammunition, 
and  to  save  time  bought  their  powder  and  bullets 
of  Kelley  and  Gardner.  They  were  somewhat 
inclined  to  go  to  Getchell's,  and  to  try  to  get  it  on 
tick  by  apt  reference  to  the  letter  of  credit;  but 
Plupy  had  an  idea  in  the  back  of  his  brain  that 
he  had  gone  too  far  for  the  first  time  in  charging 
the  pistol,  ammunition,  and  fishing-tackle  to  his 
father,  and  felt  that  he  had  better  not  tempt 
Providence  too  far  a  second  time.  So  they  di 
vided  the  expense  evenly  between  the  three,  took 
up  their  pails,  and  started  for  the  lake. 

Notwithstanding  the  fact  that  they  had  picked 
for  five  days  from  the  supply  of  berries  in  this 
same  locality,  and  had  made  serious  inroads  upon 
what  seemed  at  first  to  be  an  endless  supply,  yet 
their  fingers  had  acquired  so  great  deftness  that 


202    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

they  filled  their  pails  quicker  than  they  had  been 
able  to  do  the  first  day  out,  and  they  realized  that 
they  would  have  to  hunt  up  a  new  supply  before 
many  days.  Yet  they  had  no  fear  that  they 
would  fail  to  find  an  ample  supply,  and  felt 
secure  in  the  future.  This  day  they  were  too 
anxious  to  try  their  luck  with  the  partridges  to 
think  much  about  the  berry-supply,  although  in 
their  quest  for  game  they  meant  to  keep  their 
eyes  open  for  berries,  with  a  view  to  profitable 
business  transactions  for  the  next  few  weeks. 
They  also  felt  that  later  in  the  fall  they  could  add 
wild  grapes  to  their  stock  in  trade  and  derive  a 
steady  income  from  it.  Later  on,  they  reckoned 
confidently  upon  a  brisk  business  in  ivory  plums 
and  partridge  berries. 

Indeed,  like  prudent  and  far-seeing  business 
men,  they  had  cast  into  the  future  the  eye  of 
shrewdness  and  foresight,  although  they  had  not 
discussed  the  matter  exhaustively  as  partners 
should,  and  as  they  undoubtedly  would  do  before 
the  time  came  to  act  in  concert.  Certainly  with 
an  old  cock  partridge  in  the  immediate  neigh 
borhood,  which  was  supposed  to  be  the  mate  of 
another  plump  bird  and  the  father  of  a  very 
numerous  family  of  well-grown  young  birds,  the 
boys  did  not  bother  themselves  about  the  future. 

As  soon  as  they  filled  their  pails,  they  loaded 
up  the  pistol  and  drew  lots  for  first  shot,  which 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  203 

fell  to  Beany,  who  grasped  the  pistol  and  with  the 
other  two  boys  went  sneaking,  in  Indian  fashion, 
through  the  woods. 

Soon  a  sharp  "chirr"  of  a  "redder"  sounded 
above  their  heads  and  the  boys  froze  like  well- 
trained  setter  dogs. 

"There  he  is,  Beany,  right  over  your  head,  on 
that  branch.  See  his  tail  jerk?  Let  him  have  it," 
said  Plupy  in  a  hoarse  whisper. 

"Plug  him,  Beany!"  said  Pewt  sharply;  "plug 
him  when  he  is  face  towards  you." 

Beany  raised  the  pistol  carefully  and  took  care 
ful  aim  while  the  little  red  varmint  snickered 
and  chattered.  Click !  the  hammer  came  down, 
but  the  cap  refused  to  explode  and  the  squirrel 
darted  away. 

"Darn  those  old  caps;  they  ain't  no  good," 
snarled  Beany  in  deep  disgust,  recapping  the 
weapon.  Then  the  boys  waited  silently  until  the 
squirrel's  curiosity  overcame  his  prudence,  and 
he  stole  down  the  trunk  of  the  tree  to  within  a 
few  yards  of  the  boys,  where  he  set  up  a  shrill 
snicker  of  contempt  and  ridicule. 

Again  Beany,  amid  the  breathless  silence  of 
the  boys,  aimed  the  pistol  and  pulled  the  trigger. 
Bang  I  there  was  a  report  like  a  small  cannon,  a 
flash,  and  a  cloud  of  smoke.  The  squirrel  went 
over  backwards  and  fell  from  the  limb. 

"I  hit  'im!  I  got  'im!"  shrieked  Beany. 


204    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"You  got  'im,  Beany!  You  got  'ini!"  yelled 
the  other  boys  in  chorus. 

But  no,  it  caught  a  limb  below,  and  with  fran 
tic  gyrations  of  tail  and  body  ran  along  the  limb 
to  the  trunk,  up  which  he  sped  like  a  flash  of 
red  lightning  and  disappeared  in  the  tree-tops, 
as  Beany,  wildly  excited,  fired  the  second  barrel 
into  space  in  a  vain  endeavor  to  stop  the  squirrel. 

"Gosh!  I  know  I  hit  him,"  said  Beany;  "he'll 
crawl  away  and  die  somewhere,"  he  continued, 
when  suddenly,  as  if  in  refutation  of  his  claim, 
from  a  distant  tree  there  came  a  mocking  "chir-r- 
r-snickety." 

"Snicker  away,  you  red-headed  little  cuss," 
said  Beany  balefully;  "I'll  get  you  some  day." 

Then  it  was  Plupy's  turn,  and  he  carefully 
loaded  both  barrels  and  capped  them  with  a 
careful  selection  of  caps.  It  was  really  Pewt's 
turn,  but  he  generously  gave  Plupy  hi?  turn, 
cunningly  judging  that  two  explosions  such  as 
Beany's  shots  had  made  would  drive  everything 
but  a  red  squirrel  out  of  the  immediate  neighbor 
hood.  Now,  this  wary  woodsman  thought  that, 
by  keeping  Plupy  from  wandering  far  afield,  he 
could  probably  confine  his  efforts  as  a  marksman 
to  another  red  squirrel  or  perhaps  a  saucy  blue 
jay;  whereupon  he  would  take  his  turn,  and  he 
intended  to  strike  for  a  distant  part  of  the  wood 
where  the  partridges  would  be  likely  to  hide. 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  205 

But  as  every  sportsman  knows,  a  partridge  is 
likely  to  do  the  thing  least  expected,  and  in  spite 
of  the  noise  of  the  shots  and  the  yells  of  the  boys, 
this  old  cock,  instead  of  decamping,  waited  until 
Plupy  had  finished  loading,  and  then  with  sub 
lime  impudence  walked  out  upon  a  huge  log  and 
stood  calmly  looking  at  the  boys.  Plupy  gasped 
and  stiffened  and  his  jaw  dropped  in  astonish 
ment.  For  a  moment  he  did  not  dare  lift  the 
pistol,  then  slowly  it  came  up,  but  before  he  could 
fire  the  bird  sprang  into  the  air  with  a  thunderous 
roar  of  wings.  Plupy  swung  in  the  direction  of 
the  whirring  bird,  shut  his  eyes  and  fired  wildly, 
and  the  thousandth  chance  won.  There  was  a 
thump  on  the  ground,  a  scuffle  of  beating  wings 
among  the  ferns,  and  the  boys  flung  themselves 
frantically  on  the  convulsively  bounding  body  of 
the  plump  bird,  shot  through  the  head.  How 
the  boys  admired  him,  held  him  up  and  contem 
plated  him  from  every  angle,  stroked  his  plum 
age,  "hefted"  him,  and  talked  about  him.  But 
there  were  drawbacks  to  the  perfect  enjoyment 
of  the  other  two  boys. 

Beany  was  sure  that  he  could  have  hit  him  if 
he  had  had  the  chance,  but  then  he  "didn't 
never  have  no  luck,  nohowT." 

Pewt  lamented  the  fact  that  he  had  been  fool 
enough  to  give  up  his  chance  to  Plupy,  and 
taunted  that  gentleman  with  that  fact,  and 


206    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

claimed  that  Plupy  could  not  do  it  again  in  a 
thousand  tries,  —  in  which  he  was  probably  cor 
rect.  But  nothing  could  dampen  Plupy's  joy. 
He  had  hit  it  once  and  that  was  enough. 

Then  Pewt  took  his  turn  at  the  artillery.  In 
fairness  Plupy  had  one  more  barrel  to  fire,  but 
he  did  not  press  this  claim,  preferring  to  look  at, 
carry,  and  admire  his  wonderful  bird.  For  an 
hour  they  sneaked  and  peered  and  squinted  from 
thicket  to  thicket.  Once,  in  the  deep  woods,  a 
partridge  rose  so  quickly  and  with  such  a  sudden 
and  bewildering  roar  of  wings  that  Pewt  pulled 
the  wrong  trigger  by  mistake,  and  before  he 
could  shift  his  forefinger  the  bird  was  out  of 
sight.  This  failure  moved  Plupy  to  make  some 
remarks  about  how  he  did  it,  and  he  was  grump 
ily  told  to  "shut  up"  by  the  angry  and  disap 
pointed  Pewt.  Finally,  they  came  out  on  the 
shore  of  the  lake,  and  there,  in  the  water,  within 
easy  range  and  right  before  their  eyes,  floated  a 
plump  little  grayish  bird,  —  a  diver  or  butter- 
ball,  —  with  which  the  boys  were  unfamiliar. 

"Gosh!  Pewt,  a  wild  duck;  paste  him,"  said 
Beany. 

"Shut  up,  you  fool;  do  you  want  to  scare 
him?"  growled  Pewt. 

Slowly  and  coolly  Pewt  drew  up  the  pistol. 
He  was  really  a  far  better  shot  than  the  other 
boys,  and  things  looked  bad  for  the  pretty  bird, 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  207 

that  cocked  its  head  and  looked  at  the  boys  with 
its  bright  eyes. 

Bang  !  Spat  went  the  bullet  where  the  bird  had 
floated  a  second  before,  but  the  bird  had  dived  at 
the  flash  and  disappeared. 

"You've  killed  him,  Pewt,  and  he's  sunk," 
yelled  Plupy,  pulling  off  his  shoes  preparatory  to 
diving  for  him. 

Just  then,  a  hundred  yards  farther  out,  the 
bird  came  to  the  surface  like  a  cork  and  scratched 
its  head  with  one  foot.  Again  the  pistol  spoke 
and  a  bullet  skipped  over  the  water  towards 
the  diver,  but  without  splash  or  whirl  it  disap 
peared.  For  a  long  time  the  boys  watched.  At 
last,  far  out  on  the  smooth  surface  of  the  lake, 
it  appeared  again,  and  then  slowly  faded  out  in 
the  distance. 

The  boys  then  found  that  they  were  hot,  tired, 
and  hungry.  But  first  they  went  in  swimming, 
Plupy  carefully  leaving  the  partridge  where  he 
could  cast  a  protecting  eye  upon  him ;  and  as  no 
boy  in  health  can  help  having  a  good  time  while 
swimming,  in  a  moment  they  were  splashing, 
ducking,  and  diving  in  imitation  of  the  escaped 
bird,  and  shouting  with  joy.  While  they  were  en 
grossed  in  this  a  pointed  nose  was  thrust  out  of 
a  thicket,  two  bushy  ears  were  focused  first  on 
the  splashing  boys,  then  at  the  dead  bird  on  the 
beach.  The  bushy  tail  twitched,  the  muscular 


208    THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

legs  marked  time  a  moment  to  gain  a  pur- 
chase,there  was  a  streak  of  yellowish  red  fur,  a 
flash  of  white  teeth,  and  the  bird  went  into  the 
wood  with  tremendous  bounds  in  the  jaws  of  a 
vixen  fox,  just  as  Plupy  cast  a  glance  towards  his 
prize. 

There  was  a  wild  yell  of  rage  and  despair  from 
Plupy,  echoed  by  the  other  boys,  and  a  splash 
ing,  spattering  race  to  the  beach  in  time  to  see 
the  old  fox  disappear  like  a  flash  over  the  brow 
of  the  incline  towards  the  pasture. 

Wild  was  the  rage  and  profound  the  despair 
of  Plupy.  For  a  while  he  refused  to  be  com 
forted,  but  by  and  by  he  allowed  himself  to  be 
tempted  to  eat  his  lunch  and  yielded  to  his  appe 
tite,  and  after  a  good  meal  decided  not  to  retire 
from  the  world  or  commit  suicide. 

As  they  had  not  taken  any  time  to  fish,  they 
still  had  an  hour  or  two  to  use  up  before  their 
return;  and  when  Pewt  proposed  that  they  fill 
their  dinner-pails  with  berries,  Plupy  assented 
wearily  —  feeling  that  nothing  mattered  much 
since  he  had  lost  the  partridge,  and  Beany, 
seeing  the  others  at  work  and  not  liking  to  be 
out  of  it,  complied  with  Pewt's  suggestion,  al 
though  with  some  reluctance.  It  took  about  a 
half-hour  to  fill  their  dinner-pails,  and  then  they 
rested  a  half-hour  and  shot  at  a  mark  for  prac 
tice,  intending  to  make  an  early  start  for  home, 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  209 

calculating  that  with  the  added  weight  of  a  full 
dinner-pail  they  could  not  make  as  good  time  as 
usual. 

Just  before  they  started,  as  Plupy  was  about 
to  take  a  last  shot  with  the  pistol,  Pewt  sug 
gested  that  he  hold  the  muzzle  of  the  pistol 
against  a  tree  to  see  how  loud  a  noise  it  would 
make.  Plupy  demurred  to  this,  fearful  of  the  con 
sequences,  upon  which  Pewt  accused  him  of  being 
scared.  Plupy,  jealous  of  his  reputation  for  cour 
age,  walked  to  the  trunk  of  a  smooth  maple,  held 
the  muzzle  of  the  pistol  firmly  against  the  tree 
and  pulled  the  trigger.  There  was  a  terrific  ex 
plosion,  a  cloud  of  smoke,  a  grunt  from  Plupy, 
and  when  the  smoke  cleared  away,  Plupy  lay  on 
his  back,  his  arms  thrown  over  his  head,  his  right 
hand  clutching  the  grip  of  a  pistol,  and  appar 
ently  lifeless. 

The  boys  shrunk  back  in  horror,  and  then 
rushed  to  his  aid  and  raised  him,  dazed  and 
wobbly,  to  his  feet.  It  was  some  time  before  they 
ascertained  that  he  was  not  seriously  hurt,  but  a 
rapidly  growing  lump  on  his  forehead  showed 
that  the  force  of  the  explosion  and  the  recoil  of 
the  weapon  had  jerked  his  arm  back  with  such 
force  that  he  had  hit  himself  a  severe  punch  and 
had  made  a  mouse  on  his  marble  brow.  He  was 
otherwise  uninjured,  but  the  pistol  was  a  wreck; 
nothing  left  of  it  but  the  stock  and  the  hammers. 


210        .      MISADVENTURES 

Why  the  latter  had  not  cut  his  head  open  is  one  of 
the  mysteries  that  surround  a  boy's  life. 

The  loss  of  the  pistol,  following  so  closely  the 
loss  of  the  partridge,  almost  robbed  Plupy  of  his 
recuperative  powers,  and  he  became  a  pessimist 
on  the  spot.  As  they  tramped  homeward,  the 
two  other  boys  were  so  full  of  giggle  over  Plupy 's 
mishap  that  they  could  scarcely  conceal  the 
cause  of  their  mirth,  which  amused  them  still 
more.  But  not  alone  Plupy,  but  they  themselves, 
were  destined  to  be  pessimists  before  the  day  was 
over. 


X 


THE    CONSPIRATORS    DETECT   A  RAY    OF    LIGHT 
THAT    GENERATES   HORRID    SUSPICIONS 

IT  was  the  custom  of  the  good  merchants  of 
that  day  to  send  their  weekly  bills  on  Saturday 
to  their  customers, — I  will  not  say  victims  of 
the  system  of  credit  then  prevailing.  The  cus 
tomer  was  supposed  to  appear  at  the  store  dur 
ing  the  evening  to  pay  the  same  and  commence 
a  new  credit,  and  to  dispute  the  bill  should  any 
error  exist. 

This  made  Saturday  evening  the  busiest  even 
ing  of  the  week.  The  streets  were  lined  with 
farm-wagons,  the  sidewalks  crowded  with  busy 
shoppers,  the  shopkeepers  genial  in  the  receipt 
of  moneys  and  the  exchange  of  commodities. 

The  boys  had  arrived  home  rather  earlier  than 
usual  and  had  disposed  of  their  berries  for  a  good 
price.  The  receipt  of  the  money  had  put  Plupy 
in  a  better  frame  of  mind,  and  as  the  mouse  was 
beginning  to  turn  black  without  causing  him  any 
pain,  he  was  beginning  to  be  very  proud  of  the 
solicitude  of  the  people  he  met  and  their  open 
expression  of  admiration  for  the  way  in  which  he 
bore  the  pain  of  so  serious  an  accident.  In  his 


THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

delight  in  sympathy  and  admiration,  he  quite 
regained  his  good  humor,  although  he  occasion 
ally  put  his  hand  to  his  head  and  feigned  a 
grimace  of  pain. 

As  he  knew  to  a  certainty  that  if  he  went  home 
his  mother  would  put  him  to  bed  and  send  for  a 
doctor,  and  as  he  did  not  want  to  go  to  bed  and 
was  not  in  need  of  a  doctor's  services,  he  decided 
not  to  go  home  until  bedtime ;  and  to  his  sugges 
tion  that  the  boys  get  their  supper  downtown,  the 
boys  at  once  agreed,  as  a  fitting  celebration  of  a 
week's  hard  and  unremitting  toil. 

So  they  proceeded  to  Baker  Davis's,  near  the 
American  House,  and  invested  in  a  supply  of 
cream-cakes,  cookies,  jumbles,  and  other  dain 
ties  of  a  somewhat  questionable  character,  and 
which  could  be  digested  in  large  quantities  only 
by  boys  of  this  age,  and  perhaps  ostriches.  With 
these  articles  in  a  brown-paper  bag  tied  with 
white  string,  they  retired  to  a  suitable  place  near 
the  milldam  and  ate  a  very  satisfactory  meal. 

When  Plupy's  father  arrived  home  that  even 
ing,  he  asked  about  his  son,  and  was  told  he 
had  not  returned  from  work,  which  pleased  him 
hugely,  as  he  hoped  the  boys  had  experienced 
a  very  hard  day.  After  supper  he  examined  a 
number  of  bills  that  had  been  sent  in,  among 
which  was  a  bill  from  J.  Getchell,  which  he  took 
up  with  a  gleam  of  interest  and  a  chuckle  as  he 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  213 

recollected  how  he  had  fooled  the  boys;  but  his 
grin  faded  away  as  he  read:  — 

3  six-quart  pails  at  50  cts $1.50 

"Wonder  what  he  used  those  pails  for?"  he 
queried. 

3  dinner-pails  at  50  cts $1.50 

"Those  are  all  right,  only  a  thundering  price." 

3  belts  at  15  cts 45 

"Don't  see  what  they  want  belts  for." 

Double-barreled  pistol $2.00 

"What  in  the  devil?"  he  shouted. 

Powder 28 

"What  does  that  cussed  boy  think,  it's  Fourth 
of  July?" 

Powder-flask  and  bullet-pouch 50 

"Perhaps  he  thinks  the  war  ain't  over!" 
Rubber  Frog 15 

"I '11  rubber-frog  him." 
Hooks  and  lines 39 

"If  Getchell  thinks  I'll  stand  any  such  out 
rage  as  this,  he'll  find  he  has  made  the  mistake 
of  his  life." 

Total $6.77 

Please  remit. 

"Six  dollars  and  seventy-seven  cents,  please 
remit,"  shouted  Plupy's  father;  "oh,  yes,  I'll 


214    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

remit  all  right.  I  wonder  what  he  thinks  I'm 
doing?  Fitting  out  an  expedition  against  Vicks- 
burg  or  raising  a  company?  Pails  and  belts  and 
pistols  and  powder,  eh !  Where 's  the  cannon  and 
the  cavalry  horses  and  the  shells  and  mortars 
and  chain  shot?  Where's  the  ambulance  wagon 
and  the  government  mules?  Gimme  my  hat!" 
he  yelled,  seizing  the  article,  and  clapping  it  on 
his  head,  and  rushing  out  of  the  house. 

So  great  was  his  speed  that  he  nearly  jumped 
over  the  heads  of  Wats  and  Brad,  who  were 
coming  for  a  conference. 

"What's  your  hurry,  George;  goin'  to  start  the 
fire-alarm?"  asked  Wats  jocosely. 

"Th'  ain't  no  fight  or  free  lunch  downtown 
that  I  heerd  of,  George,  so  ye  better  stop  awhile," 
drawled  Brad  humorously. 

"Look  here,  Wats;  this  is  no  laughing  matter; 
look  at  this  bill  that  Getchell  sent  me,"  howled 
Plupy's  father,  thrusting  the  bill  before  their 
eyes.  :'Two  kinds  of  pails,  pistols,  powder  and 
balls,  bullfrog,  fishing-lines  and  hooks.  What  in 
thunder  is  he  trying  to  play  on  us?" 

"'Us?'"  said  Brad;  "I  don't  see  how  I  come 
into  this.  I  don't  see  any  charge  against  me. 
This  seems  to  be  a  bill  against  you." 

"Nor  me,"  said  Wats,  examining  the  bill 
carefully. 

"Well,  perhaps  you  may  think  so,  but  I  tell 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  215 

you  fellows  that  it  concerns  you  more  than  you 
think.  When  I  told  those  boys  to  go  down  to 
GetchelPs  to  work,  as  you  told  me  to,  I  gave 
them  an  order  for  their  supplies,  as  they  were 
afraid  he  might  not  be  willing  to  give  them  what 
they  wanted.  Now,  if  this  bill  is  right,  these  boys 
have  hung  us  up  for  pails  and  belts  and  powder 
and  shot  and  all  sorts  of  Christmas  presents,  and 
I  guess  you  '11  find  you  are  interested  as  much  as 
I  am,  although  your  names  ain't  on  the  bill," 
said  Plupy's  father  convincingly. 

Upon  this  both  Brad  and  Wats  became  very 
much  alive  to  the  danger,  and  suggested  that 
they  at  once  proceed  to  Getchell's  and  investi 
gate  the  matter. 

"Just  going  to  do  it.  C'm  on,"  said  George 
shortly,  and  led  the  way  with  mighty  strides. 

Water  Street  was  alive  with  cheerful  bustle. 
People  were  coming  from  stores,  laden  with  tea, 
coffee,  sugar,  calico,  ribbons,  kerosene  cans  with 
potato  stoppers  on  the  nozzles,  salt  mackerel, 
and  dried  codfish.  Storekeepers  were  smilingly 
checking  up  accounts,  receiving  cash  and  checks, 
while  their  clerks  were  displaying  goods,  rushing 
from  barrel  to  barrel  with  tin  scoops,  weighing 
the  contents  in  huge  tin  receptacles  on  scales, 
and  wrapping  them  up  in  brown  papers  secured 
by  twine.  In  the  stores  and  on  the  street  people 
were  gossiping  in  groups,  while  elderly  men  sat 


on  benches  in  front  of  the  places  of  business  and 
discussed  matters  of  local  and  national  impor 
tance  and  spat  thoughtfully. 

It  was  a  busy,  happy  village  scene  when  the 
three  parents,  shoulder  to  shoulder,  with  deter 
mined,  frowning  faces,  strode  down  the  street 
and  into  one  of  the  largest  stores,  known  as 
Getchell's  hardware  store.  They  found  the  pro 
prietor,  a  very  tall,  huge  man,  with  a  fine  benevo 
lent  face  with  deep-set  eyes  peering  through 
spectacles,  sitting  at  his  desk. 

"Look  here,  Joshua,"  said  George,  "what  is 
the  meaning  of  this?"  And  he  thrust  the  bill 
before  his  eyes. 

The  proprietor  took  the  bill. 

"H'm,"  he  said  thoughtfully;  "three  pails, 
three  dinner-pails,  pistol,  powder,  bullets,  hooks, 
lines;  h'm,  I  guess  you  must  be  thinking  of  going 
camping,  or  mebbe  you've  been,  George." 

"Camping  be  hanged,"  said  George  rudely. 
"What  do  you  suppose  a  man  of  my  age  is  doing, 
going  camping?  I  have  n't  bought  any  of  these 
things,  and  I  won't  pay  for  them." 

"Well,  if  you  have  n't  ordered  them,  you  ought 
not  to  pay  for  them;  but  if  you  have,  — well,  that 
is  a  different  proposition,"  said  the  proprietor 
smilingly.  "Mr.  Willis!"  he  called  to  the  elderly 
clerk,  "what  do  you  know  about  this  bill,  it  is  in 
your  handwriting?" 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  217 

Mr.  Willis,  a  man  with  a  white  chin  beard,  came 
forward,  nodding  smilingly  to  the  three  remon 
strants,  and  looked  up  the  bill. 

"Oh,  yes,  I  remember,"  he  said;  "three  boys 
came  in  here  a  week  ago,  —  no,  last  Monday 
morning,  and  gave  me  a  note  from  Mr.  Shute,  - 
from  you,  George,  —  I  put  it  on  the  book.  Here 
it  is,"  and  he  handed  George  his  letter  of  credit  to 
the  boys.  "You  wrote  that,  I  suppose?" 

"Yes,"  admitted  Plupy's  father;  "I  wrote  that 
letter  and  gave  it  to  the  boys.  But  the  under 
standing  was  that  Joshua  here  was  to  furnish  the 
boys  with  whatever  they  needed  to  work  for  him, 
and  I  gave  them  the  letter  so  that  he  might  know 
they  were  all  right.  You  remember  that,  Joshua, 
don't  you?" 

"Yes,  I  remember  all  that  about  hiring  the 
boys,  but  as  I  never  heard  anything  more  from 
you  or  the  boys,  I  supposed  you  had  given  up  the 
idea  or  backed  out.  Why  did  n't  you  keep  your 
agreement?"  demanded  the  proprietor. 

"Agreement!  Keep  my  agreement!  What  are 
you  talking  about?"  gasped  Plupy's  father. 
"  Don't  you  know  anything  about  your  own  busi 
ness?  Those  boys  have  been  working  here  all  this 
week  and  coming  home  nearly  dead  every  night. 
I  guess  you  had  better  wake  up."  And  Plupy's 
father  laughed  derisively. 

"Well,"  said  the  proprietor  quietly,  "it  may 


218    THE   MISADVENTURES  OF 

be  as  you  say,  George,  and  these  boys  may  have 
been  working  here  all  the  week  without  my 
knowing  it,  but  I  generally  know  every  one  who 
works  for  me,  and  I  don't  believe  I  have  got  out 
of  the  habit  yet.  How  is  it,  Mr.  Willis;  have  we 
had  any  new  boys  working  this  week?" 

"Th'  ain't  nary  boy  been  round  here  that  I've 
seen,  not  a  one,  Mr.  Getchell.  I  sh'd  ha'  known 
it  ef  th'  hed  been,"  said  Mr.  Willis  decidedly. 

The  three  fathers  gazed  at  one  another  in 
speechless  amazement.  Finally,  Plupy's  father 
recovered  his  speech. 

"Well,  I'll  be  gin-fizzled!"  he  ejaculated. 

"Did  you  ever  see  or  hear  tell  of  such  boys?" 
said  Wats,  addressing  the  universe  generally,  in 
a  tone  of  conviction  that  admitted  of  but  one 
answer. 

"I  dunno's  I  ever  did,"  replied  Brad,  assuming 
the  duties  of  the  universe,  but  with  characteris 
tic  caution  leaving  a  loop-hole  to  escape  through. 

"Have  you  seen  these  boys  on  the  streets  this 
week;  perhaps  they  have  made  a  mistake  and 
went  to  Kelley  and  Gardner's  instead?"  sug 
gested  George,  clinging  to  a  straw. 

"But  they  wouldn't  have  bought  their  sup 
plies  here  if  they  had  n't  understood  they  were  to 
come  here,"  said  Mr.  Getchell,  preparing  Plupy's 
father  for  the  worst. 

"Oh,  I  don't  know;  they  might  have  thought 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  219 

they  could  go  to  either  place,"  continued  George, 
still  clinging  to  his  straw,  feeble  though  it 
seemed. 

"But  I  know  they  have  n't  worked  either  for 
us  or  for  Kelley  and  Gardner,  for  I  have  seen 
them  on  the  streets  two  or  three  times  this  week 
with  a  fine  string  of  fish,"  said  Mr.  Willis,  pull 
ing  the  straw  from  under  George  and  ruthlessly 
letting  him  down. 

"Fish!"  thundered  Plupy's  father,  glaring  at 
the  other  two. 

"Hooks  and  lines,  thirty-nine  cents,"  quoted 
Wats  in  querulous  tones. 

"Rubber  frog,  fifteen  cents,"  groaned  Brad,  in 
a  tone  of  shrill  conviction. 

"Pistol,  two  dollars,"  continued  Plupy's  father. 
"Say,  Willis,"  he  continued,  "they  must  have 
shot  something.  Did  n't  have  a  moose  or  deer, 
bear  or  catamount?"  he  inquired  with  fine  sar 
casm. 

"Wai,  ez  to  that,  I  hearn  'em  talkin'  with  some 
other  boys  'bout  shootin'  a  partridge,  'n'  a  fox 
gittin'  it,  but  I  s'posed  't  wuz  just  boys'  talk," 
replied  Willis  with  a  tolerant  grin. 

"This  'ere  thing  must  be  looked  inter,"  said 
Brad  grimly. 

The  three  men  turned  as  one  and  strode  out  of 
the  store,  forgetting  to  salute  the  proprietor  and 
his  friend. 


220    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Wait  a  moment,  George,"  said  the  proprie 
tor;  "you  forgot  to  pay  that  bill." 

"So  I  did,  Joshua;  hang  the  bill,  anyway," 
growled  George,  pulling  out  a  leather  pocketbook 
and  loosing  a  long  strap,  and  he  paid  the  bill 
and  joined  his  friends,  and  they  strode  away  up 
the  street  shoulder  to  shoulder  like  Dumas'  three 
guardsmen;  Wats,  debonair,  eagle-beaked,  with 
mustache  upturned  at  the  ends,  and  glistening 
side-whiskers,  the  gallant  Athos;  George,  tall, 
broad-shouldered,  and  good-natured,  imperson 
ating  the  gigantic  Porthos;  and  Brad,  dignified, 
sardonic,  the  able  and  astute  Aramis.  As  they 
walked  up  the  street,  glancing  neither  to  left  nor 
right,  people  gazed  at  them  in  astonishment. 
Something  must  be  seriously  wrong,  indeed,  with 
these  men,  when  the  ordinary  courtesies  of  life 
were  not  forthcoming,  —  the  genial  smile  and 
jolly  nod  of  George,  the  courteous  inclination 
and  hand-wave  of  Wats,  the  dignified  salute  of 
Brad.  "What  can  be  the  matter?"  said  the 
mystified  peasantry. 

Suddenly  the  three  men  met  the  objects  of 
their  search  in  front  of  the  town  hall,  strolling 
along  at  their  ease.  The  three  fathers  gasped 
with  surprise  to  see  their  offspring  so  little 
affected  by  the  hideous  secrets  in  their  small 
bosoms.  But  inexorable  duty  spurred  them  on, 
and  they  shrunk  not.  Advancing,  George  seized 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS 

his  offspring  by  the  collar,  to  that  lank  youth's 
unbounded  amazement;  Brad  took  his  boy  by  the 
ear  with  such  vigor  that  he  lifted  him  from  the 
ground  so  that  he  stood  on  tiptoe  on  only  one 
foot  and  his  face  was  drawn  awry  with  a  hideous 
grimace  of  pain,  astonishment,  and  uncertainty 
lest  the  ear  give  way;  while  Wats  grasped  his 
graceless  son  by  the  scruff  of  the  neck  as  one 
takes  an  offending  cat. 

"Where  have  you  been  this  week  and  what 
have  you  been  doing?"  growled  George  between 
his  teeth. 

"That's  what  we  want  to  know,"  said  Brad, 
lifting  a  few  more  pounds. 

"And  we're  goin'  to  find  out,"  hissed  Wats, 
rattling  Beany's  teeth  with  a  sharp  and  vigorous 
shake. 

"Blueberryin'I"  gasped  Plupy. 

"Pickin'  bloo-ow!  ow!  ow! — berries,"  said 
Pewt,  out  of  the  lower  corner  of  his  mouth,  the 
upper  corner  having  followed  his  ear,  stretched 
to  the  breaking-point. 

"  Pup-pup-pup-icking  bub-bub-bub-loo-bub- 
bub-erries,"  stuttered  Beany,  as  his  head  oscil 
lated  from  side  to  side  and  the  syllables  came  out 
in  staccato  jerks. 

People  passing  stopped  in  amazement,  and 
Plupy's  father  recollected  himself.  He  released 
his  son. 


THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Now  we  will  go  to  Brad's  shop  and  settle  this 
matter  once  for  all.  You  boys  march  ahead  and 
we  will  follow,"  he  said  with  authority. 

Brad  released  Pewt,  whose  one-sided  features 
settled  gradually  into  place,  leaving  only  an  ex 
pression  of  complete  mystification.  "March!" 
said  Brad  with  military  terseness. 

Wats  allowed  Beany 's  head  to  cease  its  oscilla 
tions.  ''You  travel!"  he  said  succinctly. 

The  boys  traveled,  wondering  what  the  trouble 
was,  but  not  daring  to  express  any  opinion  in  re 
gard  to  it.  The  three  parents  followed,  shoulder 
to  shoulder. 

"I  wonder  what  those  three  little  devils  have 
been  at  this  time?"  said  one  person. 

"Don't  know,"  said  another;  "hope  they  will 
get  what  they  deserve  this  time." 

"Pretty  bad  boys,  I  am  afraid,"  said  a  third 
regretfully. 

"Yep,"  said  a  fourth;  "they  ought  to  have 
been  killed  or  sent  to  jail  years  ago." 

On  marched  the  three  worst  boys  in  the  town. 

Their  fathers  followed  in  the  guise  of  Nemesis, 
-  three  of  her,  in  fact. 

They  arrived  at  Brad's  shop,  opened  the  door, 
and  entered.  The  three  fathers  followed,  closed 
and  locked  the  door,  and  lit  the  lamp.  In  the  dim 
light  of  the  kerosene  filtered  through  a  red  flannel 
wick,  their  faces  looked  stern  and  unforgiving,  as 


PICKIX'    BLOO  OW  !    OW  !  BERRIES 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS 

ready  to  do  exact  justice.  Their  sons'  faces  ex 
pressed  bewilderment,  but  little  fright,  for  they 
were  sustained  by  a  sense  of  right.  "They 
had  n't  done  nothin'." 

Plupy's  father  began  proceedings.  "Now,  you 
young  rascals,  I  want  to  know  -  "  he  exploded, 
when  Wats  cut  in,  "Before  I  tan  the  hide  offen 
you,  Elbridge  -  '  when  they  were  interrupted 
by  Brad. 

"Now,  George;  now,  Wats;  just  lemme  talk  to 
'em  keerful  'n'  quiet  like.  You  fellers  get  too 
excited.  We  gotter  use  some  judgment  'bout 
this;  not  blow  up  like  steam  b'ilers." 

''You're  right,  Brad;  we'll  leave  it  to  you," 
said  Plupy's  father. 

"Go  ahead,  Brad;  we'll  keep  quiet,"  said 
Wats. 

"Now,  then,  boys,"  said  Brad,  "what  we 
wanter  know  is  how  come  ye  to  go  blueberryin' 
stidder  goin'  to  work,  th'  way  we  told  ye  tew. 
Now,  tell  the  truth  on  't  'n'  p'r'aps  we  may  be  a 
leetle  bit  easy  on  ye." 

"Why,"  said  the  boys,  "Mr.  Shute  told  us  to 
go,  'n'  so  we  done  it." 

;'You  infernal  little  liars!"  began  Plupy's 
father  in  great  wrath,  when  Brad  interrupted 
him  with  dignity. 

"Look  here,  George;  I  thought  ye  was  a-goin' 
to  lemme  settle  this  'ere  thing." 


THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

Plupy's  father  restrained  himself  with  diffi 
culty.  "Go  ahead,  Brad,"  he  said,  somewhat 
sulkily;  "and  you  boys  tell  the  truth  if  you  know 
what's  good  for  you,"  he  said  warningly. 

"D'ye  mean  to  say,  Clar'nce,  thet  George 
Shute  told  ye  to  go  pickin'  blueberries  and 
fishin'?" 

"He  didn't  say  nothin'  'bout  fishin',  but  he 
told  us  to  pick  berries,  'n'  blooberries  is  berries, 
ain't  they?"  said  Pewt,  aggrieved;  "ain't  that 
so,  Plupy;  ain't  that  so,  Beany?"  he  demanded 
of  the  other  two  boys. 

:'Yes,  he  did,  too,"  said  Plupy  and  Beany  in 
unison,  casting  reproachful  glances  at  Plupy's 
father. 

"Of  all  the  infernal-  '  began  George,  but 
Brad  cut  him  short  with  a  wave  of  the  hand,  and 
a  "Now,  Mister  Shute,"  and  George  subsided. 

"And  old  Shute  —  I  mean  Mr.  Shute  —  told 
us  to  go  to  old  man  Getchell's  and  get  what  we 
wanted,  and  give  us  a  note  and  we  done  it," 
continued  Pewt;  "ain't  that  so,  fellers?" 

"  Yes,  that's  so,  Pewt;  he  done  it,"  shouted  the 
boys  in  corroboration. 

"H'm,"  muttered  Brad,  casting  an  expressive 
look  upon  Plupy's  father,  who  was  with  diffi 
culty  restraining  himself  from  springing  upon 
his  accusers  and  destroying  them. 

"Wai,  'f  he  gin  ye  a  note  to  git  supplies  to  go 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  225 

a-blueberryin',  whadger  git  a  pistol  fer?"  adroitly 
cross-examined  Brad,  "hey?  Whadger  git  a  dan 
gerous  'n'  deadly  weepon  fer?"  he  repeated, 
feeling  that  he  had  his  witness  in  a  corner. 

"Well,  Plupy  done  that,"  said  Pewt,  at  which 
George  gave  a  convulsed  start  and  glared  bale- 
fully  at  his  son. 

"Hum;  so  Plupy  done  it,  did  he?  Wai,  whad 
ger  gotter  say  'bout  it,  Plupy?"  demanded  the 
inquisitor,  turning  to  Plupy,  who  colored  with 
embarrassment  at  having  the  matter  thrust  upon 
his  shoulders. 

"Well,  I  --  that  is,  I  kinder  thought,  's  long  as 
we  was  goin'  to  work  in  the  woods,  that  p'r'aps 
we  might  meet  a  bear  or  a  tramp  or  suthin',  'n' 
p'r'aps  we  needed  a  pistol  to  protect  ourselfs;  'n', 
ennyway,  they  is  bears  sometimes  round  blue 
berry  patches,  sometimes,"  he  continued  ear 
nestly. 

"Wai,  'f  George  told  ye  ter  go  blueberryin', 
whadger  go  a-fishin'  fer?"  queried  Brad. 

"Why,"  said  Pewt,  taking  upon  himself  the 
burden  of  answering  the  last  question,  "we 
thought  you  would  n't  mind,  's  long  's  we  filled 
our  pails  first,  'n'  we  did  every  time;  did  n't  we, 
fellers?" 

"Yes,  we  did,"  assented  the  "fellers." 

"Whadger  do  with  the  berries?"  pursued 
Brad. 


226    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

"Sold  'em  to  old  man  Conner's  store,"  an 
swered  Pewt. 

"Whadger  do  with  yer  fish?"  persisted  Brad. 

"Et  some  'n'  sold  the  rest  to  Oliver  Lane," 
said  Pewt  readily. 

"How  much  money  did  ye  get?"  asked  Brad 
with  deep  irony. 

"I  got  six  dollars  'n'  fifteen  cents." 

"  'N'  me,  too,"  said  Beany. 

"  'N'  me,  too,"  chipped  in  Plupy. 

The  three  fathers  looked  amazed,  whereupon 
the  boys  displayed  their  wealth. 

"Now,  fer  the  life  of  me,  I  hain't  the  leastest 
idee  why  you  boys  went  blueberryin'  when  you 
were  told  to  go  to  work  for  Getchell.  Th'  ain't  no 
mistake,  is  they,  George?  "  Brad  asked,  turning  to 
Plupy 's  father  in  bewilderment. 

"  No,  sirree ! "  said  George; "  I  told  them  as  plain 
as  I  could  that  they  were  to  learn  plumbing." 

'That's  so,"  said  the  boys,  wagging  their 
heads  in  vigorous  assent;  "that's  just  what  he 
said  'n'  that's  just  what  we  done." 

"But  what  has  blueberryin'  got  to  do  with 
working  in  a  tin-shop?"  demanded  Brad  indig 
nantly. 

"But  he  didn't  say  nothin'  'bout  workin'  in 
no  tin-shop,"  chorused  the  boys;  "he  told  us  to 
go  down  to  old  man  Getchell's  to  get  what  we 
needed  to  go  a-plummin'!" 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS 

"But  what's  blueberryin'  got  to  do  with 
plumbin'!"  snarled  Brad  impatiently. 

"Why,  darn  it  all,  father,"  said  Pewt,  in  dis 
gust  and  desperation,  "ain't  it  plummin'  to  go  'n' 
git  blueberries  or  raspberries  or  ivory  plums  or 
candy  plums  or  any  kind.  What's  the  matter 
with  you?  We  done  jest  as  he  told  us  to,  'n'  we 
ain't  had  no  thanks  for  it,  'n'  we  - 

But  he  got  no  further.  Once  before  George's 
hearty  laugh  and  keen  sense  of  humor  had  saved 
the  situation,  and  again  he  broke  out,  "I'll  be 
gin-fizzled  if  these  little  devils  won't  be  the  death 
of  us,  Brad."  And  he  roared  in  paroxysms  of 
laughter,  while  Wats  slapped  first  one  leg  and 
then  the  other,  tottered  to  the  side  of  the  room 
and  doubled  up  until  the  tears  ran  down  his  face, 
and  Brad,  leaning  back  in  his  chair  and  open 
ing  his  mouth  until  his  eyes  were  tightly  closed, 
cackled  with  delight  like  a  hen. 

Long  they  laughed  until  the  boys  began  to 
grin  and  finally  to  laugh  from  the  contagion.  At 
last,  from  sheer  inability  to  laugh  longer  without 
breaking  something  necessary  to  their  raiment  or 
welfare,  they  stopped  and  explained  matters  to 
the  boys,  and  then,  telling  the  boys  to  remain  a 
moment,  they  went  out  to  discuss  the  matter.  It 
required  but  little  discussion,  for  they  were  de 
lighted  at  the  turn  things  had  taken,  which  gave 
them  an  opportunity  to  conclude  matters  very 


228    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

much  to  their  satisfaction  and  the  welfare  of  the 
boys  if  not  their  wishes  in  the  matter.  Then  they 
returned,  after  certain  moneys  had  changed 
hands,  and  Plupy's  father  explained  to  the  boys 
kindly  that  the  whole  affair  had  been  an  unfor 
tunate  misunderstanding;  that  they  appreciated 
the  good  intentions  of  the  boys,  the  fairness  and 
faithfulness  with  which  they  had  carried  out  their 
part  of  the  agreement;  but  that,  as  the  agreement 
had  been  misunderstood  by  both  parties,  each 
and  all  of  the  contracting  parties  were  relieved 
from  any  further  obligations  under  it. 

"But  how  'bout  goin'  to  school;  don't  we  git 
out  of  that?"  demanded  Pewt,  aggrieved. 

"No,  boys,"  replied  Plupy's  father  kindly. 
"  We  cannot  in  fairness  to  you  let  you  quit  school. 
It  may  seem  hard  to  you  now,  but  when  you  are 
older  you  will  realize  that  we  are  doing  the  right 
thing  by  you,  and  you  would  never  forgive  us  if 
we  did  otherwise." 

"Huh!"  said  Pewt,  in  deep  disgust;  "that's 
what  they  all  say  after  they  has  got  through 
school  'n'  ain't  got  to  go  any  more." 

"Huh!"  grumbled  Plupy. 

"Huh!"  groaned  Beany. 

"But  in  consideration  of  your  hard  work,  we 
will  let  you  have  the  money  you  earned,  but  we 
must  have  that  pistol,"  he  continued.  "Where 
is  it?" 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS 

"It's  busted,"  said  Plupy;  "Pewt  stumped  me 
to  hold  it  against  a  tree  'n'  fire  it,  'n'  I  wa'n't  goin' 
to  take  no  stump  from  nobody,  'n'  I  fired  it  'n'  it 
blew  up  'n'  hit  me  this  lick  in  the  head."  And  he 
pointed  to  his  mouse,  which  had  gone  down  per 
ceptibly,  but  was  still  quite  in  evidence. 

"For  Heaven's  sake,  don't  you  ever  think?" 
snorted  Plupy 's  father  in  disgust.  "I  s'pose  if  he 
had  stumped  you  to  jump  into  the  river,  you 
would  have  done  it,  would  n't  you?" 

"I  might  ha'  done  it  if  he'd  stumped  me,"  said 
Plupy,  hanging  his  head. 

"Well,  boys,  let  the  pistol  go,  but  we  will  take 
the  pails  until  - 

"Until  you  go  plummin'  again,"  said  Brad. 

"Huh!"  said  the  boys,  with  deep  feeling. 


XI 


THE    COUNTY   FAIR 

AND  so  as  fate  had  ordained  and  the  three 
fathers  planned,  the  boys  went  to  school  the  next 
Monday.  They  went  with  some  reluctance,  for 
they  had  talked  and  bragged  a  good  deal  to  their 
friends  about  quitting  school  for  good  and  all, 
and  they  felt  sure  that  these  friends  would  have 
a  bit  of  fun  at  their  expense.  But  they  were,  even 
at  that  day,  skilled  politicians,  and  knew  well 
that  a  "pull"  with  the  higher  powers  would  help 
them  mightily,  and  they  proceeded  at  once  to 
prepare  this  pull. 

There  were  several  boys  somewhat  their  su 
periors  in  age  and  very  much  so  in  fistic  ability. 
These  were  Scotty  Brigham,  Tady  Finton,  and 
Jack  Melvin.  To  have  offered  or  given  either  of 
these  boys  a  bribe  to  thrash  any  one  would  have 
brought  on  the  giver  an  immediate  "lickin',"  but 
a  proffer  of  dainties  as  a  matter  of  friendship 
brought  about  a  sort  of  defensive  alliance  that 
might  at  any  time  become  an  offensive  one,  so 
narrow  is  the  distinction  in  the  case  of  armed 
neutrality  among  nations  and  schoolboys. 

And  so  by  this  judicious  distribution  of  small 
portions  of  their  store  of  refreshments  they  became 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  231 

in  high  favor  with  these  juvenile  Heenans,  and 
after  several  sarcastic  youths  had  been  caught 
and  severely  "lammed"  by  these  gifted  pugi 
lists,  and  the  three4  boys  had  themselves  con 
quered  in  battle  some  shrill  but  insignificant  ene 
mies,  they  found  going  to  school  again  was  not 
half  as  bad  as  they  had  feared. 

Then  again  the  tale  of  their  adventures  at  the 
lake,  and  in  particular  the  stirring  relation  of  the 
sinking  of  the  boat,  the  long  swim  of  the  boys 
which  had  been  magnified  into  a  two-mile  swim, 
and  the  rescue  of  Beany  in  the  last  stages  of  ex 
haustion,  as  well  as  the  shooting  of  the  cock  par 
tridge  "  bigger 'n  a  turkey  gobbler  "  and  its  rape 
by  a  fox,  were  themes  that  earned  them  a  fear 
some  reputation. 

And  so  with  the  advent  of  the  football  season, 
the  pea-blower  season,  and  the  season  of  bone 
clappers,  the  month  of  September  passed  in 
peace  and  plenty.  Then  in  early  October  came 
the  great  event  of  the  year,  --  the  Rockingham 
County  Fair.  To  us  who  attend  the  huge  Agri 
cultural  Fair  of  to-day,  with  its  interesting  but 
abominable  Midway,  its  magnificent  array  of 
blooded  stock,  its  splendid  racing  and  horse 
show,  its  automobile  and  aeroplane  death- 
daring,  its  wonderful  demonstration  of  farm  im 
plements  and  machinery,  the  old-time  fairs  may 
seem  of  trivial  importance. 


232    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

But  no.  In  our  boyish  vision  the  old  Rocking- 
ham  County  Fair,  held  in  Exeter  in  the  'six 
ties,  was  the  most  marvelous  exhibition  ever 
held  on  the  American  continent,  its  exhibits  the 
most  gorgeous,  its  horse-racing  the  most  exciting, 
its  pulling-matches  with  oxen,  its  ploughing- 
matches  with  oxen  and  horses,  the  most  stupen 
dous  contests  ever  dreamed  of.  Why,  how  long 
would  an  automobile  truck  of  one  hundred  horse 
power  stand  up  against  old  William  Conner's 
string  of  three  yoke  of  Hereford  oxen  under  the 
goad?  "Huh!"  and  again,  "Huh!" --with  an 
accent  of  utter  contempt. 

What  of  the  pacing  record  of  1.58J  as  against 
the  2.39J  of  some  of  the  trotters  and  pacers  of  the 
'sixties.  Well,  I  guess  if  the  modern  trotters  and 
pacers  were  put  on  the  little  half-mile  track  in 
Exeter  in  the  old  days,  beside  old  "Sheepskin," 
with  Wake-up  Robinson  in  the  sulky,  or  with 
Scott  Locke  behind  "Nellie,"  or  Ben  Adams  be 
hind  "Old  Regulator,"  where  would  the  modern 
pacers  and  trotters  be?  :'Tell  me  that,  fellers; 
jest  tell  me  that!  Huh!  Well,  I  guess!  Huh!" 

It  was,  indeed,  a  great  time.  The  course  of 
years  has  brought  us  the  World's  Fair  in  Phila 
delphia  in  1876,  the  Chicago  Exposition  of  1893, 
that  of  Buffalo  in  1901,  of  St.  Louis  in  1904,  of 
Seattle  in  1909,  and  one  is  projected  for  San 
Francisco  in  1915;  but  where  are  they  in  com- 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  233 

parison  with  the  old  Rockingham  Fair  on  the 
Gilman  Field  in  Exeter,  New  Hampshire,  U.S.A., 
in  the  'sixties.  Where  are  they,  I  say?  And 
again,  "HuLi" 

The  old  town  was  in  the  throes  of  prepara 
tion  for  weeks  before  the  event.  The  field  of 
afternoons  was  alive  with  teams  working  on  the 
grounds.  The  track  was  leveled  as  far  as  practi 
cable  and  the  grass  mowed  and  all  refuse  raked 
up  and  burned.  The  fences  were  repaired;  new 
posts  put  in  and  all  freshly  whitewashed.  The 
sheds  were  repaired,  and  put  in  good  shape; 
new  booths  erected  for  the  exhibition  of  cattle, 
horses, sheep  and  swine,  and  fowl;  ground  broken 
for  the  pulling-matches,  and  countless  other  tasks 
performed.  As  the  grounds  were  surrounded  by 
a  high  board  fence,  and  as  every  year  numerous 
peep-holes  were  excavated  by  small  boys  who 
were  unable  to  get  in,  and  who  with  great  in 
genuity  knocked  out  knot-holes  and  made  aper 
tures  by  pulling  out  decayed  parts  of  the  boards, 
naturally  a  great  amount  of  work  was  absolutely 
necessary  to  put  this  bulwark  in  such  condi 
tion  that  not  even  the  prying  eyes  of  the  non- 
paying  patrons  of  the  fair  could  penetrate  its 
secrets. 

Then  there  were  hay,  grain,  and  stubble  to 
buy  for  the  ruminants;  the  judges'  stand  to  be 
reinforced  with  additional  props  to  its  weather- 


beaten,  spindly,  and  tottery  legs,  so  that  the 
hoarse  gentleman  with  the  huge  black  mustache 
who  leaned  out  of  his  eyrie  and  occasionally  bel 
lowed  "Go!"  -but  more  often  rang  a  large 
dinner-bell  to  a  procession  of  wildly  scrabbling 
horses  —  and  his  companions,  who  compared 
watches  at  the  end  of  a  race  and  wrangled  un 
seemly,  might  not  come  to  everlasting  smash  as 
did  one  Humpty  Dumpty.  All  this,  done  under 
the  eyes  of  the  small  boys,  did  much  to  whet  their 
ambitions  for  the  future  and  to  distract  their  at 
tention  from  their  daily  school  tasks. 

As  the  day  of  the  fair  approached,  strange  peo 
ple  began  to  arrive.  A  grimy  individual  with 
peaked  cap,  driving  a  rangy,  gamy-looking  ani 
mal  in  a  prodigiously  high-wheeled  sulky,  under 
which  dangled  a  pail,  a  roll  of  blankets,  an  extra 
whip,  and  a  pair  of  rubber  boots,  attracted  imme 
diate  attention  as  a  famous  driver  of  an  equally 
famous  trotter  or  pacer.  A  diminutive,  bandy 
legged  gentleman  in  topboots,  much  too  large 
for  his  skinny  legs,  mounted  on  a  flat  saddle 
strapped  to  a  giraffe-like  equine,  the  rider's  knees 
on  a  level  with  his  ears,  and  his  head  sunk  be 
tween  his  shoulders,  bespoke  some  well-known 
and  daring  jockey  with  a  runner  in  a  direct  line 
of  descent  from  "Flying  Childers."  And  for  a 
week  or  more  the  boys  gathered  at  the  track 
before  and  after  school,  on  the  chance  of  seeing 


235 

these  gentlemen  fly  round  the  track  on  a  practice 
spin  with  these  wonderful  animals. 

Happy  the  day  and  fortunate  the  youth  who 
could  get  the  coveted  opportunity  to  lead  around 
a  blanketed  horse  in  the  cooling-out  process 
after  a  warming-up  heat,  or  who  could  carry 
w^ater  for,  or  hand  brushes  or  currycombs  to, 
the  drivers  who  acted  as  grooms,  trainers,  and 
rubbers-down  to  their  skinny  charges.  At  about 
this  time  the  local  horsemen  began  to  put  on 
fearful  and  wonderful  costumes  and  to  drive 
through  our  streets  at  highly  irregular  gaits.  To 
see  old  "Wake-up"  Robinson  astride  a  two-story 
sulky  coming  down  the  street  behind  "Old 
Sheepskin,"  so  called  because  of  the  heavy  sheep 
skin  padding  he  wore  on  breastplate  and  breech 
ing,  his  driver's  long  black  whiskers  streaming 
away  behind  and  over  its  wearer's  shoulders,  his 
peaked  cap  with  long  visor  pulled  down  over  his 
eyes,  and  his  wide  grinning  mouth  emitting  his 
hoarse  war-cry  from  which  he  derived  his  nick 
name  "Wake-up,"  was  a  sight  for  the  gods. 

On  this  occasion  that  eminently  dignified  and 
respectable  storekeeper,  Henry  Dow,  at  the 
"Sign  of  the  Big  Boot,"  an  immensely  tall  and 
dignified  man  with  a  crest  of  long  hair  that  re 
minded  one  forcibly  of  a  blue  jay,  daily  climbed 
aboard  an  unusually  tall  and  spindly  sulky  and 
held  the  "webbings"  over  a  dappled,  switch- 


236    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

tailed  pony  of  not  over  fourteen  hands,  which 
gave  him  the  appearance  of  driving  a  sheared 
sheep,  and  jogged  him  up  the  street  to  the  track. 

Even  that  pillar  of  the  Advent  Church,  the 
venerable  Nathaniel  Churchill,  could  not  refrain 
from  exercising  his  smooth  roadsters  in  a  road- 
cart  or  four-wheeled  skeleton  wagon,  although 
his  religious  scruples  and  strict  puritanical  up 
bringing  did  not  allow  him  to  indulge  in  horse- 
racing.  Indeed,  he  did  not  even  attend  the  fairs 
to  witness  it,  although  the  struggle  between  his 
perfectly  natural  desire  and  his  religious  views 
must  have  caused  the  good  old  man  untold  suf 
fering.  And  as  he  was  unquestionably  the  best 
horse-breeder  and  judge  of  horses  in  the  county, 
and  possibly  in  the  State,  it  was  a  great  pity  and 
a  loss  to  the  town,  and  to  him,  for  he  had  some 
real  horses. 

The  track  upon  which  these  memorable  races 
were  held  was  peculiar  in  several  respects.  In  the 
back  stretch  there  \vas  for  several  rods  a  hollow 
where  the  road  fell  away  rapidly,  then  as  rapidly 
regained  its  level.  Beyond  this  for  fully  one  hun 
dred  yards  was  a  dense  growth  of  scrub  pines 
that  effectually  concealed  the  progress  of  the 
horses  from  the  anxious  gaze  of  those  financially 
or  otherwise  interested  in  the  race,  which  added 
to  the  delightful  uncertainty  of  the  contest,  and 
made  the  choice  of  a  favorite  a  most  hazardous 


WAKE-UP    ROBINSOX    BEHIND    OLD    SHEEPSKIN 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  237 

pursuit.  Indeed,  horses  having  a  record  in  the 
thirties,  and  on  that  account  acclaimed  as  sure 
winners,  ofttimes  came  in  disgracefully  in  the 
rear  of  two-forty -five  trotters,  and  were  lucky  if 
they  wrere  inside  the  distance  flag. 

It  came  about  in  this  way:  A  horse  driven  at 
top  speed  at  a  trot  or  pace,  suddenly  dipping  into 
the  hollow,  was  thrown  out  of  its  stride,  lost  its 
legs,  and  had  to  gallop  to  keep  from  falling.  If  by 
any  possibility  the  horse  was  sturdy  and  steady 
enough  to  hold  his  stride  when  going  downhill, 
he  was  practically  certain  to  lose  it  coming  out 
of  the  hollow.  So  it  became  the  practice  of  the 
drivers  on  approaching  the  hollow  to  loosen  their 
reins,  stimulate  their  horses  by  a  cut  of  the  whip 
and  a  loud  yell  of  encouragement,  take  both 
slopes  at  a  furious  gallop  and  trust  to  luck  and 
skill  to  pull  their  horses  to  their  stride  just  before 
they  came  out  of  the  woods  and  into  the  gaze  of 
the  hoarse  gentleman  with  the  enormous  mus 
tache,  and  of  his  horsy  friends  who  compared 
watches  at  the  finish. 

In  this  way  a  horse  that  could  gallop  might, 
although  far  behind  at  the  dip,  arrive  at  the  home 
stretch  in  advance  of  a  much  faster  and  steadier 
trotter  or  pacer,  and  stand  an  excellent  chance  of 
winning  the  stakes.  This  led  to  many  protests  on 
the  part  of  drivers  who  claimed  that  they  were 
designedly  fouled  by  rivals,  and  much  unseemly 


238    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

language  was  indulged  in  by  participants  in 
the  races  which  led  to  fist-fights,  in  which  the 
whole  neighborhood  of  the  finish-line  became  em 
broiled. 

Again,  the  strain  on  the  fragile  and  ofttimes 
rickety  wooden  sulky  wheels  was  very  great  at 
the  rise  from  the  dip,  and  occasionally  splintering 
crashes  were  heard,  and  from  the  shadow  of  the 
woods  bounded  frantically  kicking  horses,  driver- 
less,  and  attached  to  one-wheeled  and  splintered 
sulkies,  and  followed  at  a  distance  by  limping  and 
swearing  men,  who  on  reaching  the  judges'  stand 
raised  their  hands  to  high  Heaven  and  invoked 
curses  on  their  successful  rivals.  Indeed,  a  horse 
race  at  the  old  Rockingham  Fair  was  a  thing  of 
powerful  uncertainty,  and  of  an  attractiveness 
far  superior  to  anything  of  modern  times,  and  the 
populace  crowded  to  see  and  occasionally  to  take 
part  in  some  of  the  exciting  phases  of  the  sport. 

Then,  there  was  the  slow  race,  where  to  insure 
the  utmost  speed  possible  and  to  prevent  each 
owner  or  driver  from  trying  to  win  the  race  by 
driving  his  horse  as  slowly  as  possible  and  taking 
up  the  greater  part  of  the  day  in  accomplishing 
a  mile,  each  man  entering  a  horse  had  to  drive 
his  rival's  horse  and  have  his  own  driven  by  the 
rival,  and  each  man  stimulated  his  rival's  horse 
to  his  utmost  speed  in  order  to  win  the  race  by 
beating  his  own  horse. 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  239 

This  also  created  a  deal  of  interest;  and  as  each 
man  literally  lambasted  his  rival's  horse,  the 
finish  of  the  race  frequently  brought  the  drivers 
into  fistic  collision  as  they  viewed  the  welts  on 
their  damaged  plugs.  However,  no  professional 
training  was  necessary  for  this  race,  unless  it 
might  be  training  of  a  pugilistic  nature  which 
was  of  the  greatest  possible  assistance. 

For  many  evenings  before  the  opening  day  of 
the  fair,  the  Exeter  Cornet  Band  practiced  with 
hideous  intonation  and  terrific  ensemble,  which 
was  the  sweetest  possible  music  to  the  boys,  who, 
with  troops  of  others,  spent  their  evenings  in  and 
around  the  high-school  yard  chasing,  dancing, 
wrestling,  yelling,  and  jumping  fences  and  strad 
dling  posts,  while  the  band,  aloft  in  a  back  room 
of  the  old  town  hall,  long  since  abandoned  as  the 
seat  of  the  municipality,  and  the  home  of  Tor 
rent  No.  3,  collared  and  threw  such  masterpieces 
of  music  as  the  "King  John  March,"  "Shoo, 
Fly,  Doan  Bodder  Me,"  the  "Washington 
March,"  the  "Mulligan  Guards,"  and  other 
fortissimo  selections. 

Plupy,  however,  was  always  present  at  these 
rehearsals,  but  never  joined  in  these  mad  scenes 
of  riot  and  jollity.  Instead,  he  sat  on  the  stairs  of 
the  band  room,  as  near  to  the  door  as  he  could 
get,  and  drank  in  this  flood  and  tempest  of  sound 
as  one  entranced.  Poor  boy;  he  was  born  with  a 


240    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

most  intense  love  of  music,  and  thought  a  bands 
man  a  being  far  higher  than  a  governor  or  even  a 
president.  He  had  for  a  long  time  been  trying  to 
earn  and  save  money  enough  for  a  cornet,  but, 
being  of  a  convivial  and  somewhat  self-indulgent 
nature,  had  drawn  on  his  fund  so  frequently  that 
it  had  never  risen  to  a  point  of  accumulation 
at  which  the  purchase  of  a  cornet  was  remotely 
probable.  But  these  rehearsals,  far  exceeding  in 
number  the  regular  weekly  rehearsals,  made  an 
other  element  in  the  popularity  of  the  fair. 

Rooms  at  the  various  hostelries  were  engaged 
in  advance  by  gentlemen  in  high  boots,  paper 
collars,  false  bosoms,  and  detachable  cuffs.  Stall- 
room  for  horses  was  bespoken.  The  clerks  and 
proprietors  of  the  Squamscott  (Major's),  the 
American  (Levi's),  and  the  Granite  House 
(Hoyt's)  became  bustlingly  active,  affable,  and 
polite.  The  saloons,  long  since  defunct,  thank 
Heaven!  had  laid  in  heavy  supplies  of  fiery  and 
controversial  liquors  and  were  confidently  reck 
oning  on  a  heavy  business. 

Morning  and  night  the  hopeful  farmer  curried 
and  rubbed  down  his  pet  cow  or  brood  mare 
with  colt,  viewed  his  mammoth  squash,  his  ele 
phantine  pumpkin,  apoplectic  apple,  or  blushing 
peach.  Daily  the  thoughtful  wife  watered  and 
coaxed  her  brilliant  asters,  braided  her  rugs,  and 
consulted  the  cookbook  and  her  neighbors  for 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  241 

effective  recipes  for  bread,  pastry,  and  culinary 
dainties,  —  all  for  exhibition  in  the  "Ladies' 
Department."  Octogenarians  recalled  their 
choicest  tales  of  "ye  olden  time,"  and  had 
mother  overhaul  their  broadcloth  coats,  their 
stovepipe  hats,  and  gray  woolen  trousers.  Octo- 
genarianesses  sewed  the  thirty-five  hundredth 
patch  of  dimity  or  silk  or  calico,  and  "nary  one 
alike,"  on  her  patchwork  quilt,  and  confidently 
awaited  first,  second,  third  prize,  or  honorable 
mention. 

The  daughter  of  the  house  painted  astonishing 
pictures  in  most  amazing  colors,  or  wove  "God 
Bless  Our  Homes"  in  rainbow  hues,  and  drew 
astounding  animals  in  black  and  white,  which  she 
labeled  for  identification  as  a  matter  of  conven 
ience  to  the  judges.  The  scholars  in  the  public 
schools  prepared  writing-books,  with  a  variety  of 
ennobling  sentiments,  in  the  finest  and  most 
elaborate  of  long  hand,  while  the  drawing-teacher 
took  down  from  the  wall  of  his  room  the  pen-and- 
ink  sketch  of  an  impossible  deer  and  an  equally 
fabulous  bird  of  paradise  that  had  cost  him 
prodigies  of  penmanship  and  marvels  of  careful 
erasure. 

Indeed,  every  kind  and  condition  of  men,  wo 
men,  and  children  were  vitally  interested  in  this 
fair  and  looked  forward  to  its  event  with  the 
greatest  of  pleasurable  anxiety.  The  old  fair  was 


242    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

like  the  game  of  golf :  every  one  who  desired  could 
play  it  with  satisfaction.  Unlike  that  game,  every 
one  wished  to  play  the  fair,  and  did;  and  with 
that  condition  of  public  sentiment,  what  wonder 
that  our  three  boys  were  well-nigh  crazy  with 
delight. 

The  schools  were  to  have  a  three  days'  vaca 
tion,  the  life  of  the  fair.  Inasmuch  as  the  entire 
Prudential  and  School  Committee  were  either 
officials  of  the  fair  or  exhibitors,  and  the  honored 
principals  of  the  high  and  grammar  schools  were 
enlisted  as  marshals,  and  entitled  to  wear  the 
crimson  sash  and  to  brandish  the  baton  covered 
with  gilt  paper  and  further  embellished  with  rib 
bons,  as  a  badge  of  authority,  and  as  most  of 
the  female  teachers  had  charge  of  the  school 
exhibit  of  writing  and  compositions,  a  vacation 
was  absolutely  necessary,  and  the  matter  had 
been  accomplished  with  a  great  deal  of  tact, 
diplomacy,  and  finesse  on  the  part  of  these 
shrewd  instructors. 

The  afternoon  before  the  fair  was  almost  as 
interesting  as  the  first  day.  Bronzed  and  hardy 
farmers  led  immaculately  clean  cows  through  the 
streets,  blanketed  in  gay  colors,  with  "Maud," 
"Genevieve,"  or  some  other  endearing  or  de 
scriptive  name  stitched  in  scarlet  on  their  gaudy 
coverings.  Occasionally  in  the  haste  of  prepara 
tion  the  blankets  were  accidentally  changed,  and 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  243 

one  might  see  a  savage-looking  bull  led  through 
the  streets  with  the  name  "Annie  Laurie,"  or  the 
legend,  "This  animal  gave  thirty -two  quarts  of 
milk  in  one  day."  Or  a  line-back  "mooley" 
might  bear  the  embroidered  name  of  "Prince 
Edmund."  These  were  purely  accidental  errors; 
but  a  painful  lack  of  a  knowledge  of  history  was 
betrayed  when  the  proud  owner  of  a  huge  bull 
named  George  Washington  advertised  him  in 
glaring  blanket  capitals  as  the  father  of  a  long 
line  of  distinguished  progeny,  and  an  equally 
proud  exhibitor  of  a  noble  cow  had  named  her 
Queen  Elizabeth,  and  on  her  blanket  was  a  dec 
laration  that  she  was  the  dam  of  three  pairs  of 
twins  within  three  years. 

There  were  tents  containing  a  two-headed 
calf,  a  horse  with  five  legs,  an  educated  pig,  and 
an  armless  man  who  could  write  his  name,  or 
for  that  matter  any  person's  name,  with  his  toes 
(there  were  no  Poles,  Russians,  Lithuanians,  or 
Armenians  in  America  in  those  days) ,  and  would 
do  so  for  a  consideration.  There  was,  of  course, 
the  living  skeleton,  his  companion,  the  pinky- 
white  fat  woman,  and  the  dreadful  bearded  lady, 
the  sleeping  beauty  whose  bosom  rose  and  fell 
rhythmically  as  long  as  Jimmy  turned  the  crank. 
There  was  a  long,  polished  case  on  wheels,  with 
small  peep-holes  of  polished  magnifying  glass, 
through  which  holes,  at  the  modest  price  of  one 


244    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

penny,  you  gazed  enthralled  upon  colored  prints 
from  the  then  very  recent  war  of  the  rebellion, 
with  which  you  were  probably  familiar  from 
the  pages  of  Harper's  or  some  other  magazines, 
but  without  the  coloring  and  enlargement.  Pie 
and  coffee  stands,  lemonade  booths,  ginger-pop 
stalls,  and  counters  for  the  serving  of  plain  beans 
and  brown  bread  were  knocked  together  of  pine 
boards  and  tenpenny  nails. 

It  would  require  a  book  to  tell  the  various 
attractions,  exhibits  and  amusing  episodes  of  that 
fair.  They  were  crowded  into  three  days,  and  it 
was,  indeed,  three  days  of  thrilling  enjoyment  for 
the  boys,  and  Plupy  was  especially  fortunate  in 
securing  a  season  ticket  in  this  manner:  Charles 
Taylor  was  an  official  of  the  fair  management, 
occupying  the  position  of  commissary -general  to 
the  livestock  department;  that  is,  he  was  the 
official  purchaser  and  distributor  of  the  hay, 
grain  and  roots,  straw,  and  other  provender  for 
the  various  kinds  and  conditions  of  animal  in  the 
fair;  and  as  such  he  was  a  very  busy  man,  and  to 
facilitate  his  rapid  transit  he  had  borrowed  of  his 
particular  friend  George,  Plupy's  little  mare, 
Nellie,  the  very  animal  with  which  Plupy  and  the 
politician  had  made  that  speed  record  but  dis 
astrous  trip  to  Hampton  Falls.  This  loaning  of 
the  horse  gave,  as  may  be  supposed,  peculiar 
privileges  to  Plupy,  which  that  youth  extended, 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  £45 

whenever  possible,  to  his  two  cronies,  Beany  and 
Pewt. 

'  It  also  transpired  that  the  use  of  Nellie  by  the 
worthy  commissary  furnished  a  good  deal  of  ex 
citement  for  our  friends  and  for  the  patrons  of 
the  fair,  and  a  great  deal  of  embarrassment  to  the 
book-makers  and  betting  men.  Nellie  was  quar 
tered  in  the  horse-sheds  with  distinguished  com 
pany,  having  a  stall  of  her  own  and  other  furni 
ture  necessary  to  the  comfort  of  a  race-horse,  to 
which  she  had  not  been  accustomed,  but  which 
she  took  to  like  a  duck  to  water;  for  one  of 
the  grooms  and  rubbers-down  of  the  trotters 
and  pacers  daily  rubbed,  curried,  bandaged,  hot- 
watered,  cold-creamed,  massaged,  and  in  other 
ways  testified  to  his  appreciation  of  certain  for 
bidden  favors  extended  to  him  by  the  good- 
natured  but  designing  commissary. 

In  this  way,  and  with  generous  feeding,  the 
little  animal  was  ready  to  jump  out  of  her  skin 
with  spirits,  and  as  she  darted  down  from  place 
to  place  on  her  errands  with  the  commissary  she 
attracted  much  attention  by  her  good  looks  and 
her  rapid  gait.  She  was  a  bit  tender  in  her  fore 
feet  for  pavements,  which  circumstance  had 
brought  her  within  the  range  of  Plupy's  father's 
modest  pocketbook;  but  care  and  the  soft  coun 
try  roads  had  practically  cured  her,  and  a  week's 
care  by  an  expert  stableman  had  worked  wonders. 


246    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

There  were  races  during  the  afternoons  of  the 
three  days,  which  races  commenced  at  two  o'clock 
and  were  generally  finished  by  five,  unless  dead 
heats  rendered  an  extra  heat  or  two  necessary 
to  a  decision.  Beginning  with  the  lower-class 
horses,  the  3-minute  class,  the  2.48,  the  free  slow 
race.  The  second-day  card  was  the  2.44  and  the 
2.40  class  and  the  pacing  race  for  stallions.  The 
third,  which  was  the  great  day,  offered,  as  a 
climax  programme,  the  2.36  and  2.30  trots  and 
the  free-for-all,  with  a  purse  of  $175  —  with  $100 
for  first,  $50  for  second,  and  $25  for  third  horse. 
In  this  free-for-all  any  one,  who  fancied  his  horse 
and  could  raise  an  entry  fee  of  ten  dollars,  could 
take  part  in  the  race;  but,  as  the  purse  brought 
out  the  best  horses,  it  was  seldom  that  a  really 
mediocre  horse  was  started.  Indeed,  it  occurred 
not  infrequently  that  a  horse  that  had  previously 
trotted  in  a  low-time  race,  not  previously  holding 
a  fast  record,  would  make  it  extremely  interest 
ing  for  the  favorites,  and  render  the  long-shot 
men  in  the  betting  correspondingly  jubilant  at 
the  close  of  the  race.  It  was  this  that  made  the 
free-for-all  the  race  par  excellence  of  the  fair,  and 
the  nerves  of  the  book-makers  and  betting  men 
exceedingly  banjoey  during  the  heats. 

The  days  had  passed  in  a  riot  of  good  times 
for  the  boys,  whose  appetites  were  insatiable. 
The  good  old  town  had  an  air  of  demoralization. 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  247 

paper  littered  the  streets  leading  to  the  grounds. 
Unfortunates  without  legs  sat  on  the  pavements 
and  ground  hideous  and  unfinished  symphonies 
on  tiny  box-organs:  I  can  distinctly  remember 
some  of  these  tunes  after  a  lapse  of  over  forty 
years.  Demoralized  county  sports  leaned  against 
posts  and  spat  and  swore.  Marshals  in  gaudy 
sashes  clattered  up  the  streets.  There  were  vil 
lage  cut-ups  with  their  girls  promenading  with 
red  balloons  and  riding-whips  bound  in  blue  and 
crimson-paper  ribbons.  A  man  who  could  play 
phenomenal  cornet  solos  on  a  tin-tunnel,  includ 
ing  the  "Wood-up  Quickstep,"  called  crowds  to 
his  broad  platform,  where  he  sold  them  bottles 
of  cure-all  warranted  effective  for  all  ills  ranging 
from  bunions  to  religious  controversies.  The 
town  hall  was  the  theater  of  the  horticultural, 
patchwork,  tidy,  and  art  exhibit,  and  the  steps 
were  littered  with  peanuts  and  the  remains  of 
countless  lunches.  The  governor  had  arrived, 
and  was  escorted  to  the  fair  grounds  by  the  band 
and  a  detachment  of  veteran  soldiers  and  the 
entire  force  of  marshals  in  a  champing,  curveting 
line.  The  crowd  was  immense;  the  two  races  had 
been  trotted  amid  great  excitement ;  and  the  final 
race  of  the  day,  the  free-for-all,  was  called. 

Just  before  the  last  heat  of  the  previous  race, 
Plupy,  who  had  accompanied  a  sweating  trotter 
to  the  stables  to  see  him  rubbed  down  and 


248    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

cooled,  —  to  him  an  interesting  sight,  —  and  to 
drink  his  fill  of  the  spicy  and  instructive  remarks 
of  the  stableman,  overheard  something  that 
filled  him  with  an  idea  almost  too  big  for  him  to 
grasp.  One  of  the  rubbers,  incensed  at  the  poor 
showing  of  his  charge,  profanely  allowed  to  his 
mates  that  he  would  be  blankity  blanked  if  he 
couldn't  take  that  little  bay  mare,  Nellie,  and 
clean  out  half  the  racers  in  the  stable.  Plupy 
gasped  at  the  brilliancy  of  the  idea  that  sud 
denly  struck  him,  and  he  edged  nearer  the 
group. 

"Say,  that's  my  horse  you  are  talking  about; 
d'  ye  s'pose  they  would  gimme  a  chance?"  he 
asked. 

The  grooms  laughed  and  said,  "Any  one  can 
enter  a  horse  for  the  free-for-all  that  can  raise 
ten  dollars  for  the  entry  fee." 

Plupy  gasped  at  the  enormity  of  the  amount, 
sighed  at  the  recollection  of  his  depleted  cornet 
fund,  and  his  jaw  dropped  in  despair.  Had  he 
known  this  at  the  opening  of  the  fair,  he  and 
Beany  and  Pewt  could  have  pooled  their  pos 
sessions  and  have  made  up  the  entry  fee;  but, 
alas,  to  quote  again  from  Dumas'  immortal  hero, 
"Nothing  remained  but  bitter  memories." 

But  the  groom  suddenly  came  to  his  assistance. 
"Look  here,  fellers,  what's  the  reason  we  can't 
dress  this  young  feller  up  in  a  driver's  suit  and 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  249 

cap,  hook  up  the  mare,  and  have  him  drive  in 
with  the  rest?  The  chances  are  that  nobody  will 
know  the  difference,  and  he  may  get  a  chance. 
Whadger  say?"  he  demanded. 

It  is  not  my  purpose  to  record  here  just  about 
what  they  said.  It  was  exceedingly  profane,  but 
very  much  to  the  point.  Would  the  little  feller  do 
it?  The  little  feller  would,  and  rapid  preparation 
began.  Plupy  was  invested  with  a  spotted  shirt, 
a  yellow  cap  with  an  immense  visor,  a  whip,  and 
a  pair  of  gloves,  all  of  which  were  much  too  large 
for  him.  The  cap  in  particular  rested  on  his  ears, 
the  generous  spread  of  which  prevented  him 
from  being  totally  eclipsed.  In  fact,  he  looked 
like  a  suit  that  had  been  discarded  and  thrown 
into  a  corner.  As  he  desired  above  all  things  to 
escape  recognition  and  expulsion,  this  was  very 
much  to  his  taste.  Meanwhile  the  grooms  in 
structed  him  in  the  code  of  the  track. 

"You'll  hafter  take  th'  outside,  the  farthest 
horse  from  the  pole  horse.  In  turnin'  to  score, 
allers  turn  to  the  left.  Don't  let  yer  hoss  break 
at  the  line,  or  ye '11  be  sent  back.  It  don't  mat 
ter  if  you  are  a  bit  behind  at  the  start;  you  can 
make  it  up  with  a  good  horse;  but  don't  start 
ahead  of  the  pole  horse  or  they'll  ring  you  back. 
'N'  if  you  git  a  chance  to  pass  a  hoss,  don't  cut  in 
ahead  of  him  unless  you  are  at  least  a  length 
ahead  or  they'll  protest  you.  Mind  this;  don't 


250    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

git  the  pole  behind  a  leadin'  hoss,  or  you  '11  git  in 
a  pocket." 

"What's  that?"  asked  Plupy. 

"Why,  it's  this:  If  you  git  behind  a  hoss  at  the 
rail,  'n'  another  hoss  gits  on  your  right,  there 
ain't  no  way  to  git  out  'nless  you  jumps  over  or 
pulls  yer  hoss  back  'n'  goes  round  'em,  'n'  yer 
can't  do  neither  'thout  losin'  the  race.  Unner- 
stan'?" 

Plupy  understood. 

"N'  one  thing  more;  don't  try  to  beat  every 
body  the  first  time  round,  'n'  don't  let  go  of  yer 
hoss  when  a  driver  runs  by  yer.  Runnin'  don't 
count,  'n'  no  feller  can  run  by  the  wire  a  winner. 
Th'  only  place  to  run  a  hoss  is  when  you  get  to 
the  dip;  run  her  then,  but  take  her  down  to  a 
trot  as  soon  as  you  get  outer  the  dip.  Some  of  the 
green  drivers  run  their  hosses  until  they  come 
out  of  the  woods,  'n'  by  that  time  th'  hoss  has  got 
into  his  runnin'  stride  'n'  it's  hard  to  pull  him 
down,  'n'  a  square  trotter  may  beat  him  out  at 
the  finish. 

"Now,  don't  get  excited.  Talk  to  your  horse 
quiet  like.  Th'  other  drivers  will  yell  like  In 
dians  'n'  try  to  make  yer  mare  break.  Just  'tend 
to  keepin'  yer  mare  straight,  'n'  when  you  come 
outer  the  woods  th'  second  time  round,  put  for  the 
wire  as  fast  as  you  can  'ithout  makin'  her  break. 
Now,  don't  be  a  bit  afraid;  they  can't  do  no  more 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  251 

to  ye  than  takin'  yer  outer  the  race,  'n'  I  guess 
ye '11  git  one  heat  trotted,  ennyway.  There  goes 
the  bell  now.  Wait  till  most  of  'em  gits  out. 
Sorry  ye  ain't  got  time  for  a  warmin'-up  heat,  but 
't  won't  be  safe. 

"There  goes  old  Wake-up  Robinson  with 
'Sheepskin'  'n'  Benson  with  'Flyin'  Cloud,'  'n' 
Nealey  Travers  with  'Billy  Boy,'  'n'  old  man 
Dow  with  that  dock-tailed  pony;  beat  him, 
ennyway,  whatever  you  do;  'n'  hello!  there's 
Jim  Flanders  with  'Rex.'  You'll  do  well  if  you 
can  get  inside  the  distance  with  that  hoss.  He's 
flighty  'n'  if  he  gets  nervous,  Jim  can't  keep  him 
on  his  feet.  Go  ahead  now,"  said  the  groom,  who 
had  been  examining  the  harness  and  sulky  while 
talking,  loosening  a  strap  here,  tightening  one 
there,  pulling  the  sulky  back  to  see  that  the  little 
mare  had  breeching  room.  "Go  ahead."  And 
giving  Plupy  a  last  instruction  to  keep  cool  and 
keep  his  horse  cool,  he  gave  him  a  clap  on  the 
shoulder  and  the  little  mare  a  pat  on  the  flank, 
and  they  were  off. 

To  this  day  Plupy  has  never  forgotten  his  in 
tense  pride  and  fear  as  he  trotted  on  the  track  in 
company  with  these  great  drivers:  pride  in  his 
horse  and  in  his  own  importance  and  fear  that  he 
might  be  detected  and  humiliated  before  the 
crowd,  and  in  particular  fear  that  his  father,  who 
with  his  sisters  was  in  a  row  of  seats,  the  prede- 


252    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

cessor  of  the  grand  stand  of  later  days,  might 
recognize  the  horse  and  him  and  publicly  lam 
baste  him.  Knowing,  however,  that  Nellie,  in 
her  strange  harness  and  vehicle,  looked  unfa 
miliar  and  like  a  rat,  and  feeling  that  he  looked 
like  nothing  else  under  the  sun,  he  hoped  not  to 
be  recognized. 

As  he  drove  to  the  scoring-line,  there  was  a 
laugh  at  his  ridiculous  appearance,  but  admiring 
comments  on  his  horse,  and  something  in  the 
gait  of  the  little  mare  at  once  caught  the  crowd. 

"Go  it,  Tom  Thumb,"  bellowed  a  big  voice  to 
the  small  boy. 

"Don't  let  'em  break  yer  hoss,  scarecrow," 
shouted  another. 

"Look  out  for  old  Wake-up,"  continued  a 
third. 

Plupy  nodded  and  grinned,  but  his  heart  was 
thumping  so  loudly  that  he  could  hear  it,  and 
there  was  a  lump  in  his  throat  that  nearly  choked 
him  to  death.  Then  the  bell  rang,  the  mob  of 
horses  started  with  a  rush  for  the  wire,  and  with 
them  charged  the  little  mare,  pulling  double. 
Plupy  was  behind  on  the  outside,  but  Rex  broke, 
and  the  bell  rang.  Plupy  pulled  and  talked  the 
mare  down  and  turned  her,  nearly  colliding  with 
Sheepskin  and  earning  a  hearty  curse  from  old 
Wake-up. 

As  they  came  back  to  score,  Plupy's  father, 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  253 

whose  eye  had  been  caught  by  Nellie  the  moment 
she  entered  the  track  and  who  had  been  staring 
intently  at  her,  suddenly  recognized  her  and  her 
driver,  and  hurried  out  of  the  stand  and  rushed 
towards  the  track  shouting  to  his  metamorphosed 
son  to  "come  out  of  that." 

He  was  too  late,  however,  for  the  bell  rang,  and 
with  a  rush  they  started  for  the  wire,  just  as 
Beany  and  Pewt,  with  eyes  standing  out  a  full 
inch,  shrieked,  "Plupy!  Gosh!  It's  Plupy,"  and 
jumped  up  and  down  in  excitement. 

The  horses  in  an  unbroken  line  swept  by  the 
wire.  "Go!"  bellowed  the  starter. 

The  crowd  cheered.  It  was  a  start.  Sheepskin 
had  the  pole,  and  at  once  took  the  lead,  closely 
followed  by  Flying  Cloud.  A  half-length  behind, 
with  his  nose  at  Flying  Cloud's  saddle,  came 
Billy  Boy,  with  the  Dow  dapple  about  on  a  line 
and  a  full  length  behind,  and  on  the  outside  came 
Nellie  and  Rex,  going  like  clockwork.  Along  the 
first  half  the  dapple  gave  way  to  the  little  mare, 
who  came  up  to  Billy  Boy's  throat-latch,  with 
Rex  even  with  the  mare,  and  Rex's  driver  grin 
ning  good-naturedly  at  the  boy. 

"Steady  she  is,  lad,"  he  cautioned.  "I'm  goin' 
to  win  this  race  if  Rex  is  not  too  cranky ;  but  do 
your  best ;  don't  let  your  horse  get  away  from  you 
at  the  dip." 

Plupy  nodded  and  watched  his  mare.    The 


254    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

wind  was  singing  in  his  ears  and  he  was  tingling 
all  over. 

They  were  at  the  dip,  and  the  horses  took  it  at 
a  furious  gallop,  Plupy  keeping  well  to  the  out 
side  for  safety  and  anxious  not  to  unduly  excite 
the  mare,  and  had  her  going  steadily  fifty  feet 
beyond  the  dip,  passing  Billy  Boy,  whose  driver 
had  trouble  in  pulling  him  down.  Meantime  Rex 
had  left  the  mare,  was  rapidly  overtaking  Flying 
Cloud  and  Skeepskin,  going  like  a  machine  with 
a  beautiful  stride,  and  they  passed  the  wire  the 
first  time  down  with  Skeepskin  a  nose  ahead  of 
Rex,  who  was  rapidly  overtaking  him,  Flying 
Cloud  at  Rex's  wheel,  and  three  lengths  behind 
came  Plupy's  little  mare,  leading  Billy  Boy  by  a 
short  head,  while  the  dappled  pony  trailed  four  or 
five  lengths  in  the  rear. 

The  people  yelled  encouragement. 

"Go  it,  you  little  devil!"  roared  one  man  lean 
ing  over  the  rail. 

"That's  the  boy  for  you!"  shouted  another. 

"Steady!"  shouted  the  groom;  "keep  her 
steady;  don't  let  'em  break  her!" 

Pewt  and  Beany  cheered  shrilly,  "Go  it, 
Plupe!  Put  on  the  whip!  Beat  old  Whiskers!" 

Plupy's  father  waved  frantically,  forgetting 
his  scruples  as  he  saw  how  the  game  little  mare 
stuck  to  the  leaders. 

One  hundred  yards  from  the  wire  on  the  first 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  255 

quarter  of  the  second  lap,  Rex  put  on  a  burst  of 
speed  that  left  Skeepskin  and  Flying  Cloud  in 
the  rear,  and  the  little  mare  lost  a  half-length  in  the 
spurt  which  the  gray  made  to  keep  up  with  Rex, 
but  gained  a  half-length  on  Billy  Boy  as  that 
trotter  felt  the  strain  of  the  pace. 

Then  Rex  went  off  his  feet  in  a  tangled  break, 
and  before  he  reached  the  dip  was  passed  by  both 
the  gray  and  Flying  Cloud  and  went  down  the 
incline  neck  and  neck  with  Billy  Boy,  whose 
driver  had  driven  his  horse  to  a  gallop  a  good 
hundred  yards  from  the  dip  and  had  passed 
Plupy's  mare,  to  the  speechless  dismay  of  Beany 
and  Pewt  and  of  the  crowd,  whose  sympathies 
were  with  the  boy  and  the  gallant  little  horse. 

"Nealey  's  too  much  for  the  boy;  beat  him  by  a 
trick,"  said  one. 

"Too  bad,"  said  another;  "I  thought  the  little 
cuss  might  have  a  chance,  but  he  don't  know  the 
ropes  like  an  old-timer." 

"He'll  be  out  of  it  before  they  get  out  of  the 
woods.  Watch  out  now,"  as  the  whistling  of 
whips,  the  yells  of  the  drivers,  and  the  rapid  beat 
of  flying  hoofs  were  heard.  "Here  they  come," 
yelled  hundreds  of  voices,  and  the  crowd  rose  to 
its  feet  in  excitement  as  the  horses  burst  out  of 
the  woods,  Sheepskin  a  length  to  the  front,  its 
driver  leaning  forward,  plying  the  whip  and  yell 
ing  his  war-cry  of  "Wake-up,  thar!  Wake-up, 


256    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

thar!"  in  a  voice  like  a  fog-horn,  while  at  his 
wheel  was  Flying  Cloud  going  like  a  whirlwind 
and  Benson  yelling  like  a  demon,  neck  and  neck 
with  Billy  Boy,  whose  gallop  had  rested  him  and 
whose  driver  cursed  and  whipped  as  the  trotter 
went  off  his  feet.  But  what  was  this?  For  still 
on  the  outside  two  lengths  to  the  rear  and  two 
hundred  yards  from  the  finish  came  a  little  bay 
mare  with  her  neck  stretched  forward,  her  trim 
ears  laid  flat  to  her  head,  her  mane  flying,  and 
her  slim  legs  going  like  piston-rods  in  a  wild 
engine,  while  on  the  sulky,  with  hair  flying  and 
cap  gone,  eyes  blazing  and  shrill  voice  encour 
aging  the  mare  in  a  high  squeaky  falsetto,  sat 
Plupy. 

The  crowd  went  wild.  Shouts,  shrieks,  bellows 
of  encouragement,  and  hoarse  directions  were 
showered  on  the  driver.  Beany  and  Pewt  yelled 
like  ones  possessed,  while  the  groom  leaned  over 
the  rail  until  he  held  on  by  his  eyelids. 

She  has  passed  the  plunging  Billy  Boy;  she  is 
up  to  the  Cloud's  wheel,  to  his  flank,  his  saddle, 
she  creeps  up  to  his  throat-latch;  she  is  by  him, 
a  head,  a  neck,  a  half-length;  she  is  clear,  and  has 
lapped  the  big  gray  fifty  yards  from  the  wire. 

The  driver's  whiskers  stand  out  straight  be 
hind  him ;  he  sees  the  little  bay  head  at  his  elbow, 
and  down  comes  his  whip  on  the  'gray  again 
and  again.  He  yells  and  swings  his  whip,  wildly 


SWEEPS    ACROSS    THE    WIRE    A    LENGTH    AHEAD 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  257 

trying  to  break  up  the  little  mare;  but  he  might 
as  well  try  to  stop  the  flight  of  time.  She 
reaches  his  saddle,  then  his  shoulders,  and  then 
with  a  mighty  burst  of  speed  passes  him  and 
sweeps  across  the  wire  a  length  ahead. 

How  the  crowd  roar  and  cheer!  The  groom 
comes  rushing  into  the  ring  and  unchecks  the 
little  mare,  blankets  her,  and  gives  her  a  mouth 
ful  of  water.  She  is  dripping,  and  her  nostrils  are 
dilated  and  her  satin  skin  a  network  of  throbbing 
veins.  Other  grooms  rush  in  and  shout  profane 
congratulations  to  Plupy,  who  is  in  a  daze  of 
delight.  He  can  scarcely  believe  it  true.  He  has 
beaten  all  these  race-horses  in  a  real  race.  Nellie 
has  done  it,  and  both  he  and  Nellie  are  famous. 

" Gosh ! "  he  exclaimed  in  amazement.  "Gosh ! 
We  done  it." 

But  as  the  grooms  led  away  the  horses,  in  front 
of  the  judges'  stand  the  drivers,  headed  by  old 
Wake-up,  wrangled  profanely,  and  protested 
against  the  race. 

''That  mare  hain't  entered,  'n'  wa'n't  on  the 
score-card,  'n'  ain't  got  no  right  to  be  in  the 
race,"  barked  Wake-up  hoarsely,  brandishing  his 
whip. 

"Shut  up,  Whiskers,"  said  a  man  in  the 
crowd;  "you're  mad  'cause  the  little  feller  beat 
ye!" 

"I  can  beat  that  mare  ten  lengths  in  the  half- 


258    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

mile  and  distance  her  in  the  mile,  'n'  I'll  do  it, 
too,  if  she  is  entered  fair  and  square,"  yelled 
Wake-up,  his  whiskers  bristling  with  rage. 

"Ah-h,  you  could  n't  beat  a  stone  boat 
hitched  to  oxen  with  that  old  crow-bait,"  shouted 
another;  "why  don't  you  give  the  boy  a  chance?  " 
And  the  crowd  cheered  and  groaned. 

"I'll  pay  the  entry  fee,"  yelled  a  man,  pulling 
out  a  roll  of  bills,  "and  I'll  back  that  mare  and 
the  boy  for  anything  any  one  wants  to  cover." 
And  he  flourished  his  bills  at  the  crowd  amid 
cheers. 

"I  protest;  't  ain't  reg'lar;  th'  mare  had 
oughter  been  entered  before  the  race;  I  protest," 
yelled  the  driver  of  Flying  Cloud  to  the  judges. 

"Don't  blame  ye;  I'd  do  it  if  I  hed  to  drive 
thet  ole  caliker  plug  of  yours,"  yelled  another  in 
the  crowd,  at  which  there  was  a  shout  of  laugh 
ter. 

"We  gotter  drive  bosses  'cordin'  to  the  rules," 
barked  Wrake-up. 

"That's  a  durn  sight  more'n  you  ever  did,  ole 
furze  brush;  ye  tried  to  break  up  the  boy's  hoss 
when  he  was  passin'  ye.  You  drive  'cordin'  to  the 
rules!  You  never  did  that  in  yer  life,"  said  an 
other  angrily. 

"  What  do  you  say,  Flanders  ?  "  some  one  asked 
the  driver  of  Rex,  who  had  said  nothing. 

"  I  say,  give  the  boy  a  chance.    I  '11  beat  him  if 


259 

I  can,  but  I'll  beat  him  fair.  And  I'll  pay  his 
entry  fee  if  none  of  his  friends  will,"  said  Flan 
ders,  with  a  good-natured  grin.  ''The  boy's  all 
right,  and  the  mare's  all  right,  and  I  say,  give 
'em  a  fair  chance  at  the  purse." 

"Good  boy!"  yelled  an  enthusiast;  "that's 
what  I  call  square." 

"Give  the  boy  a  chance,"  shouted  the  crowd, 
jostling  and  crowding  around  the  judges'  stand. 
"Give  'em  a  chance,"  they  roared,  "or  we'll  pull 
the  stand  down." 

"Gentlemen,"  roared  the  big- voiced  starter, 
"this  race  is  goin'  to  be  on  the  square,  whether 
you  pull  the  stand  down  or  not.  I'd  like  to  see 
the  boy  win,  but  he  did  n't  enter  his  boss  before 
the  race,  and  he  can't  do  it  after  one  heat.  The 
protest  is  sustained." 

"Aw !  Pull  him  out  of  the  stand !  Give  us  a  fair 
judge.  Call  off  the  race,"  roared  the  crowd, 
surging  towards  the  stand. 

Things  were  looking  very  bad  for  the  judges 
and  the  drivers  when  Plupy's  father,  who  had 
been  making  a  hurried  but  devious  passage 
through  the  crowd  of  people  and  carriages, 
jostled  his  way  through  the  jam  in  front  of  the 
judges'  stand. 

"Look  here,  gentlemen,"  he  said,  facing  the 
crowd;  "hold  on  just  a  minute.  I've  some  in 
terest  in  this  matter.  The  boy  is  mine  and  the 


260    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

mare  is  mine,  and  I  'm  not  going  to  allow  my  boy 
to  drive  another  heat.  I  did  n't  enter  the  mare, 
and  did  n't  know  anything  about  it  until  I  saw 
her  in  the  track.  I  came  here  to  see  the  race  and 
I  believe  in  it,  but  as  long  as  my  boy  is  under  my 
authority,  he  does  n't  drive  race-horses.  When  he 
grows  up,  he  can  do  as  he  pleases,  but  not  now." 

The  crowd  was  variously  affected.  Some  ap 
plauded,  some  hissed,  some  groaned. 

But  Flanders  shouted,  "  Gentlemen !  the  boy's 
father  is  right  and  the  judge  is  right.  Better  let 
the  race  go  on.  I  want  to  get  Mr.  Robinson's 
scalp,  myself,"  he  added,  grinning  broadly,  at 
which  the  crowd  cheered  and  laughed  uproari 
ously. 

"One  word  more,  gentlemen,"  said  Plupy's 
father.  "  If  Mr.  Robinson  is  anxious  to  see  a  race, 
I'll  put  up  a  hundred  dollars  against  his  fifty 
that  I  can  step  into  the  sulky  and  beat  him  with 
that  little  mare,  one  heat,  best  two  in  three,  or 
three  in  five,  and  I  never  drove  a  race-horse  in 
my  life." 

"Ah-h-r-r!"  sneered  that  gentleman;  "you 
could  n't  raise  a  fifty  cents." 

"Couldn't,  eh?"  said  Plupy's  father,  pulling 
a  wad  of  bills  out  of  his  pocket  and  flourishing 
them  before  Wake-up's  face.  "That  money  was 
earned  honestly  and  not  by  pulling  good  horses 
or  throwing  races.  Now,  cover  it  if  you  dare,  and 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  261 

bring  out  your  horse.  Only  you'll  drive  fair  for 
once,  you  old  whisk-broom,  you;  for  if  you  try 
any  games  with  me,  I  '11  not  only  beat  you,  but  as 
soon  as  the  race  is  over,  I  '11  pull  you  out  of  that 
gig  of  yours  and  dust  this  whole  track  with  that 
old  stable-broom  you  wear  on  your  face."  And 
he  thrust  his  fist  full  of  bills  so  close  to  that  be- 
whiskered  gentleman's  face  that  he  took  several 
quick  steps  backward. 

This  time  there  was  no  question  about  the  ap 
plause.  The  crowd  yelled  with  delight  and  jeered 
the  discomfited  driver  as  he  hastily  strode  to  the 
stables  without  covering  the  bet.  Whereat  Plupy's 
father  grasped  his  staring  and  open-mouthed  son 
by  the  hand,  and  said,  "Come,  hurry  up,  get  out 
of  that  infernal  rig  of  yours,  and  don't  you  ever 
do  that  again  as  long  as  you  live."  And  they  hur 
ried  to  the  stables,  followed  by  Beany  and  Pewt 
and  a  train  of  retainers,  where  they  found  the 
groom  hard  at  work  on  the  mare. 

When  told  of  the  decision,  the  groom  was  ex 
ceedingly  profane,  and  allowed  there  was  no 
justice  in  this  world  anyway. 

But  for  the  glow  of  winning  this  heat,  Plupy 
would  have  been  bitterly  disappointed  in  not 
securing  a  part  of  the  purse;  but  after  the  race, 
in  which  old  Sheepskin  and  his  driver  were 
disgracefully  beaten,  not  only  by  Rex  but  by 
Flying  Cloud  and  Billy  Boy,  to  the  huge  and  out- 


262  MISADVENTURES 

spoken  delight  of  the  crowd,  Flanders,  the  good 
natured  driver,  sought  him  out  and  gave  him 
a  five-dollar  bill  and  several  hundred  dollars' 
worth  of  good  advice  in  regard  to  racing. 

"Keep  out  of  it,  boy.  Horse-racing  never  did 
any  man  any  good.  It  leads  to  drinking  and  card- 
playing  and  gambling.  I'm  making  money  now 
at  it,  but  I'm  going  to  quit  it  as  soon  as  I 
can.  This  may  be  my  last  race.  I  hope  so,  for 
I've  seen  too  many  men  go  to  the  devil  with  it. 
The  saddest  thing  in  the  world  is  a  broken-down 
driver,  and  they  mostly  become  broken  down 
before  they  quit.  So  promise  me  you  '11  keep  out 
of  it,  boy."  And  he  offered  his  hand. 

Plupy  promised,  and  shook  on  it;  a  promise,  I 
am  glad  to  say,  he  has  kept  to  this  day. 


XII 

THE    COLOR   LINE 

Eeny,  Meeny,  Miny  Mo, 
Carpe  negrum  digito, 
Sin'  exclamat  relinquo, 
Eeny,  Meeny,  Miny  Mo. 

THE  five  dollars,  so  generously  given  by  the 
driver,  put  the  boys'  finances  again  in  good  con 
dition.  Plupy  first  got  the  bill  changed  into 
specie,  as  seeming  much  more  tangible  and  easily 
handled,  and,  putting  a  part  of  it  away  in  hoard 
to  make  good  the  depletion  of  his  cornet  money, 
kept  the  rest  for  daily  use.  So  much  in  those 
days  could  be  bought  for  a  few  pennies  that  the 
sum  he  reserved  for  his  daily  needs  should  have 
lasted  a  long  time.  Still,  arrow-rifles  were  expen 
sive,  costing  fifty  cents  each,  and  arrows  costing 
five  cents  each  are  easily  lost  and  very  fragile. 
Pea-blowers,  although  not  expensive,  cost  some 
thing,  as  well  as  the  other  necessaries  of  life;  that 
is  to  say,  sling-shots,  dime  novels,  B.  B.  shot,  — 
really  one  of  the  vital  necessaries,  —  glue  and 
paste,  kite  twine,  white  mice,  tin  whistles,  box 
traps.  So  it  was  not  long  before  poor  Plupy 
began  to  feel  the  pinch  of  dire  poverty. 

Beany,  who  was  a  spendthrift  of  a  gastronomi- 


264    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

cal  turn,  was  also  in  financial  straits.  Pewt,  who 
was  of  a  somewhat  thrifty  turn  of  mind,  always 
had  money,  and  always  wanted  more,  and  so  he 
was  eager  to  embark  in  any  scheme  of  industry 
or  adventure  that  promised  a  fair  return. 

They  had  long  since  decided  that  they  could 
dispense  with  fame.  Fame  always  seemed  to 
entail  heavy  responsibilities.  It  seemed  a  pre 
cursor  of  misfortune.  Had  they  not  obtained 
both  fame  and  comparative  fortune  on  several 
occasions,  and  had  not  fame  robbed  them  again 
and  again  of  their  fortune  and  deprived  them  of 
their  advantageous  business  connections?  Away 
with  fame !  Hereafter  they  would  follow  fortune. 
Henceforth  they  were  practical  utilitarians,  and 
had  their  eyes  open  for  opportunities. 

They  were  willing  to  work  to  a  reasonable 
extent,  but  not  to  become  dull  plodders.  The 
different  lines  of  industry  that  had  known  them 
had  offered  marked  opportunities  for  adven 
ture.  In  several  the  extent  of  these  opportuni 
ties  had  been  undreamed  of  by  them.  Dull,  plod 
ding,  uninteresting  toil  had  no  charms  for  them. 
Perhaps  that  was  the  reason  why  they  never 
attempted  to  secure  engagements  in  sawing  or 
chopping  wood.  Indeed,  it  was  only  through  stern 
parental  command  that  they  could  be  prevailed 
upon  to  do  such  tasks  at  home. 

And  so  to  those  who  knew  and  appreciated 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  265 

their  peculiar  qualities,  it  may  have  been  inex 
plicable  that  these  three  boys  should  go  into 
the  charcoal  delivery  business.  In  those  days  the 
charcoal  business  flourished  exceedingly  in  the 
fall  of  the  year.  Large  vans  were  seen  on  the 
streets  every  day,  heaped  full  of  charcoal,  and 
generally  drawn  by  emaciated  plugs  that  seemed 
cruelly  overloaded  until  one  reflected  that  char 
coal  was  one  of  the  lightest  substances  in  com 
mon  use.  These  vans  were  driven  by  gaunt  and 
hollow-cheeked  men,  so  sooty  and  blackened 
that  their  nationality  was  known'only  by  the  fact 
that  they  were  so  much  blacker  than  negroes. 

Charcoal  was  then  as  much  of  a  household  in 
stitution  as  soft  soap.  To-day  both  substances 
are  but  little  known.  Charcoal  was  obtained 
by  burning  wood  —  usually  birch,  beech,  or  some 
other  hard  wood  —  in  kilns  or  mounds  from 
which  the  air  was  excluded,  something,  I  imag 
ine,  on  the  principle  of  the  fireless  cooker  of 
modern  times.  The  result  was  that  after  days,  if 
not  weeks,  of  steady  but  retarded  combustion, 
the  fire  died  down  from  sheer  sulkiness,  like  a 
small  boy  who  feels  himself  unappreciated,  leav 
ing  a  mass  of  intensely  black  charcoal. 

A  charcoal-man  always  exercised  a  subtile  fas 
cination  over  the  boys.  He  smelled  of  the  woods; 
also  quite  strongly  of  a  black  clay  pipe  which,  in 
contrast  to  the  Stygian  blackness  of  his  acquired 


complexion,  seemed  of  a  soft  gray  color,  and  in 
which  he  smoked  the  strongest  of  nigger-head 
plug,  a  very  appropriate  name  under  the  cir 
cumstances.  This  tobacco  burned  very  freely  and 
sent  out  vast  clouds  of  rich  blue  smoke.  It  is 
probable  that,  as  the  tobacco  was  ground  fine 
between  the  horny  palms  of  the  charcoal-man,  it 
acquired  additional  fuel  from  the  acquired  com 
plexion  of  the  same,  and  there  is  a  fascination  in 
watching  the  workings  of  a  free  pipe  in  the  mouth 
of  a  worthy  citizen. 

Then,  again,  charcoal-men  were  generally 
good-natured  and  light-hearted.  They  lived  a 
sort  of  hand-to-mouth,  free-and-easy  life.  Far 
from  the  haunts  of  man,  sometimes  a  mile  or  a 
mile  and  a  half  afar,  they  burned  their  wares  in 
huge  piles  covered  with  turf  and  earth. 

Their  chief  occupation  during  the  incubation 
of  these  huge  piles  of  carbonized  brands  from  the 
burning  was  to  sit  cross-legged  on  a  log  or  rudely 
fashioned  seat,  in  front  of  a  shanty  of  unplaned 
boards,  smoking,  at  times  rising  lazily  to  throw 
a  shovelful  of  earth  on  the  mound  to  quench  a 
growing  and  impudent  blaze,  and  at  times  to 
take  down  a  muzzle-loading,  single-barreled  shot 
gun  and  to  disappear  in  the  woods  at  a  loping, 
wolf -like  trot,  to  return  after  a  short  absence 
with  a  partridge,  a  cottontail  rabbit,  or  a  gray 
squirrel  or  two.  It  was  a  wild,  free,  healthful,  but 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  267 

not  particularly  remunerative  life  from  a  finan 
cial  standpoint.  Still,  it  had  its  undeniably  good 
points. 

A  charcoal-man  did  not  have  to  wash;  did  not 
have  to  undress  nights ;  did  not  have  to  wear  col 
lars  or  cuffs  or  neckties ;  was  not  obliged  to  black 
his  boots  on  occasions  of  state;  could  "sass"  a 
man  any  time  he  wanted  to,  because  no  "feller" 
wanted  to  fight  with  a  charcoal-man  any  more 
than  he  would  with  a  man  who  had  smallpox  or 
measles  or  cholera  or  scarlet  fever,  or  any  other 
contagious  disease. 

In  addition  to  this  he  could  "holler"  louder 
than  any  other  peddler.  Any  one  can  "holler" 
"Charcoal!"  twice  as  loud  as  he  can  "Pie 
apples,"  or  "Glass  put  in,"  or  "Old  rags,"  or 
"Fresh  strawberries,"  or  "New  potatoes,"  or 
"Umbrellas  to  mend."  Try  it  and  see.  Indeed, 
the  musical  and  far-reaching  cry  of 


"Charcoal!"  "Charcoal!" 


always  seemed  to  the  boys  the  triumph  of  musi 
cal  acoustics. 

What  wonder,  then,  that  the  charcoal-man 
was  a  favorite  institution  for  the  country  town 
and  country  boys!  And  then  his  wares  were  in 
universal  demand,  and  so  cheap  as  to  be  within 


268    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

the  reach  of  all.  Did  a  man  wish  to  purify  his 
well-water,  he  used  charcoal.  Did  he  wish  to 
asphyxiate  a  cat,  dog,  or  hen  that  had  outlived 
the  usefulness  accorded  to  such  animals,  he  used 
charcoal  fumes  in  a  confined  space.  Did  he  wish 
to  cure  his  pigs,  stricken  with  mortal  disease,  it 
was  to  charcoal  he  turned. 

At  morn  he  rose  and  kindled  the  fire  in  the 
coal  stove  with  charcoal;  and  if  he  observed 
the  rules  of  health  and  cleanliness,  he  cleaned  his 
teeth  with  charcoal.  Did  an  enemy  oppress  him 
or  say  evil  things  of  him,  he  scorned  to  pour  coals 
of  fire  on  his  head,  but  during  the  silent  hours 
of  the  night  wrote  charcoal  calumnies  upon  his 
white-painted  fence  or  barn. 

Yes,  charcoal  was  a  power  in  those  days,  and 
the  charcoal-man  an  institution  without  which, 
and  without  soft  soap,  I  shudder  to  think  of 
what  the  country  towns  would  have  become. 

I  have  already  said,  I  think,  that  Wednesday 
and  Saturday  afternoons  were  half -holidays.  If 
I  omitted  to  say  this,  it  was  a  serious  omission  for 
which  I  apologize. 

It  speaks  well  for  these  boys  that  they  were 
willing  to  sacrifice  their  half-holidays  to  their 
business  and  utilitarian  instincts.  Half -holidays 
were  generally  sacred  to  football  matches  on  the 
Academy  grounds,  and  between  evenly  divided 
bodies  of  numerous  students.  It  was  the  custom 


THREE  GOOD   BOYS  269 

of  the  town  boys  to  view  these  contests  from 
points  of  vantage  and  to  howl  their  small  heads 
off  in  the  excitement  of  the  game. 

Then  it  was  the  time  of  the  annual  migration 
of  smelts  and  frost  fish  up  the  river,  and  the 
wharves  were  crowded  with  fishermen  industri 
ously  catching  these  delicious  fish,  and  thereby 
earning  the  gratitude  of  their  relatives  and  in 
dulging  in  the  pleasures  of  the  sport.  Yet,  in 
spite  of  these  powerful  attractions,  we  find  these 
three  boys,  clad  in  old  clothes,  with  artificially 
darkened  complexions,  riding  on  a  huge  char 
coal  van  and  piercing  the  echoes  with  hideously 
musical  cries. 

They  were  disappointed  in  one  thing:  a  piece 
of  charcoal  is  a  very  poor  projectile.  It  is  too 
light,  very  much  too  light,  and  the  most  vigorous 
throwing  arm  can  do  but  little  with  a  piece  of 
charcoal  as  a  missile.  It  has  further  drawbacks. 
Unlike  an  over-ripe  cucumber  or  tomato  or  tur 
nip,  it  will  neither  squash  nor  spatter.  Unlike 
an  aged  egg  or  deceased  cat,  it  will  not  diffuse 
horrid  smells,  and  render  the  person  struck  a 
temporary  outcast  from  society.  Nor  does  it 
raise  welts,  bruises,  or  contusions  upon  the  hap 
less  victims  of  its  flight.  In  fact,  a  piece  of  char 
coal  falls  short,  in  many  particulars,  of  being  a 
handy  missile  of  offense  or  defense,  as  any  boy  of 
spirit  and  experience  can  readily  see. 


270    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

And  so,  when  our  friends  took  service  with  the 
charcoal-man,  they  were  under  no  illusions  in  the 
matter.  But  they  were  not  unaware,  and  from 
much  experience,  that  the  charcoal  of  commerce 
and  daily  use  was  about  the  best  article  on  the 
market  for  the  making-up  of  nigger  minstrels, 
and  that  during  the  nigger  minstrel  season  it  was 
extremely  difficult  to  obtain  any  of  this  indis 
pensable  article,  either  by  purchase,  entreaty,  ca 
jolery,  or  grand  larceny,  and  they  were  boys  of 
marked  foresight. 

Their  duties  consisted  in  advertising  their 
employer's  wares  by  hideous  competition  in  the 
variety  and  piercing  quality  of  their  yells,  and  in 
loading  huge  baskets  from  the  cart  and  unloading 
them  into  sheds  and  cellars  under  the  watchful 
eyes  of  housekeepers  and  of  that  variety  of  man 
that  stays  at  home  and  putters  around.  It  was 
not  very  hard  work,  for  the  substance  was  very 
light,  and  as  the  poorest  sort  of  knotted,  twisted, 
and  bent  wood  is  generally  used  in  the  manu 
facture,  it  does  not  readily  shake  down  in  a 
basket,  and  what  may  appear  to  be  an  immense 
pile  of  charcoal,  when  reduced  to  its  least  com 
mon  denominator,  --to  borrow  a  phrase  from 
our  old-time  common  enemy,  Mr.  Colburn,  of 
arithmetic  infamy,  —  may  be  a  poor  thing  and 
a  pitiful. 

Indeed,  Plupy,  misled  by  the  bulk  of  the  first 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  271 

basket-load  he  was  to  deliver,  put  so  much 
strength  of  endeavor  into  lifting  it  that  he  threw 
the  whole  load  not  only  over  himself,  the  side 
walk,  and  the  toiling  Beany,  but  earned  a  sharp 
cut  over  the  legs  from  the  stout  cane  of  an  indig 
nant  old  gentleman  whose  gray  woolen  trousers 
and  blue  high-collared  coat  he  had  plentifully 
showered  with  the  dusty  and  very  insinuating 
material. 

However,  it  was  his  baptism  of  fire,  and  hav 
ing  indelibly  blackened  himself  almost  beyond 
recognition,  he  plunged  into  the  business  with 
an  ardor  that  greatly  commended  him  to  his 
employer,  which,  while  it  enabled  that  gentle 
man  to  do  nothing  more  than  drive  the  horse 
and  collect  the  money,  earned  Plupy  such  en 
comiums  that  Beany  and  Pewt  became  jealous, 
and  competed  so  furiously  with  him  and  with  one 
another  that  in  a  short  time  it  would  have  been 
an  impossible  task  to  distinguish  either  boy  from 
the  blackest  of  black  little  negroes,  and  the  entire 
load  had  been  distributed. 

Then  there  was  the  delightful  ride  to  the  camp, 
the  loading  of  the  team,  the  examination  of  the 
shanty,  the  speculation  as  to  how  many  par 
tridges  and  rabbits  the  gun  had  shot,  and 
whether  or  not  it  might  not  have  given  the  death - 
shot  to  deer,  bear,  and  catamount.  Then  came 
the  ride  back  to  town  on  the  load,  during  which 


272    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

the  charcoal-man  sang  in  a  very  hoarse,  char- 
coaly  sort  of  voice,  a  stirring  ballad  about  one 
Sally,  who  was  adjured  by  the  sooty  vocalist  and 
admirer  to 

"Come  up,  come  down, 
Come  twirl  her  heel  around,"  — 

and  offering  her  encouragement  to  the  effect  that 

"The  old  man  has  gone  to  town, 
Sally,  come  up  in  the  middle,"  — 

to  which  the  boys  listened  with  breathless  in 
terest  and  attention,  although  the  eccentricities 
of  the  melody  grated  somewhat  on  Plupy's  mu 
sical  ear. 

All  that  afternoon  and  until  long  after  dark 
the  boys  worked,  growing  blacker  and  blacker  as 
they  became  more  heavily  coated  with  coal-dust. 
On  the  second  trip  to  the  shanty,  they  ate  their 
lunches,  which  they  had  prevailed  upon  their 
mothers  to  put  up  for  them,  and  the  charcoal- 
man  cooked  some  sausages  over  a  fire,  which 
sausages  they  thought  tasted  better  than  any 
thing  they  had  ever  eaten  in  the  whole  course 
of  their  lives.  The  charcoal-man  also  made 
them  some  tea,  which  they  drank  in  huge  gulps, 
just  as  he  did,  and  pronounced  bully,  although, 
as  a  matter  of  fact,  they  did  n't  particularly 
like  it. 

But  the  tea  and  the  hot  sausages  braced  them 


THREE  GOOD  BOYS  273 

up  very  much  and  enabled  them  to  get  through 
the  rest  of  the  afternoon  with  a  great  deal  of 
credit,  for  they  had  worked  very  hard  and  were 
tired  and  sore.  But  under  the  combined  stimulus 
of  food  and  drink,  good-fellowship  and  cheer 
ful  song,  they  worked  up  to  the  limit  of  their 
strength  and  earned  generous  praise  from  their 
employer,  and  what  they  valued  more,  —  for 
they  had  learned  that  too  extravagant  praise  is 
only  too  often  a  base  substitute  for  more  solid 
reward,  —  fifty  cents  for  them  to  divide,  and  a 
promise  of  further  employment  on  the  following 
Saturday. 

After  their  sooty  friend  departed  on  his  empty 
van,  the  boys  found  the  evening  before  them. 
They  were  so  densely  black  that  their  first 
thought  was  to  wash  off  the  stains  of  labor.  But 
the  impracticability  of  that  course  was  at  once 
apparent.  The  swimming  season  had  long  since 
waxed  and  waned,  and  the  water  in  the  river  was 
so  cold  that  the  thought  of  a  bath  in  it  set  their 
teeth  chattering.  It  was  not  bath-night  at  home, 
that  day  in  the  week  when,  after  the  supper 
dishes  were  washed  and  put  away,  the  largest 
family  tub  was  brought  into  the  warm  kitchen 
and  filled  with  warm  water.  Beside  it  was 
placed  a  crock  filled  with  soft  soap.  Coarse  roller 
towels  were  hung  over  chairs,  and  coarse  wash 
cloths  were  draped  over  the  sides  of  the  tub, 


274    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

while  beside  it  stood  the  mother  of  the  victims, 
her  sleeves  rolled  to  her  shoulders,  and  her  form 
draped  in  a  blue  apron  that  reached  from  neck  to 
heels,  and  wearing  rubbers  on  her  feet. 

It  was  not  fun;  it  was  "peine  forte  et  dure"-,  it 
was  martyrdom;  it  was  a  relic  of  barbarism;  it 
was  worthy  of  the  Spanish  Inquisition;  it  was  - 
well,  there  are  no  words  sufficient  to  describe  it. 
Mothers  were  so  particular  about  one's  ears  and 
scalp  and  neck.  Then  they  kept  on  scrubbing 
after  soap  had  got  in  one's  eyes  and  nose,  and 
when  they  used  the  towels  they  nearly  scraped 
the  skin  off  a  "  feller." 

And  although  it  was  not  bath-night,  the  boys 
reckoned  with  certainty  that,  were  they  to  ven 
ture  home  before  their  tired  mothers  had  gone 
to  bed,  bath-night  would  be  at  once  declared,  a 
special  one  in  which  drastic  torments  would  be 
inhumanly  employed  to  restore  the  boys  to  their 
normal  condition  of  comparative  cleanliness. 

No;  the  boys  knew  better  than  to  go  home, 
and  naturally  sought  to  get  as  much  enjoyment 
as  possible  out  of  their  unusual  condition.  With 
this  laudable  intention  they  sought  to  lay  violent 
hands  upon  such  of  their  acquaintances  as  they 
felt  they  could  lick,  and  by  embracing  them  ar 
dently  to  leave  as  much  black  sticking  to  their 
clean  hands  and  faces  and  neat  suits  as  was 
possible  under  the  circumstances. 


THREE   GOOD   BOYS  275 

This  was  great  fun,  and  they  persisted  until 
they  made  such  nuisances  of  themselves  that 
they  were  threatened  with  arrest  by  Constable 
Swain,  whereupon  they  made  themselves  exceed 
ingly  scarce,  but  not  before  they  had  printed  in 
delible  proofs  of  themselves  on  numerous  and 
unfortunate  acquaintances. 

Driven  from  the  lighted  avenues,  they  sought 
the  more  secluded  streets,  and  began  that  de 
lightful  pastime  which  consists  in  hiding  behind 
a  tree  and  springing  out  upon  the  unwary  pedes 
trian  with  horrid  outcry  and  appalling  grimace. 
As  the  usual  effect  of  this  was  to  terrify  the  vic 
tim  almost  out  of  her  senses,  —  as  from  motives 
of  prudence  the  trick  was  only  tried  upon  wo 
men  and  girls,  —  it  was  looked  upon  by  the  boys 
as  an  exciting  and  amusing  trick,  but  was  really 
one  that  should  have  been  rewarded  with  a  sound 
thrashing  or  a  term  in  the  Reform  School  or 
House  of  Correction. 

There  was  an  element  of  danger  in  it,  as  they 
found  out;  for,  as  they  pursued  their  way  down 
Elliot  Street,  the  scream  of  terror  of  a  victim 
brought  a  man  out  of  a  doorway  like  an  avenging 
angel,  and  had  he  not  been  blinded  by  coming 
out  of  a  lighted  room  into  the  darkness  of 
the  street,  they  might  not  have  escaped.  But 
as  they  had  a  fine  start  and  knew  the  avenues 
of  escape,  they  led  him  through  devious  ways 


276    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

until  his  wind  left  him  and  he  pulled  up  pant 
ing  and  vowing  vengeance  on  those  infernal 
niggers. 

Their  escape  and  mistaken  identity  delighted 
them  beyond  measure,  and  pursuing  their  way 
they  came  out  on  Front  Street,  and,  rightly  judg 
ing  themselves  safe  from  further  pursuit  and  de 
tection,  they  again  concealed  themselves  behind 
trees  and  waited  a  victim.  They  had  not  long  to 
wait  before  a  tall  woman  with  swinging,  man 
nish  tread  came  down  the  street,  and  the  boys 
were  obliged  to  stuff  their  hats  in  their  mouths 
to  stifle  their  laughter  that  would  bubble  out 
as  they  contemplated  the  convulsive  start  and 
agonized  shriek  of  the  woman  when  suddenly 
confronted  with  the  three  outrageous  little  black 
amoors. 

But  there  seemed  to  be  a  slight  discrepancy 
between  the  result,  as  they  had  calculated  it  and 
as  fate  had  arranged  it.  The  result  would  cause 
no  surprise  to  any  citizen  when  it  transpired 
that  the  lady  for  whom  they  had  so  kindly  and 
thoughtfully  arranged  this  little  surprise  party 
was  a  widely  known  and  respectable  scrub 
woman  of  great  length,  strength,  and  activity, 
who  "feared  no  foe  in  shining  armor,"  neither 
man,  beast,  bird,  fish,  nor  reptile.  She  was  half- 
Indian,  was  double-jointed,  flat-chested,  long- 
armed,  and  lean-hipped.  She  could  see  in  the 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  277 

dark  like  a  cat,  had  a  sense  of  hearing  as  delicate 
as  that  of  a  hound,  and  had  instantly  detected 
the  presence  of  some  one  behind  the  trees  and 
was  ready  for  him. 

On  she  came,  leaning  forward  slightly,  step 
ping  lightly,  her  corded  hands  opening  and  shut 
ting  like  the  claws  of  a  bird  of  prey.  The  boys, 
who  could  not  see  her  fell  preparations  for  action 
without  betraying  themselves  and  spoiling  the 
joke,  waited  until  she  was  nearly  abreast  of  the 
trees  behind  which  they  were  concealed,  and 
suddenly  sprang  out  with  wild  yells  of  glee, 
which  abruptly  turned  to  shrill  cries  of  pain  and 
terror;  for  as  they  sprang  she  was  on  them  like 
a  tornado,  and  for  a  few  minutes  there  was  a 
whirlwind  of  small  sooty  figures  around  a  central 
axis  of  vituperative  amazon.  She  slapped  them 
to  the  right,  she  boxed  them  to  the  left,  she  threw 
them  against  each  other  like  bags  of  old  clothes, 
she  threw  them  to  the  ground,  she  pulled  them 
up  by  the  hair,  she  tore  their  clothes,  she  shrieked 
imprecations  at  them,  while  they  yelled  with 
terror. 

Had  they  been  white  boys,  they  would  have 
gotten  off  lightly;  but  they  were  niggers,  imps  of 
blackness,  sooty  little  devils,  and  she,  as  a  mem 
ber  of  the  two  superior  races,  hated  niggers  with 
a  deadly  hate. 

Something  clinked  on  the  sidewalk,  and  in 


278    THE  MISADVENTURES  OF 

spite  of  the  noise,  which  was  attracting  the  atten 
tion  of  the  people  in  the  neighboring  houses,  she 
heard  it,  and  in  spite  of  the  darkness,  she  saw  it. 
It  was  a  half-dollar  which  had  not  been  divided 
and  consequently  had  not  been  spent.  She 
dropped  the  boys  and  dove  for  it,  and  they  went 
over  the  fence  and  away  like  cats  escaping  from  a 
bulldog. 

The  wondering  neighbors  came  out  to  see  what 
the  matter  was,  and  a  crowd  gathered.  The 
virago  explained  volubly  that  three  niggers  - 
miserable,  pesky,  dratted,  sticky  little  niggers  — 
tried  to  scare  her  and  she  whaled  'em  good.  If 
they  had  n't  dropped  a  half-dollar,  she  would 
have  been  whalin'  them  still.  But  a  half-dollar 
was  "wuth"  all  the  niggers  that  "wuz  ever 
borned,"  and  it  was  "putty  doin's  if  a  respect 
able  widow  woman  could  n't  go  along  the  street 
without  bein'  insulted  by  a  passel  of  niggers." 
The  crowd  cordially  indorsed  her  opinion,  and 
rural  quiet  stole  over  the  little  street. 

Far  away  under  the  thick  screen  of  kindly 
bushes,  Plupy,  Beany,  and  Pewt  in  bated 
breath  discussed  their  situation,  compared  their 
bruises,  and  alternately  shivered  with  dread  and 
listened.  Everything  was  quiet,  but  for  another 
half-hour  they  lay  there  until  the  nine-o'clock 
bell  rang  from  the  belfry  of  the  old  church,  and 
then,  knowing  full  well  the  dire  consequences 


A    WHIRLWIND    OF    SMALL    SOOTY    FIGURES 


THREE   GOOD  BOYS  279 

of  being  out  after  nine,  they  stole  homeward, 
slipped  in  the  back  way,  and  skillfully  avoiding 
the  notice  of  their  parents  crawled  into  bed,  so 
bruised,  tired,  bewildered,  and  so  depressed  over 
the  loss  of  the  half-dollar  that  they  could  scarcely 
wait  to  undress,  and  totally  forgot  about  their 
condition. 

The  next  morning  their  mothers,  going  to  the 
chambers  of  their  respective  hopefuls,  uttered 
loud  shrieks  of  dismay  when  they  beheld  what 
they  thought  was  a  small  colored  boy  soundly 
sleeping  in  the  dirtiest,  dingiest,  blackest  bed 
clothes  they  had  ever  seen.  But  being  courageous 
women,  they  made  prompt  investigation,  and 
soon  laid  bare  the  secrets  that  their  sons  would 
fain  have  hidden. 

Will  the  boys  ever  forget  the  domestic  up 
heaval  that  ensued?  The  scrubbing  with  soft 
soap  and  hot  water,  the  anointing  with  lard,  and 
the  re-scrubbing  with  more  soap  and  hotter 
water;  the  burning  of  their  clothes  and  hats;  the 
lamentations  over  ruined  sheets  and  pillow 
cases;  the  rough-drying  with  the  coarsest  of 
crash  towels;  of  their  disgrace  during  the  long 
day  of  waiting  for  their  fathers  to  come  home 
and  properly  convince  them  of  the  heinous  na 
ture  of  their  offense;  of  the  nameless  methods 
that  these  same  fathers  took  to  bring  their  sons 
to  a  realizing  sense  of  their  unworthiness;  of  the 


280  MISADVENTURES 

embargo  laid  by  these  tyrannical  and  unappre- 
ciative  gentlemen  upon  enterprise  and  industry 
outside  the  family  chores? 

Will  they  ever  forget  it?  /  never  have. 


THE   END 


fffcc  fiifccrsibe 

CAMBRIDGE  .  MASSACHUSETTS 
U    .    S    .    A 


FARMING  IT 


By  HENRY  A.  SHUTE 


"There  is  nothing  funnier  in  Mark  Twain." 

Grand  Rapids  Herald. 

"  Every  man  and  woman  who  lives,  or  ever  has  lived, 
in  the  country  will  appreciate  the  situations  described. 
.  .  .  They  are  funny  enough  to  disturb  the  calm  of  the 
most  serious  countenance." — Boston  Globe. 

"  Includes  more  fun  than  is  concealed  in  all  his  other 
books  taken  together."  -  —  Living  Age. 

"The  book  is  extraordinarily  frank  .  .  .  spicy  and 
enlivening."  —  Baltimore  News. 

"  A  wholesome  and  invigorating  sort  of  book.  .  .  „  A 
real  story  of  real  life  cheerfully  narrated." 

New  York  Times. 


Fully  illustrated  by  Reginald  B.  Birch 
1 2 mo.    $1.20  net.    Postage  12  cents 


HOUGHTON               Y^G  BOSTON 

/  \s%S* 

MIFFLIN                /^5W  AND 

COMPANY             ra Ira  NEW  YORK. 


A  COUNTRY  LAWYER 

By  HENRY  A.  SHUTE 


"  Rarely  do  we  find  a  book  so  full  of  wholesome  senti 
ment.  .  .  .  Fairly  bubbles  with  good  humor.  ...  A  book 
well  worth  reading  and  then  well  worth  remembering." 

Boston  Globe. 

"Judge  Shute  has  told  a  good  story,  at  the  same  time 
incorporating  into  it  the  stir,  bustle  and  ginger  of  a  New 
Hampshire  town."  Milwaukee  Free  Press. 

"  Humor  and  clever  portrayal  of  country  character  pre 
vail  in  this  story."  Detroit  Free  Press. 

"Judge  Shute  has  told  a  thoroughly  readable  story,  and 
one  which  has  the  added  charms  of  freshness  and  spirit." 

Minneapolis  Journal. 


Illustrated.     i2mo.     $1.25  net.     Postpaid,  $1.37 


HOUGHTON  r$j£L  BOSTON 

MIFFLIN  /^C  AND 

COMPANY  felfel  NEW  YORK 


o  ft 

\>  ^ 


CENTRAL  UNIVERSITY  LIBRARY 

University  of  California,  San  Diego 

DATE  DUE 


JUN  1  R  198E 

MAR  3  1  1988 

a  59 

UCSD  Libr. 

A     0008  8256 


033IQ  NVS 

VINXOJHVO 

JO  JUISc'3MNn 

i  MV  iar 


